“And?” he urged. “The sooner you say it, the sooner it’ll be over.”
“…It’s not anything specific, just whatever comes to mind… Or, is it okay if I mention something I don’t want to do?”
“Say whatever you want to say.”
By this point, there was a hint of amusement in his low voice. I opened my mouth in resignation.
“Kicking with feet or slapping on the cheek, things like that… Even if it’s part of the play, I feel like it would make me feel uncomfortable.”
“I see.”
“I also dislike things like overly complicated bondage or using too professional tools…”
“Understood.”
“Wearing weird things like skirts or strange clothes… It’s not painful or anything, but I don’t think I’d enjoy it much.”
Our eyes met. Han Team Leader calmly responded.
“It’s not my preference either. If Lee Seodan wants to wear it, then it wouldn’t be bad.”
“…Also… I’ll take care of preparing myself at home.”
The end of my sentence was the most firm I had been all day. Nervously, I lifted my head, expecting resistance, but to my surprise, he nodded coolly.
“Understood.”
“…Then I think that’s about it…”
I couldn’t remember what I had said and what I hadn’t. The list I had written in my head was all jumbled up. I felt an itch to run away somewhere.
Han Team Leader, who had stopped using the pen halfway through, glanced through the notebook and casually remarked, “The lack of materials is giving rise to a challenge.”
I was about to apologize but stopped myself, silently opening the pudding lid instead. The trembling surface caught my attention. As he tapped the paper with the closed pen, he asked, “I’m not trying to persuade you, but does Lee Seodan want to completely omit sex from the play?”
“What?”
I dropped the teaspoon. With a soft ‘plop,’ the round end of the spoon sank deep into the pudding. Unable to control my expression, I barely managed to speak.
“I thought it was supposed to be included by default…”
“It’s not always the case. Sometimes, there are plays without any acts that would be perceived as sexual.”
“I don’t like that.”
I answered before he even finished speaking. It came out more resolute than I had anticipated. By saying that, I had openly admitted my desire to have sex with him. Han Team Leader closed his eyes and chuckled softly.
“I don’t like that either. Fortunately, our tastes match well.”
“…Then… What should I do now?”
“What?”
“Do I need to do anything else or prepare anything?”
“It doesn’t seem like it.”
He answered without a change in expression.
“I’ll have to fill in the blanks, but the outline seems to be there. Given my schedule, the next weekend is difficult, but the Saturday after that should be fine for this play. If Lee Seodan agrees. …Why such a look?”
“…I just… can’t believe it’s actually happening when I’m about to do it.”
It felt strange. My mind was filled with a sense of awkward and bizarre excitement, knowing that what I had said would come true in two weeks. Anticipation and anxiety already made my fingertips tingle. Han Team Leader looked at me hugging my knees and sitting silently, then asked,
“Aren’t you going to eat the pudding?”
“Oh… Yes, I’ll eat it now.”
I grabbed the spoon that I had forgotten. Taking a portion on the spoon, I put it in my mouth. The rich, sweet taste melted on my tongue. This time, I scooped up plenty of caramel from the bottom and mixed it into the smooth pudding. Han Team Leader watched as my spoon moved slowly, almost lazily, and said,
“Eat faster. Finish at least half.”
“…Yes?”
He closed the notebook with a thud and got up from the sofa, drawing my gaze up with him.
“No, it looks like you’ve eaten enough, so put it in the fridge. Go upstairs.”
“Upstairs?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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“Uh…”
Our faces drew close, lips touched. His arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me forward. Our lips pressed harder, and his hot tongue slipped through the parting. It was a messy, fleeting kiss.
When our lips parted, both of us were breathless. He spoke again in a lowered voice.
“Put the pudding away and come back.”
Finally understanding, I nodded without meeting his eyes and stumbled away from him. Throughout the kiss, the hot, hard sensation of his pants fabric against my lower belly persisted. It felt like heat had suddenly spread through my whole body. The sound of my heartbeat seemed audible to him as well.
***
Tossing and turning, I had slept in late, missing both the first and second alarms I had set. Though it was still early morning, the time to wake up for work was similar to the usual, but the weekend dawn felt different. I groggily rolled out from under the bed. I picked up my phone to check the time and rubbed my eyes with both hands.
I meticulously washed up and quickly managed my affairs. Though my stomach still felt queasy, I had become accustomed to having idle thoughts while waiting. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and roughly dried my hair. My face, reflected in the bathroom mirror, looked pale and sleepy.
I didn’t ask why it had to be so early, and he didn’t bother explaining. I might have found the subway ride to his house more routine if it were during the daytime. The early Saturday morning subway was empty, and the transfer passage was wide and bright without a single person. Riding silently on the moving walkway, I suddenly felt like I was walking in a dream. The tension made sweat gather in my palms, but even in the nervousness, I couldn’t help but laugh aimlessly at the thought that a man who had prepared a dog collar because of a word I said was now waiting for me.
