Warning: This chapter contains inappropriate scenes that may be disturbing to some readers (sexual harassment, violence). Reader discretion is advised.
When one becomes discouraged, it is easy to become negative and slack off.
Xia Qing helped several times, but after receiving the disdainful and impatient gaze from Lou Guan Xue, he quietly went to do other things.
He climbed a tree in the corner of the cold palace wall, then smoothly jumped onto the wall, which was covered with moss and unknown white wildflowers.
It was only when Xia Qing reached the wall that he realized the outside world was an illusion. The “obstacle” was trapped within this small, cold palace, while the outside was a world of pure white.
After finishing his work, Lou Guan Xue walked into the palace to see his mother.
Xia Qing followed him and finally saw what that woman looked like. It must be said that she was truly stunning. Straight hair cascaded down, her skin was fair, and she wore a water-blue dress like a fairy princess, her beauty captivating.
She also had a very pleasant name, Yao Ke.
The eunuchs called her “Madam Yao Ke.”
In front of the dilapidated palace wall, Yao Ke held a basin of old clothes that needed washing, listening coldly to the eunuch’s sharp words.
The eunuch’s eyes lingered greedily on her face. “It’s not for me to say,” he said, “but with your beauty, Madam, a little effort could save you from this dreary palace.”
Yao Ke’s expression was indifferent: “If there is nothing else, please leave.”
She turned and walked towards the laundry area, leaving the eunuch behind with an uncertain expression. Finally, he muttered under his breath, “What a hypocrite, pretending to be noble.”
As Lou Guan Xue approached, he happened to hear these indifferent words, his expression hidden in the shadows with little emotion.
Xia Qing was furious.
The eunuch had intended to leave, but when he turned his gaze to Lou Guan Xue and didn’t move, he became interested and asked, “You are Yao Ke’s child.”
Lou Guan Xue stopped, his past experience telling him that ignoring it now would only make things worse. He cautiously glanced at the eunuch in the spring light, then lowered his head and softly said, “Hmm.”
The eunuch hesitated for a moment, then a strange smile curved his lips: “Raise your head, let me see.”
“What’s there to see! You pervert!” Xia Qing couldn’t hold back his anger and blurted out. Then he realized that in the eyes of others, he was still invisible and inaudible, which made him panic.
Lou Guan Xue obediently raised his head, his face pale, his pupils as dark as thick night.
The old eunuch’s smile deepened, revealing an unmistakable lustful look in his eyes: “Indeed, Yao Ke’s child is truly well-born.”
Lou Guan Xue pursed his lips, saying nothing.
The old eunuch smiled again: “Good child, do you want some candied haws? Oh…”
He was hit in the face with a stone.
Xia Qing had already climbed up the nearby tree. When he heard the words “candied haw,” he froze for a few seconds, then became even more furious. He aimed the stones in his hand one by one at the face of that perverted eunuch. He threw them fast and hard, breaking the wind as they flew, causing the old eunuch to run away while holding his head in panic, cursing several times in frustration. After shouting “Who” and “Who is it” several times but unable to find the culprit, he eventually left, shaking his feather duster in anger.
“Pervert,” Xia Qing muttered angrily as he climbed down from the tree branch.
Lou Guan Xue had no expression on his face as he wiped the face touched by the eunuch with his hand, over and over again, as if trying to wash it until it bled and let the blood flow out to clean it.
Xia Qing noticed his actions and was surprised, quickly going to grab his hand: “What are you doing? If you feel dirty, just wash it off.”
Lou Guan Xue looked down at his hand.
Ignoring his struggles, Xia Qing pulled him to sit at the table in the courtyard, then hurriedly fetched a basin of water and placed it in front of him: “Why are you trying so hard to make yourself bleed?”
Lou Guan Xue replied lightly, “Just trying to wash away that disgusting feeling.”
Xia Qing said, “Do you think your blood is cleaner than water?”
Lou Guan Xue said calmly, “No, my blood is quite dirty.”
Xia Qing choked, deciding to educate him properly: “It’s not that your blood is dirty, it’s that everyone’s blood is dirty.”
Lou Guan Xue glanced at him, then dipped his scarred hand into the basin, casually washed it, and left without saying a word of thanks.
…What a temper.
Xia Qing thought that by causing trouble in the cold palace, the eunuch would let it go, but he didn’t expect him to be so persistent.
One night, the pervert came again.
The bleak moonlight shone on the ancient well and the overgrown grass. He wore a green eunuch’s uniform and looked like a standing poisonous snake. He bent down and smiled with wrinkles all over his face, his voice low and seductive: “Your Highness, would you like some candied haws?”
