The breeze that ruffled leaves that were becoming golden in colour was steadily getting colder. Even so, whenever the sun shone and Lu Qinyi didn’t have paperwork to do, the two had taken to being out in the courtyard. Fei Li would work on reading that same book, taking up to 5 tries to hold his thoughts long enough to get through a sentence. He felt that he was holding his thoughts for longer and longer these days. Lu Qinyi at times would sit on the other side of the table, reading some military book. Other times, he would sit under the tree, arms pillowed behind his head, staring at the swaying branches above him, lost in his own thoughts. Occasionally Fei Li had woken from a nap and looked out the window to see him locked in an intense game of Weiqi with Zhao Mei, or practicing amongst the grass and drifting leaves with a wooden sword, Yang Xun watching him from the side and giving pointers. These times he would watch from the window as Lu Qinyi’s face would darken while Zhao Mei’s would light up, even a hint of a smile at her lips. Or after one too many corrections, Lu Qinyi would whine and complain to Yang Xun who would laugh, coming over to take the sword from him and show him directly. He felt this was a rather peaceful way to pass the days.
Today when Fei Li looked out the window he found Lu Qinyi had his back against the tree, his chin against his chest. When Fei Li walked over to him, he remained like this, continuing to nap. He watched a leaf fall lazily down from the tree above, catching in the hair on the top of Lu Qinyi’s head. He crouched down, observing the peaceful expression on the handsome features of that sleeping general. Just as he was reaching his hand out to remove that leaf, Lu Qinyi slowly opened his eyes, his gaze flicking over to him. Lu Qinyi gave him an easy smile as he lifted his head slightly. “Good morning General Fei.”
Fei Li looked at him before continuing to reach out, plucking that leaf from his hair before slowly responding, “Good morning.”
Lu Qinyi stared at him, eyes wide with shock and disbelief. He didn’t seem to know how to respond, his mind not working for a moment as he dumbly repeated. “G-good morning General Fei.”
Fei Li vaguely seemed to be a bit confused but he responded again with a slowly spoken, “Good morning.”
A bright smile lit up Lu Qinyi’s face, warm sunshine only furthering its glow. “You can talk, how great! Now Mei Mei can’t keep mocking me for talking to you all the time!” He stated cheerfully, as Fei Li merely stared at him. But that moment of peace and joy had to be broken as a soldier rushed up.
“General Lu, General Sun has arrived.”
Lu Qinyi’s smile melted into a frown.
“He’s early. Bring him to the meeting room then and call over Lieutenant Zhao.” He got up, brushing himself off. Although Fei Li had watched the soldier closely, he hadn’t felt the need to get up from his crouch and only stood up as Lu Qinyi did. He felt that ‘General Sun’ sounded familiar… He’d met a General Sun before. He recalled that he was toward the older side, his hair turning grey. He wore a serious expression, like the world was on his shoulders.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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Lu Qinyi went on to whine about how boring the meeting was and how stiff General Sun was, although he never said any details about what the meeting was about. Fei Li’s only acknowledgement was to look up from his food for a moment. So Lu Qinyi tried asking questions like if he liked the book, what did he normally read, if there was anything he wanted for breakfast, clearly wanting Fei Li to speak to him again. But Fei Li only continued to eat, hardly sparing him a few glances. Lu Qinyi finally had to resort to his secret weapon: dessert. A plate full of delicate little osmanthus cakes. He took a small bite, passing it to Fei Li and closely observing the other’s reaction. Fei Li’s eyes seemed to shine faintly as he chewed on the cake, that closely guarded expression of his seeming to lighten.
Lu Qinyi grinned. “Do you like them?”
Staring at the plate of temptation, Fei Li eventually gave a small nod. Lu Qinyi took another cake, sampling it and holding it out. But just as Fei Li was about to take it, he pulled back, that grin of his widening. “Do you like it?” He asked again.
Fei Li understood what Lu Qinyi wanted but feigned ignorance, staring at him with confusion. Lu Qinyi wouldn’t relent however, instead placing that cake that should have been Fei Li’s in his own mouth, eating it slowly. Fei Li’s expression darkened just slightly, feeling aggrieved. Lu Qinyi was quite clear however, no response, no cake, so he swallowed his anger and pride, slowly speaking a creaky “..Yes.” Lu Qinyi was pleased with this, no longer teasing him. “You can have the rest then, as my apology for leaving you waiting all day.” Fei Li silently accepted this apology, munching away at the cakes Lu Qinyi passed him.
Lu Qinyi continued to sound out the limits of Fei Li’s talking between meetings. It seemed he was still unable to hold a conversation, in fact he could only say a few words at most. And when he talked, it was slowly, always requiring a pause before he would respond. Most of the time, he still preferred not to speak at all. However, he noticed something amidst the back and forth of pestering Fei Li and attending to military affairs. If Fei Li couldn’t follow him then he seemed to sit and wait for him. He noticed that Fei Li would always be in the same spot as when he left. Was he clinging to him because he had no one else to talk to? Lu Qinyi encouraged Lin Jiao to talk to him but besides the occasional indulgence of a nod or shake, he largely wouldn’t respond to her and he didn’t stop waiting for him.
