“Did you really have a meal then? Are you getting married, Team Leader?” Supervisor Kim, asked, leaning forward as if to satisfy curiosity after making a mess. Han Team Leader closed and opened his eyes for a moment.
“If you don’t have the intention to participate in the meeting, leave. Don’t just sit there.”
“It’s not like that…”
“If you think you can focus on work, contact me then. In this tense atmosphere, the desire to lead a meeting disappears completely.”
Although it was a usual sharp retort, there was an unusual lack of venom in it. Supervisor Kim just closed her mouth quietly, and Han Team Leader turned towards the blackboard without further comment.
I looked down at the documents in front of me. The sound coming in was indistinct, like a distant buzzing noise. Whether it was Supervisor Kim, who couldn’t hear the answer anyway, or Han Team Leader who avoided the question, they would know. The silence here was affirmative. There was no room for further thought.
***
The voice coming through the receiver was lower than usual. Other than that, with a calm tone, a nonchalant tone as if there were no problems, he asked.
– What’s going on? Where are you going and not coming down?
Even without looking at the clock, it could easily be deduced that more than ten minutes had passed since the promised time. Far below, office workers were leaving work on the dark road. Among them, there was no team leader waiting for me openly with his car in the underground parking lot.
– Are you still at the company? Or have you left?
“……”
– Is it Lee Seodan?
It was unclear whether he was impatient or angry. After a short breath, he urged with a softened voice.
– If you received a call, you should have said something. Don’t make people wait.
I almost laughed at his words. I hadn’t thought of anything to say, but now it seemed like my tongue was filled with words I wanted to say to him, following my prayers. So I easily opened my mouth.
“I had a heavy lunch, so I think it’s better not to eat dinner.”
– …Alright, then.
“And if possible, I’d like to meet you not at Team Leader’s house but at the hotel we met before.”
A sudden silence came through the receiver. I touched the railing and looked down at the intersection. Someone’s discarded cigarette butt was squashed under my toe.
“Regarding what Team Leader mentioned last week, I’ve thought about it. I apologize for causing trouble, but I would appreciate it if you could find a place other than Raewon. Salary doesn’t matter much, and it doesn’t have to be in Seoul.”
“…Come down first. Why discuss this over the phone-”
“After this project is over, I prefer not to run into Team Leader anywhere, whether it’s at the company or elsewhere.”
There was no trembling or hesitation. Despite repeatedly interrupting his words, it seemed like I had truly lost my fear. As he said, it seemed like I had stepped out of the makeshift boat.
“Lee Seodan.”
Han Team Leader said quietly. This time, his voice sounded genuinely boiling with anger.
“Where are you now?”
“I’ll go to the hotel at eleven. Please leave the room number in a text message.”
“I asked where you are!”
An intense voice. Raw emotions struck my ears like violence. My stomach churned, and I closed my eyes. I detached the phone from my ear until my breath calmed down. When his words slowed into silence, I opened my mouth.
“Three times left. When it’s all over… Please forget me, just as if I never existed.”
He seemed to call my name. I pressed the power button for a long time and tucked the silenced phone back into my pocket.
Only then did the delayed tremor hit me. It invaded me like a silent cry, shaking my entire body ruthlessly. Unable to stand, I gripped the railing tightly. If I closed my eyes, it felt like my body would collapse.
It must have been my fault. I was always someone who couldn’t have anything, a pitiful person clinging to even the smallest pieces offered. Someone had picked up what I thoughtlessly threw away, embraced it preciously, gave it meaning, and gave it a name. It was like turning pebbles into gems and placing them deep inside a box, ignoring the lack of light, stifling them with fingertips.
It was a doomed relationship anyway, yet I had blurred my vision in front of the inevitable. I pretended not to know, even though I knew. So, what returned to me was the natural consequence of my feeble greed.
***
As soon as I opened the hotel room door, he pursed his lips towards the table without a word. I undressed, and without wine glasses or documents on the empty table, I placed my hand on it.
In front of me was the tie he called mine. The rope that bound my hands became a blindfold. A tight knot was tied around the back of my head.
Leaning against the table, he struck me without a word, with his teeth clenched. A solid wooden paddle relentlessly fell on my buttocks without a break. I didn’t let go of the hand holding the table, even if sweat dripped. I didn’t say anything, didn’t open my mouth. The dark-colored tie didn’t show any signs even when soaked.
