Step, Step.-
His steps inside the room were heavy and tiresome and it felt like he could faint at any moment. His stumbling body failed to reach the place he wanted to, blocked by a wall that protruded about a foot making him sit right where he was standing. The interior of the officetel was equipped with minimal furniture, gloomy as if there was no one living there. With the lights turned off, the only light in the middle of the night was the moonlight hidden in the clouds. His eyes stared at the small light that reflected on his feet, dead dark with no chance of becoming alive again.
With one leg extended, Kang Taejung leaned his back against the wall and lowered his head. Sullen energy flowed from the top of his head and spread towards his face, neck and the entirety of his body. The monster of feelings and memories he had kept hidden weighed heavily on his neck and shoulders. His head continuously fell lower, only stopping when it touched the poorly positioned knee he had up.
It felt like hundreds of years had passed. He slowly blinked his heavy eyelids. It wasn’t until he had gotten used to the darkness that his surroundings began to show little differences in brightness, and the outline of objects became visible. However, his dark eyes could barely keep focus and shook dizzily.
‘Don’t misunderstand. My actions won’t be a nuisance to you anymore…’
‘I’m waiting for someone.’
Ha Joyoon’s face and expression as he said those words, repeated continuously. As well as the various colors of emotions on his delicate, painting-like features.
Kang Taejung was no longer the person he was waiting for. No one else had made him give up that position, it was all based on his own decision and will to do so.
But this was the first time he had unconsciously followed after Ha Joyoon as he left in a hurry. Before he realized it, he was looking at Ha Joyoon and the man that supposedly didn’t like waiting. They were a few meters away but it wasn’t so far as to not notice the complex atmosphere between them.
He pressed a hand to his forehead. The furrow on his forehead wasn’t relaxing anytime soon. As his ache and anguish repeated, Kang Taejung recalled the face of the man he saw in the morning. He was definitely the same man talking to Ha Joyoon in front of his house last time. Although it had been a while since then, it was too odd of an image and atmosphere to forget. The predator-like gaze that looked down at Ha Joyoon had been quite familiar.
Pfft.
He let out a hollow laugh into the wind. Of course it was familiar. There was no way it wouldn’t be familiar. The man’s gaze was exactly the same way he had looked at Ha Joyoon in the past. Kang Taejung had no clue what their relationship was but it was clear that they weren’t just ordinary co-workers. Ha Joyoon didn’t like getting pictures of himself taken despite the fact that he liked pictures, which was why they didn’t have a lot of pictures together. But in the few pictures they had together, he always looked at Ha Joyoon with longing eyes.
Kang Taejung laughed silently for a long while. The weight of his desire and ardent emotions had been so ridiculously small that they were now bygones. The more he thought about it, the more the pit of his stomach tightened painfully.
Unremorseful. Shameless and despicable. Absolute scum of the earth. How could he? How could he dare harbor feelings like these?
Hahaha- The empty laughter melted into the painfully cold night air. His wide shoulders raised heavily as they shook.
It was a relationship that had already come to an end. They couldn’t go back to being lovers, friends or have any other kind of relationship. He had made it that way. Since he spent a long time self-sacrificing and waiting, he had made a compromise with reality and ruthlessly cut their ties, wanting to live properly for the rest of his life. Since he had been the one to end things, his resolve should have stayed firm. Since he coldly abandoned Ha Joyoon, he wasn’t supposed to look back with regret. He was supposed to face the reality given to him and bear the burden that followed after.
Brrrr——
The phone in his pocket rang. The small device that rang at regular intervals had several people’s contacts saved in it. There were his friends, colleagues, or even Seo Youngwoo. He always had a lot of people around him. But this was different for Ha Joyoon who had only opened up to him.
Even for the past five years that caused him hellish pain, Kang Taejung had received comfort and concern from people who loved him. They sometimes helped Kang Taejung both physically and mentally, and were willing to run over to him to soothe his frustrated heart whenever he wanted. He suddenly felt unbearable guilt for that person who had been left to deal with their breakup alone.