As I emerged from the subway exit, the sky was a deep blue of dawn. Although it was almost summer, the dawn temperature was cool, and there was a refreshing, chilly scent in the air.
I still had plenty of time until our appointment. As I walked towards the building where his apartment was visible in the distance, my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text.
[If you enter and open the door, we’ll start immediately.]
[If there’s anything worrying you or something you want to say, do it before then.]
The square font resembled his handwriting. I looked down at the screen for a moment, then slowly moved my finger to press the call button. He answered after one signal beep.
– What’s the matter?
His voice was soft and low. I stood by a lamppost where the light was still on, making way for passing pedestrians.
– Are you on your way?
“…Yes. I’m almost there.”
– Are you feeling okay?
A kind tone, a kind question. I thought of him, holding the phone to his ear with long fingers. Despite being in the building in front of me, a place I had visited countless times, I suddenly felt as if I were hearing his voice from a distant place.
“Team Leader…”
– Yes?
“……”
Would it have been less suffocating if I could have said it out loud? There must be a limit even to liking someone. After a certain amount, you should overflow rather than trying to contain it, but I felt like I didn’t have that. Just thinking of him made my heart soar, piercing through the sky and into a silent, pitch-black void. Sometimes, I woke up in the middle of the night, trembling all over with fear. It was strange that someone’s goodness could become even better, continually improving without limit.
“Did you have breakfast?” My voice sounded shaky even to my own ears, and he must have noticed it. After a short silence, he replied plainly.
– I had something simple. How about you, Lee Seodan?
“I had some milk and a banana.”
– Good job. You did well to wake up early even though it’s not a work day.
It was a voice no different from usual. If I opened the door to his house and stepped inside, his tone would be so calm that it was hard to imagine he would kneel me down and coldly assault me as soon as I entered. I closed my mouth and gripped my phone tighter. Slow breaths came through the receiver. Finally, he spoke quietly with a voice devoid of laughter.
– Lee Seodan.
“…Yes.”
– I have never taken lightly the efforts Lee Seodan puts in to accompany me, and I never will. Because of meeting me, and also to understand me, you have had to face things that you wouldn’t have had to face otherwise, and I am well aware of that…
He spoke earnestly and calmly.
– Words may not be enough, but I am always thankful and sorry.
I couldn’t reply, my throat felt tight. My chest was filled with fluttering sensations. The streetlamp above my head went out silently. The sky had already brightened.
– It might be cold outside.
He said as usual.
– Come in slowly. You might catch a cold.
“…Yes. I’ll be there soon.”
– I’ll be waiting. I’ll leave the door open, so come in.
The call ended. Holding the phone with my mouth shut, I started walking. I looked up to confirm where he would be. I counted the floors of the building several times from below.
The tension that had been gnawing at my stomach on the subway had subsided into a dead silence as soon as I entered his apartment corridor. I arrived at his front door with neither a fast nor slow pace. Just as he had said, the door handle smoothly descended without pressing a separate keypad. The door opened silently.
The high-ceilinged living room was dark. The curtains of the wide window overlooking the balcony were closed, leaving a small gap. Han Team Leader was nowhere to be seen.
I stood in the entrance and took off my shoes. The usually neatly arranged house looked oddly unfamiliar, perhaps due to the dim, dusky atmosphere. The low table in front of the living room sofa was missing, and the fluffy rug underneath seemed larger than usual.
“…Ah.”
As my mind was preoccupied with the empty space where the table used to be, the closed door of the study opened silently. I turned my head and saw Han Team Leader. My heart raced up to my throat.
He stood at the threshold of the study, dressed in a suit with even a jacket on. It was the same clothes I saw him wear at work every day, yet I felt as if I had been hit in the chest. It was unfamiliar. The expression he looked down at me with wasn’t that of a superior or a lover. It was a cold and arrogant face that revealed his true nature as if there were nothing to conceal.
“You should take off your clothes before I say anything.”
It wasn’t an order. It was a slow tone mixed with faint annoyance. I stood at the entrance, unable to move to the living room, and slowly pulled my shirt off. As I undressed, he said nothing.
I left my hastily folded clothes, socks, and phone next to the entrance, then looked up. Han Team Leader was now standing in the middle of the living room, watching me. The beams of light seeping through the curtains crossed the living room floor, outlining his figure. He stood out vividly in the darkness, as if illuminated, showing the silhouette of his suit, the perfect knot of his tie, and the object in his hand. There was a ring attached to a leather strap.
Even though I knew, even though I laughed after speaking aloud and thought about it several times, when I saw the object in his hand, I couldn’t think of anything. My mind went blank, and my lips dried up. My heart raced so fast it felt like a seizure.
