CW: Self Harm
Upon reaching home, Gu Qingchi began putting the hermit crabs that he picked up into the fish tank, one by one.
He hadn’t forgotten the look for the little crab that was getting too big. He remembered how its little feet stuck out of its shell when it was sleeping.
Gu Qingchi picked through his bucket for a long time. He eventually found a small shell with a beautiful pattern and suitable size. He took out the crab and stared until it changed its shell. It was only then that he finally went upstairs to take a shower.
He had one hand wrapped around his phone and the other brushing against the railing, flitting through the halls.
Mrs. Gu yelled at him from downstairs.
“Don’t run. Be careful not to fall. Dinner will be ready soon. Don’t stay up there for too long.”
Gu Qingchi kept walking. He yelled back.
“I already ate. I’m going to wash up and go to bed.”
Mrs. Gu hadn’t even had a chance to respond. However, Gu Qingchi had already disappeared, seeming very energetic.
She shook her head.
“Silly boy.”
Gu Qingchi ran upstairs. He’d just reached the fourth floor when he suddenly stopped. He stood there, motionless. Soft light poured from behind him. It brushed across his face. He was like a robot that had run out of battery all of a sudden, no longer able to move.
He should’ve been happy today. He was very happy just a moment ago, but now he wasn’t.
Gu Qingchi slowly walked into his room. He didn’t turn on the light. He didn’t even bother to shut the door. He simply flopped down onto his bed, his cell phone landing haphazardly beside him.
His body bounced up and down with the mattress and then stopped moving. He stared at his untensed fingers and slowly curled them up.
His cell phone started to ring. Gu Qingchi’s fingers twitched, but, in the end, he still didn’t get up.
After the phone hung up on itself, it quieted down and didn’t ring again. A few seconds later, the landline started ringing.
Gu Qingchi finally moved.
“What’s wrong?”
“I was taking a shower just now. Mn. I’m a little sleepy, so I won’t keep talking. I’m going back to sleep. My cell phone’s going to be outside of my room, so I won’t be able to get back to you until tomorrow. My landline is also outside of my room, so I may not be able to hear any calls either.”
In the end, he emphasized once more.
“I’m really very sleepy.”
Everything seemed normal.
However, Gu Qingchi was lying. His landline was in his bedroom. He just didn’t want to talk to anyone. He pretended that he was doing fine.
Xie Luyu had just gotten home at this time and took off his shoes. Gu Qingchi hung up the phone. For some reason, Xie Luyu found himself calling Gu Qingchi again, but no one answered. He stood in the entrance of his home, thinking for a few seconds. He then grabbed the keys from the counter and flew out the door without even changing his shoes.
Xie Luyu didn’t have Mrs. Gu or Mr. Gu’s phone number. He only had Gu Xie’s phone number. He and Gu Xie had exchanged business cards before. He’d managed to dig it up a couple of days ago and proceeded to store it somewhere safe.
The number that Gu Xie gave him was his work number. The assistant was the one who picked up the phone.
“Hello, the president is currently in a meeting. If there’s something you’d like to inform him of, you can go ahead and let me know. I’ll make a record of it.”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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“I’m his younger brother’s boyfriend, Xie Luyu. I’ll take responsibility for everything. I just need you to tell him to call home and see what his brother’s doing.”
Xie Luyu spoke each word very succinctly.
After hearing this, the assistant felt that this request was, in all likelihood, legitimate. Anyone that made such a strange request probably really did have some sort of emergency, so he agreed.
“Okay, I’ll let him know right away.”
The assistant bravely interrupted the meeting, a huge weight on his shoulders, and, when faced with stares from everyone in the room, tried to be as brief as possible.
“Sir, something’s come up with your family. It seems urgent.”
Gu Xie quickly walked out of the room upon hearing this. He’d just closed the door behind him when the assistant began speaking.
“Xie Luyu called just now. He said that you need to call home as soon as possible and have your family check in on your little brother.”
Gu Xie didn’t have the time to ask more questions. He immediately pulled out his cell phone, briefing his assistant as he waited for the call to connect.
“Meeting’s suspended. I’m going to make a trip home. Have the director handle the rest.”
He had just finished speaking when the call connected. Gu Xie strode towards the elevator, intending to go home. He spoke as he walked.
“Hello? Dad, go check on Xiao Chi. Be quick. I’ll explain later.”
Mr. Gu was currently cooking with Mrs. Gu. He was even wearing an apron and held a spatula in his hand. He and Mrs. Gu were just discussing whether they should make eggplant in case Xiao Chi gets hungry later.
He didn’t even put down the spatula after answering the phone. He just turned around and ran straight upstairs. Mrs. Gu found this strange.
