Image was engraved on the photo paper. It wasn’t just recording data but evidence of a piece of history that was still ongoing, as well as the lost time of his 20s. The eyes looking at it contained both tension and calmness. The breath of those who couldn’t be together gradually settled.
After a certain period of exposure, the first to appear on the white photographic paper was a man dressed in threadbare clothing. Subsequently, a small mass was bundled up in a white cloth stained with splatters of blood. With the child in his arms already killed from a shooting, the father was crossing a barbed wire, blocking the border at the risk of his life. There was no sadness or grief in his wrinkled and stained face. The only emotion engraved in his tired eyes was the desire to send the child’s corpse to a safer place.
Watching the records appear one by one, Ha Joyoon calmly swallowed his breath and watched the lives of those he had captured through his lenses, carving them deeply into his eyes.
“I’ll continue with the interview. As well as the collection of photos.”
He had come to this conclusion after weeks of deliberation. Kim Chaehwan habitually raised his glasses and quietly stared at the person in front of him. Wearing an expressionless face, Ha Joyoon spoke quietly with his hands behind his back.
“Will that really be alright? You can’t take it back anymore, Mr. Ha Joyoon.”
Asking with a careful expression, there seemed to be concern about the prior pre-meeting which ended badly. A day after the meeting ended, Ha Joyoon expressed his intention to temporarily drop out of the exhibition, but the editor-in-chief hoped he’d think it over one last time. Even after he rejected it a few more times, Kim Chaehwan remained insistent. He scratched his neck in embarrassment and carefully opened his mouth to speak.
“I apologize for the other day.”
“Oh no, no. I’m not blaming you.”
Hm… The man swallowed slightly and continued talking.
“They seem to have had some trouble with the employee, but they decided to proceed with it the same because of several issues. This might make you feel uncomfortable. I feel sorry since my persistence probably forced you to make this decision.”
“It’s alright. It’s business related, after all.”
“Is he someone you know?”
“…No. I don’t know him.”
Ha Joyoon’s voice only quavered a little as he calmly responded, shaking his head with a firm expression.
“He made a mistake at your first meeting. Don’t take it to heart, Reporter Ha. How can we all have the same thoughts when everyone is different? There are people like you who put value in meaning while there are others like that person who value people close to him. That’s how I think of it. As someone in the same field of work, it would be a shame if the world doesn’t get a chance to see the good pictures you took all because of those words. I hope you think about that.”
“Yes, of course.”
“Anyways, that employee got quite the earful from Director Shin after you left.”
“…Oh.”
With a stumped expression on his face, the man who was shaking his head with his arms crossed, soon got chills from the memory of that day.
“It was really brutal. The director said a lengthier version of ‘Who do you think you are to say something like that?’ but the conclusion was for him to stop saying nonsense and remain stuck in his house like he wishes.”
“Okay…”
“Kudos to that guy, though. The fact that he heard all that and still went ahead with this… He’s either ambitious or just can’t take a hint. If I had been in his shoes and heard all that, I wouldn’t be able to recover from it even after several months.”
An indiscernible emotion knocked quietly on his door. Leaving behind the editor-in-chief’s words as he rambled on about the events of that day, Ha Joyoon threw a long look at the office on the opposite side.
A tightly closed door and blinds pulled down to the bottom rail. It was an everyday scene but it looked especially different today. No, to be more exact, it might’ve not just been today. His instincts just didn’t allow him to further reflect on his thoughts and emotions. Ha Joyoon didn’t know how to explain the sense of distance he felt even though it had only been a day since they slept together.
“Well, if we look at the result of things, I guess the director seems to be quite considerate towards you.”
After grumbling for a long time, Kim Chaehwan’s long drawn eyes widened as he came to a sudden decision. Trying to use the scroll wheel for the cursor that had been in one spot on the monitor, he added in a few more words.
“You can convey your gratitude to the director now. About how you’re going to do your best with the interview.”
“What? But…”
“It was nice to see him care for a change. But after that incident, our director seems to be on edge and I’m too tired to deal with that. I know you’re not the least bit interested but a small ‘Thank you for that day,’ would help. Save me, please.”
“…”
“You have another schedule in the afternoon, so hurry up and report to him before that. I don’t know what happened over the weekend but he was cranky at the meeting this morning. He had a good business trip so I don’t know why he’s being this way. Both of you are close, aren’t you?”
“We’re not that close.”
“Hurry- Hurry.”
A good natured smile hung heavily across the other’s lips. Knowing that it wasn’t as simple as the words implied, Ha Joyoon eventually agreed with a nod and turned around.
