The night before the presentation, I could hardly sleep. I tossed and turned on the narrow mattress, thinking about him working at the company. I recalled his words and imbued cold, emotionless words with warmth and color. Dreams and imagination merged into one. Sometimes his face seemed vividly present before me.
Perhaps due to lack of sleep, the process of waking up, washing, dressing, and taking the subway to work in the early morning felt like floating in the air. The company lobby, elevator, and the corridors of the 4th floor were all bathed in a faint, pale light, as if drained of color.
After exchanging brief greetings with Supervisor Kim and Deputy Yoon in the meeting room, we moved to the conference room on the 3rd floor to set up our seats and water cups. We meticulously checked the presentation projector, computer, and microphone several times.
Deputy Park and Deputy Kwon arrived at the meeting room fifteen minutes before the presentation. We all turned our heads in unison when the door opened.
“For someone who stayed up all night, you look surprisingly well.”
Supervisor Kim said to Deputy Park. Deputy Park, who pulled a chair and sat next to us, rubbed his faintly marked chin.
“I just shaved in the bathroom. And Deputy Kwon and I managed to catch a few hours of sleep in the early morning.”
“Shall I get some coffee for you and Team Leader?”
“I don’t have time for that. If we get coffee, it’ll be time to start the presentation.”
Han Team Leader, sitting on a low podium, exchanged a few words with Deputy Kwon, who was checking the computer. Text scrolled swiftly on the large screen. Han Team Leader nodded briefly as he listened to Deputy Kwon’s words.
His attire didn’t look like someone who stayed up all night. Whether he changed clothes before the presentation or not, from his fidgeting shoes to his perfectly fitting tailored suit, there was no gap. His neatly waxed hair and the cool, composed face underneath were the same.
Watching him, I could partially understand what Deputy Park had said. Surely, the statement “exuding energy” wouldn’t suit him now. The energy seemed to have shifted inward, and the straight lines he drew now carried weight and depth. It felt like the air in the meeting room split sharply as it reached where he stood.
Supervisor Kim, who was leaning on her chin and looking at the podium beside me, murmured.
“If I hadn’t seen the Han Team Leader present, I wouldn’t have had to come here and suffer.”
Deputy Park, who was drinking water, chuckled.
“Didn’t you say the same thing last year?”
“Yeah, but you still applied for the TF this year after watching last year’s presentation.”
“What else could I do? It’s hopeless.”
As the chit-chat dragged on, Deputy Kwon, who was looking in our direction, frowned. Since the incident on Wednesday, Deputy Kwon and Deputy Park had been treating each other politely and kindly, like walking on eggshells. Deputy Kwon, without saying a word, got up.
“It seems like it’s about time. If the Han Team Leader is ready, I’ll go up and fetch him.”
Han Team Leader’s gaze flickered towards our direction. Passing Deputy Park and Supervisor Kim, he paused briefly by me. Our eyes met for a moment. It was only a matter of seconds.
“Check everything once, and Deputy Park, please come up.”
“Yes, I’ll be right back.”
His gaze seemed to penetrate my body, stirring my chest and stomach. My heart pounded loudly as if there were butterflies fluttering inside. Even when Deputy Kwon came back to his seat and Deputy Park led the executives into the meeting room, all I could see was him standing on the podium far away. Everything else in the world was blurry, but he stood out vividly like a high-contrast photograph.
***
I rolled the round table along the corridor. It was after lunchtime, so the corridor wasn’t crowded, but just in case someone appeared, Supervisor Kim was holding the opposite end of the table to stop it immediately.
“It’s for the participation report.”
Supervisor Kim, whose face was obscured by the table, said.
“You write feedback or suggestions and submit it. It’s for reference for the next TF or for informal purposes like that.”
“Will the Team Leader read it alone?”
“I guess so. He said it’s good to be detailed, but there’s no specific format. You can leave by the right.”
I passed by the lounge where I had been sitting on the first day of the TF. A few people in the corridor were watching me struggle with the round table as I passed by the corner. I managed to fix the table while greeting them, and one of them asked. It was a young woman with a mischievous face.
“Is the TF over for Han Team Leader today?”
“Yes, it’s over for today.”
Supervisor Kim answered instead. Relief was so evident in her tone that I almost laughed.
Supervisor Kim carried the round table all the way to the equipment room, struggling once more at the threshold before leaning it against the wall. Supervisor Kim wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, as if sweating. As she leaned back with her hands on her waist, the noise behind her grew louder as Deputy Park and Deputy Yoon each carried a partition over their shoulders and entered.
“Take a break.”
Deputy Park helped lower one end of the partition he was carrying and Supervisor Kim spoke.
“Can’t you leave early?”