With the weather cooling, he and General Sun had plenty to discuss and organize. All the troops they had stationed around the country would need to be strategically placed and provided with resources to deal with the oncoming winter. Lu Qinyi was working well into the night so this could be sorted quickly and General Sun could return to his own army. As such, he would come back earlier to feed and tend to Fei Li before leaving again. Yet, he still found Fei Li up and waiting for him in his room upon returning. He was absolutely bewildered at this, at a loss for what to do. He had taken to making sure Fei Li got into bed, returning to his own room to wait for a short while then making sure Fei Li was asleep before sneaking off.
He was just about to count this night as another successful use of this tactic, moving to close the door when Fei Li started to thrash about on his bed. Lu Qinyi rushed over, noticing he was covered in sweat, his face pale. His eyelids fluttered as if he were desperately trying to open them but couldn’t. Lu Qinyi reached out to gently shake him, calling to him softly. “General Fei. General Fei.” Fei Li’s eyes snapped open and he let out a shout. His chest was still heaving heavily and his legs still kicking slightly as if he hadn’t completely freed himself from the dream even with his eyes open.
“General Fei, are you okay? Were you having a nightmare?” Fei Li stared at him without understanding, the despair and fear in his eyes not yet faded.
Lu Qinyi hesitated, not sure how one should go about comforting a mighty and fearsome general. But looking at the messy hair that fell over Fei Li’s face, sweat still dripping down from under the bandage across his forehead, he didn’t seem mighty or fearsome. Just a man who was frightened and injured as any other man would be. With that thought, Lu Qinyi sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. He spoke in a quiet, soft voice as he comforted, “It’s alright General Fei. You aren’t in any danger here.” He waited beside Fei Li, looking at the other gently. Fei Li stared back at him, his tense body slowly relaxing and his heavy breathing steading out.
“Go back to sleep.” That soft voice overcame the sounds of screams, of blade meeting flesh. Those visions of blood and death that burned in his mind slowly slipped back into the haze as Fei Li stared at that gentle gaze. He closed his eyes again but even after the sounds and sights faded, he felt a bone deep unease. Yet, that comforting presence he could feel sitting beside him didn’t move. He thought of that gentle gaze that hadn’t let any harm come to him thus far and slowly that stifling unease in his chest shifted, his breathing coming easier. As he fell asleep, he could still vaguely sense Lu Qinyi’s presence beside him.
Even as the morning drifted by, Fei Li remained laying on the bed, staring up at the fabric above. Lu Qinyi must have been caught up as he hadn’t come by for breakfast yet. He felt too many thoughts he couldn’t set straight whirling about his head. War. That’s what he had re-lived in that nightmare. It was one of his many bloodstained memories of the battlefields he had been on. War. Blood. Death. Screams. Pain.
He felt that ache at the back of his head worsen. Through the haze of his mind, he tried to think of how he had gotten such a wound. Slowly, the thoughts came to him. Attacked. He had been attacked. Blood poured from his wounds. He had been cornered, they wanted him dead. Why? He couldn’t recall. But he remembered vividly the memories of falling, tumbling, rocks tearing at his skin. Blood. Pain. Cold. A chill seemed to sweep through his room, he felt his fingertips were cold. He remembered cold spreading up his body, the rock beneath him slowly draining the warm life from his body.
He jumped slightly as that faint cold was suddenly blocked off by something thrown over him.
“Are you finding it too cold to get out of bed already? This is only the start. But I figured a Northerner like you wouldn’t tolerate the cold well so I had this prepared for you in advance.” Lu Qinyi’s warm tone sounded out. Fei Li lifted that fabric that had been thrown over him. It was a cloak made of a thick, warm material with an intricate clasp at its collar. He tilted his head to look at Lu Qinyi who stood by the bedside with his arms folded. He clicked his tongue before chiding “Hurry and get out of bed will you? Breakfast is going to get cold.” Fei Li held on tightly to the fabric of the cloak in his hand, dragging it with him and laying it over his legs as he sat down for breakfast, its warmth smothering those cold and bloody thoughts and memories.
But when night fell again even the warmth of that cloak couldn’t stop the cold creeping into his mind, a faint, unsettling fear rising up. He felt anxious the entire time Lu Qinyi treated his wounds, vividly aware that Lu Qinyi would leave soon and he would be left alone with only those awful memories and the aching pain in his head. Lu Qinyi was the opposite however, seeming to be in high spirits. He even hummed to himself as he worked. “Something good?” He asked slowly, wanting to keep Lu Qinyi here longer by talking to him but also genuinely curious.
“Mmmhm~ I received a letter from my sister today,” he said cheerily, even swishing the dangling length of Fei Li’s hair side to side before he went back to tending his wounds.
“Sister?” Lu Qinyi had mentioned his sister a few times in passing with only positive words to say but he hadn’t known their relationship was good enough that a simple letter would give him so much joy.