Before Xia Qing could get angry, Lou Guan Xue began to smile little by little in the moonlight, his voice as sweet as honey: “Sure.”
Xia Qing was dumbfounded.
Lou Guan Xue’s appearance as a child was dazzling and obedient. When he had a cold face, he resembled a snow-covered knife out of its sheath, but when he smiled, it was sweet enough to make one’s heart tremble.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Xia Qing felt like he was seeing a ghost.
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“Obe Xejc Wef!” Wlj Hlcu revvfcis klvfcfv tlr fsfr jcv fzmijlwfv.
Dea atfgf rffwfv ab yf j ragjcuf oiemaejalbc lc atf jlg. Ktf mbiv qjijmf kjr vfrbijaf, atf cluta mgbkr kfgf mbiv, jcv Obe Xejc Wef mbeivc’a tfjg tlr nblmf, jr lo tf mbeivc’a rff tlw, ilxf j ogbhfc wfwbgs.
“What the hell do you want with candied haws!”
Xia Qing trembled with anger, wanting to follow them, but the “barrier” of the cold palace stopped him. He watched Lou Guan Xue and the perverted eunuch walk into the void of pure whiteness, leaving him alone.
Xia Qing felt bewildered, as if he were dreaming.
—Candied haws? Is this what you call liking candied haws?
He grabbed his hair irritably, wanting to curse.
He was furious and decided not to care about this brat anymore. But even though he thought not to care, his body was honest. Xia Qing, with his short limbs, climbed up the high wall, with a faint hope of seeing outside clearly. However, looking into the distance, there was only emptiness. He stayed there for a long time, then wanted to go find Yao Ke, to tell her that her son had been abducted by a candied haw, but before he could act, Lou Guan Xue had already returned.
“Why did you climb up again.”
Lou Guan Xue’s voice sounded disdainful.
Xia Qing turned around in surprise. He saw Lou Guan Xue standing under the wall, his hair tied behind him with a cyan-colored ribbon, his black clothes neat and clean, holding a candied haw.
The hawthorn candy was bright red, like the dark color on the edge of his sleeve.
Xia Qing was speechless: “You… you…” He stared at him up and down, and it took him a while to find his voice: “You, did you really just go get a candied haw?”
Lou Guan Xue sneered at his words, his expression mocking: “What do you think?”
Xia Qing paused for a few seconds: “Then let me ask another question, did you kill him? Are you that fast at killing people?”
Lou Guan Xue’s ice-cold face revealed a hint of killing intent in the moonlight: “It’s none of your business.”
Xia Qing: “…” He suspected that it wasn’t Lou Guan Xue’s barrier, it was his own barrier! He was about to be driven mad by anger, he needed to be saved, didn’t he?
But that perverted eunuch deserved to die.
“After you… after you killed someone, what did you do with the body? Aren’t you afraid of being discovered?” Xia Qing hesitated for a moment, asking with concern.
Lou Guan Xue bit into a candied haw, his face puffed up, unusually cute, his tone arrogant: “No, I don’t make that kind of mistake. I throw them into the pool where those stupid fools can’t find them.”
“…Sounds like you have experience.”
Xia Qing thought for a moment: “Are you really only five years old?”
Lou Guan Xue didn’t say anything, his pitch-black eyes glanced at him, as if saying “What a stupid question you’re asking”.
Xia Qing pulled the corners of his mouth down.
After Lou Guan Xue grew up, he became as mysterious and dangerous as a lunatic. Even as a child, he was terrifying.
He was like a wolf cub, able to bite the enemy’s throat with one bite; also like a wild grass, thriving in this desolate cold palace.
Yes, thriving.
Xia Qing finally realized the point he couldn’t understand.
In such a suppressed, twisted, and dark childhood, Lou Guan Xue did not appear inferior, fearful, or pitiful.
He was very clever, knowing that keeping wounds on his hands could mean doing less work; he also knew how to protect himself, taking action against the eunuch who targeted him the second time they met.
Adversity bred his rebellious spirit, like a sword supporting his frail body.
It was hard to imagine what kind of demon he would become.
Lonely? Lou Guan Xue should be lonely, otherwise he wouldn’t keep talking to him.
Of course, this loneliness was not enough to become a heart demon. It was just a pure, dispensable emotion.
So what is this ‘barrier’ that the flute mumbled about? What exactly is a barrier?
While Xia Qing was lost in thought, Lou Guan Xue had already eaten two candied haws.
Xia Qing came to his senses and complained, “Brother, are we friends now? Do you understand the concept of sharing between friends?”
Lou Guan Xue glanced at him and turned away.
Xia Qing gritted his teeth in anger.
Lou Guan Xue turned around and bumped into someone.
