01
He hasn’t smiled at me in a long time. He probably didn’t bother pretending because he knew Wen Yan was returning.
It makes no difference. I don’t need him.
I’ve told myself a million times that being in love was the dumbest thing in the world, but I’ve always been easily influenced by him.
I dislike things over which I have no control, hence I dislike him.
02
He had dropped a lot of weight and was no longer as attractive as he had been.
The club where I used to attend had a new little duck that resembled him. The manager stated that it had been specifically reserved for me and had never been played.
Fang Yao and the others joked that even the old lady had deduced my tastes, so they could deduce the one at home.
This gave me the impression that I was being squeezed once more. I ignored the new man and chose the person who reminded me the least of him in the row, as if it would demonstrate that the person they were discussing didn’t matter to me.
After that, I realized that this was a foolish concept and that I didn’t need to prove anything about who I fucking love to sleep with. Is it necessary to prove anything? Fuck.
03
The Wen family was fascinating. They want to bring any wild creature they come across to my bed. I wouldn’t even touch it if it weren’t for the beauty of that omega. Did they really believe I’d marry him after sleeping with him? What a circus.
What’s even more ridiculous was that he didn’t want me to use a condom. Who do you think you are, ah?
I only wear a condom when I do it with that person, but it’s a pity that a beta’s womb rarely get pregnant, and it has been impossible to conceive for so many years.
I sometimes imagine that if he were an omega, he would be completely mine.
04
When he said he’d return to school, it turned out he was going on a date.
Yeah, okay, nice job hugging and embracing in front of me.
I don’t understand how many people he could give that type of cheap affection to. He claims to love me, but then seduces others behind my back. He’d put on a show of devotion for me, and say it wasn’t about the money in the end.
I should’ve chained him at home.
05
Today he mentioned Wen Yan’s name in bed again.
Fuck.
06
I’m not sure how long it’s been since he spoke to me and smiled at me like that. I asked Fang Yao and the others why he still wanted to leave me after I had given him enough money.
Isn’t he strapped for cash? He should be short of money if he does not have parents or other sources of income. He was clearly pleased when I handed him money; how could it be this way now?
Others bundle minor sensations in order to be comforted. Every day, I spend my own money merely to be irritated. Why is this the case?
Fang Yao said that I drank too much. Bullshit. Laozi was very sober.
07
He asked me out of the blue today if I would get married. I guess some blind man told him about Wen Ziqing.
He’d be glad I’d get married and let him go. Oh, don’t even think about it.
08
He told Wen Ziqing that he only wanted money.
Sure enough, what did I say?
09
He went back to school.
He called me in the middle of the night. I thought he wanted to go home, but I didn’t expect that the person surnamed Xu was on the phone, saying that he had a fever and was in the hospital.
He was fine before I left, how could he suddenly have a fever? Did he deliberately ask someone to call me, trying to make me jealous?
With so many useless intentions, it wouldn’t be wrong to call him a vixen.
10
I ignored him. He took the initiative to come back.
Xiao Wu was still sensible and knocked a few words on the man surnamed Xu. If he still didn’t know how to stay away from other people’s things a little further, don’t blame me for ignoring his parents’ ”face” to clean him up.
11
When I got home, I discovered him dozing on the couch, getting smaller and smaller as he lost weight, like a feather ready to drift away.
My pulse was racing with an unexplainable fear that I wouldn’t be able to grab him.
Especially when I smelled someone else on him, it just pissed me off.
Now I just want to crush him and lock him in a cage.
12
I can’t let him leave me. Never possible.
13
I brought him to the old house. I had intended to let the old man meet him while there were so many people around, and I had warned those sloppy folks on the way not to introduce any more omega to me. He unexpectedly turned around and hooked up with Zhou Chen. They both stared at each other, without knowing what code they were exchanging. Fuck.
So any alpha with a little money was fine? What exactly am I for him?
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
14
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15
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I seem to have gone a little too far this time. I was used to hitting him too hard. I forgot that he wasn’t like those alpha guys.