“Yes! My sister. She’s quite an incredible woman, if only you could meet her. Although I send her letters weekly, she only responds every couple months. She says I should be focused on doing my job and not sending her letters. She refuses to indulge such terrible habits of mine,” he said with a small laugh. Fei Li gave a soft sound of acknowledgement to encourage Lu Qinyi to continue talking but it was hardly necessary. This was a topic Lu Qinyi could easily talk at lengths about. “She wrote that the courts are busy these days. She’s a court official. She reminded me the weather is getting colder so I shouldn’t stay out so late, otherwise I’ll get another cold. If I’m bed ridden for a month again, she won’t come to see me this time. That’s an empty threat however, I know she’s worried for me. All that talk about not pampering me and yet who is she doting on?”
Those gentle fingers ran over Fei Li’s back, lightly applying ointment over the few wounds remaining. Most of them had healed, only the worst remained and even they were nearly healed. Those gentle movements and cheery tone eased the anxiety in him. He wondered what it was like to have a sister. All the siblings he had seen argued and bickered, he hadn’t seen many as close and joyful as this. The wounds that remained were too shallow to need bandaging anymore so once he had finished, Lu Qinyi pulled Fei Li’s robes back over his shoulders. Fei Li felt panic welling up in him, still not ready to face another nightmare.
So he slowly asked, “Do you miss her?” Lu Qinyi remained sitting behind him, pausing with a start at the unexpected question.
“Ah… Yes and no. She is annoying and pestering, always lecturing me. She’s so harsh too. But I do love seeing her, even though sometimes I swear she is purposely trying to make my life harder.” Fei Li felt this explanation was kind of… amusing. It seemed even loving and close siblings still found one another annoying. But those feelings of amusement were fleeting as he felt Lu Qinyi getting up from the bed.
Before he could even think about what he was doing, he had spun around, catching Lu Qinyi’s sleeve. The latter looked at him with confusion. “Did you need something?” Upon being met with silence, Lu Qinyi quirked an eyebrow questioningly before softly pulling his sleeve back. He waited another moment but Fei Li had his head down, not making a sound. “Good night General Fei.”
Just as he turned to leave, his sleeve was caught again.
“General Lu…” Lu Qinyi froze at the address as it was the first time Fei Li had ever called him. But what the other said next shocked him further. “Stay…”
Lu Qinyi blinked a few times but his mind struggled to comprehend what was happening so he let out a strangled “What?”
Fei Li was quiet a moment before repeating in an even softer tone, “Stay.”
Lu Qinyi couldn’t find it in him to reject the request so he slowly sat back down on the edge of the bed, still seeming at a loss. Fei Li tightly clung to his sleeve. Upon looking closely, Lu Qinyi could see the unease in Fei Li’s expression and he suddenly recalled the previous night. “Ah. Nightmares. You’d like for me to stay until you fall asleep,” he guessed, not needing Fei Li’s response before continuing, “Scoot over then.”
Fei Li obediently shifted over and Lu Qinyi crawled onto the bed beside him, sitting down and resting his back against the head of the bed, making himself comfortable. Although Fei Li felt embarrassed, feeling his actions were shameful, he also felt relief. He laid down, pulling the blanket over himself and letting his eyes close. “You don’t have to call me General. Lu Qinyi will do,” He heard the other say softly. He then felt Lu Qinyi shifting beside him. It seemed he leaned over and covered up the glow of the light cube that sat on the bedside table, as when Fei Li opened an eye, it was completely dark.
Just as he felt he could fall asleep, sounds seemed to rise up around him, muffled at first but quickly becoming clearer. The sounds of fighting, metal against metal. Then the sounds of metal against flesh and bone. He tightly dug his fingers into the blanket but the sounds seemed to get louder and louder.
“It’s alright. You’re safe.” Lu Qinyi spoke softly but his voice clearly cut through the noise buzzing in Fei Li’s ear, shaking him from the oncoming nightmare.
Fei Li opened his eyes but there was no moonlight tonight, he couldn’t see anything. So he hesitantly shifted his hand. His fingertips lightly touched the fabric of Lu Qinyi’s robes, proof that the other was still beside him. Fei Li closed his eyes again. This time he knew with certainty that it had been a long time since he’d experienced this kind of comfort. That normally, he was alone.
It is very noticeable that Fei Li’s mind has healed a lot, and it seems that he subconsciously knows what situation he is in (And he still trusts and appreciates Lu Quinyi<3).
And Lu Quinji is an angel as always, comforting him and never using hid vulnerability against him.
And I may be wrong about this, but I refuse to believe that Fei Li’s “Stay” didn’t hit Lu Quinji’s heart (>///<).
Yes absolutely! He’s gradually but steadily getting better, thinking clearer and understanding more.
Yes~ It’s so nice <3 To be simply cared for, with understanding and without judgement, its really a nice thing
OKAY BUT CAN ANYONE NOT BE HIT BY THAT? That’s an arrow to the heart for sure! A one word K.O.!
This chapter… I just want to say that I love it 🥺
Its just so much sweetness 😭 💕 I’m glad you love it!