Yao Ke.
Xia Qing was stunned.
At this moment, that eerie feeling came again. The moonlight was cool as water, as if the water curtain of memories was gently rippling.
Yao Ke wore a water-blue palace dress, holding a lantern. Her black hair cascaded down, her stunning face blurred and distant in the lamplight and moonlight. She asked, “What did you eat?”
Lou Guan Xue replied without thinking, “Candied haws.”
Yao Ke bent down, asking, “Who gave it to you?”
Lou Guan Xue, impatiently, replied, “An old eunuch.”
Yao Ke asked, “The one from last time?”
Lou Guan Xue nodded.
Yao Ke took the candied haw from his hand, softly saying, “Candied haws wrapped in sugar, skewered with sticks, and it becomes candied haws? Human food is always so strange. Human desires are also strange—lust, greed, and even the desire for gossip.” Yao Ke finished, lightly laughing, “Does Ah Xue like this?”
Lou Guan Xue coldly looked back at her.
The lantern fell to the corner with a “pop.”
Suddenly, Yao Ke let go of the lantern in her hand. She grabbed Lou Guan Xue’s chin, the silver-blue irises flashing coldly, like condensed tears. With her other hand, she picked up the candied haw, the sharp stick aimed straight at Lou Guan Xue’s throat.
Lou Guan Xue’s eyes widened suddenly, but he was held firmly, unable to move.
Yao Ke seemed to have gone mad, desperately stuffing the candied haw into his mouth, murmuring, “Do you like candied haws?”
Blood gushed from the corners of Lou Guan Xue’s mouth. He wanted to close his teeth, but Yao Ke’s strength was astonishing.
Xia Qing was stunned, wanting to stop the madwoman, but realizing this was a memory he couldn’t enter. He could only watch from an outsider’s perspective as Yao Ke viciously stabbed several times, then let go. The candied haw fell, its stick covered in blood.
After Yao Ke let go, Lou Guan Xue knelt on the ground, blood flowing from his throat, continuously retching.
Yao Ke stood immaculate under the cold moon, watching her son’s miserable state. She seemed dazed, tears falling from the corners of her eyes like crystalline pearls, dropping one by one at Lou Guan Xue’s feet.
“How could you have such filthy desires? How could you be human… you’re my child.”
She seemed to snap out of her madness, suddenly waking up.
“Ah Xue.”
Regret, confusion, heartache filled her eyes, her eyes reddened, tears threatening to fall. She took a step forward.
But the boy avoided her as if she were a venomous snake or fierce beast.
Yao Ke stood dazed in place, her clothes swirling in the wind.
Lou Guan Xue didn’t even look at her, stumbling away, supporting himself against the wall.
“Ah Xue!” Yao Ke’s face suddenly turned pale, her eyes so red they seemed to drip blood, she ran forward in distress.
Lou Guan Xue was in so much pain that he almost lost consciousness. He tripped over some weeds and scraped a bloody mark on his arm.
“I’m sorry, Ah Xue, I’m sorry,” she followed behind, in a panic, tears streaming down her face.
Lou Guan Xue’s arm burned with pain, his throat filled with the taste of bloody sputum. He smirked cynically.
“Lou Guan Xue?!” Xia Qing finally could move, hurriedly ran over, crouched down, and grabbed his scarred hand.
Xia Qing helped him up, anxiously saying, “Let me take you away.”
Lou Guan Xue replied hoarsely, “No need.” His voice was weak.
Xia Qing said anxiously, “But we have to get away from this crazy woman first.”
Lou Guan Xue indifferently said, “She won’t chase for long.” After speaking, he looked up at the high walls of the cold oalace and said, “Take me up there.”
“Huh?” Xia Qing was puzzled but obediently supported Lou Guan Xue, letting him step on his shoulders to climb the tree first and then jump onto the wall.
“Ah Xue, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Yao Ke’s voice was full of pain and despair. She had lived a life of detachment, devoid of love and hatred, but it seemed as if she had poured all her tears into her child..
The tears of a pure mermaid are comparable to heart’s blood, and they cannot be shed freely.
Yao Ke hadn’t walked a few steps before her vision became blurry, as if lost in a sea of fog, unable to see the way. But she didn’t care about these things, just leaning against the wall, anxiously and sorrowfully searching. Tears turned into blood, flowing down her pale and stunning face like withering flowers.
“Ah Xue, Ah Xue…”
Xia Qing watched as this woman stumbled on the grass, scratched by rocks, and entangled by branches in her hair, but she still didn’t stop. She walked into the darkness, each sob more hoarse and sorrowful than the last, filled with regret and despair.