How did he become so weak? He used to be vigorous and healthy. Is it because of that stupid gland?
I warned him countless times not to do such pointless things. Artificial glands could not be permanently marked, and they did not raise the likelihood of pregnancy. What on earth was he doing with that shit?
When he’s discharged from the hospital this time, I had to ask the doctor to remove it for him.
16
Fang Yao asked me why I’ve been so playful recently, fooling around outside every day, and if I didn’t need to go home with his sister-in-law?
There’s no one in the fucking house.
Fang Yao said, “If you really like someone, you should change your temper and change those bad habits. If you hang out and play like this everyday, no matter how much love they have for you, they can’t afford it.”
I said he didn’t know shit. I don’t like him and he doesn’t love me.
Money-based transaction. Who’s more emotional is more stupid.
17
He was finally discharged from hospital. I waited for him at home after putting off work this afternoon, but he didn’t come back.
18
He’s gone.
I couldn’t find him.
There have been a lot of messy things happening recently. The old man wanted to use the inheritance to force me to get married. My head was in a mess, and I blurted out that if I wanted to get married, I’d get married with Xiao Yu. There is no fucking way I’ll marry others.
After saying that, I was stunned for a moment. Did I want to marry him…
Yeah, that’s right. Why didn’t I think of that, you know. I can’t mark him, so I can use marriage to keep him with me.
The old man was so angry that he paddled me with a cane. Fuck, that hurts.
19
Is he mad at me? He isn’t home yet.
I checked Zhou Chen’s prescription records, and sure enough, he did something.
That’s a lot of medicine. Is he gravely ill? Why didn’t he tell me?
I forgive him. The outside world was a kaleidoscope of colors. He’s young and loves to play. It’s okay to make occasional mistakes. In the future, I’ll try to not lose my temper as little as possible, so it’s okay.
20
I thought so, but when I heard Zhou Chen say he touched him, I was mad as hell.
He’s mine. How could he let others touch him?
21
Why is everyone trying to stop me from finding him.
Why is the whole world against me.
I just want that someone, why is it so difficult.
22
Wen Yan returned home. There’s another troublemaker.
He said that I had psychological issues and that I should consult a doctor. I went to the doctor, but it was pointless.
——Tolerance, understanding, compassion, and empathy. I know the truth, yet when I see him, all logic disappears.
I want to make him hurt, I want to watch him cry, I want to break him, I want to hide him, I want to hear him begging me, and I want him to call my name and say that he loves me.
I know that I am not a good person, and he also knows.
Isn’t it good to rot together? Why did you leave me?
23
I attended his graduation party.
He glistened on stage like a diamond that had been brushed clean. That was where he belonged, yet I felt jealous of every glance he received.
I wished I could remove their eyes and let him display his brilliance to me alone.
24
I must find a way to get him to come back willingly.
25
I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, but when he looked at me, I actually felt guilty.
He asked me if I loved him, and I asked myself the same question.
I don’t know.
But I think we don’t need love, we just need to be together.
26
He became so ill that he came back with a fever. I thought Zhou Chen was a doctor. How could he be like this?
He seemed to really like Zhou Chen. He even threw away the necklace that he had worn for so long, and replaced it with one that Zhou Chen gave him.
I couldn’t control my temper, so I took his necklace. He said he hated me.
He said, word by word, “I hate you. ”
I’ve never felt so helpless. When matters at home and work were combined, they weren’t as difficult to cope with as this one.
I thought he just didn’t love me, but I didn’t expect him to also hate me.
27
I convinced myself it was okay.
I’ll give him a new necklace.
I will marry him.
I’ll let everyone know we’re together.
I’ll have him for the rest of my life.
28
He was pregnant. With me.
We had a child together.
We almost had a baby.
My heart hurts so much, it hurts so much that I couldn’t straighten my waist.
Oh, he hates me so much.
29
He said a lot to me.
He loved me.
He didn’t love me anymore.
I think I’m really losing him.
