The sky turned dark, forming a shadow under Qin Cang’s short bangs. Wang Ran could not see the emotion in the other man’s eyes, but she could sense an immense sadness from him.
The apples on the plate were completely oxidised, each of the small pieces turned dark brown. Qin Cang looked at them, neither eating nor throwing them out.
“Later, his parents also came to me. First they used force and words fiercely, and then they cried and begged me to let Yang Yiqian go. I did not say a word, against both their physical and verbal actions. I just looked at their pleading indifferently.
“I watched their suffering helplessly. I am like a trapped beast with his neck crane, waiting for someone to behead me. Maybe freedom will come once I am dead.
“But I cannot bear it. I cannot let go of the kindness Yang Yiqian gives me.
“When he learned that his parents were present, he immediately rushed home, came to defend me and said some very cruel words to his parents. His parents were completely disappointed with their son and left with a slam door.
“He found the medicine box and helped me treat the red marks on my face. It actually did not hurt the slightest bit, but I still keep crying and bury myself into his arms. I did not want to face anything.
“I told him, ‘Yang Yiqian, don’t leave me.’
“I felt his arms tighten around me and said, ‘I won’t, I will protect you forever.’
“I was still afraid and frightened. My eyes were covered with tears as I repeatedly confirmed with him, ‘Yang Yiqian, you promised. You will be with me all your life.’
“Yang Yiqian promised, ‘Yes, we will be together forever.’
“With his vow, I built a cage to lock Yang Yiqian’s hands and feet, bound him and never let him go.
“The days passed slowly, as if everything will be fine, but I never escape my sadness. This emotion haunted me and affected Yang Yiqian.
“The threat of AIDS constantly hung over my head like a guillotine. I am always worried that the blade would fall down at any given time. So many times that I was hospitalised for my fever. We are both very nervous. This kind of day is very tiring. But thanks to Yang Yiqian, I managed to survive again and again.
“One night, a busy day for his company, he had to work overtime and called to remind me to eat, to which I gave many affirmative responses. Once the call ended, I was staring into space with no idea what to do. I looked through the fridge and found it nearly empty. With no food in the house, I wore a mask and went out.
“I have not been out for a long time. The noise of heavy traffic and the stream of people put me into a trace. This is what real living is.
“I chose a quiet restaurant and sat by the window. I can see the street view from there which I like very much.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“The bustling and restless world was captured by my eyes as if I was the God of Fate.
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“Yang Yiqian also talked with her and occasionally glanced in her way. They walked in the street and looked so well-matched. Anyone would think they were a couple. Suddenly, many things flashed through my head. My thoughts went wild.
“They stopped at the milk tea shop. The girl entrusted Yang Yiqian with her notebook, went to line up and bought two cups of milk tea.
“One of the cups was stuffed into Yang Yiqian’s hands. I know he does not like overly sweet things, but I saw him take a few mouthfuls.
“I should have gone out, or called Yang Yiqian to let him know I am here. But I did none of that. I just watched their backs as they disappeared into the busy streets.”
Qin Cang’s voice became quieter and quieter, but when those words reached Wang Ran’s ears, they actually became heavier the more she listened. She could not hold back her mouth, “Mr. Qin, you are thinking too much. You should put these restrictive ideas down. Please have trust in Mr. Yang. Take good care of your own health so you can have a good life with Mr. Yang.”
Qin Cang smiled as the light in his eyes flickered, but they appeared empty.
“I often dream at night now. I dreamed of my mother, her sitting under the banyan tree at the entrance of the village, spacing out at the cement road and waiting for my father to return. She called his name again and again.
“I pulled her back for dinner, but she refused and cried in front of me. The big tears fell like a curtain of rain, trying to drown me.
“I woke up crying. Yang Yiqian asked me what was wrong, but I could not reply between my sobs and trouble breathing. He patted me on my back to comfort me.
“I feel like our relationship is like an iceberg. What is floating on the surface is two beloved hearts, but an insurmountable gap was hidden under the water.
“The boy is right. The gap between us is too big. I can get sick and die at any time, and Yang Yiqian can find a new lover at any time.
“No matter how hard we try to repair the relationship between us, there are still cracks. I can’t fully trust Yang Yiqian. My mind flipped and turned, always ending with the picture of him making love with another person.