“I was planning on it anyway. Once I move this, I’ll go home, catch a bit of sleep, then head straight to the after-party. I’m sorry to ask, but could you handle the rest of the cleaning?”
“Don’t worry about it. Did Han Team Leader go home too?”
“Oh, Han Team Leader is giving a presentation to a few other executives, including Director Kim.”
Deputy Park adjusted the angle to ensure the partition didn’t fall as he spoke. Just then, Deputy Kwon entered the equipment room dragging two chairs behind him.
“Since everyone saw the presentation, there shouldn’t be any issues. I feel relieved,” he added.
“Indeed, I feel relieved too,” Deputy Park politely chimed in. Deputy Kwon gave a puzzled look at the response.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
As Deputy Yoon and I followed Supervisor Kim out of the equipment room, her face was smiling.
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“Bringing up next year’s talk already, you’re quite energetic. Oh, I’ll handle this. There aren’t any chairs left in the meeting room?”
“Yes, and we also need to bring back the table that was there originally…”
“We’ll deal with that after the vacuuming. We need to move the table to make space first.”
Supervisor Kim opened the pantry, carefully transferring the coffee beans, tea leaves, and snacks that our team had been using for the past three months into baskets. Deputy Yoon asked about the vacuum cleaner’s location and went out into the corridor first. As I was about to follow, a voice called out, “Lee Seodan.”
“Do you want some coffee? I could leave it in the break room, but it seems like no one will drink it.”
“Oh… What about Supervisor Kim?”
Supervisor Kim glanced at her bangs in the restroom mirror before tilting her head back through it.
“I don’t think I’ll take any. Han Team Leader probably has plenty at home. Should I offer some to Deputy Park?”
“I don’t have a machine at home to brew…,” he replied.
“Then, how about some tea leaves? All you need is a strainer. Oh, this green tea is quite expensive. It might be to Han Team Leader’s liking.”
I raised my head at her words. I didn’t even know how to drink tea, let alone having a strainer at home, but I stared at the round tin case in Supervisor Kim’s hand.
“Then, just take that one… and some snacks. Lee Seodan likes sweet things.”
Supervisor Kim meticulously prepared a paper bag, not only with the green tea but also with leftover imported snacks. She repeatedly took items out and put them back, seeming to ponder the arrangement.
“If you have any preferences for snacks or pastries, let me know, I’ll bake some later.”
“Really?”
“We often bring some to the office anyway. Lee Seodan, you’re in the consulting department on the 4th floor, right? What do you like? What type of snacks?”
“I like everything. The ones you gave last time were all delicious…”
Supervisor Kim handed me the bag, firmly holding the handle as if afraid it might tear. Most of the remaining snacks in the pantry seemed to fit snugly inside.
“Aren’t you going to have any, Supervisor Kim? Or maybe Deputy Yoon or Deputy Park…?”
“Lee Seodan, just take it. The gentlemen will take care of themselves. We still need to distribute the coffee.”
Handing the bag handle over to me, Supervisor Kim headed out of the pantry room. I was about to turn off the lights when I realized the bright light was from natural illumination. I followed her out into the corridor, bathed in sunlight. It was strange to be so leisurely in the middle of a bright day, moving furniture and cleaning out the empty conference room. It felt like one of those carefree days during summer vacation.
“Are you going home after this?”
Supervisor Kim asked as we approached the conference room. I stared at the empty space as if in a daze, then answered belatedly.
“I’ll stay at the office. My home is quite far, and I didn’t pull an all-nighter like some others…”
“Then, Lee Seodan, where will you be? In the consulting department?”
“Ah… yes.”
With my desk and PC cleared out of the conference room, I had nowhere to work on the participation report even if I wanted to. Just then, Deputy Yoon appeared in the corridor, dragging the vacuum cleaner along. “I’ll do it,” I said, reaching out my hand, and she willingly handed over the vacuum cleaner. Supervisor Kim pulled the plug and plugged it into the wall, saying, “While you vacuum, we’ll bring in the table and assemble it, and we’ll be done quickly.”
“Can you manage with just the two of you?”
“We’ll just take it slowly.”
It felt like there was nothing left to clean. I pushed the vacuum cleaner around as if marking territory, while Supervisor Kim and Deputy Yoon assembled the large table.
In less than ten minutes, everything was finished. Supervisor Kim stood up, brushing her hands. The three of us stood in the restored conference room, as it was before the TF meeting. “It’s all done,” Supervisor Kim said without sentiment.
“I’ll head to the department. See you at the after-party. Deputy Park arranged it and sent out a text.”
“Yes, see you in the evening.”
“Take care.”
As Supervisor Kim left with her bag, Deputy Yoon, holding the vacuum cleaner, spoke with a friendly smile.
