Author: aji (あじ)
Translator: sleepingjay
Jill said that with regret.
No, that’s wrong.
When Jill was by my side, I wasn’t lonely—he gave me his hand, and led me by it to teach me about the warm world. He gave me that view of the world.
When Jill gave me that invitation to his mansion, I was happy even though I couldn’t honestly express it.
But.
“……I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you could fall in love with me. I don’t even know if we should be together. I’m a commoner, and even though I’m not related to them anymore, their blood connection still can’t be erased.”
The fact that I was liked by somebody, that I was important in someone’s heart—I truly wish I could be content with just that. It would be great if I had the strength to not doubt another person’s kindness, to be able to accept his heart frankly.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
But no matter how I wished and envied, I knew too much of the filthiness of humanity. I had been raised in the screams of despair.
Qtfc P aglfv obg tjqqlcfrr, Vflgj’r ojmf kbeiv oilmxfg jmgbrr ws wlcv. Ktf mlalhfcgs’r mbcvfwclcu nblmfr kbeiv gfrermlajaf, wlzfv klat atf mtlivgfc’r mgslcu nblmfr. Ktfs kfgf jii raemx lc ws tfjv.
Pcrlvf ws vgfjwr, P rjk atfw.
You are not allowed to find happiness by yourself, was what those terrifying humanoid figures bitterly said in my dreams, over and over and over again.
“Alii lrc’a yjv…… P’w atf qgbyifw, atlcxlcu atja remt j qfgrbc lrc’a kbgats bo sbe.”
Staying by Jill’s side was something I shouldn’t even dream about. I didn’t need anybody to tell me that, because I already understood that I shouldn’t stain him.
I knew myself how repulsive I was.
“Lilius, just what do you consider me as? Until when will I remain the Empire’s hero? In your eyes, can I only be an idol?”
“……”
“When I said I like you, it is as a man and only a man! A pathetic man that can’t even bring himself to touch you because he doesn’t want to be hated by you.”
At the end of his words, his voice rose, tinged with heartbreak.
His slit pupils were blown wide. Witnessing this anger-filled appearance for the first time, I was speechless. I stared up at him, dumbfounded. When our eyes met, Jill’s face changed suddenly and he let out a sneer.
As if laughing at himself.
“……No, that’s wrong. Perhaps, the ‘me’ that you see is indeed the correct one.”
“Jill……?”
“No matter what I say, you will still believe that I have a relationship with that merchant, won’t you? That’s answer enough. There is no reassurance I could ever give you. It’s the same as the other day. Even if I wanted to love you as just a man, it won’t be realised as long as I have this position. From hereon as well, there will be more and more things I will have to hide from you. Perhaps the ‘me’ that you see is the best form after all.”
The pouring rain grew more violent, and the sound of water beating against the building echoed in the room.
In the room dyed in gloom, only the faint light from Jill’s eyes was visible.
“……As you said, perhaps it’s a mistake for us to be together.”
“—!”
“If you decide to leave, I won’t stop it. It’s fine to do as you wish.”
In the dim room, the unfinished words cast a shadow on two people’s hearts.
Jill, who said that with a voice without temperature, started avoiding me since that day.
Translator’s Note:
I have more coursework than I thought I did, so I’m rationing out my translated stash for the next few weeks. There’ll be 2 chapters this week and then we’ll go back to 1 chapter/week. Sorry about the cliffhangers, hope you enjoyed the extra uploads!
Ahhhh…. uuuuu😭😭😭 Heartbreak with capital H!!! Those cliffhangers are vicious, this situation is super sad and I don’t know how long it will take for sun to come over their relationship again. I knew that merchant spelled trouble, but never thought it would be this bad.
Still, thank you for the chapter!!
What ” No matter what I say, you will still believe that I have a relationship with that merchant, won’t you?” you didn’t explain or say a single thing! And you expect Lilius to just accept that without even trying to clear his insecurities?! What Lilius needs the most is comfort, understanding, hugs and a bucketful of warm love. Not cold wars that increase his fear and anxieties… I’m seriously wondering how the hell are actually going to end up together, cuz right now at the moment as far as I’m concerned, Jill doesn’t deserve Lilius’ love, cuz he’s currently being an emotionally abusive scumbag! Lilius deserves better!
…rant over.
Thanks for the translation!!
