extra ko-fi chapter 
thank you for the ko-fi M.🌻 enjoy~
In psychology, there’s a neurological phenomenon called the “Proust Effect”. When you smell a specific scent, it triggers memories in your brain, whether the memory has been forgotten or not.
Xu Ze found two scents to be particularly impactful in all the memories associated with Lu Heyang—Lu Heyang’s pheromones and the scent of gardenias.
The flowerbeds in front of the old apartment had never been tended, but the white gardenias bloomed every summer. The fragrance wafted in through the open windows, entered the small room through the fluttering curtains, and was spread by the fan. The summer he spent with Lu Heyang was always accompanied by this scent. Even after a long separation, Xu Ze could still smell the gardenia scent in his dreams.
Therefore, Xu Ze found it easy to confuse reality with dreams, especially at moments like this.
The evening breeze, carrying pheromones and the scent of flowers, swept away the long-lost words “Xu Ze” and turned the sound into a rustle among the branches. The ringing in his ears gradually faded, but Xu Ze didn’t feel any excitement or anticipation because everything was still uncertain. Waking up from an illusion was always disappointing and painful.
Xu Ze turned around and saw the shadows of the swaying trees playing on the alpha’s figure, making his features blurred and difficult to distinguish. Xu Ze wanted to get closer to him to see more clearly. But the wind suddenly picked up, causing the entire tree to lean to the side and reveal the alpha’s face and eyes from the shadows.
His eyes—Xu Ze was sure the moment they looked at each other. Those eyes had the same look as eight years ago—Xu Ze never thought he would see such a gaze again.
“I saw the photo of the trophy you sent me,” Lu Heyang slowly approached Xu Ze and placed the bouquet of gardenias in his arms, “Xu Ze, congratulations.”
Xu Ze’s throat tightened. He wanted to say “thank you” but he couldn’t utter a sound. Xu Ze stared at Lu Heyang for a few seconds. Then he suddenly raised his hands to hug him tightly, pressing his face to the crook of his neck.
Lu Heyang wrapped his arms around Xu Ze’s waist from under the windblown white coat and their heartbeats collided. Xu Ze’s rapid breathing sounded like sobs in Lu Heyang’s ear, so he asked, “Are you crying?”
He felt Xu Ze shake his head, his hair brushing against his ear with the movement.
“I kept you waiting for a long time,” Lu Heyang said.
Actually, he knew that “waiting” wasn’t the right word. Xu Ze was like a kite with no one holding the string, swaying erratically high in the sky, but still doing his best to stay in place. He wasn’t waiting for someone to draw in the string, he was just hoping to catch another glimpse of a certain someone.
This time, Xu Ze didn’t say “It doesn’t matter”. He was shaking violently as if even his bones were rattling. After a while, the wind in his ears subsided and Xu Ze slowly recovered from the overwhelming sensation. With a hoarse voice, he said, “Lu Heyang.”
When he called the name, it felt strangely unfamiliar. It turned out he hadn’t called Lu Heyang’s name even once after knowing him for nearly twenty years.
“Mn,” Lu Heyang stroked Xu Ze’s back to soothe him.
The simple response reassured Xu Ze. He continued the hug for a few more minutes before straightening up and staring at Lu Heyang’s face without blinking.
“You’re so silly, Dr. Xu,” Lu Heyang commented with a faint smile in his eyes, “Let’s go back, you’ll get cold with just a shirt on.”
“I’m also wearing a white coat,” Xu Ze, still in an empty-headed state, earnestly explained the obvious. He said, “I can’t go back. If I go back, I’ll have to attend the dinner party.”
“Aren’t you going?” Lu Heyang asked.
Xu Ze’s rationality had dropped to zero, he said, “I’m not going.”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“You have to.” Lu Heyang reminded him, “You’re the star.”
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We If cbvvfv yea rtbkfv cb lcafcalbc bo ublcu yjmx. Lf mbeiv yjgfis ajxf tlr fsfr boo Oe Lfsjcu’r ojmf jcv xfqa kjamtlcu tlw. Oe Lfsjcu abbx boo We If’r uijrrfr ab mbnfg tlr fsfr jcv abiv tlw, “Tbe’ii yf tfjvlcu ab atf kjg hbcf rbbc, gfwfwyfg cba ab vglcx.”
“Mn,” Xu Ze blinked, his eyelashes brushing against Lu Heyang’s palm.
Lu Heyang stood by the side door and watched Xu Ze walk backstage through the corridor with the gardenias in his arms. Xu Ze would turn around every few steps to confirm that Lu Heyang was still there. When he reached the end, he turned around one last time. But he didn’t wave goodbye to Lu Heyang as they would meet again soon.
Xu Ze returned from the shadowy night and the cool evening breeze into the lively and noisy venue. His colleagues had been desperately searching for him, thinking that he had gone to the frontline without saying a word.