“Kneel in front of me.”
He said firmly as he watched my face. I couldn’t say anything and moved my trembling legs to walk up to the living room. Halfway there, unable to resist, I knelt on the floor first. My heart was beating so fast it made me dizzy. With uncertain steps, I reached him. The creases of his well-dressed suit pants caught my eye. It was a hesitant distance between my knees and his feet, shuffling back and forth.
Han Team Leader put his fingertip under my chin to lift it. He raised my chin to expose my neck, then removed his hand. I barely breathed. His other hand seemed to move slowly. Only then did the clear shape of the object he held come into view in front of my eyes.
Externally, it was a truly ordinary dog collar. A round, flat tag was embedded in dark brown leather at regular intervals, with an iron buckle attached to one end. I couldn’t bear to watch any longer and closed my eyes.
The soft inner surface of the leather touched my neck as it slid over it. The collar wrapped smoothly around my neck as if tightening. The cold leather touched my body temperature. When he adjusted the circumference by putting one end of the triangle-shaped tip into the opposite buckle, the tight pressure around my neck loosened a bit.
“…Hm….”
He finished fastening the buckle and pulled it tight to check, then let go. I barely opened my eyes, exhaling barely. I felt the leather snug against my skin every time I breathed in.
He stepped back and looked down at me. His indifferent gaze scanned me from head to toe. Naked, wearing a dog collar around my neck, kneeling on his living room floor, my figure was perfectly captured in his sight like a painting.
“You look even better than I thought.”
He said slowly.
“It would be even better if the owner’s name were engraved. So you can be caught no matter where you run off to.”
“…”
From the moment leather and metal filled my neck, I couldn’t speak, as if I had lost my human dignity and capability. With my mouth shut, I barely managed to support my trembling body and knelt down. Han Team Leader reached out his arm and lightly grabbed the metal ring attached to the front of the dog collar.
“Ah…!”
As he grabbed my neck, my body easily followed. I felt like I was going to fall, so I hastily reached out and touched the floor. As my buttocks, pressed against my heels, lifted off the ground, it felt like I was walking on all fours. Finally, Han Team Leader released me and gave a light tap on my chin.
“Follow me.”
“…”
Getting up should have been normal. I was a human accustomed to bipedal walking, and he had never said I shouldn’t get up. Yet, as if possessed, I crawled forward a few steps in the posture he had made for me, then clumsily rose to my knees and followed him.
Han Team Leader stood in front of the sofa with his hand in his pocket. I was on the verge of standing up. He took his hand out of his pocket and pulled out an extra tie.
I knew where that would be used. Planning ahead was akin to exercising the ability to predict the future. I prepared myself to roll up my sleeves, but instead of stopping in front of me, he turned around behind me. The long, neatly spread-out tie descended in front of my face.
“Ah-.”
“If it’s too tight, let me know.”
A soft cloth touched my closed eyelids reflexively. He passed the tie behind my ears and tied the knot around the back of my head. I squeezed my eyes shut so tightly that it hurt, then relaxed a little. I could barely lift my eyelids against the cloth lightly pressed against them, but I really couldn’t see anything. It was pitch black. There was no difference between closing and opening my eyes.
“Team Leader.”
I was frightened when he didn’t appear. There was nothing in his outstretched hand behind me. From somewhere far away, I heard footsteps approaching, then fading away. There was a hint of movement on the other side of the living room. I crawled up to the edge of the rug and listened with my ears pricked.
The sound of the door closing echoed. The footsteps, which had approached, didn’t stop in front of me but passed by. They became fainter. There was a sound of someone on the other side of the living room. I crawled to the edge of the rug, curled up, and listened intently.
Then the door closed with a solid sound. The sound of footsteps, once close, continued to pass by without stopping in front of me.
“I’ll be back, so just stay quiet. Don’t cause any trouble.”
“…Yes?”
“I left water next to you. It’s better to be careful not to drink too much, as you might want to go to the bathroom.”
“Team Leader, where are you-.”
And then I remembered. He had clearly said a few days ago that he had an external meeting on Saturday morning. I heard it with my own ears, but when he told me to come here in the early hours of the morning, I only thought his schedule had changed. I didn’t think he had dressed neatly for work.
“…Then, when… when will you… come?”
My voice trembled anxiously. There was a sound from the entrance. The shoes landed on the marble tiles, and the sound of him putting his feet into his shoes was vivid.
“We’ll have to see when I get back to the company. If you behave yourself, I’ll come back early, so don’t try to run away.”
It was a voice tinged with annoyance. I heard the sound of the door opening. The end of his sentence faded away as if from a distance. Then the entrance door closed with a firm sound.
I was left alone in the dark living room with the collar around my neck and the blindfold on. Even though I couldn’t believe it, when I leaned in to listen again, it was real. There was no sound from the entrance.
