Once Wang Ran left, Yang Yiqian returned soon after.
Qin Cang asked, “Where have you been?”
Yang Yiqian squatted down beside his bed and stared at him without saying a word. Qin Cang could smell the strong tobacco scent on the other man, along with the reddened eyes, he understood.
He reached out to stroke Yang Yiqian’s back in comfort.
“Don’t cry. My trip in this world was enough because I have you to love me.”
Yang Yiqian raised his head and took all of Qin Cang bit by bit. This was the person he tried his best to woo, also the one who he desperately protected and loved for more than a decade. But it was also himself who pushed his love into the abyss.
He was afraid. The unprecedented fear that he would be losing Qin Cang.
His body trembled uncontrollably. The more Qin Cang forgive him and comforted him, the more unease his heart would be. It was as if his whole being was being torn apart while he was alive, in ways that he could never fix.
Qin Cang leaned over and faced him. They could feel each other’s breath. With their eye contact, Qin Cang said, “I made so many mistakes in this life. The only thing I do not regret is falling in love with you. The luckiest thing that happened in my life is that you love me.”
Yang Yiqian sobbed without making a sound and broke their eye contact. He fell onto his knees. Qin Cang used all his strength to pull the other man up and sat him on the bed. Qin Cang said between gasping for air,
“Yang Yiqian. I am not a good person.”
He raised his hand and moved his bony fingers between Yang Yiqian’s eyebrows.
“Yiqian, I am a selfish and despicable man. I love you and hope you love me back, love me forever, love me wholeheartedly, love me regardless of everything, and love only me.”
Yang Yiqian held Qin Cang’s hand, and placed a burning kiss on it over and over again. His intense eyes were enough to stand for his answer.
Qin Cang looked at him, as he continued, his voice trembled as the words became more broken, “I am dying. I do not want…want you to hold another person…even after I die. I do not want you to be intimate with them, cultivate feelings, do their laundry or make their meal, do things we did together or go places we have been to…Whenever I thought of that, my jealousy would push me to the point of insanity…”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Tedljc, mjc tf jirb oluta klat sbe klatbea atf rilutafra rmgeqif, ilf lc sbeg jgwr jcv ijeut jybea atf olgfkbgxr?”
Tjcu Tldljc rtbbx tlr tfjv vfrqfgjafis, “P klii cba, Wljb Jjcu, sbe jgf atf bcis qfgrbc atja P klii ibnf, ogbw yfulcclcu ab fcv. P klii ulnf sbe ktjafnfg sbe vfrlgf. Zs ilof lr lc sbeg tjcvr. Tbe rtbeiv tbiv la alutais jcv cfnfg ifjnf wf.”
“Do not leave me, okay?”
Qin Cang smiled lightly. It was both an innocent and sad smile.
This year was about to end, as it was entering their tenth year together. In this deep night, they leaned on each other, placed wherever their body and soul wanted, making up everything throughout their ten years of life and slowly recalling them.
Their younger years with those exciting moments, their working years, and their gloomy years that were shrouded in darkness. All the images became fragments and passed in a hurry. Fortunately, the lovers remained together.
Qin Cang lay in Yang Yiqian’s arms. Yang Yiqian gave him a kiss and pleaded, “Xiao Cang, please punish me.”
Qin Cang quietly looked at him. Yang Yiqian removed his arm from the back of his neck and put it on Qin Cang’s chest.
“Xiao Cang, my guilt is suffocating me. I cannot breathe. Please help me?”
Qin Cang looked up and kept silent.
What Yang Yiqian did not know was Qin Cang actually wanted to do this for a long time.
His nature was more vile than Yang Yiqian. He was the embodiment of all the evil human natures, thoroughly and vividly. Since the time when Yang Yiqian brought up marriage, he did not want to let the other man go any more. Even on his way to the Yellow Springs, he wanted to take Yang Yiqian with him.
