cw: suicidal thoughts
Wu Lingtian stopped in front of Xiu Lan’s door. He hesitated for a long time before he raised his hand to knock. His knuckles hovered centimeters in front of the door, never landing on the fine wood. His hand dropped to his side again and he turned on his heel. Before he could make it down the steps, however, the door was pushed open.
“Lingtian?”
Wu Lingtian froze. He looked back. Zhou Ying’an looked at him quizzically, a tray of used utensils in her hands.
“Were you here to see A-Lan?”
“No, I was just passing by,” Wu Lingtian said.
Zhou Ying’an frowned. “She’s the only person in this court—”
“Wu-shishu,” Xiu Lan’s voice interrupted them. Wu Lingtian glanced behind Zhou Ying’an. Xiu Lan met his gaze awkwardly. “Do you…want to come in?”
Wu Lingtian didn’t want to. His gaze trailed over Xiu Lan to Zhou Ying’an and back again. There was a lump in his throat. For a brief moment, he wished that the Gu in his soul would act up and dull out his emotions again. The scratching, uncomfortable feeling that lingered around his stomach refused to go away. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He remained silent as he looked at Xiu Lan and Zhou Ying’an.
“…Are you okay?” Zhou Ying’an asked, her brows furrowing. “Are you feeling unwell again? Should I get Sect Leader Fan?”
“No, I…No. Shijie, Lan’er, I have something to tell you both,” Wu Lingtian said.
Zhou Ying’an and Wu Lingtian stepped into Xiu Lan’s room. The door was closed and the two women sat down. Zhou Ying’an noticed Wu Lingtian was still standing. Just as she was about to tell Wu Lingtian to sit, the man slowly knelt down.
“Lingtian—”
“I’m sorry.”
Xiu Lan stood up in alarm. “Wu-shishu, get up. Why are you kne—”
“I couldn’t protect him,” Wu Lingtian said, his gaze concentrated on the ground. He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a long breath. “I couldn’t even retrieve his body.”
Silence filled the room.
“Whatever you need to say next, say it while you’re sitting,” Zhou Ying’an said, her voice trembling.
Wu Lingtian slowly shook his head. “I can’t do that.”
“You’ve been kneeling so much the past few days,” Zhou Ying’an stood to pull Wu Lingtian up, but she was only shrugged off again. “Wu Lingtian—”
“Shijie,” Wu Lingtian looked up, meeting Zhou Ying’an’s eyes.
This one look made her freeze up.
“Can you listen to me first?” Wu Lingtian asked. “Just listen to me and then decide.”
Xiu Lan frowned. She glanced at Zhou Ying’an, but was even more shocked when her shishu took a step back.
Slowly, Wu Lingtian weaved the truth. He spoke slowly at first. Each word was placed through a grinder, grating his throat as they left his mouth. Eventually, Wu Lingtian got used to the pain, as he always did. The story flowed smoother. The details were more coherent. At some point, Zhou Ying’an and Xiu Lan started crying, but Wu Lingtian didn’t move to comfort them. As if he were speaking as the third party, he cleanly concluded the story.
“…Do you still think I should stand up?” Wu Lingtian asked, his words like a knife, twisting further into fresh wounds.
“Stand up,” Zhou Ying’an said.
Wu Lingtian stood slowly, his head still lowered.
“You…why didn’t either of you ever tell me…?” Zhou Ying’an asked, her voice breaking. “You…Oh, you…”
Wu Lingtian bowed his head. “I should go.”
“Where are you going?” Zhou Ying’an held onto Wu Lingtian’s wrist. “Just where are you going?”
“I—”
“Do you blame yourself?” Zhou Ying’an asked incredulously. “You…you can’t possibly be blaming yourself for everything, are you?”
“I’m not blameless though, am I?” Wu Lingtian asked, meeting Zhou Ying’an’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Xiu Lan said. She looked at Wu Lingtian tearfully. “What I said before…I didn’t mean it, Wu-shishu, I really—”
Her words faltered. She held a hand over her mouth as she lowered her head.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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Seeing his expression, Zhong Renyi stood. He patted Fan Yi’s shoulder. “We’ll finish our discussion later.”