“What is with everyone today?”
She was too lazy to climb the stairs, so she took the elevator. However, Mr. Gu was even faster than the elevator.
Mr. Gu turned on the light and stood by the door. Gu Qingchi was curled up on the bed. He had not changed out of his clothes yet, and the lower half of his body was covered by a blanket.
“We’re almost done with the eggplants. Why don’t we go downstairs and get something to eat?”
Gu Qingchi didn’t even turn his head. It took a while before he responded to Mr. Gu.
“I want to sleep for a while.”
“Okay, but let me take a look at you.”
Mr. Gu slowly walked over and looked at Gu Qingchi. Gu Qingchi really did look tired. He was even blinking slowly.
Gu Qingchi didn’t seem particularly bothered by the intrusion. His hands were both exposed, and there was no problem there. His neck was also fine, and there was no medicine on the bedside table.
Mr. Gu breathed a sigh of relief.
“In that case, I’ll — ”
He glanced at the blanket and paused. It was currently summer, so the blankets were thin. Gu Qingchi’s blanket had a faint dark spot right where his legs were supposed to be.
“What happened?”
Mr. Gu moved to lift the blanket as he spoke. Gu Qingchi reached out to stop him, but Mr. Gu grabbed his wrist. He didn’t put too much force into it, but there was an undeniable firmness about it.
Gu Qingchi was wearing a loose pair of shorts that ended at around his knees. Hiking it up a bit would reveal his thighs. Now, just above his knees, there was a dark smudge on his shorts.
Mr. Gu didn’t speak. He carefully pulled Gu Qingchi up and had him sit on the edge of the bed.
He then brought out the first aid kit, opening it up and quickly grabbing the stuff that he needed. He carefully rolled up the shorts, and right there on his thigh were two long marks, not too deep and not too shallow. Blood was still oozing from them.
Mrs. Gu had also arrived by now. She immediately noticed Gu Qingchi bowing his head and Mr. Gu kneeling on the carpet, treating the wound. She cried out.
She rushed in and grabbed Gu Qingchi’s hand.
“What’s wrong with my baby?”
Gu Qingchi lowered his head, and it took quite a while before he spoke.
“I was just a little careless.”
Mrs. Gu seemed to accept this clumsy lie fairly easily. She furrowed her brows and lightly patted Gu Qingchi on the hand.
“How could you be so careless?”
She then fixed her eyes on Mr. Gu. It was as if the wound was on her own body.
“Careful. Gentler.”
Gu Qingchi was very different from usual. It was if he had just woken up, but he still remembered to comfort Mrs. Gu.
“It doesn’t hurt, Mom.”
Mrs. Gu became angry when she heard this.
“How could you lie to me? Our good boy is afraid of pain. Of course it hurts. I hope you learn from this.”
Gu Xie and Xie Luyu soon arrived halfway through treatment.
A crowd of big men packed into the room. What was originally a spacious room now seemed a bit cramped at this moment.
Xie Luyu immediately went over to Gu Qingchi. He had a little bit of experience in dealing with these kinds of injuries. He’d gone out of his way to study up on it, so he moved to help Mr. Gu.
So many people had gathered here for Gu Qingchi. Gu Qingchi was clearly a little uneasy, his lips tightly pursed.
Mrs. Gu watched as Mr. Gu bandaged Gu Qingchi. She glanced at Gu Qingchi and then at Gu Xie. She then dragged her eldest son out of the room with her, looking back repeatedly. She didn’t forget to implore Gu Qingchi.
“Chi Chi, don’t move. Mom will get you a wheelchair.”
Mr. Gu wasn’t as rushed as he was at the beginning. He slowly began organizing the first aid kit.
No one blamed Gu Qingchi. No one demanded to know what had happened either.
Xie Luyu looked at Gu Qingchi’s legs.
“Can I speak privately with Xiao Gu? It’ll only take a moment.”
Mr. Gu took a look at Gu Qingchi. He waited until the other nodded before agreeing to it.
Before leaving, Mr. Gu held out his hand in front of Gu Qingchi.
“Give it to me.”
Gu Qingchi lowered his head. He pulled a sharp seashell out of his pocket and gave it to Mr. Gu.
Gu Qingchi breathed a sigh of relief once Mr. Gu left. Mr. Gu had never pampered his children the way Mrs. Gu did. In the course of Gu Xie and Gu Qingchi’s upbringing, Mr. Gu had always played the role of the disciplinarian.
Not long after he left, Xie Luyu, who was sitting cross-legged on the carpet, suddenly piped up.
“There’s one more.”
“There isn’t.”
