Even until Death, the Scum Gong thought I was a White LotusCh29 - Jumping jumping! 

cw: implied suicide


The man he liked with his entire being was fake. Yvfi7H

The young man sat on the railing. The night wind was harsh, blowing like a knife scraping against his face.

Xiao Mu, don’t overreact; if you have something to say let’s talk about it slowly…” The man’s hands trembled as he reached out, carefully moving in his direction.

Chrysanthemum Garden.

Xie Mu leaned down slightly. Such a little action scared Bo Qin into a cold sweat. He was almost unable to make a sound. He opened his mouth for a long time before pleading in a hoarse voice, “Don’t, don’t move……”

“Good boy, Xiao Mu, don’t move, let me take you down, be good…” kOo1rL

The youth turned back, sitting on the railing without support, not looking at him.

He whispered, “Don’t come over.” 

The wind blew Xie Mu’s voice over to Bo Qin’s ear. The man stiffened. “I won’t go over, I’ll listen to you…”

”I really like Bo Qin ah…“

I0YrS

It was as if Xie Mu couldn’t hear him at all. He lowered his eyes, looked at the mobile phone in his hand, and murmured, “Bo Qin is a good person.” 

“He is the one I admire the most, the one I worshipped the most, as if he were my faith.”

“Faith…” The young man repeatedly spat out the word.

Thinking of the past, of his favorite Bo Qin’s handsome face, he let out a sarcastic laugh for the first time. As he laughed, tears ran out of his eyes. IuYb0n

Because the motion of his laughter was too great, his body swayed back and forth in the wind as if he would fall in the next moment.

Bo Qin was stiff and looked at the youth who had stopped laughing. His body stopped moving.

Xie Mu pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Faith…”

“How ridiculous.” M3Rrs

The person I respected and loved, from the beginning, was just my fantasy.” 

His eyes were red as looked at the moon in the sky.

“Gentle, kind, considerate…I carefully guarded my lover, I thought, I could…”

“How lucky was I…such a good person was actually willing to be with me…” eoUJA4

“I worked hard to become what he liked. Even if I couldn’t drink well, I drank for him. I learned how to make three meals a day, learned how to massage the temples, but in the end…”

“It was all fake…”

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He laughed again. As he laughed and laughed,  the tears slipped down his face. “Since my lover has been fake since the beginning, then what’s the point of all I’ve experienced, all I’ve suffered?” 

Xiao Mu, Xiao Mu listen to me…“ The man opened his mouth with difficulty, his voice obscure. “I’m real, even if that was fake, I really do love you!” ysShm9

“You and I, can still be happy together, right?”

“Happy together…” The youth repeated Bo Qin’s words, his eyes full of confusion. “Happy together…”

“Yes, yes!” As if he had grasped onto some hope, the man nodded his head, his eyes full of hope as Xie Mu stretched out his hand. His voice trembled as he tried to maintain its tenderness. “As long as you come down, as long as you are good, I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“As long as you live, Xiao Mu…” f8aOVR

Xie Mu looked at him. “You’ll give me whatever I want?” 

The man frantically promised in fear that if his response was a second too slow, he would no longer be able to see his own Xiao Mu.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

”Whatever I want…”

Ktf sbeat’r fsfr rtbcf klat iluta jr tf rtbkfv j vgfjws rwlif. “P klrt ab tjnf cfnfg wfa Db Hlc, cfnfg rffc tlw, cfnfg tfjgv bo tlw, cfnfg ibnfv…” aBMDlO

“Ktfc…tbk tjqqs kbeiv P ilnf…”

Db Hlc’r fsfr kfgf gfv jr tf xcffifv tfjnlis bc atf ugbecv.

“P qgbwlrf,” tf rjlv.  Llr tfjga ofia ilxf la kjr yflcu mea ys j xclof, qlfmf ys qlfmf.

It stabbed down. The skin and flesh trembled in pain. jGNI6T

But even so, the man straightened his spine and attempted to squeeze out a smile.

“I promise you, Xiao Mu.”

“In the future, I will never appear in your life again. You will not see me, will not hear of me, I can do this, I can…”

“Please…come down…” 85DKe3

The youth’s eyes showed confusion. “But I will still think of you.” 

His cold fingertips moved slowly and fell on his heart.

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He said, “Here, it hurts a lot.” 

Xie Mu met the man’s gaze and said, “Even if I cannot see you, but as long as I think about it, it will hurt.” NBsYSa

“I thought I could live with it,” he said.

“That pain, that despair, I can live with it…as long as I can be around Bo Qin, no matter what…”

“Bo Qin does not disdain me, he said he loves me, that he will protect me…” The youth’s legs shook in mid-air, his whole body trembling with the wind.

Within his eyes, the childlike joy slowly disappeared. oDGyCW

The light disappeared along with it.

”But the person who hurt me, let me suffer, and watched my despair from the beginning was Bo Qin…”

Xie Mu’s eyes at the moment were dull, an imitation of a dark abyss, as if he could not see a trace of hope.