Due to the incident that happened during their weekend together after Shin Kwonjoo returned from his trip, Ha Joyoon’s steps toward the office were heavy.
Knock knock-
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
A dull sound rang deep over the thick wooden door. It looked like the other was immersed in his work since Ha Joyoon couldn’t hear any reply from inside. He took in another breath and lightly tapped on the door. Knock knock- How much time had passed already? After a long while, he heard a low voice telling him to come in from inside the office.
Click-
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“What’s the problem?”
His cold way of speaking succinctly so that he wouldn’t get a long reply, felt both familiar and unfamiliar. Ha Joyoon didn’t hesitate for too long and moved closer. Shin Kwonjoo stopped what he was doing and fixed his eyes on the approaching figure. Looking straight into the eyes staring at him, Ha Joyoon somehow felt awkward about what he wanted to report to the other.
“I have something to let you know.”
“Do say.”
“I’ve decided to join the photo exhibition. I’ll also continue with the interview.”
The thick eyebrows arched slightly. It was as if to say ‘Are you serious?’ Ha Joyoon covered the back of his neck with an embarrassed look on his face. At the moment, he was regretting his past choice of telling Shin Kwonjoo the truth about his relationship with Seo Youngwoo.
“…That sounds good.”
Words that Kim Chaehwan couldn’t say left his lips comfortably.
That sounds good. The issue was currently still heartbreaking and an open wound to him. He was also in a situation where he had to face the person closely involved in it frequently. But work was a separate matter. In just a few days, the hellish pain he felt when they first met was recovering faster than he thought.
Ha Joyoon was happy yet sad about the changes taking place within him. He felt all kinds of change, resignation, understanding and surrender.
“As long as you’re fine with it.”
The man listened to his reply and lightly shrugged his shoulders. But after that, there was no other reaction. Ha Joyoon tilted his head at the silence and coldness he felt for the first time in a long time. Although he was not very quick-witted in relationships between others, he could still notice the clearly changed atmosphere.
“…Are you upset?”
He carefully asked with hesitation at the end of his words. Shin Kwonjoo’s expression was as rumpled as a piece of paper when he heard the words.
“Upset? Why would I be?”
“Last night…”
Before he finished speaking, his mouth was closed again like someone who had a hard time remembering. The man waited for his next words in the continuous silence, wrinkling his smooth nose. He soon lifted his hands lightly with an expression of displeasure.
“Did you forget what I first told you?”
Ha Joyoon hurriedly blinked as Shin Kwonjoo stared at him in bewilderment. First. He was probably talking about when he first suggested they become sex partners.
Wondering if he did something wrong, he tried to recall the conditions he was told and if he had done anything out of the ordinary. Ha Joyoon answered by shaking his head in hopes that their awkward conversation would only lead to unnecessary misunderstandings. However, he didn’t realize that it only made Shin Kwonjoo more annoyed.
“I don’t force a relationship with someone who is unwilling.”
Recalling last night’s memory, he opened his mouth nervously. It was said in a rather provoked tone. Surprised by the words, Ha Joyoon shook his hands and head strongly.
“No. Sunbae, that’s not…”
“I suggested it so we could both find pleasure. Wasn’t that also why you agreed?”
Ha Joyoon’s approaching steps came to a pause. His fair face was like a canvas with various colors of mixed emotions, but they were soon swept away in an instant. Lowering his vaguely floating hands again, Ha Joyoon stared blankly at Shin Kwonjoo’s face as he continued to speak.
“If you don’t feel well, you should say so. I don’t think I’m bad enough to forcibly demand a relationship with someone who isn’t in good condition.”
“Sunbae.”
“Why are you just enduring it all? I don’t get it.”
The tone of utter absurdity raised heat on his fair cheeks. Faced with the iciness in Shin Kwonjoo’s words, Ha Joyoon unwittingly wrapped one arm around his other arm. Shin Kwonjoo really only wanted them to be sex partners.
It was a typical rude awakening. As they were getting drunk in eachother’s bodies, he felt an uninvited guest visit him. It was the migraine and nausea he felt when his body could not fully accept the prescribed pills he was given. Although he was no longer aroused, he didn’t want to ruin the flow from the languor of skin against skin and their breaths crossing.
But regardless of his efforts, his selfishness of wanting to concentrate on their actions could not overcome the nauseous feeling he had. Shin Kwonjoo’s wild expression as he watched the other come down from the bed naked and puke out his guts, still lingered in Ha Joyoon’s mind. The argument between Shin Kwonjoo, who wanted to take him to the hospital and Ha Joyoon, who refused to go, continued on until work hours in the morning. As a result, Shin Kwonjoo let out his annoyance as the car headed towards the company. About Ha Joyoon’s bullheadedness and how silly it was to refuse treatment.
