Summary of Previous Chapter
Lu Qinyi was reunited with his family, however they did not wish to see him. They blamed him for his sister’s suicide and disowned him. This chapter is darker than the previous, so feel free to skip. The following chapter will return to wholesome and fun, there will be another summary at the start.
Warnings
Suicide themes. This chapter is darker than the previous, so feel free to skip. The following chapter will return to wholesome and fun, there will be another summary at the start.
“Let’s go back now.” Lu Qinyi had said the following morning. He sat across from Fei Li while holding a cup of tea in one hand and resting his chin on top of the other. He was staring off at nothing in particular and never once did he spare the breakfast in front them a glance.
Fei Li frowned faintly. They were meant to stay in this small town for at least a few days to give Lu Qinyi more time with his family. “…Okay. We can leave after eating.”
Lu Qinyi hummed in acknowledgement but he still showed no interest in the food. Fei Li took his time eating, hoping that if he could drag it out long enough, then maybe Lu Qinyi would eat something. But he didn’t, and eventually the two left silently.
Even during their days of travel, Fei Li had yet to see Lu Qinyi eat again. Fei Li wasn’t sure when he had started paying attention to it, but he was sure he hadn’t seen Lu Qinyi take a single bite of sustenance since before they had arrived at their destination. Lu Qinyi had also gone very, very, quiet. He didn’t chatter, didn’t make any comments or jokes or jabs. He stared silently ahead as they rode on horseback, and sometimes Fei Li had to wonder if his travelling companion was at all aware of his surroundings anymore. He had watched Lu Qinyi get smacked in the face by a very obvious and avoidable tree branch. Lu Qinyi only mildly reacted to it, spitting out the mouthful of leaves he had gotten and rubbing at where it had shallowly scratched at his face. Fei Li had to be the one to pluck the twig that had been stuck in the other’s hair, unable to stand it when Lu Qinyi had failed to notice it after half a day. Didn’t Lu Qinyi always make a fuss? He didn’t like being dirty, he always made such a big deal about it.
Fei Li wished Lu Qinyi would complain again. He found that he… really didn’t like it when Lu Qinyi was this quiet. It never meant anything good. He’d rather Lu Qinyi say something annoying, to try and provoke Fei Li again just to get under his skin, or even admonish or curse at him. Fei Li didn’t want to admit it, but Lu Qinyi’s chatter, even the nonsense ones, were somewhat comforting. And his silence was just unsettling, leaving Fei Li uneasy. But no matter how Fei Li tried, he had never been one for small talk. He didn’t know how to start a conversation. He thought hard, but the most he had managed was to ask Lu Qinyi if he wanted to take a break or what the other wanted for dinner. Lu Qinyi’s only replies were no and that he wasn’t hungry.
Fei Li didn’t know how to help Lu Qinyi at all. If it were Yang Xun, or even Zhao Mei here, would they have been able to do something?
For a while, Fei Li had once more fallen back into the only thing he knew how to do. He passively observed, without taking action, and without making any meaningful difference.
But at last, he simply couldn’t remain in inaction. By the fourth day of their journey home, Lu Qinyi still hadn’t eaten anything at all and Fei Li couldn’t let it be. They had begun riding at a leisurely pace just as dawn was breaking. The light was only just enough to see by. They had travelled a short distance before Fei Li pulled out a small, round package. This time, Fei Li had asked the inn for buns wrapped in fabric before they left. He had lightly tossed one of the buns towards Lu Qinyi, its arc slow and gentle through the air for an easy catch. And yet the bun had actually hit Lu Qinyi in the cheek before it flopped unceremoniously on his lap. With Lu Qinyi’s highly observant nature and quick reflexes, there really should have been no way Lu Qinyi failed to catch it. Fei Li really hadn’t meant to hit him in the face like that… Not that a harmless bun would do any damage anyway.
Lu Qinyi startled as he caught the object that fell uselessly into his lap, staring at it confusedly. He looked over at Fei Li, who only stared back at him. Lu Qinyi squished the object in his hand before he brought it to his nose. Soft, warm and smelt good. Lu Qinyi had determined what it was so he just shook his head. “I’m fine. I don’t want it.”
“You haven’t had anything to eat in some time now.”
Lu Qinyi arched a brow at him. “…Yeah. I suppose I haven’t. Alright, I’ll have it later.”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Lu.” Fei Li’s voice had a low, stern edge to it.
