Even until Death, the Scum Gong thought I was a White LotusCh30 - Reading that diary

The man held his hand out stiffly, his fingers moving slightly.

No, it couldn’t be… CdkXvz

How did it come to this…

In order to save Xiao Mu, he had made up a lie. But it had become his reason to leave…

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

Bo Qin’s body shook. “Xiao, Xiao Mu…”

The man shouted, but the youth who once laughed and turned around at the sound of his voice never responded again. JgVSdp

His little bird had flown…

Hurt, it hurt…

Bo Qin’s lips trembled, his hand pressed against his heart.

Finally, the knife completely stabbed into his heart.

The pain intensified.

—That dream was really scary. If it had been true, I’d probably die, ba.

The man trembled, his eyes blood red as his voice shook. “Turns out this dream was because I…”

“Because I…” YULVle

No, no, my darling already died, no… “

Tan Tao’s hand was covered in blood as he gripped the fence. His eyes were no longer crazy, but his expression could not accept the chaos of reality.

The doctor had clearly said that his personality had been obliterated and would never appear again…

The one who loved him, the one he loved, the darling who smiled softly at him and sweetly leaned into his embrace had died… Lq1EHG

—”Will you remember me?” On the merry-go-round, the young man looked up and turned around to look at him, his eyes full of love.

On the roof, Xie Mu’s face was pale, his eyes fixedly looking at him.

The two people gradually coincided with each other.

If his darling had not died, then who was the person who just jumped… SBK7A0

The man with bloodshot eyes sank to the ground, rising before sinking to the ground again.

What, what had he done…

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

What had he done…

*** Qa7z9j

[Ding! Bo Qin’s favorability: 100. The task is completed, please choose to disengage from the world.] 

“Disengage? Why disengage?”  Xie Mu stood in front of the two men, looking at their pitiful appearances. He raised his eyebrows and chuckled, “Didn’t we promise them that they would experience the pain I felt in those ten years?”

The system froze for a moment. [It’s a waste of time. Time doesn’t wait for people, host. Also…]

It looked at the mental state of the two people standing on the opposite side. [They’re already crazy. Even if we don’t do anything, they will kill each other in hatred.]  0AOmPa

“Is that enough?”

Xie Mu turned around and held the ball floating next to him. He pinched it and smiled. “Didn’t you hate them before?”

[But time…]

“Okay okay, how about this. Once number one and two have discovered the things I’ve left behind, we can go. Okay?”  qn 8XW

The ball jumped up and down. [Okay.]

“Okay, display it from the puppet.”

System: [You’re not going yourself?]

Xie Mu patted the little round ball and giggled, “What’s so interesting about acting out a person lying in bed? Let’s go watch.” gUtbSi

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

***

Kjc Kjb kjr wlrrlcu.

Ktlr kjr atf rfmbcv alwf tf tjv vlrjqqfjgfv, yea atlr alwf, Db Hlc tjv yffc ecjyif ab olcv tlw jujlc.

Lf mjgfoeiis rajsfv lc atf tbrqlaji, gfoerlcu ab rff jcsbcf. Vfnfc vjsr qjrrfv. vxno20

Rb bcf xcfk atja ktfc Db Hlc tjv raewyifv jcv rajuufgfv vbkcrajlgr, tf tjv qgbyfv ja atf sbeat’r cbrf klat agfwyilcu tjcvr. Lf tjv yffc bnfgktfiwfv klat fmrajrs ja atja wbwfca.

The man went crazy, carefully sitting next to an unconscious Xie Mu, crying and laughing.

Chrysanthemum Garden.

The youth was soon transferred to the best hospital.

But even though the doctor was very skilled, he just barely saved his life. The wheels of karma came back. Xie Mu was once again in a vegetative state. bRy0Sn

He could breathe and swallow food, but there was almost no possibility of waking up.

Everyone in the hospital said it was a miracle, an unfortunate miracle.

Xie Mu had once been discharged as a miracle after lying in a hospital bed for less than a year.

Bo Qin guarded over his lover and carefully took care of him. He helped him wipe his body so that he wouldn’t become too uncomfortable from lying there for too long. 1VcjKd

He became the person he once thought he would never become.

Every day, he woke up early and immediately went into the kitchen he would never have entered before to carefully boil soup in accordance with the recipe. Bo Qin had never really cooked since he was a child. At first, he was very clumsy; fortunately, he was smart and successfully figured it out.

The handsome man’s fingers were red from carrying the hot soup. He even had a blister from his efforts but didn’t seem to feel any pain. He carefully, patiently fed Xie Mu and helped him wipe his body. Bo Qin would sit by the bed, holding a book Xie Mu once loved to read and read it to him word by word.