Yet, I still felt like he was leaning against the inside of the entrance, silently watching over me. I took a short breath and called out to him.
“Team Leader.”
It was quiet.
“Team Leader, really…”
I raised my hand to my eyes, but I couldn’t bring myself to remove the blindfold. I stood up and walked away, feeling awkward, as if feeling guilty about bipedal walking. The size of the living room seemed to have expanded into a sports field. It felt like there was no entrance where it used to be. I reached out and felt around, accidentally hitting the back of my hand against the wall.
“Eut!”
Beside me was the entrance. My bare foot touched the cold marble floor. I reached out with both arms and thoroughly explored the area from the shoe rack to the entrance door. Nothing was within my grasp.
“…”
After pausing for a moment, I returned to the rug with slow steps. I sat down, resting my bare buttocks on the soft fur. I breathed slowly, inhaling and exhaling.
I felt puzzled, then disappointed. Suddenly, I felt unjust. Resentment surged within me. It bubbled up like boiling water. This was his house, yet being left alone in this empty space felt hollow. It was frustrating and lonely.
The turbulent and restless feeling gradually subsided over time. I sat stiffly on the rug, making groaning sounds.
He hadn’t really tied me up. I could have easily removed the blindfold and the dog collar with my own hands, then comfortably sat down or turned on the TV. If fear of consequences lingered, there was still the option of quickly putting the blindfold back on when I heard footsteps approaching from the entrance. Despite knowing all this, I remained quietly on the rug, just as he had left me. I cautiously reached up to touch my neck but made no effort to loosen the collar. I checked the knot at the back of my head but left the blindfold in place.
The ticking of the wall clock echoed loudly. Since I couldn’t see, my other senses heightened. The air against my bare skin felt slightly chilly, so I pressed my body closer to the rug. I brushed my cheek against the soft fur. With my eyes closed, I thought of him driving at this moment. Where was the external meeting being held, and how long would it take? It would have been nice if he had given me a rough estimate of the time before he left, but now the wait seemed endless.
If there was anything to regret, it was not setting specific circumstances and defining roles when he told me to fill in the rest. Next time, even if I didn’t want to, I resolved to write it down in a report format, making sure to be specific. With that decision made, I knelt up.
“…”
The sound of the clock’s ticking seemed slower than before. I couldn’t tell how much time had passed. Suppressing the urge to lower the blindfold slightly and glance at the clock, I slowly rolled around on the rug. Even though I knew he wouldn’t return so soon, all my attention was focused on the entrance door.
I fumbled and found a water bottle next to the sofa, opened it, and took a sip. It reminded me of his words, causing my lips to tremble slightly. Even after setting the bottle down, the thirst that water couldn’t quench persisted. The wait was long and relentless. No matter how much I thought about it, it felt like several hours had passed. I stood up, then squatted down. I tried lying down uncomfortably, hugging my knees, and curling up.
Eventually, I began to think that perhaps he wouldn’t come back at all. Maybe he had work at the office. I tried to contact him, but there was no way. I didn’t even know where my phone was. If something had really happened to him, I felt like I would stay alone in the empty house until darkness fell. Even if I waited like this, it seemed like no one would come.
Finally, when the signal of the keypad sounded, I was frozen, having done nothing. My body, kneeling towards the entrance, trembled heavily in response to the sound. I took short, gasping breaths and unknowingly crawled a few steps towards the entrance.
Beep beep beep. The sound of the lock being released rang out, and the handle lowered. When the door opened, I was kneeling in front of the entrance. I strained my neck, looking up expectantly where his face might be.
“…Team Leader…”
The sound of the door closing. The dry sound of shoes hitting the marble floor was heard. My voice trembled with anxiety, but there was no response from the person entering the house.
Suddenly, I felt scared. Since I couldn’t see, I had no way of knowing if the person entering was him. I nervously bit my lip and reached out with sweaty palms. But nothing was there to grasp.
“Team Leader, where… where are you?”
It was quiet. Only the pounding of my heart echoed. At the end of the softly spoken words ‘Team Leader,’ a mournful sob finally hung in the air. The feeling of resentment swelled up, then was swallowed by a terrifying darkness.
“Please, just answer… Say anything-.”
Something soft brushed against my cheek. It was fabric. I exhaled, reaching out with my hand. My trembling hand grasped a firm thigh. The familiar scent of his cologne mixed with a faint bitterness of tobacco. I breathed in greedily, as if starved. I buried my nose in the fabric of his suit pants.
His hand touched the back of my head. Slowly, he pulled me away, gripping my hair.
“Team Leader?”
“…Ah, uh…”
“You already quit the company, and am I still Team Leader?”
I realized that I had quit the company. With a numb mind, I quickly understood. His voice was indifferent and emotionless, devoid of any traces of formality.