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They continued to travel in silence for a spell before Lu Qinyi suddenly asked. “Do you think Mei Mei and Yang Ye are fine without me?”
Fei Li glanced at him from the side of his eyes. Lu Qinyi finally seemed to be showing an interest in conversing. Fei Li was so relieved and eager to give a reply with the hopes Lu Qinyi might continue talking that he didn’t think deeply on the question. He figured that Lu Qinyi must simply be worried since the trio had hardly spent so much time apart since being reunited. “I don’t think you need to worry about them. They’re both very capable, they should be fine.”
Lu Qinyi thought about his reply before nodding. “Yes. You’re right.”
He stopped speaking after that, much to Fei Li’s disappointment.
After travelling for a long time, they reached the next town. It was past the hours anyone should have been travelling by then, but thankfully it was a large enough settlement and finding a place to spend the night was not difficult.
Fei Li immediately felt something was off when he woke up. When he opened his eyes, he immediately had to raise his hand to shade them. A glint of sunlight shone through his window. Dawn had begun to break.
…How was that possible? He and Lu Qinyi always rose before the sun in order to leave the moment dawn began and make the most of travelling in daylight hours. It seems he had accidentally slept in. But then… Why did Lu Qinyi not wake him? Had he also slept in?
Fei Li washed and dressed before leaving his room. He raised his hand to knock on the door of Lu Qinyi’s room, but the door creaked open on its own. The room beyond was empty. The bed had been neatly made, as if no one had ever been there before. But that was impossible, he had seen Lu Qinyi going to sleep there just the previous night. This was definitely the room he had purchased for him. He scanned the room and finally found the neatly stacked pile of Lu Qinyi’s things, half hidden behind the door. Where was Lu Qinyi?
Fei Li first checked the dining area. He wasn’t there. Fei Li then hastily left the inn. He remembered that there should have been a market nearby, they had passed by the closed stalls on their way through the town last night. But Lu Qinyi wasn’t at the market either.
Fei Li had a bad feeling.
That feeling only increased the longer he looked around and couldn’t find Lu Qinyi anywhere. His steps were growing quicker and quicker, his search growing more urgent.
No matter where he looked, not a trace of the elusive Lu Qinyi could be found.
Until finally, Fei Li spotted a small gathering of people. There weren’t many who had left their homes so early in the morning, so it stood out that this many were in the one place. They were urgently speaking amongst themselves and pointing up.
There was a tall temple before them. It was multiple stories high, with long sturdy columns and tall walls stacked on one another. Fei Li looked up. The very top of the highest curved roof was painted a vibrantly sweeping red by the glow of rising sun breaking along its edge. Amongst the illumination, Fei Li could make out the faint shadow of a lonely figure. Embraced by the warm glow of the morning sun, he stood there motionlessly, his hair and robes tossed about by the wind.
Fei Li felt his stomach fall as he broke into a sprint towards the temple. He barrelled past the few people at the temple’s entrance who called out in confusion. He ignored them, nearly slamming into the wall as he made it to the stairs flush with its edge. He frantically started climbing up each tier of stairs. But no matter how quickly he climbed them, it didn’t feel fast enough. He had to go faster, faster. He could feel each precious second dripping away like the cold sweat on his forehead. He didn’t have much time.
He reached the landing of another floor. He had only made it two thirds of the way up the temple when he heard a scream and panicked cries from the bystanders down below. He knew Lu Qinyi must have jumped.
He cursed as he recalled where Lu Qinyi had been standing the last time he had seen him. He rushed to the railing, slamming into the wooden banisters as he leaned out as far as he could. He positioned his feet securely against the posts and prayed.
His prayers were answered. He desperately grabbed at Lu Qinyi’s falling figure. The moment he felt he had latched onto him, he pulled back as hard as he could. At the same time, he pushed against the railing with his feet in an attempt to counteract the way the momentum threatened to pull him over the edge to plummet with him.
This thankfully worked as Lu Qinyi was pulled safely over the railing’s edge. Fei Li fell backward, letting out a hiss of pain as he was forcefully slammed into the edge of a step behind him by Lu Qinyi’s weight.
Fei Li was still breathing heavily, adrenaline still rushing through his veins even in the stillness that followed. He clutched the man in his arms tightly. Lu Qinyi was motionless as he laid there limply. Fei Li might have even worried he was dead already if it weren’t for the shallow breaths he felt the other take against his chest.
