You don’t know What Love is, The First
-The person you are calling is unable to…
Thud-
Unable to get past the repeated message, Seo Youngwoo roughly put down his phone. His fingers stopped for a second as they were about to press the call button again. He stared at the unresponsive device with a despaired and distant look in his eyes.
‘I need to stay at my parents’ house for a while.’
‘Hyung!’
‘I’m sorry, Youngwoo-yah. I just need to take a break for a bit. I also have to see my parents.’
‘But…’
‘I won’t be there for long. Just for a few months. Meeting up won’t be a problem, so you don’t have to worry too much.’
Last weekend, Kang Taejung told Seo Youngwoo he’d be leaving for his parents’ home right before he left. Seo Youngwoo felt angry that Kang Taejung had made such an arbitrary decision without discussing it with him beforehand, but the other’s expression didn’t look good so he couldn’t fault him.
And as always, Kang Taejung diligently and carefully replied to Seo Youngwoo’s every word, almost machine-like. Kang Taejung’s greetings and sweet words asking about his day remained the same, and his voice never lost its warmth. But… Kang Taejung never contacted him first. He never asked to meet first, either. Seo Youngwoo could feel the distance between them, as if he had returned to when he first met the other.
He thought things were slowly getting better and that Kang Taejung was finally opening up his heart to him.
His tightly shut eyes trembled. He couldn’t simply accept Kang Taejung’s words saying he would stay at his parent’s place. It was difficult not to interpret it as him moving there permanently. After all, his ex-lover’s house was located not too far away from his. Whether by chance or by choice, they had plenty of opportunities to meet.
Since Kang Taejung wasn’t completely over him, he couldn’t tell how much of an impact Ha Joyoon would have on Kang Taejung if they kept meeting so frequently. He still wanted to believe in Kang Taejung’s efforts in getting over Ha Joyoon and his consideration towards him.
But…
He held onto his trembling hand and gently placed his forehead between his two hands, clutching the phone. The entire device was warm, as if the battery’s intense heat had spread throughout.
Whoosh– Creak–
The window creaked open, unable to win against the cold winter breeze. The noise shattered the silence, making Seo Youngwoo slowly lift his head, shifting his gaze towards the window. His hazy eyes, filled with anxiety and guilt, couldn’t stay focused as they trembled. Despite the heating being set to maximum, he couldn’t withstand the cold that crept up from his toes.
If only the start of their relationship had been an honest one, maybe things wouldn’t be like this.
His calm face contorted into one filled with distress in an instant. He felt like the constant feeling of anxiety would eventually consume him.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
In order to escape the reality of his surging hypocrisy and deceit, he sought refuge behind a wall of comfort he had constructed for himself. ‘There was no other option,’ ‘I tried my best,’ ‘I made an effort, too,’ ‘I did it because I love him,’ were part of the numerous excuses and lies that formed the tall wall.
***
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Whenever he visited Shin Kwonjoo’s officetel, the first thing he habitually looked at was that painting. Ha Joyoon’s eyes took in the several shades of blue one by one. Swoosh— It was a color that went well with the sound of pouring water from the shower area. Perhaps the water he was taking a shower with would split into several blue colors and pour down like the artist’s heart within that painting.
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“What are you daydreaming about?”
That weird mix of both formal and informal speech seemed to have now completely settled, and at some point, Shin Kwonjoo began to speak comfortably with Ha Joyoon outside of their workspaces. Ha Joyoon didn’t know if the other was aware of his expressions, gestures, or tone. However, being on the receiving end of those reactions, he could tell Shin Kwonjoo had become much more comfortable with him compared to a few months ago.
He couldn’t help but wonder if the man who looked at him with cold eyes a while back was now the same man standing in front of him and rubbing his ear affectionately.
“I like the painting.”
As if the reply was a strange one, Shin Kwonjoo let out a small chuckle and sat next to him. He looked to be in an unusually good mood. The spring of the good quality mattress took the two men’s weight without any difficulty.
“It’s not the first time you’ve seen it.”
“Yeah, it’s not.”
Ha Joyoon replied bashfully, still unable to take his gaze away from the painting. The man watched him for a moment before saying something unexpected.
“Do you want it?”
“Would you give it to me if I wanted it?”
“I’d think about it.”
Ha Joyoon quickly shook his head upon seeing him reply so seriously like he would actually hand it over.
“I don’t really need it. It’s not like I know much about art.”
The man didn’t seem to like the answer, his dark eyebrows sharply raised.
“Seems like you’re not feeling well today. When did you take your pills?”
“I took it before showering earlier.”