30
At a certain moment, I thought, let’s end like this, let him die in my arms, wait for me below, and we’ll go to another world to live together.
It’s not enough to entangle in this life, but it’s okay to continue to entangle in the next life.
But I didn’t give up after all.
I still want him alive.
31
Is it too late to admit that I love him.
32
Zhou Chen said that the child was knocked out by me.
I deserved this.
33
We should’ve had an ordinary and generic story. We got to know each other and grew acquainted with one another. After a lengthy period of ambiguity, we defined our connection and knew we were in love for the rest of our lives.
I made a mistake and ruined our life.
34
I went to the hospital and got his records. He went through so much for me, and I tortured him like that.
Zhou Chen is right. I am a beast.
I told him I loved him, but I never made him happy. He even braved not to tell me the truth, dared not to put his trust in me.
He was terrified of the dark and of pain.
I knew that. How could I have the heart to treat him like that?
He suffered a heart attack at the time and was still pregnant with a child. Regardless, I asked him. What must it be like for him?
He was depressed and prone to self-blame and anxiety, and I didn’t care about him. Even when he was at his most vulnerable, I thought he was being pretentious.
In the end I… killed our child.
No wonder he left me. No wonder he hated me.
How could I be such an asshole…
35
He and everything about him disappeared from my life. I did not notice. At some point, he removed all his belongings from the house and left nothing for me.
I’ve never been so scared, as if I have lost the most important thing in my life.
It turned out that I loved him more than I thought, and I couldn’t live without him.
I want him to come back, but I was not qualified.
36
I found the contract and bank card he had returned to me in the mailbox, with the money in the card untouched.
How did this happen… In the beginning, when he was with me, wasn’t it for money…
37
I know I was wrong.
Come back, okay.
38
I’m going crazy.
I couldn’t stay in the house without him.
I went to his old house, which was small, but had traces of his life, and it gave me some peace of mind.
39
I didn’t expect him to go home. With Zhou Chen.
Zhou Chen knew how to take care of people better than I do. His complexion was much better, and his eyes were bright again.
Only this time, his eyes weren’t on me, they were on someone else.
I knew he loved someone else now because I had seen how he loved me.
An emotion called pain almost overwhelmed me.
Did he ever feel this bad when he saw me with someone else before?
40
His birthday’s coming.
I didn’t like all this nonsense: birthdays, holidays, all this weird ritual.
But I knew he liked it. He was still a child at heart. He likes fresh, beautiful, and romantic things. I used to be too lazy to deal with it, but now that I think about it, it’s also good for two people to spend time aimlessly.
Who knows if I’ll ever have a chance to celebrate his birthday in the future.
41
Fang Yao and the others said that I changed a lot.
I didn’t, I just learned to be honest.
42
He was kidnapped.
Watching him close to death in the video, I realized that nothing in the world was as important as his safety and health.
As long as he lived, I could let Zhou Chen take him away. I would do anything.
43
I don’t regret it.
44
I felt like I was in a coma for a century.
As the past twenty years passed in my mind like a lantern, I realized that the years I had spent with him were some of the happiest of my life.
It would be nice to stop here, too, when he hasn’t gotten over me yet.
45
Do you want to let go?
46
I got discharged from the hospital and he didn’t come to see me.
This is the end.
Maybe after a long time, I could forget him, too.
47
I went to attend his first orchestral performance.
I’d always thought he was lovely, particularly on stage.
He was a lark in the woods, not a caged canary. It was my selfishness that nearly destroyed him.
48
Following the performance, he kissed Zhou Chen while holding a bouquet of flowers.
I hadn’t seen his face in a long time; bashful, brilliant, and eager.
He lived to be the man he had been at the age of eighteen: brave, full of hope for the future, and full of love for the world.
This was the life he deserved.
I couldn’t give it to him. Someone took care of it for me.
49
The days were busy and boring.
After he left, there was nothing to remember.
50
I had a dream.
I was 23 years old, and I met him when he was 17.