B-Brrrr——
The interval between the vibrations gradually narrowed. He hadn’t answered anyone’s calls all day and right now, he didn’t know who was calling him. He didn’t really want to check who it was, either.
Out of the several phone calls, that one person’s name wouldn’t be among them. Now, and in the future. Since he himself had made it that way.
Kang Taejung stood up again, supported by the cold wall. The room was still dark and cold, as if to replicate his heart. His eyes shone painfully, looking straight at something. The box he couldn’t bring himself to open since he brought it from his parent’s house days ago. The feelings hidden within it sealed in his heart once more.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Not yet, I can’t see it yet. I can’t confirm your feelings, your decision yet.
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***
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It seemed like Ha Joyoon wasn’t the only one to notice the odd atmosphere as Nam Hyunwoo, who entered first, put down his laptop on a desk and walked over to where people were gathered.
“Why is the mood like this?”
Out of all the chatting employees that couldn’t tell that someone had entered the room, one stuck out his head at Nam Hyunwoo’s question.
“You’re back?”
“Yeah, after working our tails off. Is there something wrong?”
Following behind and approaching with quiet steps, Ha Joyoon’s breathing stopped at the employee’s next words.
“The director came with his wife this afternoon.”
“What? Really?”
“She was really pretty. Everyone was surprised since we thought she was a celebrity.”
“O-“
With his mouth wide open, Nam Hyunwoo turned his eyes towards Shin Kwonjoo’s office. Ha Joyoon did the same, smoothly turning his head in that direction. The inside and outside were completely blocked out, the blinds completely pulled down over the windows, and not a single beam of light to be seen or sound of footsteps to be heard. It was similar to the heart of a certain someone who wouldn’t allow further access.
With his gaze looking at the window, Ha Joyoon rested his body on the partition and chewed on his lip. His brown eyes were lost in thought, and at that moment, one could tell that he had fallen into his own world, completely isolated from that space.
“They looked good together.”
“Good looks are definitely one of the important factors in life…”
“It’s okay. We have Mr. Ha Joyoon, after all.”
His name that popped out of nowhere, brought the light back to his zoned-out eyes. The few employees that were friendly with him in their own way, glanced at him and smiled coyly at his absentminded expression that seemed unable to grasp the situation.
“Ha Joyoon and the Director would look like a painting next to each other.”
“Ah.”
The unexpected words slowly spread a flare of faint red across his small face. Considering it to be amusing, some employees threw mischievous jokes, but when the reaction wasn’t as fun as they expected, they soon went back to talking about Shin Kwonjoo.
“Was there a reason why she came to the office?”
“No clue. It must’ve been something personal, it’s not like he tells us about it. I thought they had a fight since the Director’s expression looked annoyed when she came over, but we haven’t heard anything even after an hour, so I guess that’s just how his face always looks.”
“Haha, can you say that in front of the Director?”
“I should hand in my resignation letter then.”
Amid the laughter at silly jokes, Ha Joyoon knew he’d be the only one unable to join in on the conversation. Pondering over the reason in itself would be foolish.
He suddenly remembered the wedding ring Shin Kwonjoo never took off. Along with the cold metallic feeling he always felt while Shin Kwonjoo stroked his head or body.
A bitter smile spread between his tightly clamped lips. Shin Kwonjoo’s words floated through his head: They had been divorced for a while now and had no lingering attachments or relationship with each other anymore. The direction or depth of their relationship was known to no one else but the parties involved. But Ha Joyoon had learned from experience that it was possible for one of them to have persistent affections despite having broken up.
Even as he pressed down on his slightly fevered forehead, he didn’t leave the conversing crowd. He wouldn’t have done this back when he didn’t feel comfortable with other people. And even now, he didn’t always feel comfortable. But he did add in the usual minimal responses and gestures that fit the situation, not completely joining in on the conversation. The intent, the reason for his feelings were ridiculous but he had to put in a lot of effort to not let them show. Just as laughs and chatters left their mouths and all focus was directed at Shin Kwonjoo’s office:
Click.–
As soon as the office door opened, the people gathered scattered in an instant. The man who came out of the room did not miss this and threw a cold, indifferent look at the office with its excited atmosphere.