Xie Luyu stood up and held him down to prevent him from upsetting the wound. He reached into his pocket and pulled out another small shell, holding it tightly in his palm.
“In that case, any shells that turn up are mine.”
Xie Luyu pursed his lips tightly. He looked like a sulking child.
Xie Luyu helped Gu Qingchi sit up. He then sat cross-legged on the carpet again. He wasn’t wearing shoes. He had been in a rush coming here, so he didn’t change into shoes. He also took off his slippers because he felt like they were slowing him down.
He looked at the wound on the other’s leg.
“Does it hurt?”
Gu Qingchi seemed a little numb. He spoke softly from the tip of his tongue.
“No.”
Xie Luyu took the small shell and scratched himself in the same spot on his own leg. He then scratched himself again.
“Liar.”
He looked up, his eyes red.
“It obviously hurts.”
Gu Qingchi turned his head to look at Xie Luyu. He seemed a little more sluggish than usual. It was only when he caught sight of blood that he finally sobered up a little and remembered to fetch the first aid kit.
Xie Luyu stood up. His voice was choked up. He hugged Gu Qingchi tightly.
“I know you’re sad. I know you’re tired, but can you please save a little bit of your energy to call me? I’ll come over right away. We can play. We can eat delicious food. We can do anything you want. We can do something that makes you happy. We can go looking for crabs again and eat ice cream. I won’t even stop you if you want to eat two ice cream cones.”
“I don’t know what it is you’re feeling. I just know that it hurts to bleed. I can only get closer to you in this way. It doesn’t matter if you can’t help it next time. I’ll do it with you. However, I’m afraid of pain, so can you please call me first?”
Gu Qingchi’s thoughts were muddled. He only felt a warmth behind his back. It took a while for him to come to the realization.
Xie Luyu was crying again.
He clumsily patted Xie Luyu’s back and clumsily comforted Xie Luyu.
“I’ll try my best.”
“I’ll call you.”
In the end, he confessed, somewhat distressed.
“I didn’t know you were so afraid of pain.”
Waaaaaaa 😭😭😭
QAQ
Just
QAQ
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 whyyyyy???
… Chichi QAQ
He’s probably as afraid of pain as normal people… But he’s very, very afraid of your pain QAQ ME TOO CHICHI WE’RE AFRAID OF YOU BEING IN PAIN- *sobs*
Episodes are scary…. You can be normal for a little while then the thoughts came back telling you to a lot of shitty things.
This is so sad 😢
Thank you for the update ❤️💯
This is so sad ｡ﾟ( ﾟஇ‸இﾟ)ﾟ｡ But I think we need more novels like this which shows how depression look like. It isn’t about beaing ‘sad’ and ‘lazy’, it’s horrendous feeling of helplessness, aniexty and impotence that ‘healthy’ people need to understand better, even if it’s thanks of books like this one…
Thank You for the new chapter (๑°꒵°๑)･*♡
Wel GEE I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA BE HAPPY! 😭😭😭😭😭
In movies/TV shows, it takes a short time for a mental trauma to be “fixed” and they live happily ever after. We only see maybe an hour of that on screen, so we expect it to be “fixed” once True Love conquers the trauma.
The depression had YEARS to entrench itself into his soul. The only way to rip out the depression is to rip out the pieces of his soul that it’s attached to.
Think of the depression as being closer to alcoholism. All it takes is one wrong thought to fall off the wagon.
You can remember that happiness exists, and can even remember that you felt it before, but you suddenly CAN’T REMEMBER what it actually feels like.
I have to stop here… Too much I can say about the subject.
Wow this is sos sad but so realistic 😭
I am very pleased though that Chichi doesn’t just magically get better because he now has his family. It is a long journey and there will be successes and failures in the process.
Thx for the ch (ㅅ˘ㅂ˘)
This is so sad yet realistic.
Depression really is a scary thing.
Is this really how depression works?? One moment you’re happy next you’re sad?? Damn😭😭
Unfortunately, it is. It might be okay while the mood is stable, like a more or less strait line. But once there’s ups, there will usually be downs right after that. One moment, you feel a sparkle of happiness. Next moment, the darkness you’re confined in becomes even deeper than before. The brighter the sparkle, the deeper the darkness.
😭😭 I was hoping for a smooth sailing happy moment but I’m thankful that this happened again, like it wasn’t a sudden cure all but a journey with bumps in between. :’)
Ah no😭😭😭😭😭😭
.·´¯
(>▂<)´¯·.Ahhh! Baby Chi!!!
This is unfortunately truth depression comes from thoughts , and thoughts are wild you never know when you will suddenly remember your childhood that’s how it is depressed people also never know when they will fall in such dark thoughts again….., 😭