“What was the point…of all my efforts…” 9Cr1bT

The eyes of the youth fell on the painful gaze of the man and his lips curled up.

”Disgusting, hypocritical, contrived…”

Bo Qin stiffened all over, as if his blood had been frozen solid.

Was he such a person in the eyes of his Xiao Mu? miO62U

“I had always felt like Tan Tao was the most terrible, the most disgusting creature in the world…”

Xie Mu did not seem to see the expression of the man kneeling on the ground as he continued, his expression full of self-deprecation.

“But it turns out that the most frightening monster was by my side.”

Mon…ster….His Xiao Mu said he was a monster…? nSDQY0

The man’s eyes were bloodshot and filled with tears. He looked at the youth. “It’s not like that, Xiao Mu….”

“Didn’t you say that you love me the most, you love me the most…”

Chrysanthemum Garden.

He trembled and shook his head, as if afraid to approach him, and murmured stubbornly, “You, you love me, don’t you?” 

The young man looked into Bo Qin’s eyes, but without the slightest bit of affection. 6gIqC2

He shook his head. “No.”  

“You are a monster.”

“You are dressed in human skin, disguising yourself as a person. In fact, without that layer of skin, you are not even a maggot!!”

“You are not Bo Qin at all.” BSOQZT

Xie Mu trembled as he shed tears and looked almost fiercely at the handsome man in front of him. “You ate him and pretended you were him!”

“You are a monster, the monster that killed Bo Qin!”

Bo Qin’s lips trembled, his face pale as he looked at the young man shaking as if he were about to fall from the railing at any moment.

“No, Xiao Mu, don’t be angry, I was wrong, I will never do that again, you come down, please come down…” D2MGIl

“Monster, monster…” 

The youth could not hear his words as he kept repeating and grabbed the railing, loosening and tightening his grip.

He looked like he was in a trance. It was obvious that his mind was no longer clear.

The man did not dare to stimulate him and could only agree with his words. Fh8427

“I am, I am a monster…”

“Come down, okay?” 

Xie Mu stared at him, crying as he laughed.

He said hoarsely, “I know, I know…” KFmMo0

“Bo Qin, he is Bo Qin, he is real, he protects me, cherishes me, teaches me to work, study…”

“This…is true, not false, not…” 

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His face showed a smile, happily facing the man.

“You are a monster, you killed Bo Qin, that’s it, yes, that’s it…” f3AOR5

“My Bo Qin has never changed, but it is you instead of him…” As he found a reason for the deception around him, Xie Mu once again became happy.

With his red and swollen eyes open, he whispered, “Isn’t that right, isn’t that right?” 

Bo Qin knelt on the cold ground. The knife was still stabbing his heart. It hurt, it hurt, even talking was too difficult.

The man opened his mouth and said, “Yes.” lCPEZe

The wind blew in his face, painfully hitting him. Bo Qing’s voice was thin, his eyes red.

He said bitterly, “I’m a monster.” 

“Bo Qin did not lie to you, he loves you…“

The youth’s eyes shone. “I knew it, I knew it was so…” HSMk4h

Xiao Mu, come down.” The man was miserable and he pulled out a smile even uglier than if he had been crying. “Come down, I will return Bo Qin to you.”

“No.”

Xie Mu shook his head and sat on the railing as if sitting there would protect himself.

He asked, “Can you call Tan Tao over?”   nUSe m

Bo Qin did not even dare to ask why and had his people bring Tan Tao over.

The man, who had almost been beaten into a pool of mud, was pushed and fell to the ground. His hands were bent unnaturally. His bruised eyes were sunken as he looked at the young man sitting on the railing.

As he looked, a sarcastic smile appeared on his face.

“Oh…Bo Qin, to think you also have today…” vq7St5

The people present knew what he meant.

Including Xie Mu.

Chrysanthemum Garden.

The young man shook his legs and looked at the man who was already crazy and just wanted to let others sink into hell together.

“Tan Tao.” He said, “Thank you for the marshmallows, they were delicious.” HSQVh4

Tan Tao stiffened his body incredulously, looking up at Xie Mu.

“Darling…”

No, hadn’t his darling been killed?

By him, by Bo Qin, obliterated… f16dzX

“That day, on the carousel, did you forget what I said to you?” 

Tan Tao opened his eyes, and the scene in front of him coincided with the appearance of the youth that day.

Xie Mu’s mouth opened and closed.

—”Will you remember me?”    YizHfL

The youth said, “After obliteration is the fusion of memory. Tan Tao, I have always been here.”

It was just that he was no longer his darling.

The man did not care about that. He only knew that the person with his precious memory was back.

Tan Tao smiled and squirmed on the ground like a bug, desperately crawling over there. uSgzRi

“Darling, darling, you’re back…”

“I missed you, I really missed you…”

He was full of joy, so full of joy. Although his hands were bloody from scraping against the ground, he didn’t care as he continued crawling forward.