（づ￣3￣）づ╭❤～（づ￣3￣）づ╭❤～
It really is so funny that he just went “I won’t even try explaining because you won’t believe me 😤” like huh?????? Maybe make an effort???? Why does he keep acting like the victim for pursuing someone with trust issues??
He was the first one who fall in love. If you want to win your crush heart you have to make efford! Lilius dosen’t owe you anything, why are you acting like jerk while you (at least claim) know what kind of people lilius is! He was abused, they make him belive that he was wortless I’m not going to write everything but this is just making me so angry… I tought this is a fluffy story that about healing an injured men who hurt deeply. I dont even know why I’m still reading at this point. Jill is acting so messed up, I seriusly need a positive spoiler to continue reading.
He confessed but Lilius needed time.
So he’s giving Lilius time. He invited him to his house so they can be near and spend time with each other. Jill is someone with a job and responsibilities so he can’t be around Lilius 24/7 but when they both have time they do talk.
Jill is not hiding his feelings but he respects Lilius boundaries so there’s no touching.
They are not going on dates but I think that is a time manahement issue and may be due to both being inexperienced. Also might be bcs nothing would be as nice as sitting together at home.
He could give presents to Lilius but I don’t think it would make Lilius very happy (he might not accept it, feel pressured, think he’s undeserving or just won’t really like it- but I do believe that at this point a present would just be pressuring since Jill is waiting for an answer)
And I say it again, its not all on Jill. Lilius might not owe him anything but Jill is also not obligated to get hurt by him. And voicing his feelings is his right and is also better than telling Lilius to break things off without any explanation why or even lying.
Jill was also hurt and angry bcs from his point of view Lilius accused him of sth he’d never do and then didn’t try to to listen to an explanation. (remember how Lilius said to cut ties and tried to storm of without letting Jill fully realize and react what’s going on? )
Then Jill realized that this means Lilius is jealous and that kiss happened. And then Jill was hurt again by Lilius who admitted to not be able to accept neither of their feelings. And Jill has a right to tell Lilius that his behaviour is hurtful (and it is. Lilius is not free of mistakes just bcs he has issues)
But yeah, I can’t completely explain this bcs I’m not good at this so pls forgive me. But I already thought this a few chapters ago that Lilius won’t believe in Jill and his feelings no matter what Jill does. Nobody blames Lilius bcs he’s like that to protect his fragile heart. But it’s something that Lilius can only change by himself. (Nobody can help you until you take the first step. Lilius didn’t take that step yet)
A healthy relationship is not a one way track where only one person has to shower the other one with love. Both sides need to give and take and right now Lilius is only taking and very clearly not planning on giving.
It’s all a mental health problem and those things can’t just be loved away.
İn short, this is wrong because this not how you START releationship. You can’t get angry because your crush didin’t accept you. Of course if they were in releationship, it would be messed up because of lilius, like you said you need two people for it. But they are not! Jill can be hurt but he can’t blame lilius for it.
Reason why ı’m angry with jill is same when ı was angry with lilius before. Just because you hurt dosen’t mean you can hurt others. Up until now it was always lilius who hurt others, jill was awesome. But now they changed. Lilius trying to change his behevior. İt can’t be done short time but we were seeing his change from the first chapter. This is what ı mean heeling story. There is a bad percon became a good person. But now jill also acting bad. We have a two bad person.
How sad :((
Thanks for the chapter <3
hoooooh boy. i’ve got a feeling we’ll be here for a while thanks to these two.
hypnotizing self it’ll get better soon. it’ll get better soon. these idiots will get better soon. these idiots—thanks for the chapter. ♡
these comments just work so weird. i put “hypnotizes self” in asterisks and it gets rid of the space after the paragraph? i don’t understand…
Ugh. The angst is back for good, huh?
Thanks for the chapter!
thanks for the chapter!
I have this odd feeling that Jill’s actions aren’t his own… that maybe the way he’s acting, pushing Lily away like this, might be caused by that merchant?
Like when that black mist caused people to become hateful, maybe this merchant has a way of manipulating people; maybe he can transform into other people, or make body doubles/puppets he can control?
Well it’s time for LiLy to chase him huh? But honey… you at least could fucking explain your relationship with that merchant yk..? What a dumb low EQ shitty fuck head mf. FUCKING CLOWN
don’t act all tired and shit after making someone’s head muddled like that