Qin Cang began to kiss him, kissing him like an insatiable beast with the desire to swallow Yang Yiqian’s soul whole. Yang Yiqian’s forehead was covered with beads of sweat. Under the reflection of the light, there was a fine glow. He furrowed his brows without realising, but still sacrificed himself to Qin Cang.
“Yiqian, does it hurt?”
“Let me hurt. I want to feel the pain.”
They were on the edge of the world, frantically struggling at the edge of the chiff. After their time in the white light of nothingness, there was redemption skylight, which was the purest and most sincere love.
The air was hot and sticky, and the absurd farce was finally coming to an end.
Qin Cang gasped for breath as his chest moved up and down. After a period of rest, he told Yang Yiqian,
“It will be your birthday in two months. I want to spend your birthday with you.”
Yang Yiqian held him tightly, it was like he was hugging a pure white butterfly that would dissipate at any time. He said in a hoarse voice, “Okay.”
Afterward, Wang Ran often visited Qin Cang. Something his state was good, sometimes it was bad. During the worst of times, she could not even get a glimpse of him. When his state was well enough, she would see him sitting by the window, leaving against Yang Yiqian as they read a book together.
She looked at the cover and read the title. The title of the book was Lost Opportunity—Memoirs on HIV. It tells about the author’s lover who also got HIV as the two fought against the deadly illness together.
It was both touching and tragic.
Qin Cang might not be able to go to the flower exhibition that Wang Ran mentioned with his current physical condition. He was all skin and bone, a skeleton with one foot in the grave.
Unexpectedly, he could not even make it to Yang Yiqian’s birthday.
In a quiet midnight, Qin Cang quickly developed a high fever, shortness of breath and difficulty in breathing. Yang Yiqian immediately called the doctor in panic. He felt like his heart was about to jump out, seeing how much suffering Qin Cang was experiencing. There was blood dripping from Qin Cang’s nose. Yang Yiqian could only hold him while crying loudly.
He wanted to beg Qin Cang to survive, but he could not bear to let his love continue to suffer so much.
Between the noisy footsteps, the ticking of medical instruments, and the heartbreaking sobbing, they all intertwined into a confusion mess.
Amidst the chaos of war, an unstoppable pain attacked fiercely. It smashed their bodies into pieces as they scattered into unhealable fragments. Leaving their souls, ascending and intertwining together.
At the end of the night, the pure white butterfly dissipated, and Yang Yiqian also died that night.
After Qin Cang’s death, Yang Yiqian cremated his body according to Qin Cang’s wishes. The ashes were sent to Qin Cang’s hometown; his tombstone was placed right next to his grandmother’s tombstone.
Wang Ran went with Yang Yiqian. She insisted on sending Qin Cang off on his final journey. The whole ride was silent. Their faces appeared calm, but their eyes were terribly red and swollen.
Once Yang Yiqian rested Qin Cang in the ground, buried him properly, he knelt in front of the tombstone and was unable to hold back his tears anymore. Tears rolled down his face as his shoulders trembled violently.
Wang Ran could not comfort him. She even felt that Yang Yiqian deserved this. This was his sin and he should bear it.
But after crying for a very long time, it softened Wang Ran’s heart as she handed him a tissue. He shook his head.
“I am infected, so you better stay away from me.”
Wang Ran looked surprised. She looked baffled and asked, “You two did not take precaution?”
“No,” Yang Yiqian replied as he wiped his tears with his hand. “I was willing. I can feel better this way, as well as putting Xiao Cang at ease.”
Many thoughts flashed through Wang Ran’s mind. Finally, she sighed as all sorts of feelings welled up in her heart.
“If you didn’t…how did things end up like this?”
Yang Yiqian smiled sadly. “I understand.”
There was a cool breeze blowing from the mountains, making a rustling sound. Yang Yiqian’s voice also drifted along with the wind.
“Then, let me tell you our story as well.”
Wang Ran nodded with complicated eyes, sat on the pile of wild grass and listened to him quietly.
Thank you for the translation, Teo
😭💔 Haistt
Now we’re moving on to ml’s side of the story~~~ OwO
😭 I can’t