Cold eyes that lacked interest or emotions slowly surveyed the office and stopped at a certain spot. The eyes that met Ha Joyoon’s were dull and unfeeling. Only indifference and placidity, as if the anger and annoyance he previously voiced had been a dream.
Ha Joyoon stared straight at Shin Kwonjoo with a small tilt to his head. Shin Kwonjoo’s face was relaxed and extremely calm. Without a hint of hesitation, as if the current situation had nothing to do with Ha Joyoon. The thinly curved corners of his eyes and slightly raised, mask-like smile were evidence of this.
And a woman with soft, wavy hair appeared immediately after him. She was beautiful and bright with distinct features that made Ha Joyoon, who had no interest in other people’s looks, briefly captivated. Her beautiful and unyielding eyes looked dignified and were full of unhidden confidence. Thinking she resembled Shin Kwonjoo to an amusing degree, Ha Joyoon captured the image of the unnamed, beautiful woman, in his retina little by little.
Shin Kwonjoo who had briefly glanced at the distracted Ha Joyoon then walked with big strides to the editor-in-chief’s partition with an uninterested look. Even though he felt people’s curious eyes, his only reaction was to slightly raise an eyebrow, his expression the same as usual. Step Step.- The sound of his shoes heavily hitting against the ground was similar to the stabbing feeling in Ha Joyoon’s heart.
“Any word from Yeonhap News’ side?”
“They said they’d send a reply in the afternoon, but we haven’t seen anything yet.”
“Hm.” He drew in a light breath and gave a brief nod.
“Alright. I’m not returning to the office today, so please contact me separately if there’s an emergency.”
“Yes, sir.”
Shin Kwonjoo also informed the editor-in-chief about a simple work order and schedule before escorting the woman and leaving the office. The hand that wrapped around her slim waist was proof that he was quite familiar with her.
As if the short while their eyes met had been a lie, the two figures disappeared in an instant. The sound of the two people leaving and taking the elevator was heard and the office, which had been as quiet as the dead, became crowded with people’s voices again.
“Wah– Did you see her?”
“They’re a star couple, for sure…”
“I think I can see why he kept her hidden away…”
Only two people had left. But that was all it took for the tightening pressure in his chest to disappear in an instant. Only after Shin Kwonjoo left the office and entered the elevator was Ha Joyoon completely away from his radius.
Ha Joyoon rubbed at his chest for a bit and let out small breaths, just like someone who had forgotten how to breathe. Huu- Hu.– At his body’s strange reaction, he tilted his head and took in a deep breath again.
Huu.–
Only then did his body, which had stiffened like a fossil, began to relax little by little. He also felt a dull pulsing all over his body like blood flowing. It was a strange experience, but it also gave him a worrying feeling of deja vu. He had obviously experienced the symptoms he just felt before.
Summer, Kang Taejung, Seo Youngwoo.
…Jealousy directed at them as they looked at each other.
Jealousy…
Unable to hold it in, a low laugh crept out of his mouth.
His eyelids directed at the floor trembled relentlessly. His eyes were muddled and hovered in different directions. He bit on his trembling lips to the point where they hurt, closing his eyes tightly and opening them again.
Goodness.
Ha Joyoon stepped back unsteadily, barely holding on to his dim consciousness.
That afternoon, Ha Joyoon initiated a text conversation with Shin Kwonjoo for the first time. It was a simple message asking if Shin Kwonjoo was available to meet on the weekends, to which a reply arrived from him after a few hours.
「Let’s meet at the officetel.」
Ha Joyoon held his phone with his head lowered for a long time, alternating between smiling and not smiling, at a message that was no different from the ones Shin Kwonjoo always sent. His stupid feelings and emotions felt ridiculously unbearable. Pathetic, silly, these emotions that bloomed anew on barren sand, were useless and ridiculous. Ridiculous feelings that he had to put an end to.
And even until the end of that night, his phone did not ring anymore.
💖Thank you so much for the new chapter!
Thank you –
Thank you for translating! I read the manwha and was hoping someone would translate the novel. So thank you so much!
Onde vc leu o Manhwa ??