“The pills are quite strong…”
His dry lips turned up a little as he made the lame excuse. However, the glare directed towards him was still cold. Even though Ha Joyoon knew that wasn’t all it was about, for some reason, he kept thinking that the other couldn’t easily hide his disappointment. Shin Kwonjoo still gazed sideways with a bad look.
“I don’t feel well when I take my pills. But that doesn’t always happen. There are times when it does and times when it doesn’t… So there was no way I could have known I’d feel sick yesterday. I take the pills everyday but there’s no way I’d feel sick everyday even if I don’t know when.”
“Then can’t you just tell me immediately when the situation requires it?”
“I did that because I wanted things to stay the same. Is that such a bad thing?”
Shin Kwonjoo continuously frowned as he kept hearing clumsy excuses and expressions of clumsy emotions. Even though it wasn’t his intention, reproach was mixed in at the end of Ha Joyoon words. He felt angry because his attempt to be with Shin Kwonjoo was seen as him forcing himself or being foolish. It was somewhat true but it was worded terribly. Couldn’t he at least say it in a better way? And eventually, his anger spilled out into words.
“But do you have to say it this way?”
“What?”
“I would still understand you fine if you said it nicely. According to you, I’m always going to be in a bad condition so it’d be better to end things.”
“How did our conversation end up this way?”
Hearing Ha Joyoon say words he had never even thought about, Shin Kwonjoo frowned with a stumped expression on his face. Ha Joyoon stared at Shin Kwonjoo who was sitting in front of him without any movements. The man tapped the ridge of his nose and sighed disapprovingly. Ha Joyoon felt strangely relieved by Shin Kwonjoo’s answer that stopped the conversation from going to the extreme. Resting a hand over his forehead, the man looked at him in a blunt manner and asked a question.
“What pills?”
“…”
Ha Joyoon paused for a moment at the sound of his words. As he hesitated, not being able to answer easily, the other man’s eyes glared fiercely at him.
“I need to know. I’m your boss before being your partner. It’d be troublesome if it affects your work. If it’s serious, I think it’s only right that you quit. We’re not that short of staff to force someone who could get sick anytime.”
His decision to remain silent was hampered by the words related to his work getting affected. Aside from his harsh tone of voice, Shin Kwonjoo’s words were not wrong. Ha Joyoon soon confessed what he had been hiding for months.
“I had some side effects after surgery.”
“What kind?”
The man countered fiercely, his expression hard yet not so fierce. Letting out a tense breath, Ha Joyoon carefully added an explanation.
“It’s nothing serious. I’m taking medication because my inflammatory level is uncertain. It’s not enough to get surgery but medication is needed.”
“Nothing serious? Are you suddenly a doctor?”
“I could bring a doctor’s note if you don’t believe me.”
The man’s eyes softened at the firm answer. His gaze searched for signs of lies and naivety somewhere in his tone. After trying to read him for a while, he tilted his cheek and turned his gaze away.
“Alright. I won’t bother as long as it doesn’t affect your work.”
“…”
“As long as you say you’re fine, I shouldn’t be interfering. You may leave.”
Shin Kwonjoo ended his words coldly and waved Ha Joyoon off. It was clear that he didn’t want to meddle too deeply into someone else’s affairs. Ha Joyoon slightly pressed at his chest in a bid to ease the bitter feeling in it before letting out a breath.
Familiarity was quite a scary thing. Without realizing it, water drops had soaked their way in one and two at a time and he had gotten used to the other’s scent.
He soon began to fear that he’d see his relationship with Shin Kwonjoo as a normal thing. It was a minor change, but it was also a change he couldn’t handle now. He had known when the change started but he had chosen to turn his eyes away from the reality he couldn’t handle.
At first he had thought he only found the other loveable. He thought it was a completely different emotion from love, but it didn’t stop him from changing the direction of their relationship. One where he had one-sided feelings. Even though he knew this, he sometimes forgot it while being drunk in Shin Kwonjoo’s cold kindness. It was foolish of him. Calming himself down again, Ha Joyoon put an end to the conversation with an uncomfortable atmosphere.
“I’ll take my leave then.”
“Fine.”