He urgently pressed my upper body onto the table in that state. Spreading my legs, he held my bruised buttocks mercilessly, smearing cream and teasing the tight entrance with his fingers before pushing his genitals inside. I closed my eyes under the damp blindfold. It felt like something endless would flow away somewhere. He forcibly spread my trembling legs, repeatedly lifting the constantly dripping body.
“If you keep your mouth shut, do you think I’ll finish?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Ft, jt….”
“Ccrkfg. Qts jgf sbe vblcu atlr? Kfii wf.”
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He crossed my limits several times. Repeatedly hitting and pressing the same spot, brutally trampling on the brutally congested body. It seemed like a situation where he openly told me to wear a safety vest, but I looked up at his lips and closed my eyes each time. Blood tasted from inside the sealed mouth.
“…How can I handle you like this?”
First, it was exhaustion. I lay with tears streaming down my face, as if broken, my cheeks buried in the blanket.
Han Team Leader nonchalantly stretched out my legs as if they would never move again, lit a cigarette, and asked, “Do you think Seodan will win if we keep going like this?”
“….”
“If I send you out today almost half-dead, would you agree to compromise the remaining three times or so?” Tears stung my eyes as I looked up at him with a messy face. Han Team Leader smirked while blowing smoke into my face, twisting the corners of his mouth firmly.
“No way. Even if I send you off, I won’t do it gracefully. Seodan hasn’t seen me for a day or two, and if he knows I’m this kind of person, he won’t mess with me. Let’s see who dies first.” I turned my head away from his locked gaze, biting my lips. Tears welled up in my hot eyes, and I felt a softness under my head and something covering me.
***
It rained unexpectedly, a shower not forecasted.
Until I left for work in the morning, the sky was clear, but thick clouds covered it by lunchtime, and a heavy downpour began. I was looking out of the window next to the vending machine when someone tapped me on the shoulder from behind. I turned around, and it was Supervisor Kim.
“Would you like some coffee, Lee Seodan?”
“Oh, yes.” I hastily took out a cooling paper cup. Supervisor Kim inserted a coin with a clink, clenched her fist, and stood waiting.
“We have to pretend not to know each other.”
“…What?”
“If they find out I drink instant coffee….” The vending machine whirred to a stop.
“Because I’m being ignored by Han Team Leader and team members.” Supervisor Kim lifted the 300-won coffee with manicured nails. It was only then that I realized what she meant and laughed. I didn’t really want to drink vending machine coffee; I just needed a place where I wouldn’t run into Han Team Leader. Surprisingly, the secluded corridor on the 4th floor seemed to be Supervisor Kim’s favorite spot.
“I didn’t bring an umbrella.” Supervisor Kim muttered, placing the dusty paper cup on the windowsill. As I looked up, the gloomy sky showed no signs of clearing.
“I’d like to lend you one, but I didn’t bring mine either…”
“Do you drive, Lee Seodan?”
“No, I take the subway.” The coffee was sweet. It seemed like my taste had become pickier to match my refined preferences. I wondered what I would do after the project was over. I might have to buy coffee beans and keep them in the office.
As if reading my thoughts, Supervisor Kim spoke. “I actually only drink lattes when I go to cafes. I don’t know the taste of coffee well.”
“…Yes.”
“This is good too, right? Less hassle. After last year’s project, I bought expensive coffee beans and a machine, but I quickly put them aside and started drinking instant coffee. Surprisingly, you get used to it again.” The lukewarm coffee was tasteless and bland. I replied slowly, “Is that so?” The rain continued. I should go inside and work, but my gaze remained fixed on the window.
“Your face seems even thinner. Haven’t been eating lately?”
“…No, I’m eating.”
“I gain weight when I’m stressed. I haven’t checked recently out of fear.” Supervisor Kim, who had downed her coffee in one shot, stretched and yawned. She didn’t seem to have gained much weight, but her tired face with dark circles under her eyes and heavy makeup told a different story. She tossed the crumpled paper cup into the trash bin and, with a yawn, said in a muffled voice,
“I’ll go in. No, take more rest. I have a lot of work piled up.”
“Yes, go ahead.”
Listening to the fading sound of footsteps, I leaned against the old vending machine, leaving the coffee I was drinking on the windowsill. Han Team Leader had been so busy throughout the week that I hardly had a chance to see his face. Every time we crossed paths, a chilly wind seemed to blow from him. The bruise from last Saturday was the most brutal mark so far, and the throbbing pain bothered me every time I sat down. Moreover, on Sunday morning, as he dropped me off in front of my house, he spoke coldly.