“Xu Ze, you were ghosting us, right?” A colleague asked, “Who gave you the gardenias? They smell amazing.”
Xu Ze had just taken off his white coat to put on a hoodie. When a colleague reached for the flowers, he immediately said, “Don’t touch them.”
“So fierce. What’s gotten into you all of a sudden? I’m scared.”
“A friend I haven’t seen in a long time gave them to me,” Xu Ze hastily zipped up his hoodie. He stuffed the white coat into his backpack and carefully picked up the flowers. This was crucial evidence regarding Lu Heyang, and evidence shouldn’t be casually touched by others.
It was supposed to be a party to celebrate, but Xu Ze disappeared from the gathering ten minutes later. He messaged Huang Liling in the elevator to apologize to him and his colleagues. The reason was that he was leaving for the war zone in the early morning and needed to return to the apartment to pack and prepare.
Huang Liling: You’re trying to make me mad!
Without waiting for Xu Ze’s reply, Huang Liling sent another message about ten seconds later: Be safe, take care of yourself, and come back in one piece.
Xu Ze typed two words: Will do.
Xu Ze called Lu Heyang outside the entrance. He answered quickly. At the same time, Xu Ze heard a brief honk on the other end of the phone as well as in front of him. Lu Heyang said, “I’m at the entrance.”
When Xu Ze looked up, he spotted the military vehicle at a glance and even forgot to hang up the phone as he walked down the stairs.
During the ten-minute ride, Xu Ze’s mind was chaotic and empty. It seemed like he was thinking about many things, but in reality, he couldn’t think of anything. The bouquet of white gardenias lay still in his arms. He held onto it even during the dinner and refused to put it down. He thought that his colleagues must have felt that he had a mental problem.
Lu Heyang remained silent as well and drove steadily.
In front of the dormitory, Xu Ze had to concentrate very hard to finally remember the door code. Lu Heyang watched as he entered the digits and realized that it was the same passcode as the one for the graduate dormitory of the Military Medical University. Had he known, he could have entered it himself, saving Xu Ze the trouble of thinking for so long.
Once inside, Xu Ze carefully placed the gardenias on the coffee table. Then he looked into Lu Heyang’s eyes, but the light in the living room was too bright. Xu Ze looked for a moment before looking away. Lu Heyang asked him, “Have you packed everything?”
“I don’t think so,” Xu Ze didn’t know what to do with his hands. He said, “I’ll pack now.”
He went to the bedroom and opened his suitcase. He put some simple clothes inside but accidentally grabbed a short-sleeved shirt that didn’t match the season. Xu Ze put it back in the closet, but after rummaging through for a little while, Xu Ze pulled out the shirt again.
When it happened for the fourth time, Lu Heyang, who was standing nearby, grabbed Xu Ze’s arm, “Take a moment to calm down before packing.”
Instead of calming down, Xu Ze was a nervous wreck, and even his breathing became erratic. Lu Heyang held the side of Xu Ze’s neck to brush his chin with his thumb and asked, “Did I startle you?”
“No,” Xu Ze’s voice trembled, “I thought I was dreaming.”
Lu Heyang looked at him and finally hugged him into his arms, saying, “I’m sorry.”
“I should have thought more about it back then.”
At the age of eighteen, he thought that as long as he could bear the consequences, he didn’t need to consider whether he made the right choice or not and the result would be a success. But it turned out not to be the case. So when the memories gradually came back, Lu Heyang didn’t feel any joy, celebration, or satisfaction. The first emotion he felt was regret—a feeling he rarely experienced.
Lu Heyang recalled the brief and unfamiliar glance he had exchanged with Xu Ze across the fence when he was discharged from the hospital eight years ago. After their reunion, Xu Ze’s every expression and look seemed like he wanted to say something but then hesitated. This dandelion-like alpha drifted silently and asked for nothing in return. It didn’t matter if he didn’t get anything, he wouldn’t complain about it at all.
There was no need for Lu Heyang to apologize, and Lu Heyang shouldn’t apologize for this. Xu Ze shook his head, “It is inherently difficult when everyone has to be taken into consideration.”
“But that person shouldn’t have been you,” Lu Heyang said, “I expected I would get hurt, and thought that I would be able to comfort you when I woke up. Or even if I couldn’t solve the family issues, I would still find you after we were separated. I just didn’t expect to lose my memory.”
Xu Ze replied, “It doesn’t matter. It’s made up now.”
“And earlier,” Lu Heyang distanced himself slightly to face Xu Ze. He continued, “I apologize for the questioning. And the rudeness of why you said our relationship wasn’t important and why you asked me to forget the rut.”