He backed away, gently pressing at his head that still had a headache left. Shin Kwonjoo went back to the materials he had been previously reviewing as if to say he had no more business with him. It was hard to find any emotion in the half bowed appearance. The chilly air seemed to warn Ha Joyoon that the small consolation from the other that late autumn night was simply a dream. Ha Joyoon slowly examined Shin Kwonjoo’s cold appearance that left no room for misunderstandings and turned around completely. Only the sound of low heels rang low in the office. Tap. Tap- Just as Ha Joyoon grabbed hold of the door’s metal handle and was about to turn it:
“Hangang National University Hospital, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“Funny how quickly a person changes their mind.”
The hand that touched the handle paused for a while due to the frigid voice. The feeling of metal touching his fingertips was cold enough to freeze. As Ha Joyoon turned around, his eyes were immediately met with dark eyes looking at him with a straight face. An expressionless, dull look, but in it was also another emotion that could not be named.
As if he didn’t like what he said, Shin Kwonjoo sighed and released the tension in his forehead. His forehead had stayed frowned for a long time. A strange air filled the space as much as the distance between them. The man stood up with a hand atop the scattered documents and impatiently swept at his hair. He then opened his mouth to speak.
“My words were harsh.”
“…”
“You know I’m not so good with pretty words.”
Ha Joyoon looked at the other with widened eyes. It was the first time he heard the man say something similar to an apology. The man tilted his head before questioning,
“When is your next appointment with the doctor?”
“…Next week.”
“Let’s go together.”
“Where…?”
“Do I need to lend you my ears?”
His words were completely contrary to what he said just a while ago. Before he could ask what the other was talking about, the chair that was rolled back turned around halfway. The man checked the time by looking at the clock and soon let out a murky groan. He picked up his cell phone with a frown on his face and sent a message somewhere before glancing at Ha Joyoon, who had been standing quite far away.
“Do you have time this evening?”
He shook his head as he remembered his evening schedule. He also wished to ask why the other wanted them to go to the hospital together but he couldn’t find the right moment to do so.
“I have a news report in the evening.”
“Where?”
“Yeouido.”
“Call me after you’re done.”
Shin Kwonjoo glanced through his messages and walked over to the cloth hanger that held his coat. The atmosphere seemed like one that held no room for replies. Ha Joyoon wondered how he could answer this, watching Shin Kwonjoo carefully before finally calling for him. Sunbae. The dark eyes moved his gaze from his phone and looked in the direction of Ha Joyoon’s quiet voice.
“It might be a little difficult today. Maybe after my condition gets a little better…”
“What are you talking about?”
Letting out an incredulous scoff, he grabbed his briefcase and hung his coat on his right arm. His movements were monotonous and routine but were accompanied with poise.
“We have plans with Waiton Korea’s editor-in-chief. He’s a WWP judge, and will be able to give advice regarding the contest. Call me as soon as you get there. We’re supposed to meet in Jongno, so it won’t be too far away.”
“Ah, okay…”
He scoffed once more at the distrait reply from Ha Joyoon.
“You must think I have no other thoughts aside from your body… Don’t get too ahead of yourself.”
“…Sorry.”
His pale face instantly turned red to his ears in shame and embarrassment at the unexpected words. It was embarrassing that he interpreted Shin Kwonjoo’s intentions however he liked.
Ha Joyoon’s face was red-hot as he blinked without saying a word. The man completely left his desk and soon stood tall at a distance not too far from him. Ha Joyoon was now accustomed to the other’s scent as it rushed in with the wind and stimulated his sense of smell.
Lowering himself to Ha Joyoon’s eye level, Shin Kwonjoo tilted his head and met the calm gaze with an indiscernible emotion. Ha Joyoon’s heart began to beat faster. Due to the closer distance, he could see the other’s even darker eyes, sharp jaw blades, and nose bridge.
After a brief silence, Shin Kwonjoo reached out with a small smile. Ha Joyoon subconsciously pulled himself back, but before he could move away, firm fingertips touched his soft earlobes. Sexual tension was vaguely reflected in the slow touch. Different from his rude way of speaking, his fingertips were quite warm with a faint heat between their skins.
“I’ll be waiting. Come even if it gets late.”
“…Okay. But I’m not sure about my schedule. I might have to…”
“Don’t make up excuses of it being uncomfortable and such.”
“…”
“Acting on your own is not allowed. Tell me before you go for your scheduled hospital visit.”
Before he could reply, dispersed breath came down to his lips. Their warm cheeks touched, the ridge of their noses pressed down against each other as parched lips naturally opened. Ha Joyoon slowly closed his eyes not wanting to think or worry about anything at that moment. Full of grumpiness, Shin Kwonjoo’s touch winded around his waist and pulled his body toward him.
────
T/N: Huge apologies for the long break (๑•﹏•)
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I had to read this chapter several times to understand what was happening…