“Build up your stamina. It won’t be this easy next week.”
Could I make it to work tomorrow? Tilting my face slowly, I pressed my nose against the glass, now cooled by rain.
***
“Your face looks very tired.”
He stared at me intensely and teased, “Why, do you feel elated now that there are only a few times left? Are you excited since you’ll only realize it’s done after today?”
It was in Han Team Leader’s car. Work had ended long past evening, and as I was coming out, he caught me waiting. It was too tight to go all the way to my house, and I couldn’t drag him down to the parking lot.
When I opened the car door, I didn’t hear the sound of rain. Only the humid air from when it rained remained. I fastened my seatbelt without saying anything. He looked fine when I saw him in the meeting room, but up close, his fingertips felt chillingly cold.
“Your face seemed like it would disappear if it got any smaller.”
He said as he started the engine. His gaze scanning my face felt sharp like a laser. As we left the parking lot, the wipers began to move across the front windshield. Without responding, I said,
“I need to stop by the pharmacy.”
“It’s okay, I have it prepared.”
Initially, I thought he was talking about the hotel. It wasn’t until we stopped at a traffic light that I noticed something strange. He did something, and it was the lane change. Han Team Leader , adjusting the heater intensity without looking at me, said gruffly,
“You’ve become quite perceptive.”
“…Team leader. You didn’t even say anything to me.”
“Whether it’s here or there, it’s the same bed. What’s the difference? Anyway, if we don’t see each other again in two weeks, it’s like a stranger’s house, just like a hotel.”
The light turned green. Straight, not left turn. It was the direction of his house.
I recoiled from the echo of my words, as if digging into my own wounds. I closed my mouth and turned my gaze to the window. The traffic was jammed. The taillights of the car in front turned red in the rain.
“Have you been doing well all week?”
Breaking the silence, Han Team Leader asked. The finger gripping the steering wheel lightly tapped as if gauging. Listening only to his dry voice, it seemed like he was really asking about my well-being.
“How about you, Team Leader?”
I fixed my gaze on my lap. Saying I was doing well would be ironic, and saying I wasn’t doing well would be absurd. Han Team Leader, who had been silent for a moment, turned the steering wheel and casually asked,
“There’s still two weeks left for the presentation, but the work is piling up. Team members rebel at the wrong time, my mother being herself and you being you. Do you think I’ve been doing well?”
Asking might have been a mistake from the beginning. I blinked my eyes with dry lips.
“When did I…”
It was always the opposite of what I knew. Han Team Leader laughed. It was a dry sound.
“Lee Seodan seems to be doing better than me.”
I looked away from his eyes and stared out the window. The raindrops were getting thicker.
The wiper speed increased. Raindrops drew long tails down the window.
Han Team Leader’s house was the same as I saw it then. When adjusting the brightness of the lights, the rainy scenery outside the window looked clear. He took off my coat, casually taking it as he asked,
“It has a nice atmosphere, doesn’t it?”
“…Yes.”
Since the window was large, it felt like it was closely connected to the rain outside. Han Team Leader approached the glass, left me alone, and disappeared into the kitchen. I looked out the window as I heard the faint rustling sound. The rug under my feet was soft and warm. On the balcony table, the ashtray was piled high with cigarette butts.
Footsteps echoed through the living room. Han Team Leader turned on a large silver lamp next to the sofa. The light, shaped like a round water droplet, spread beneath the wide brim of the hat. He adjusted the brightness low, then stood next to me for a moment.
“Come to the dining table.”
His hand, which seemed to approach as if to grab my arm, brushed past my shoulder with a lukewarm touch. I leaned slightly, twisting my body. Two sturdy blue mugs were placed on the wooden dining table on the other side of the living room, facing each other. I sat against the wall, and he pulled a chair from the opposite side, settling on the edge.
Inside the mugs, there was a dark and rich liquid. Even though I only brought it near my nose, the strong scent of herbal medicine lingered. As I looked up, Han Team Leader, gazing out the window, spoke.
“It’s worth eating since it’s infused with honey.”
“Thank you.”
I took a sip, and my tongue cringed at the bitterness. The honey scent lingered faintly afterward, disappearing quickly. The remaining aftertaste was thick and pungent.
While silently looking into the mug, he spoke.
“It seems better to talk here than at a hotel.”