Fan Yi hummed, his concentration on Wu Lingtian. When his uncle left the room, Fan Yi stood and stopped in front of his partner.
“I told them.”
“Good job,” Fan Yi said.
“They don’t blame me,” Wu Lingtian said.
“Well, of course not.”
“They cried a lot.”
“That’s expected.”
“But I didn’t comfort them.”
Fan Yi’s brows furrowed. Wu Lingtian’s head was lowered to the point that Fan Yi could see the crown of his head.
“I didn’t know what to say. I just wanted to keep apologizing, but I knew that’s not what they wanted. I know they wanted to comfort me, but they also couldn’t figure out how,” Wu Lingtian said. He stared at the space between his shoes and let out a pathetic laugh. “What do you even say? Yishan, what would you say?”
“…There’s nothing to say. No matter what you say now, it won’t change the events of the past,” Fan Yi said, his hand gently cupping Wu Lingtian’s face.
Wu Lingtian lifted his head and leaned against Fan Yi’s palm.
“Do you want to cry?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, what do you want to do now?” Fan Yi asked.
Wu Lingtian reached out and wrapped his arms around Fan Yi’s waist. He leaned against the man’s embrace and closed his eyes.
“We can do this too,” Fan Yi chuckled.
“I want time to stop,” Wu Lingtian mumbled.
Fan Yi pinched the back of Wu Lingtian’s neck. “It has to get worse before it gets better.”
“…You’ll be safe, right?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I’d rather her live than you die,” Wu Lingtian said. “If I lose you too, then I really—”
“I won’t die,” Fan Yi said. “I can’t die if you’re still around. How could I leave you alone?”
Wu Lingtian squeezed Fan Yi closer. “Yishan.”
“Hm?”
“Can I follow you?”
“To where?”
“If…you don’t win,” Wu Lingtian said. “Would you let me follow you?”
Fan Yi fell silent. He toyed with Wu Lingtian’s hair for a moment before letting out a relenting hum. “Follow me.”
Wu Lingtian breathed a sigh of relief, only to be pushed back by Fan Yi.
“But I’ll win,” Fan Yi said, an arrogant smile on his face. “You believe that I’ll win, don’t you?”
“I do,” Wu Lingtian answered without hesitation.
“Good,” Fan Yi leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Wu Lingtian’s lips. He stepped back, his hand intertwined with Wu Lingtian’s. He clicked his tongue and cupped Wu Lingtian’s face. “Silly. You know, if you cry, you’ll feel better.”
Wu Lingtian blinked at Fan Yi slowly. He relished in the feeling of the cool fingertips against his face. He slowly closed his eyes, his hands reaching up to hold Fan Yi’s hands over his face. “I already feel better like this.”
Fan Yi chuckled. He tugged Wu Lingtian over to the table and sat down. Wu Lingtian glanced at the papers and maps strewn across the table.
“If you need to talk to Uncle, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“You’re my top priority,” Fan Yi said. “Until I can tell that you’re feeling better, I won’t leave your side.”
Wu Lingtian’s lips slowly curved into a smile. “I don’t know what I’d do without you here.”
“Go crazy, apparently,” Fan Yi mused.
“I did, didn’t I?”
“That kind of A-Tian is also attractive.”
“Which kind?”
“The kind to go on a rampage,” Fan Yi said.
Wu Lingtian couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle. He looked away with a brief roll of his eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”
“It’s true. I think it’s hot,” Fan Yi said, nodding to himself.
Wu Lingtian held a hand over his mouth as he glanced at Fan Yi. “You’re the only one who would think that. This is why the entire cultivation world has such a bad image of you.”
“On the flip side, you have a great image. I think we balance each other out nicely like that,” Fan Yi said, straightening Wu Lingtian’s robes with a satisfied smile.