Company and family—he didn’t want to care about those anymore. zO2jgs

He only wanted to be with his lover.

“When I made the soup today, I put in less salt so it’s a little bland. I hope you don’t dislike it. I feel like the hospital staff never does it carefully…”

“There are more and more gardenias blooming. I picked a lot, smell it…”

The man smiled gently and picked out the most beautiful flower to place under Xie Mu’s nose. XHO29y

“I used to hate this flower because the smell was too strong. I never let you pick any. But every time you saw a gardenia afterward, you couldn’t stop yourself from moving forward. You were so happy that day you placed a vase of gardenias. It was originally placed in the bedroom, but because you were afraid I wouldn’t like it, you hid it in the living room.”  Bo Qin spoke in a hoarse voice. The youth’s eyes remained closed, motionless.

“You said, gardenias are white and clean.” 

“You wondered why I didn’t like such a clean flower…”

The man’s hand trembled as it fell on Xie Mu’s cold, pale cheek. “In fact, you’re the cleanest…” Y5eUIO

“Lying like this must be very uncomfortable. Even after three months, you’re still like this?” 

“A person lying here with no one to talk to, no one to take care of you, your body’s soreness, pain, no way to solve it…”

Please support our translators at chrysanthemumgarden (dot) com

Warm tears fell on the young, pale fingers. Bo Qin bowed his head, his voice hoarse.

“Xiao Mu, wake up…” LgD30r

“I can become what you like. I’ll be clean, as long as you’re willing, okay…”

He sat stiffly for a long time, his scalded hands burning in pain.

But Xie Mu never replied.

Bo Qin’s heart seemed to ache to the point of numbness. He held out his hand carefully, gently massaging the young man’s arm and pressing it, when he suddenly had a thought. dldzCF

Before, when Xiao Mu had cooked dinner and waited fruitlessly for him to come back all night—was it this kind of feeling?

Empty, painful.

It was like waiting for a promise that would never happen.

These days, in addition to cooking, Bo Qin spent his time talking to Xie Mu. Even though there was no response, his voice was gone from talking. hlaSXW

It was as if he was punishing himself. It took him only seven days to become completely haggard.

In the evenings, the young man lay quietly while the man reached out and took the diary on the table into his hands.

He would hang his head and stroke it carefully, but not daring to open it.

Xiao Mu had said that there was something inside he didn’t want others to see. W7ZpYR

He had looked, so Xiao Mu was angry.

As long as he obediently did not look, maybe Xiao Mu would be happy and wake up…

Holding onto a hope that even children wouldn’t hold onto, Bo Qin waited day by day.

The more he waited, the deeper he fell into a trance. cG3 uf

He kept recalling how the youth had been in the past.

His smiling look, his sad look, his actions while busy in the kitchen, watering flowers on the balcony, cooking a meal, smiling and calling to him, “Bo Qin, come to dinner.”  

Read more BL at chrysanthemumgarden (dot) com

Xie Mu was brought home to recuperate. The man cooked and watered the flowers. Every day, he brought in a freshly picked gardenia into the living room.

He would take the dish, go to Xie Mu’s side, and smile as he said, “Xiao Mu, come eat.”  VZdKqR

Then, looking at the youth with closed eyes, his tears would fall.

***

Tan Tao came with people on the 20th day.

His body was dead, his face pale. He coughed every few steps, but when he saw the young man lying on the bed, a scary light burst in his eyes. xQOg46

“Darling, my darling…”

The limping man cast his crutches aside, his eyes crazy as he rushed up. When he drew near, he became timid once again.

Tan Tao carefully reached out his hand and placed the youth’s soft, cold hand in the palm of his hand.

”Darling…“ he said softly, “I came to pick you up. Don’t be afraid.” RUMlj

Tan Tao cried and smiled. He leaned down and almost piously placed his face against the cold hand.

He kissed the weak and delicate fingertips. Tears fell on each kiss, bitter and astringent.

“Let go!!” 

Looking nothing like the Tan Tao he once was, the beaten man looked at the scene with bloodshot eyes. ds5hAR

“Tan Tao, get out of here!” 

“You’re the one who should leave!!”

The man’s hand was still gently holding Xie Mu’s cold hand. As he listened to this, his face broke out into an expression of hostility for a moment .

He turned to Bo Qin with hatred. “Did you think I wouldn’t know!!”  gR6uKE

“It’s you who forced him!”

“You lied to him, you misguided him, and you lost him!”