Xia Qing held his breath, looked away, and immediately asked Lou Guan Xue with concern, “Is your throat okay?”
Lou Guan Xue sat side by side with him on the wall, expressionless, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth. “I’m fine,” he said. He still held the candied haw covered in dust and blood in his hand and took a bite.
“I can’t believe you’re still eating that! Are you trying to kill yourself?!”
Xia Qing snatched the candied haw from him in fright.
A sneer curled the corners of Lou Guan Xue’s lips, “Don’t worry, I’m pretty tough. Even if she pushed me down the stairs, I wouldn’t die.”
Xia Qing was still worried, “Let me see inside your mouth.”
Lou Guan Xue ignored him, chewing until his teeth were stained with blood.
Xia Qing said, “…………”
He was so anxious he didn’t know what to do. He fetched some water and made Lou Guan Xue rinse his mouth.
Lou Guan Xue stared at him coldly for a long time, then he still took a mouthful and then spat out a mouthful of blood and filth.
This Yao Ke is really a lunatic.
Xia Qing hesitated, then said, “How about I take you away?”
Lou Guan Xue said, “No need.”
Xia Qing asked, “Huh?”
Lou Guan Xue’s eyes were clear, indifferent. “I’m only safe by her side. Besides, she’s gone mad so many times, but she hasn’t killed me.”
Xia Qing said, “……”
With a suspicious glance, Lou Guan Xue scoffed, ‘You’re not still thinking about saving me from my inner demons, are you?'”
Xia Qing was at a loss for words.
Lou Guan Xue spat out the chewed hawthorn. This man was incredibly clean as an adult, but as a child he didn’t care about anything. He reached back to make sure the headband was still there before speaking calmly, ‘How could I have inner demons? I’ve already had enough bad luck in this life, and I’m going to create inner demons to torment myself? Have I lost my mind?’
Xia Qing struggled to speak, “Inner demons are not a matter of whether you want them or not.”
Lou Guan Xue’s lips curled with a hint of amusement, adopting that neurotic tone he had in adulthood. “Oh, then tell me, what is my inner demon?”
Xia Qing: “It’s… your mother.”
Lou Guan Xue nodded. “Yeah, and how do I get rid of it, kill her?”
Xia Qing thought seriously for a moment. “You’ve asked a good question.”
Lou Guan Xue chuckled meaningfully, his tone ambiguous.
Xia Qing sighed deeply, muttered, “I never imagined you were like this when you were younger. But thinking about it, this is the kind of person you should be.”
Lou Guan Xue remained silent, bowing his head, the mole on his eyelid emitting a sinister light.
Xia Qing, feeling a bit mischievous, asked softly, “Lou Guan Xue, has anyone ever cared for you?”
Lou Guan Xue looked at him for a few seconds, as if he were looking at a fool, then a playful smile played on his lips. “Of course, plenty. Didn’t someone just ask me if I liked candied haws today?”
Xia Qing: “I mean normal caring!!”
Lou Guan Xue shrugged indifferently. “There are many palace maids in the Laundry Bureau. If I reveal my wounds, pretend to be foolish, and play dumb, then disclose some tragic experiences, I can gain a lot of sympathy and curiosity from those people.” After a moment’s thought, he added, “Oh, and do less work, too.”
Xia Qing: “…………”
Xia Qing: “You’re living quite cleverly.”
Wait a minute—
Xia Qing turned his head, his light brown eyes filled with shock. “Lou Guan Xue, is your only wish now just to stay alive?”
Lou Guan Xue was taken aback.
“Yeah.”
He seemed to think there was nothing to deny.
His tone was casual, but it made Xia Qing feel that this was the closest he had ever been to Lou Guan Xue’s innermost self.
The breeze blew, lifting the azure hairband on Lou Guan Xue’s head. His black hair brushed his face as he bit into another candied haw.
The boy’s pale, frail face had dark eyes, emitting a force that was unsettling.
Like resilient weeds growing in barren soil, persisting against the brutality of this world steeped in mud and blood.
Lou Guan Xue chewed the hawthorn but didn’t swallow, spitting it out directly. He turned his head. “Do you know why I’m talking to you?”
Xia Qing was still lost in thought. “Why?”
Lou Guan Xue smiled faintly, devoid of any emotion. “Because the way you look at people is so naive.”
Xia Qing: “…………”
Stupid flute, let me out!!!
Poor lou guan xue… His childhood is as miserable as it can be. Dealing with perverted creeps and an insane mother 😩 he’s just a five-year old boy 😭
Saddest thing what your mother shouldn’t be mermaid (I’m sorry, I forgot the right word) to go crazy and trying to kill you…
Thank you for your translation 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