Sorry Qi Shit, still don’t feel bad for you 🙂 Some things can’t be mended just by “regretting” your past actions. While it’s true that some things can be fixed if you regret it and improve on yourself, it’s not always the case. Some things can’t be forgotten.
Ty for the extra!!💜💜💜
Good thing that we get QS point of view, so we can understand him better. Of course he is still guilty and falut is on him. Thank You for extra! ❤
Thanks for the extra. Not sure how I feel about it…
Damn! Tragic! Just tragic😳😞😞😞
it’s what you deserve. bye-bye Qi shit
Really? You would describe the time spent you soent with him as your happiest? Like, which part? The parts where you dismissed his illness as being pretentious or the parts where you regarded him as being with you for your money or the parts where you fixated on controlling him? Just saying, those rose tinted glasses of yours are doing a lot of work
Well this made me sad…..
Thanks for the chapter
Qi Shit! You deserve it everything comes for you:-) regretting until your inside rot. Thanks for the extra~
I really pity QS
I wish his brain was not so broken
Thank you for translating this story, i had a good cry and some smoothing. I enjoyed some abused and infliction in my fiction too. But always remember fiction is fiction. Reality is reality. I love a dark wild rides in my mind and reading. So i am open in my genres of reading materials. I enjoyed some wild, ridiculous,mind f*** things ppl have written. And it’s really interesting,lol.Thank you
Sigh!! Sometimes we don’t always know the value of what we hv until we lose it, Nd almost all times we never get it back, that’s a fact of life, wen yan was right he has psychological issue Nd nids therapy
serves you right Qi shit !!
I think his suffering is nothing compared to xiao yu’s ….
😑
I was listening to the song ‘One’ by Lewis Capaldi while reading this chapter and shit! The lyrics and QS’ pov were both so 100% accurate
QS is really pitiful. I kinda hoped he would find some kind of small happiness but this honestly feels more realistic. He is by no means a good man but seeing his change by the end and reading his POV makes him more human. He got what was coming to him (well deserved, don’t get me wrong, he was absolutely despicable!) but he is still a tragic soul, made me cry.
Jesus did I read that last statement well or am I obsessed with transmigration novels.
I had a dream.
I was 23 years old, and I met him when he was 17. did he rebirth
I did not think of that possibility 😳😳. I wonder if that was the case how he would treat him!!!!
After reading this extra, the only thing I can think is… He really got some problem…
1/15638838th of a redemption point for you.
And only bc youve become self aware flips the bird
I’m so sad. Not because of Qi Shu’s story but how bad and shallow his opinion on Xiao Yu and Xiao Yu’s love for him.
QS is mentally sick. Hé needed help liké so many millions who are mentally unwell in this World.
All the rétribution hé received will never erase his deeds.
I don’t feel bad for this guy. I’m honestly satisfied that they didn’t end up back together like my most hated genre of wife chasing crematorium. Nobody owes anybody forgiveness. It’s not about being deserving or etc, it’s about how the people hurt felt, of they don’t want to forgive, then don’t.
As much as I liked reading Qi Shu’s pov… I don’t feel bad for him… not a single bit.. ㅡㅡ
While I will never forgive him or like him in any way because of what he did to Xiao Yu, I wish he was lucky enough to meet someone like Xiao Fei (Xiao Yu’s ”mom”) that changed him like how Xiao Fei changed Zhou Chen… I feel if Zhou Chen hadn’t met Xiao Fei, he would’ve turn out like QS… atlas it’s only a wish and QS turns out like he did. Wished he had a happy childhood ☹️
I can only sigh.
I still feel he deserves it. He didn’t love xiao yu. He’s obsessed with the feeling being loved by xiao yu.
N I have no regrets. He suffered little
don’t care, still hate you.
thank you sm for the chapter
after knowing qi shu, he yang is 100x better than him
Damn I’m crying 🙂 idk y , he probably needs treatment and i really hope he finds happiness as well .
” Wrong person at the wrong time “
Maybe in another life where you aren’t psychotic then maybe Xiao Xiao would choose you.
This was my favorite chapter.