“You’ve worked hard, Lee Seodan. I’ve been watching you work diligently, and it’s been quite inspiring.”
“Thank you for your hard work.”
We stood up and shook hands. After a brief shake, Deputy Yoon slung the vacuum cleaner over her shoulder.
“I’ll go too, then. See you in the evening.”
“Yes, take care.”
After seeing them off, I was left alone in the spacious conference room bathed in the afternoon sunlight. I wandered around with my bag and paper bag, then set them down on the conference table. When I went into the storage room, although company documents were organized, Han Team Leader’s books were still piled up in boxes.
Despite being careful, the neatly folded corners of my suit jacket in the bag were slightly crumpled from being carried around. I gently straightened them out with my fingernails, some of them miraculously smoothing out. Perhaps later, when he finished his tasks upstairs, I could move the books into his car. After closely examining some faint marks that may or may not have been there originally, I placed the books back into the box.
Returning to the conference room, I sat down on the rigid chair without wheels. Sunlight streamed in through the large window next to where his desk had been. The cloudless sky stretched out before me.
I took out a notebook and pen from my bag. I spread out the clean pages and clicked the pen.
In the top empty space, I wrote “Participation Report.” Then, I gently lifted the pen tip. The paper was white and pristine.
I took another look around the tidy conference room. Holding the pen absentmindedly, I eventually set it down and pulled out my phone from my pocket. The screen was clean without any notifications.
In the message window, there was his name and his number. All the messages exchanged between us were still there. From the first text informing about the hotel name and time, to the one with the front door password. It traced the trajectory of our relationship that we had built together over the past few months.
***
The tables in the restaurant where the after-party was held were long. Han Team Leader sat on one end, and I, at the end of the left column, had to tilt my head to see him. Deputy Park and Deputy Kwon were seated on his side, and conversation only flowed within that triangle about work-related topics.
I never felt comfortable when seating arrangements were made naturally. Anticipating the after-party because I hadn’t had a chance to see him at work was a mistake. Now that I met him at the after-party venue, there was hardly a proper chance to make eye contact. Every time I looked up, Han Team Leader was either talking to someone else or clinking glasses. The noise in the room was so loud that it was impossible to hear conversations from across the table.
“Lee Seodan, you’re not listening to me,” Supervisor Kim said, holding tongs. It snapped me back to reality.
“I asked if anyone wanted more meat.”
“Ah… I’m fine, I’ve eaten a lot.”
“Then, finish what’s remaining in the glass.”
Following her orders, I drank the remaining half of the beer in the glass. It tasted bitter and unpleasant. Supervisor Kim held up a bottle of soju, and when I shook my head, she poured more beer into my glass from the pitcher. The beer foam formed a white layer on top.
As usual, once even a little alcohol entered my system, my head started to ache, and my stomach felt queasy. I turned my head out of habit and took a deep breath. Suddenly, Han Team Leader’s seat at the head of the table was empty. There was only an empty chair.
“Where did Han Team Leader go?”
Supervisor Kim, who was grilling meat, looked up.
“Yeah, where did he go? Did he go to the restroom?”
“The fact that he went home…”
“No way. He’s supposed to stay until the third round today, so don’t even think about running away, Lee Seodan.”
I pushed my chair back and stood up. Offering Supervisor Kim a vague excuse, I swiftly made my way out from beside the table.
No matter how much I looked around, he wasn’t in the restaurant. The men’s restroom in the corridor was empty too. Passing by, my face in the mirror looked pale and ghostly due to the lighting. I hastened my steps to exit the corridor. The parking lot was quiet and cool, a completely different world from the bustling space inside. Under the dim light of the streetlamp, there was a man leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette.
My heart jumped up to my throat. As he stood right in front of me, sweat began to form in the palm of my hand. Even though he must have heard my footsteps approaching slowly, he didn’t turn his gaze.
“Team Leader.”
I called out softly, keeping a distance of about an arm’s length. My voice choked up. Han Team Leader paused with the cigarette between his lips, but didn’t turn away. The tip of the round cigarette was glowing red.
“Why did you come out?”
His voice was calm. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words got stuck, so I closed it again. Upon reflection, the thirst-like longing I’d felt for him since last night was my own problem, completely unrelated to him.
I stood still in silence for a moment before responding, “I thought you might need a lighter.”
This time, he turned his head. His expression as he looked down at me was furrowed.
“Isn’t that a poor excuse of a joke?”
“…I’m sorry.”
His approaching hand lightly touched my cheek.
“Are you okay?”
“What?”
“You can say that you can’t drink. Don’t just take everything given to you.”
It was regrettable that his hand, which was about to drop without hesitation, didn’t come to fruition. I found myself instinctively slapping his hand away, instantly snapping back to reality. The restaurant door could be opened and exited by anyone at any time, and inside the restaurant, four team members were seated.