Wu Lingtian had to bite back a smile. He ignored the way Fan Yi tilted his head, just to get into Wu Lingtian’s line of sight. He eventually glanced at Fan Yi, a smile slowly emerging on his face. His brows furrowed and he lightly poked the space between Fan Yi’s brows.
“Ah,” Fan Yi pouted as he dramatically bent back. He looked at Wu Lingtian carefully. “What do you want to do today? We have so much time left.”
“You should do your work. I’ll…I’ll sleep or something,” Wu Lingtian said.
“A-Tian, help me out a little, won’t you?” Fan Yi asked, giving an exaggerated sigh. “I’m tired of working! Give me a reason to leave.”
Wu Lingtian glanced at Fan Yi.
“How about we spar?” Fan Yi said. He smiled. “It’s been a while since we’ve sparred.”
“I thought you were tired,” Wu Lingtian pointed out.
Fan Yi petulantly draped himself over Wu Lingtian. “I’m tired of working. Sparring with you requires a different type of energy.”
Wu Lingtian looked at him sternly.
“Help me out a little, my dear,” Fan Yi pecked Wu Lingtian’s cheek.
Fan Yi could feel Wu Lingtian melt slightly against him. His lips quirked at the fact that his tactic was working. After a while, Wu Lingtian sighed.
“I should get used to using Yu Lan again,” Wu Lingtian said.
“Precisely!” Fan Yi happily stood. He immediately grabbed Wu Lingtian’s hand before the other could protest. “Let me take you to the training grounds too. It’s where I was beat up by my mother the most!”
Wu Lingtian laughed as he let Fan Yi drag him.
Qingyao Manor was not as large as Screeching Sparrow Sect, so naturally everyone could see where Fan Yi and Wu Lingtian were heading to. The disciples who had more than enough free times on their hands decided to follow to watch the fun.
The training grounds were called the training grounds, but there actually wasn’t anything special about them. There was a shed for miscellaneous weapons, but because this Qingyao Manor was rarely ever in use, there were no benches or stands and there was barely anything to mark where the training grounds started and ended. Still, this didn’t stop the onlooking disciples from making themselves comfortable.
Fan Yi dragged a stick around the area until a large dirt circle appeared. He discarded the stick to the side and hopped into the “arena”.
“Same rules as always,” Fan Yi said. “Either one of us submits or is pushed from the stage.”
Wu Lingtian squinted at the ground to see the dirt marking. He gave Fan Yi a look.
“I’ll freshen this place up once we move in,” Fan Yi said, waving his hand vaguely.
There were hoots from the disciples all around, which Fan Yi quieted by giving them a playful glare. He turned to Wu Lingtian.
“Lord Immortal, you first.”
Wu Lingtian scoffed, his sword appearing in his hand without a second thought. As Fan Yi offered, Wu Lingtian lunged forward, his gold sword light creating sparks as it grated against Fan Yi’s blue one. Awed gasps sounded behind Wu Lingtian, but his attention was concentrated on how Fan Yi’s feet moved.
With one person taking an ariel approach and the other suppressed to the ground, the two men were pushed to the edge of the platform. Fan Yi finally decided to counter. Tian Ya smashed against Yu Lan, the light nearly blinding their audience. Wu Lingtian bounced back, his feet grating against the snow as he landed. He managed to roll out of the way as Fan Yi struck downwards.
Wu Lingtian had thought Fan Yi’s heavy cloak would impede his movements, but he moved just as nimbly as he normally did. Seeing this, Wu Lingtian decided that he didn’t need to hold back anymore.
“Tsk,” Hua An’ting chewed on the piece of jerky in her hand, “They’re flirting.”
Wen Yi glanced at Hua An’ting. With a small smile she asked, “Are you envious?”
Hua An’ting sighed. “The day Wen-shijie also gets a partner is the day I’ll be envious. For now, at least I have the beautiful Wen Yi by my side as a single dog as well.”