He wanted to climb to his lover’s side, his darling… SEWLm4

Bo Qin took the opportunity to come to the side of the railing, reaching out to catch the youth.

Xie Mu looked at the two men and suddenly smiled.

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“The two of you killed my Bo Qin…”

“I have to go find him…” qhZXJ

After seeing their expressions of fear and disbelief, his eyes filled with joy.

To obtain and then lose; the taste of that must be very painful.

Xiao Mu!!!”

Bo Qin realized something was wrong and subconsciously reached out, but only touched his fingertips. rdZyeh

Xie Mu smiled and opened his arms. He leisurely fell down…

—In front of both of them.

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47 comments

  1. So until the end the scum gongs didn’t repent at all? they don’t regret anything they did to the MC, they just regret that their love isn’t reciprocated anymore…

        • Ah ah ah, dont get me wrong I have throughly enjoyed the story and the pace, however, Xie Mu’s situation in general sucks. I feel bad for him, the original Xie Mu, I know the present XM doesn’t feel affected by it. I’m so drawn to how he mercilessly cuts down Bo Qin and Tan Tao I would usually feel the least bit bad but these two truly deserve it. I am both looking forward and dreading the next arc. Will the next body be as miserable as Xie Mu? Will there be bastards worse then these two? I’m itching to find out but I can’t help feel gloomy. Ah ah ah what should I do? Let’s just wait then.😫😤😋
  2. Xie Mu is so vicious…as he should be! Return all pain 1000 fold!! I hope these scum gongs repent for eternity!

    Thanks for the chapter~♡♡

  3. WOOO GIRL [WIPES SWEAT] DAT WAS A LOT… god the drama of it all LOL theres no saving these dogs, let’s traumatise them for life! 🙈🎉 thanks for the chapter

  4. Ugly crying. Even If It’s all fake, the original Xie Mu suffered even more because he really cared for Bo Qin.

    Thanks for the chapter!

  5. Oke I honestly cried a little bit like imagine if our MC didn’t take over Xie Mu? He would’ve died in such an unfair way qAq !!

  6. Thanks for your hard work!

    Both these two need to live incredibly long lives with mental clarity so they can eat from the mountains of regret that Xie Mu has left for them. Bite by bite, every single day.

  7. If this was real I would be crying, but mostly all I can do is applaud!!! Sugoi, amazing! What wonderful acting, what manipulation! Bringing them to heaven, tossing them round, and sinking them into true despair after giving them the lightest of hopes- truly, a masterpiece! bravo, bravo! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💐💐💐💐

  8. Normally I can read these stories no problem but this arc just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

  9. Whaaaaaaa shttttt it’s vryyy frustrasing and saaaadd but joyful coz’ they can’t forget that moment 😂

  10. Bro honestly I’m thankful the host came to Xie Mu’s body, I don’t dare imagine what would’ve happened if the og XM, a normal person, were in this situation. Poor guy, he went through a lot bc of these stupid scum dudes. (͒˃̩̩⌂˂̩̩ ͒)

  11. Is it just me who feels that tan tao is pitiful. I think he loved the original mc. He came to hospital frequently when mc was in coma. Also the time he pushed him against the wall in school, it was because he was intoxicated, he didn’t really mean it (when he came back to his senses he regretted it). He even admitted that he liked him to ml. Also he didn’t rape him, he just put hickies on his body. Like he shouldn’t get the mc and also get a few punches but not get his life destroyed. He’s now physically and mentally unwell. The punishment dosen’t seem proportional to the crime. The ml was the asshole here but at the end of the day mc got hit by a car and they weren’t the ones driving it so the main culprit behind his wasted 10 yrs was that car driver. But I’m also not defending the 1st ml at all.
  12. Is it just me who thinks that tan tao is quite pitiful.He frequently visited the mc when he was in a coma like I feel like he was in love with the mc since they were in school. He just used to bully him a little and the time he tried to force himself on mc, he was intoxicated and he even regretted it. And the time he “rped” mc, he actually didn’t. He just put hickies on his body because he was jealous and angry that the mc saw him as a monster which couldn’t even touch him. But I an NOT saying that the mc should have accepted him. He dosen’t deserve to be with mc just because he wants to and should also get a few punches but not get his life ruined. Now he’s physically and emotionally damaged plus he has no money . The 1st ml was the ashole here. But at the end of the day mc wasted 10 years of his life because he got into an accident and they weren’t the ones driving the car. I am not defending the 1st ml. I’d like to add one more thing remember how tan toa used to force himself to eat and drink things he didn’t like and which made him very sad just for mc to stay with him.
  13. …well..actually ..when i see this from the real xie mu perspective ..like in ‘dont pick up boyfriends from the trash Bin’…..i feel really bad for him…

    ……ah.mc really tortured the hell out of this two scums …..haha

  14. Im really crying rn, because i NEVER cryed over novels, like even jwqs even my favourite novels, maybe that because my period is coming soon