“I am like a piece of rotten meat. Yang Yiqian’s love cannot cure me. I cannot stop my worry, jealousy, resentment, and depression…These negative emotions intertwined with each other and weighted me down.”
It was raining outside. At first it was a drizzle, later, its intensity increased. Now it was pouring rain outside, washing everything in the world.
Wang Ran comforted Qin Cang, who closed his eyes and she did not know if the other person was taking in her words. After a while, he rested his head on his hands and said,
“I have not been sleeping well lately. I am sorry, I might need a rest.”
Wang Ran looked at him anxiously. The depressed atmosphere in the room was too much for her to stay. She looked at the time and estimated that Mr. Yang should be back soon, so she left.
Wang Ran’s internship period had passed, and her work became busier. She did not allow anyone to write the articles for her interview with Qin Cang, but she did not know how to put it in words either, so it was shelved for the time being.
After she left Qin Cang’s house that day, she was constantly worried about the other’s state and would invite Qin Cang to hang out again, but the time was always not right.
After the delay in receiving Qin Cang’s reply to her message, they gradually lost contact.
A few months later, when Wang Ran came home from work, she sent a message to Qin Cang, asking after him. In which she received a reply that he was in the hospital. Feeling something was off, she pried for more information.
In which he revealed it was pneumocystis pneumonia, a type of lung infection.
She immediately froze. It was not a long while before her shaking fingers typed back.
[Have you entered the final stage of HIV infection?]
[Yes.]
A string in her head suddenly snapped. Her eyes unknowingly turned red as she continued to type.
[Which hospital are you in?]
[Mr. Qin, I want to see you.]
[I am not afraid. I want to see you. I will come to see you.]
Qin Cang paused for a while and finally sent an address. Wang Ran immediately went out and took a taxi to the hospital.
The hospital was still very busy in the evening. The moving shadow of busy staff. The smell of disinfectant in the air hit Wang Ran in the face. She came to Qin Cang’s room with red eyes. Yang Yiqian opened the door for her. When she went in, Yang Yiqian stepped back.
Wang Ran did not pay attention to Yang Yiqian’s face as Qin Cang was all she saw.
Qin Cang lost more weight from his skeleton appearance, looking as if only a handful of bones were supporting his skin. His eyes were also sunken. There was no light in his brown pupils.
Qin Cang was lying on the hospital bed, still smiling as he welcomed Wang Ran to sit. How could she sit still at a time like this? Seeing the other man almost made her burst out into tears as she asked him,
“How did this happen so soon? Isn’t the incubation period usually several years?”
Qin Cang waved his hand to signal her to stay further away from him, which Wang Ran stubbornly refused. Tears began to roll down her eyes. Qin Cang supported himself and sighed softly.
“Maybe because of my poor health.”
Wang Ran wept silently. He comforted, “Life and death are ruled by fate. There is a limited cycle of how many times one could thrive and shrivel. I have long predicted this. Although it is still earlier than my prediction, I think it is enough. Consider this as my freedom.”
Wang Ran was speechless from her tears. She looked at the bony and lifeless Qin Cang.
The white light in the ward was dazzling. That pure white butterfly had become translucent. Wang Ran wanted to touch it, but her fingertips went through it. It was impossible for her to catch it.
“Is Mr. Yang…doing fine?”
Qin Cang flattened his lips, lowered his eyes and whispered, “I do not know.”
“He must be very sad.”
“I think so as well.”
“Then you must get well soon. Have hope. I read an article some time ago that there are new research results. There is hope that we can treat AIDS by 2030.”
Qin Cang said, “Okay.”
Wang Ran chatted with Qin Cang about other things. She said that an autumn flower exhibition would be held here. Different types of flowers from chrysanthemums, sunflowers, to begonias, and many more. It would be a magnificent sight. They should go see it once it is open.
Qin Cang smiled faintly and slowly blinked his eyes. He neither refused nor agreed.
In the flash, they were deep into the night. Although Wang Ran wanted to chat longer with Qin Cang, she saw how drained Qin Cang was, so she asked for him to take good care of his health and she will visit him another day.
Qin Cang nodded and watched her leave.
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