I took a few steps back and took a deep breath. Han Team Leader met my gaze without avoiding it, expressionless.
“Are you… okay, Team Leader?”
It was difficult to discern his complexion with just the light from the streetlamp. Tidily brushing off the cigarette butt, he replied coolly.
“No.”
“….”
“I’m on the brink of collapsing because I’m so exhausted that I want to sleep to the point of death.”
“…Can’t you just go home?”
He chuckled as if amused by my question.
“Everyone is eager to stay up all night, so I can’t just do as I please.”
“Actually… a good boss is one who throws in the towel and goes home early.”
“Are you treating me like one of those old-fashioned bosses?”
Even as I thought about it, it wasn’t true in his case. Without him, the lively atmosphere would easily deflate. Unable to come up with any solution, I bit my lip in silence. Han Team Leader glanced at me indifferently before speaking again.
“And even if I leave, what about you, Lee Seodan?”
“I…”
“Am I supposed to just send you home and let you relax? Are you happy sticking by Supervisor Kim’s side and basking in her attention?”
“…”.
While I had memories of receiving several glasses of alcohol, I didn’t have any memories of basking in attention. In that sense, him silently accepting and drinking the alcohol offered by the team members was no different.
As he finished his cigarette, I stood silently by his side. The chilly air was damp with moisture. Somewhere, a cricket chirped softly. His long shadow neatly divided the orange glow on the ground as it fell in half.
Han Team Leader, flicking the cigarette butt into the ashtray, paused as if about to enter the restaurant.
“Lee Seodan.”
“Yes.”
“Do you have any plans on where to work from Monday?”
I remained silent. Even after careful consideration, every superior except him seemed inadequate to me at the moment, and every company without him seemed unfamiliar. Unable to say that directly, I looked up at him, and Han Team Leader continued with a displeased expression.
“I’m not trying to limit your choices, Lee Seodan but since the TF incident, staying in Raewon is no longer the best option. The rest of the team members are difficult to replace in their respective departments, so we can’t act hastily. However, in your case, you lack a strong position to protect yourself. If someone decides to vent their frustration, you could become a target.”
“Yes.”
Feeling as if I had received a verdict, I mentally explored the unfamiliar company names written on the documents he had sent me. It felt like the ground beneath me was shaking.
“If we were to consider it, there’s also my responsibility for bringing you into TF… But even then, you weren’t highly regarded in Raewon at the time, so the outcome would likely be similar.”
His conclusion was delivered flatly. A car entered beyond the speed bump in the parking lot, casting a sharp shadow that elongated and wavered over half of his composed face.
“I understand what you mean.”
I answered, lowering my gaze to the floor. He nodded as if understanding.
“Okay. Think about it over the weekend, and if you decide to submit a resignation, give it to me next week, and I’ll handle it.”
“Yes.”
“Or…”
His words slowed down and then stopped abruptly. I lifted my head to look at his face, which bore a hint of ambiguity. Something resembling irritation brushed his lips. Han Team Leader, pausing after saying “or,” spoke slowly again.
“If Lee Seodan insists on staying in Raewon… there’s no choice but to assign you to the consulting department. If you’re under me, I can at least mitigate the disadvantages that come with being a TF alum.”
“…”.
“If Lee Seodan has a compelling reason to stay in Raewon, then so be it. It’s not my place to force you to resign, so it’s just an option I’m offering.”
He emphasized again, but I wasn’t really listening anymore. He furrowed his brow as he looked at my face with some bewilderment.
“As I mentioned, even if it’s not Raewon-”
“Team Leader.”
“…Yes?”
“All the companies you suggested to me are overly prestigious for me… but upon reflection, I still want to continue working in a large corporation.”
A look of incredulity passed over his face as he looked at me. I continued without backing down.
“I want a higher salary… and employee benefits are also important…”
“When did you become so shameless?”
He asked, not bothering to hide his amusement. Summoning up the courage I had squeezed out to the very last drop, I looked him straight in the eye and said,
“If given the chance, I will really work hard. I’ll make up for my shortcomings with more effort, learn quickly, and be of help as soon as possible…”
“I probably told you not to push ahead with just passion if you don’t have the qualifications.”
His voice wasn’t angry. Echoing words I had heard before, I found myself without a response. Han Team Leader leaned against the wall and sighed.
“Even if given another chance to think, would you come to the same conclusion?”
“…Yes.”
“And do you remember that working as a consultant or as my team member will be different from TF?”
“Yes.”
After a moment of silence, he slowly rose to his feet. Passing by me dryly, he remarked,
“At least you’ve spared yourself the trouble of moving the desk.”