It was quiet.
All Fei Li could hear was his own breaths that began to slowly steady out into an even pace.
Finally, Lu Qinyi sighed lightly.
“Why cant you be less attentive, just once? Just let me die, will you?” He mumbled quietly.
Fei Li’s still frantic nerves at the close call were suddenly filled with sharp irritation. “You think dying will free you of your debts? Don’t be stupid. I’m not going to let you die.” His grip tightened, as if afraid the man he had only just saved would disappear if he let his guard down even slightly.
“General Fei, you’re an annoying bastard.”
For a moment Fei Li considered venting his frantic emotions by tightening his arms even further. He was already gripping Lu Qinyi hard enough that it had to be uncomfortable. It would be easy to force the breath out of Lu Qinyi and give him bruises on his ribs to match the one that stung along Fei Li’s back. But this thought quickly left him as Lu Qinyi’s voice softened as he responded.
“Fei Li, I’m tired.” He whispered softly, curling in slightly. “I just want some peace.”
Fei Li was quiet for a moment before he sighed, his tone more gentle. “There’s no peace in death. Nor would your friends find any peace in your death. For all those who’ve wronged you, live to spite them. For all those you’ve wronged, live to repay them. Live to care for those who care for you. Live until you find peace.”
Live to give me something to hold onto. Live so I can find a way to repay what I owe you. Live so I can have a reason to keep going. I need you to live until you find peace, so you can show me how to find it.
Fei Li knew better than to voice these more selfish desires for Lu Qinyi to live.
Lu Qinyi didn’t respond initially.
Eventually, in a voice no louder than a weak, tired whisper, he replied. “Alright.”
They remained as they were for another long moment before Fei Li slowly sat up. It took all his remaining rationality to loosen his grip, freeing Lu Qinyi from his hold.
Lu Qinyi only looked at him dully, taking a long while before he sluggishly lifted himself out of Fei Li’s arms and stood up.
Fei Li stood after him, brushing at his own robes without any idea of what else to do after… that. Although his head was lowered as if he was focused on the non-existent dust on his clothes, he was actually still staring at Lu Qinyi. He felt worried that maybe he would try to jump again.
The other stood with a slightly slumped posture as if he’d truly been drained of all his energy. He was staring to the side at nothing in particular again.
Fei Li tried to think of something to say. Anything to say. But in the end, Fei Li couldn’t find anything to say at all. He inwardly cursed his own uselessness and finally accepted that all he could do was turn away to leave with Lu Qinyi following silently behind him.
All he could do was promise to make sure he didn’t give another chance for this to happen ever again.
Author’s Notes:
This author promises not to bully Lu Qinyi for a little while and to treat him well and give him nice things next chapter!
…Instead, I’ll have Lu Qinyi tease Fei Li some more. He doesn’t get bullied enough, I think Lu can fix that!
…that was close!!! Here’s a suggestion, why don’t you stop bullying the boys and let them have a happy ending instead 😂 thanks for the chapter dear author, I don’t think this scene was easy to write. Hoping for more uplifting content after this! xx
Very, but FL is very reliable! He’ll always catch LQ <3 hehehe but what fun would that be? I still have so much suffering to inflict on them, like pining and the one bed trope!!
I’ve actually secretly had this scene written a long time ago, maybe a year ago? Your wish is my command, we have a lot of wholesome, fun and funny content coming right up! Please enjoy Miyori~
Haha. You say ” not bullying LQ for a while” 😂. But I find the character setting of FL very realistic. I mean, even though they had been together for sometime but there are too many things they don’t know about each other. For FL to suddenly say something or do something meaningful would be unrealistic. I like how he shows his detachment and awkwardness towards him. Perfection 😘
hehe
You understand so well! That’s exactly what I wanted to capture, I wanted to very realistically show the progression of their relationship, from enemies, to awkward/reluctant colleagues/roommates, to friends and finally to lovers.
And its actually something I enjoy, to write out FL’s own progression as he learns how to talk and be close to people
I’m glad you like it!
Haha but imagine if he said something cheeky like Live for me like Xie Lian 🤣🤣🤣. So out of character hahaha. LQ would definitely beat up his ass.
//800 years of pining ensues
Hua Cheng is the ✨standard✨, everyone should try to live up to him
…but yes, LQ would definitely hit Fei Li for that
😂
Thank you for giving me a good laugh though!