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

“If it weren’t for you, he would have continued to love me and live a good life with me. Even if I died, I wouldn’t have lost him. I would’ve protected, protected my baby…“

Tan Tao’s voice and entire body were shaking. “You lied so much to him for such a long time! You let him suffer for so long, finally…he was happy and was destroyed again by you!”  cBquQ9

“It’s you!”

He took one of his crutches. Disregarding the pain in his leg, he used it to knock Bo Qin to the ground.

“You lost him again and again. He’s like this now because of you!” 

”I shouldn’t have been so soft-hearted in the beginning. I should’ve just grabbed him back…” Tan Tao’s red eyes stared at Bo Qin. “I thought he wouldn’t be able to think it through, so I let him go…“ IjumS

“What about you? When you woke up and saw his body covered in wounds, you thought it was because of me.” 

The man on the ground suddenly froze incredulously. He could barely lift up his head.

“What…did you say!” 

“Xie Mu had been yours since the beginning.” Fn7tXl

“Bo Qin, you claim to like cleanliness, but you are the least clean!!!”

“What qualifications do you have, and what face do you have to say that Xiao Mu is yours?”

Tan Tao was crazy. As he spoke, pinning Bo Qin down with his crutches, he didn’t seem to have any scruples within his voice.

It should have been very painful, but the man seemed to not feel anything. ptRdwL

That day, the young man had been soaked in the rain, trembling from the cold as he knocked on the door, wanting to hide in his arms.

But he had said ‘you’re dirty.’

“I am…a monster…”

The man lay on the ground with a mouthful of blood. The corners of his mouth slowly pulled up into a smile. “In the end…I really am a monster…” twniXf

The scent of gardenias wafted throughout the room, and Bo Qin, like a dead dog, fell in his own blood.

—”Xiao Mu, I love you, I will never leave you.”  

Please visit chrysanthemumgarden (dot) com

“Forever?”

“Forever.” uPWy1h

Tan Tao cast aside his crutch and sneered at the man on the ground. From the corner of his eyes, he suddenly noticed the diary on the table.

Something crossed in his heart, and he limped over and brutally forced the notebook open.

Like he was looking for something, Tan Tao kept turning. In the end, he stopped on the last few pages.

[Recently, I’ve been having the same dream. In this dream, I’m sitting happily with Tan Tao on a carousel. Tan Tao is laughing joyfully. In my dream, I look at him and my heart is warm. I think, if I can live the rest of my life like this, I will be satisfied. This isn’t normal. I want to tell Bo Qin, but if it turns out to be real, I don’t know what I’ll do.] Gd61Jx

[The same dream again today. I feel very strange, as if there is a stranger living in my body that passes me information every day. Even the disgust I have towards Tan Tao seems to be lessening.]

[He wants to find Tan Tao, he is afraid of Bo Qin, afraid of everything here. I always feel like he will wake up in a few days. I really am afraid. Recently, Bo Qin has become busier and busier. Should I confide in him?]

[Bo Qin is very busy, I want to help him, but he refused to tell me what happened. My spirit is getting worse and worse. I’m afraid I will leave Bo Qin. That person wants to come out, but as long as Bo Qin comes back, he will be too afraid to come out. I’m beginning to feel that this is not just my imagination.]

The records stopped there. B0Tm1J

It was the day before Xie Mu had been taken away from him.

Tan Tao’s hand trembled as he held the diary. A headache seemed to explode out of him in the next moment.

His darling…had not died…

He had been very afraid, he had wanted to return to his side…and was about to succeed… T56CSh

But in the end, he had killed his darling.

He had killed him.

Twice.

“Let’s go.”  Xie Mu held the ball and his eyes no longer looked at the two people. 3Ovaxw

The system felt like it hadn’t gotten enough. [Host, you’re not continuing?] 

“Watching dogs bite each other is fun, but two mad dogs aren’t very interesting. Set a timer for the puppet and let it die ten years later.”

Please support our translators at chrysanthemumgarden (dot) com

Xie Mu petted it. “These ten years of hell are revenge for him.”

*** jW8VYt

[Ding! A new world has been jumped to. Host, please view the memory.] 

The pale man opened his eyes and looked down at his body.

His body was numb, without a single hint of feeling. He raised his eyebrows.

The strategist’s uncle? jd84Tt

There was naturally an advantage to that.

nao: happy end of the first arc! thank you readers for sticking with us ^^ Tian and I will be going on a hiatus for a few weeks to take a rest and stockpile for the next arc—I will be taking over for the second arc while Tian will be doing the third arc~ see you soon!