Before listening to the recording Jiang Wen provided, he had oversimplified things, thinking it was just a matter of family pressure and assuming it was an ordinary breakup and farewell. It wasn’t until he got closer to the truth that he realized his words and actions toward Xu Ze could be another form of harm, even if Xu Ze never minded.
Tonight’s events had exceeded Xu Ze’s capacity to endure. His reactions weren’t able to keep up and he only instinctively murmured, “Stop apologizing.
Lu Heyang smiled, “Alright, no more apologies for now.”
There wasn’t much to bring, just a few changes of clothes and some toiletries. The suitcase that was only half full was carried to the door. Xu Ze began to agonize over the bouquet of gardenias. He was reluctant to leave the flowers in the apartment to wither, but bringing them to the war zone wasn’t convenient.
“I’ll still send you flowers in the future, don’t feel bad,” Lu Heyang fully understood what Xu Ze was contemplating. He pulled out a gardenia from the bouquet and said, “Take one with you if you can’t bear to part with them.”
Xu Ze quickly wrapped the single gardenia in newspaper and put it in his backpack.
Xu Ze reached into the backpack again but hesitated to take something out. Lu Heyang watched his movements from the sofa and asked, “What is it?”
After a moment of hesitation, Xu Ze took out a black velvet box.
Lu Heyang looked at it. He pulled Xu Ze’s hand and made him sit on his lap. Xu Ze was still tense in this position. He awkwardly opened the box, revealing a brand-new silver-blue badge. It was clean and shiny.
Unable to be as casual as Lu Heyang was when he gave him the badge, Xu Ze simply asked with little courage, “Do you want it?”
He was worried that this might be too hasty. He thought it would be better to wait and give it to Lu Heyang after they met a few more times. However, Xu Ze was about to leave for the war zone and didn’t know when they would meet again, so he couldn’t wait.
“You just got it and you want to give it to me?” Lu Heyang lifted his head slightly to look at him.
“Mn.” Xu Ze nodded firmly, “I probably won’t use it until I graduate with my doctorate.”
He actually wanted to give the trophy to Lu Heyang as well, but it was too big and inconvenient for Lu Heyang to carry.
Lu Heyang took the box from Xu Ze’s hand, closed the lid with his index finger, and said, “What should I do, I don’t have my badge with me.”
“Give it to me when I return from the war zone,” Xu Ze paused and asked, “Okay?”
Lu Heyang removed Xu Ze’s glasses without answering. He pressed him down slightly by his nape and kissed him.
After just touching their lips, Xu Ze’s mind went blank. He forgot to breathe and even failed to close his eyes. Lu Heyang stopped. He kissed his left cheek and said, “I won’t distract you. How will you get to the airport later?”
“A car from the military hospital will pick me up.” The time they spent together in high school had always felt like stolen moments, and now it didn’t seem to have changed. Xu Ze was concerned as he thought about this. He leaned closer to Lu Heyang and said cautiously, “I won’t be distracted.”
“What won’t be distracting?” Lu Heyang asked him.
“……kissing.”
Xu Ze hadn’t gotten up from Lu Heyang’s lap when the phone rang. Lu Heyang reached for the phone on the coffee table for him. Xu Ze answered the call with flushed ears and unfocused eyes, not even looking to see who was calling.
“Hello? Oh, okay.”
After saying these three words, Xu Ze hung up the phone. He remained dazed for a few seconds and then said, “The car will be downstairs in ten minutes.”
“I thought you didn’t hear it.” Lu Heyang used his fingertip to wipe the overflowed saliva from the corner of Xu Ze’s lips, “Shouldn’t you wash your face?”
“Mn, and change my clothes,” Xu Ze stood up.
Everything was packed, and right before leaving, Xu Ze asked, “Are you going back to the capital today?”
“I have to go to the military district first. I’ve arranged for a driver to come over. I’ll return to the capital in the morning.”
“You can wait here for the driver. It’s a bit cold outside.”
“Alright, I won’t take you downstairs.” Lu Heyang opened the door, “I’ll make sure to turn off the lights and lock the door for you.”
Xu Ze stood in the hallway. This scene felt like they had been living together for a long time. Just an ordinary day when Lu Heyang saw him off—but clearly this was just the first night that they were truly reunited.
“Be safe.” Leaning against the door with the bright lights of the living room behind him, Lu Heyang smiled and said to Xu Ze, “See you again.”
Author’s note:
There won’t be any unexpected or angsty twists until the end. I’m not that evil.
AHHHHHHHHH FINALLY 😭😭
Thanks for the chapter!!!
😭😭😭😭 he remembered….😭
Thank you for the chapter ☺️
AHHHHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUUUUCHHHH!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAA IT’S TIME FOR THE FLUFF NOW
Thanks for the update ☺️
Finally!! Soooooooooo happy for them esp for Xu Ze 😍😍
We welcome the fluff!!!
^ +1000. ALL the fluff.