Wen Yi rolled her eyes. “Isn’t there still Li Qing?”
Hua An’ting looked at Wen Yi with a pout. “Didn’t you see that little rascal with Manor Lord Xiao’s daughter? Honestly, she—”
“Whoa!”
The crowd’s gasp interrupted Hua An’ting’s words. Wu Lingtian flipped in the air, his sword driving into the ground as he nearly fell out of the ring. He circled back around and jumped over Fan Yi’s head, landing behind their sect leader.
Fan Yi clicked his tongue. “How can you flutter around like a little bird? No matter what I do, you just won’t stay down.”
Wu Lingtian flicked the snow from his sword. “Have you tried harder?”
This elicited hoots and hollers from the watching disciples. Fan Yi scoffed to show his irritation, despite his growing smile.
“Come on, Sect Leader,” Wu Lingtian provoked. “I know you could defeat me.”
Fan Yi tilted his head to show his doubt, but still charged at Wu Lingtian. Tian Ya and Yu Lan danced off each other, making it seem like a lovely sword dance rather than a true spar.
Wen Yi and Hua An’ting sighed.
“I’m so single,” Hua An’ting mumbled.
“Sect Leader and Lord Immortal Yu Lan are known to be matched in power,” a disciple whispered. “I wonder who will win this time.”
“Don’t they usually call it a draw before anyone gives up?” another whispered.
Wen Yi looked at Fan Yi and Wu Lingtian. They were both using about 70% of their power, but neither gave in. It was like the push and pull of the tides. Despite it being a fight, it was rather harmonious.
A familiar sigh sounded behind Wen Yi, making her jump.
“They’re both injured right now, yet they’re both jumping around like a bunch of monkeys,” Tian Xiewen said.
“Shizun,” Hua An’ting cheerfully greeted.
“Tian-shishu, did you need them for something?”
“No. I just heard a bunch of noise over here and got curious,” Tian Xiewen said, shaking his head. “Everyone’s worried about what to do next, but these two fools are out here flirting.”
“You could flirt with my shizun too,” Wen Yi said.
Tian Xiewen glanced at Wen Yi. “I don’t have the inclination to be tied up.”
While they exchanged words, Wu Lingtian and Fan Yi came to a draw. A soft sigh left Wu Lingtian as he fixed Fan Yi’s cloak. The tenderness in his gesture made the disciples’ arms develop goosebumps. Fan Yi glanced over, noticing Tian Xiewen. The couple walked over as the crowd dispersed.
“Did something happen?”
“Nothing,” Tian Xiewen drawled. He glanced between the two men. “But honestly, if you two want to show off your affection, can you not do it so ostentatiously?”
Fan Yi raised a brow. “We—”
“Fan Yi!”
The loud call startled the group. Fan Yi looked past Tian Xiewen and found Ren Yizhou running over, a letter clutched in their hand. With a pair of blinded eyes, Ren Yizhou was normally very cautious. For them to be so rushed meant that there was big news.
Tian Xiewen reached out and caught Ren Yizhou in a timely manner. They ignored the fact that they were in Tian Xiewen’s arms and waved the letter in their hand frantically.
“We—we got news from several major neutral sects in Xianping,” Ren Yizhou said. “I visited Six Ladies earlier today and we received several letters.”
“What were they about?” Fan Yi asked with furrowed brows.
Ren Yizhou gulped down a few mouthfuls of air. After receiving these letters, they had rushed back to Qingyao Manor. It was only now that they could catch a breath.
“Alliance,” Ren Yizhou said. “They want an alliance.”
We’re not supposed to want to follow a lover into death, but why not? It makes sense to me, for an epic love. I love that Fan Yi said yes, even though he knows he won’t die, because now Wu Lingtian knows he won’t be left behind either way.
sorry, the “but why not” made me choke on water LMAO but yes 🥺 fan yi wants his lil baby to know he isn’t even thinking about leaving him ;-; thanks for reading!
i cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Wow when Fan Yi said yes, I cried