Amidst the tense silence, Shin Kwonjoo only met the other’s gaze but showed no visible reaction. He didn’t exactly seem pleased about the situation, but rather than responding without any lingering attachment as expected, his reaction was quite different. After a significant amount of time passed, only then did he part his lips to speak.
“Didn’t we finish talking about this before?
“…”
“I thought we cleared up those misunderstandings.”
He was referring to the day they had a conversation after Shin Kwonjoo came to find him at the hospital. Ha Joyoon quickly shook his head.
“No, it’s for a different reason this time.”
His pupils that were locked in deep thought, now shifted elsewhere. The smooth forehead that was connected to the man also slightly furrowed. This was him trying to carefully choose words and sentences to say out loud.
Ha Joyoon, who had been waiting for the man’s feedback, soon shifted his attention back to the painting hanging on the wall. The beautiful blue hues of the Mediterranean and the deep, dark blue waves of the ocean coexisted in the artwork. He knew of the sea resembling that painting and the people who shared that sea. For some, it was a sea to live by, for others, a sea for healing, and for some, a sea bestowed as a gift of life…
“Why are you bringing this up all of a sudden?”
His distant mind was finally struck with a sense of reality once again. The man’s voice was low and rough. As Ha Joyoon turned back his gaze, he was met with the image of Shin Kwonjoo sitting in the same posture as just a while ago without a single change.
Ha Joyoon’s mouth was slightly open as hesitated for a moment because of the question. He didn’t know how to answer, and it was partly because he hadn’t anticipated that he would inquire about the reason.
“Tell me.”
Despite the badgering, the one who started the talk about ending things remained as tight-lipped as an oyster, simply looking up at him. The tediousness got to Shin Kwonjoo first. With rare patience, he waited for Ha Joyoon’s response, but when the anticipated feedback didn’t come, he furrowed his brows noticeably and called out to him again.
“Ha Joyoon.”
His pleasingly low pitch and tone carried a hint of fierceness. Ha Joyoon didn’t know what to say under the impatient gaze fixed upon him. Unable to stand the silence any longer, Shin Kwonjoo gripped Ha Joyoon’s arm and turned his body towards him. Ha Joyoon’s eyebrows briefly furrowed due to the momentary force applied. It was a fleeting reaction, but Shin Kwonjoo quickly let go, appearing unexpectedly perplexed. Ha Joyoon blinked slowly, gently rubbing his arm where the warmth still lingered.
“There must be some kind of reason.”
“…”
“You can speak fine. Why aren’t you saying anything?”
The gaze expressing his fretful emotions without concealing them felt unfamiliar. His slightly quicker and higher tone than usual indicated that he couldn’t keep his composure.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
The way you’re acting now is too odd.
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“… Is it because of what happened back then?”
He let out a deep sigh and rubbed his forehead. His sunken eyes were as dark as burnt ashes. Shin Kwonjoo’s expression as he stared back at the still-silent Ha Joyoon, grew noticeably stiffer over time. Swallowing through his burning throat several times, he instinctively reached for a cigarette pack, running his hand over the table for it.
Clack-
The case that brushed through the man’s fingertips made a sharp cracking sound as it tumbled to the floor. His gaze narrowed as he looked at the fallen cigarette pack. With a heavy exhale, Shin Kwonjoo bent his upper body, picked up the case and opened it, immediately drawing a cigarette out and placing it in his mouth. Click- With a simple flick, a dense smoke spread through the air in an instant. After deeply inhaling through the filter and exhaling the smoke, he added a question.
“Is it because of my ex-wife?”
“…”
“I’m asking you a question.”
Amidst his calmness, he couldn’t conceal his confusion, and it spilled out as it was. Without the energy to keep his expression in check, Shin Kwonjoo wiped a hand down his cheek a couple more times, stubbing the remaining cigarette recklessly. It didn’t seem like Shin Kwonjoo would believe him even if he denied it, so Ha Joyoon bit back his words. But unavoidably, the image of the woman surfaced in his mind upon hearing the words.
His ex-wife’s presence was only an impetus. The direct reason he had decided to end their relationship now was because he noticed how similar the emotions he felt while looking at the two were to the emotions he felt when he saw Kang Taejung and Seo Youngwoo. However, he had no intention of explaining this in detail to him. After all, he didn’t want to burden the person who would leave in a few months with his unnecessary emotional baggage.
“If that’s it, there’s nothing for you to worry about. I just need to take care of some things.”
“…”
“If you’re curious about why…”
“No…”
“…”
Seeing him make excuses that were unlike him, Ha Joyoon shook his head once again.
“Are you worried because I left with her instead of you?”
The probing questions continued, seemingly unending. Due to the other person’s gaze silently fixed on him, Shin Kwonjoo had to make an effort to remember the trivial details of everyday life that he hadn’t paid much attention to before. The scenes from that time, the atmosphere, the reactions of the staff, and even the person who had stared back at him with a blank expression were all mixed in. However, the results of such efforts led to an answer from Ha Joyoon that pointed in a completely different direction than what he had hoped for, leaving him unsatisfied.
“That’s not it.”
“Then why?”