The man dried his own hair. After briefly patting it dry with a dry towel, Shin Kwonjoo covered Ha Joyoon’s head with it. Ha Joyoon sat still as he sighed, allowing the man to use the right amount of force to towel dry his hair. The man’s hands moved back and forth, shaking his body slightly in the process. His clear and gentle laughter echoed like a song. With each laugh, his fingers pressing against Ha Joyoon’s head applied a little more pressure.
“Why’re you so out of it?”
“Huh…”
Deciding he had removed most of the moisture, Shin Kwonjoo casually tossed the damp towel onto the table and turned to sit back down.
“You were lost in thought the whole time, weren’t you?”
“Was I?”
Ha Joyoon gave an awkward smile and shrugged. He actually just wanted to have a talk and wasn’t planning on having sex. But as soon as he got to the officetel, he couldn’t help but get caught up in the moment, forgetting about his original plan. To be honest, he still felt disoriented and absentminded. Despite his claim of not being lost in thought, he couldn’t help but wish that this would be the last time. This version of himself that was driven by desires felt somewhat unfamiliar.
“Do you have any pictures to show me today?”
Shin Kwonjoo inquired as though the thought had just struck him, wiping off the drops of water from his cheek.
“Pictures?”
“You’ve been showing me photos you take while slacking off on reporting duties, haven’t you?”
“I wasn’t slacking off…”
“Whatever you say.”
“Mmh.”
Shin Kwonjoo watched Ha Joyoon lost in thought for a while, before lowering his head to meet his lips. Their noses touched, and soon the tips of their noses collided. At first, the kiss was a gentle caress, but it quickly intensified into a light nibbling on his damp lips.
Haa– One of them let out a coarse breath. His legs naturally spread apart, a surge of intense heat gathering in the area he was held just a moment ago. His head steadied in the direction Shin Kwonjoo led it, his lips responding to the warm kiss that felt as if they would swallow each other up immediately.
“Why’d you ask to meet when we aren’t doing anything in particular?”
Shin Kwonjoo seized the brief moment their lips were apart and quickly whispered. Given the position they were in, it wouldn’t be surprising if this immediately led to sex.
“That’s… mmh.”
Without giving him a chance to reply, Shin Kwonjoo’s lips firmly pushed against his. While he was lost in pleasure, the unresolved convictions and directions of his heart kept tightening around his neck. Do it right now, right now. Those insistent whispers rung in his ears like auditory hallucinations. But when he finally made a decision after much deliberation and anguish, it vanished without a trace, evaporating the moment he was faced with Shin Kwonjoo. Even with the overwhelming emotions he felt.
Shin Kwonjoo suddenly placed light, feathery kisses on him, wandering from his lips to his cheeks. Ha Joyoon’s face moved along with the large hands that caressed it. It was a kiss that blended both insatiable desire and youthful tenderness, the soft and light sensation making his heart beat faster.
This isn’t good.
It really isn’t…
The gut-wrenching feeling rushed up to Ha Joyoon’s throat. He eventually slightly pushed Shin Kwonjoo away with both hands and leaned backward. Seeing the first sign of rejection from the other, Shin Kwonjoo’s expression soon grew tense.
“What’s wrong?”
“Sunbae. Wait.”
The calm voice filled the empty space in his heart. It was a firm tone with his emotions well-contained. Ha Joyoon, who found it difficult to piece his next words together, bit his lips and took in a breath.
Quietly watching his actions, Shin Kwonjoo soon reached out and lightly swiped at Ha Joyoon’s lips, which had turned red from blood rushing to them. Tsk- As if expressing displeasure, he briefly clicked his tongue and then opened his mouth to speak.
“If you need to tell me something, spit it out. Instead of staying so silent.”
“…”
“Is there something wrong?”
His brown eyes that were still hesitant eventually came to a certain conclusion, looking straight at the other man and the life ahead of them.
Shin Kwonjoo was someone with a firm and resolute heart, and Ha Joyoon knew that his existence was simply a momentary inconvenience in Shin Kwonjoo’s life. So…
Ha Joyoon held Shin Kwonjoo’s wrist as his fingers playfully stroked his cheek, and gently lowered it. The other had probably not expected a second rejection as well, and his brows quickly furrowed. Not given a chance to let the words, What are you doing? come out of his lips, Ha Joyoon calmly voiced his feelings.
“I want to end this.”
“… What?”
The air froze chillingly as soon as the words ended. The man who had slowly been alternating his gaze between the pale hand in his and the equally pale face, soon locked his eyes steadfastly, firmly fixing his gaze.
Time passed with them looking at each other without saying a word. His enigmatic dark eyes didn’t seem to show anything and didn’t seem to let anything show, either. Eyes with a dual nature that could hide complex emotions.
YESS FINALLY MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
thanks for the chapter ♡♡♡♡♡
please, this time be for real…