The surface of the mug, wrapped in his cold fingertips, was warm. As if I had agreed, he continued.
“We have things to discuss, don’t we?”
His voice was calm, like sediment settling after last week’s anger. My body shook as if a cold wind had passed. I released the breath I had been holding.
“I have nothing to discuss with Han Team Leader.”
He raised the mug, took a sip, and put it down. He looked straight at my forehead and spoke concisely.
“Then at least listen.”
“If you’re only going to talk, I’ll leave. I didn’t come all the way here to listen to you.”
Ha, he chuckled.
“So, did you decide to leave right away?”
I traced the patterns of the table’s wood with lowered eyes, devoid of meaning.
“Ridiculous as it may be to nitpick, was the humiliating situation last week entirely my fault? Doesn’t Lee Seodan also bear some responsibility?”
“I don’t know what situation you’re talking about. It was the same as usual-”
“Don’t pretend to be ignorant.”
It was a sinister voice. Sensing the signal, I lifted my eyes, holding my trembling fingertips. He spoke with a resonating voice.
“Did you really not understand why I was angry in the first place?”
“…Are you saying that sincerely?”
“Since we first met on the rooftop and you’ve been suggesting to meet every Saturday until now, I’ve kept that promise. I haven’t broken any promises from my side. Instead, you, Team Leader, have complicated things.”
He crossed the line drawn between us. With neat hands, he casually messed up my well-organized daily life. It could only be understood after the storm passed. Last week’s relationship should have been normal, and what I had entrusted with my body and time was only that. So, I returned to where I originally belonged.
“How well you nitpick. I want to sew up your lips.”
He muttered with a sinking voice, pressing the top of my numb head.
“I-”
“Just stop talking now.”
The command without a bottomless edge cut my words like a dull blade. I felt the warmth rising inside my abdomen as if responding. Han Team Leader wasn’t looking at me. His gaze, which had gone to the window, returned to me indifferently.
“You stamped your attendance, so your job is done, right?”
“…Yeah.”
“Treating someone so gentlemanly throughout my life, Lee Seodan is the first. If I genuinely tried to fulfill my desires, would Lee Seodan be living this normally until now?”
“…I know.”
My stomach trembled as if responding. Continuing to speak with a squeezed voice, I barely continued.
“You didn’t need to do that from the beginning. From the start, you could have done what Han Team Leader wanted-”
“Even putting one finger in was scary for you, crying out in fear.”
He glared at me expressionlessly.
“If you want to challenge me without looking away, do you want to see how it ends today?”
“…”
“If you were going to pick a fight, you should have done it after the project, as Lee Seodan eagerly anticipated. In my soundproof home, with our imminent sex, why do you speak so boldly?”
His firm hand forcefully lifted my chin. In his eyes, meeting mine, there was something dense and sinister. My stomach tightened. I tried to turn my head, but it was impossible.
“What do you think we’ve been doing all this time? Tell me.”
“…”
“If Lee Seodan had thought about me even a little, he would have asked me and given me a chance to talk about whatever the problem was. Instead of independently reaching a conclusion and notifying me. Am I wrong?”
He held me so that I couldn’t escape, poking each word as if cutting them off. The more he spoke, the more my mind blurred. It was confusing. I couldn’t understand anything.
“When did I ever… Wait, Team Leader. Just a moment, if you let me go first…”
Even if it wasn’t the strength of the fingers gripping my chin, being close to his face made my thoughts wander aimlessly. Instinctively, I reached out and grabbed his wrist when he was about to continue. Surprised by the unexpectedly warm temperature, I couldn’t let go and just held onto it.
“Have I really done anything wrong to you? You suggested having a meal, then why did you cancel?”
“…”
“Until yesterday, everything was fine. Suddenly, what happened? After everything’s over, is it as if nothing happened? You don’t even want to face me for the rest of your life?”
“Uh…”
The grip on my chin tightened. The tendons in the wrist I was holding onto became tense. Grimacing, he spoke, producing a sound, then furrowed his brow. His hand suddenly dropped. Along with it, my hand, still gripping his wrist, fell.
As I tried to turn my head, my wrist was caught, pulling me forward. My buttocks lifted off the chair, and my thigh painfully collided with the edge of the table.
“Why didn’t you use a safety word?”
Our noses were almost touching. He glared at me intensely, asking as if chewing the words.
Seodan just decided to peace out just because he thinks the Team Leader is seeing someone else. Sometimes communication helps in relationships 😅