As if waiting for a response, he spoke with a serious look. Feeling peevish under the gaze that watched him in silence, Shin Kwonjoo ruffled his hair. His touch showed a lot of impatience and anxiety. Watching the man who looked different from his usual self, Ha Joyoon eventually opened his mouth slowly.
“We can’t keep meeting for long… I heard your transfer date to headquarters has been decided.”
“There’s still a long time before I have to leave.”
“It’s only a few months away.”
“But do we have to end things immediately just because I’m leaving? Why rush—”
“If one side wishes to end things, we are to break off the relationship immediately.”
His handsome face frowned even more than seemed possible. Shin Kwonjoo appeared to struggle in comprehending the words he had just heard, barely suppressing his anger. His emotions were rapidly escalating, a reaction that was hard to understand. Seeing as nothing seemed to be getting through to him, Ha Joyoon calmly brought back a memory from the past.
“Wasn’t this what we settled on in the beginning? I’m only stating what was decided.”
“You…”
Those were words Shin Kwonjoo had once said to him. The sharp momentum of his anger suddenly came to a halt. Shin Kwonjoo, who had been incredibly persistent, now wore an expression similar to being caught off guard. Even his gleaming black pupils came to a complete standstill.
A stillness that seemed to freeze time enveloped them. The man, unable to find words, repeatedly opened and closed his lips. His expression looked extremely bewildered, showing traces of anger, and seemed to be filled with confusion. Complex emotions that were difficult to define as one specific feeling seemed to have taken over him. Seeing him in a state that was difficult to match with his usual cold rationality that perfectly suppressed any trace of emotion, Ha Joyoon lowered his head and drew a shallow breath. Unspoken words swirled chaotically in his mind, words he couldn’t bring himself to say to the other person.
“Is that really the reason?”
A low voice rang out, carrying a nuance of seeking confirmation one last time. Perhaps it was the final chance he was offering. Still, it didn’t take Ha Joyoon long to make a decision in his crossroad of choices.
“… Yes.”
As the time they spent together increased and the number of times they slept together grew, pieces of his emotions had inevitably spiraled out of control. He had gradually opened his heart and discovered the potential for emotions he’d never known before. However, it was a one-sided affection that had happened without the other person’s consent.
Emotions with different speeds, directions and wants will only end up being like a maze with no way out. Merely realizing these one-sided emotions don’t make it better, either. In the end, when one comes to terms with their unreciprocated feelings, they’d have no choice but to resent the other person. Even though it was stated in the start that they didn’t want unnecessary emotions involved.
… I don’t want to think of you that way. I don’t want to have my hopes up, I don’t want to resent you for ruining my hopes. Despite being distant, you were still someone who offered me a bit of comfort. Regardless of your intentions, your words helped me organize the tormenting thoughts that followed me around. It’s better to put an end to this abnormal and draining relationship while my gratitude still outweighs everything else.
“I was always first to say that, but being the one to hear it this time feels different.”
“…”
“So this was how it felt.”
As Shin Kwonjoo muttered softly, his expression didn’t show any traces of laughter despite his words. He lazily stroked his sharp jawline. The gaze that looked at Ha Joyoon appeared chilly, yet hidden within it were ignited flames burning quietly.
“Sunbae.”
“Al-Alright.”
A long stretch of stillness passed, incredibly calm to the point where not even the sound of breathing could be heard. No words were exchanged, and no sense of empathy was formed in the air. The silence was eventually broken after a bit more time had passed.
“Let’s break things off.”
The cold voice made Ha Joyoon lift his bowed head. The multitude of emotions he had seen on Shin Kwonjoo’s face just moments ago, had now disappeared, replaced by his former refined and handsome look. His manner of speech had also changed, using honorific titles just like when they first met. With an odd mix of displeasure and relief, Ha Joyoon quickly exhaled the breath he had been holding.
“We can’t continue a relationship you don’t want.”
The man, who had completely suppressed his emotions, rose from the bed. He instinctively lowered his head due to the sudden change in eye level. The expression on his face as he looked downward wasn’t easily discernible in view.
“I understand what you mean. We should put an end to this. I hope we can return to being good office colleagues starting tomorrow, Mr. Ha Joyoon.”
With a completely expressionless face, Shin Kwonjoo extended his hand for a handshake. It was a brief and definite ending, just as he had said at the beginning.
Ha Joyoon was unable to discern any emotions within Shin Kwonjoo’s piercing dark gaze, and he couldn’t help but feel relieved that he wasn’t the only one hurt. He just needed to get a hold of his emotions, and they could return to their previous professional relationship. His feelings hadn’t progressed too far yet, they were only in the beginning stages, so it wouldn’t be difficult to suppress and uproot them.
He already let go of the most precious and significant love he had ever had in his life. The feelings he felt afterwards were merely extended gifts of daily life, so there was no reason to feel pain or regret. The dark eyes that seemed to waver as they looked at him, were probably also his imagination.
“Yes. Thank you for all this time.”
“…Indeed. It has been a pleasure for me as well.”
Nodding lightly, Ha Joyoon held Shin Kwonjoo’s outstretched hand. Despite the other man’s cold expression, the warmth of their palms touching felt almost scalding, and their hands trembled. Contrary to Ha Joyoon’s expectation that he would pull away immediately, Shin Kwonjoo did not let go of his withered hand for a long time
Thank you so much!!!!
So sad