The man shook his head. “No, it’s not that…” He carefully reached out to touch his youth, his lover.
“Xiao Mu, I was drugged by Tan Tao. You know that this person is the most insidious…”
Xie Mu was still lying on the treatment table. He did not hide as Bo Qin’s hand reached over, but watched him.
He watched the man he had admired since high school.
“Bo Qin…” His voice was soft, like a dragonfly gently landing on the surface of water. “The first time you saw me, when was it?”
Bo Qin stiffly hugged him, his eyes downcast, and told the truth for the first time.
He knew that lying no longer had any meaning.
“During your freshman year in college, I went to your school and saw you.” The young man had a faint smile on his face.
“You did it on purpose,” he said. “Deliberately recruiting me into the company, deliberately making me like you…”
“Xiao Mu, I really did like…” After saying this, even the man himself did not think it was very convincing.
But the youth laughed.
His pale face slowly bloomed into a smile.
His voice was low. “I believe you.”
No one knew how Bo Qin was feeling at that moment, it was as if he had finally been pardoned.
He carefully held his lover, nervously and gently leaning down to kiss his cold forehead non-stop.
“Xiao Mu, I know I was wrong. I was afraid you would be hurt, please don’t blame me. I’m begging you…”
When he was young and his grandfather had made him kneel for a night in the ancestral hall, he had not begged.
When the bird was let go, he had not begged.
But now, he was begging.
He begged his lover to forgive him.
Bo Qin was scared.
For the first time, he was so scared.
When the young man had opened his eyes to look at him, the man who had always been a victor finally had fear in his heart.
Xie Mu’s eyes held no love for him.
How was that possible?
Xiao Mu loved him so much, it wasn’t even an exaggeration to say that he loved Bo Qin more than he loved himself.
This was not the first time the man had faced such a Xie Mu.
But last time, he had been sick.
The real Xiao Mu loved him, respected him, and his eyes and heart were completely full of him.
Bo Qin finished speaking and saw the youth merely looking at him with a pale face. The shape of his lips was beautiful and they moved countless times, but he never uttered words of forgiveness.
This was not normal. Xie Mu loved him so much, how could he not forgive him.
Even if he once personally pushed him into Tan Tao’s arms.
Didn’t he take Xiao Mu back in the end?
“Bo Qin…” The person in his arms opened his mouth. The gentle trust usually present in his voice was full of fatigue.
“Let me go.” The man froze for a moment, and his handsome face revealed a blank expression.
He could not believe that Xiao Mu could say such words.
It was impossible, Xiao Mu loved him, he loved him…how was it possible that he would want to leave him…
“Xiao Mu…” The man stiffly opened his mouth and licked at his dry lips, then asked with some concern, “Are you sick again?”
“That, that second personality came out again, didn’t it?”
He was careful as if he were coaxing a child, patting his back as he gently soothed, “Don’t be afraid, I will cure you.”
The eyes of the youth were full of sadness, his face pale as he weakly leaned against his lover, watching him ask the doctor to erase his second personality.
“Director Bo, the second personality has already been obliterated ah…” The poor doctor had long been tossed around by the two madmen to the point of misery. He saw the man’s sudden ferocious expression and was scared to the point of paralysis.
“Didn’t you see it? That personality is already dead…”
“Shut up!” The beautiful man was in a rage, and he reached out his hand and pushed all the things on the table next to him to the ground.
How could it have been obliterated, it must be that the second personality had come out again.
That personality did not have the memories of their love. It was full of thoughts of Tan Tao, so that’s why the current situation was like this.
It must be like this, it had to be like this.
The man thought this and hugged the youth again in pity.
“Xiao Mu, don’t be afraid, I will save you, I will protect you, don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid…” He ordered the doctor to quickly erase that damn second personality. The doctor did not dare to move, and could only stand paralyzed in place, explaining in vain.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Glgfmabg Db, atlr lr atf bglulcji Zg. Wlf…”
“Cvvlalbcjiis, tf fzqfglfcmfv abb wemt tsqcbrlr lc j rtbga qfglbv bo alwf. Qf gfjiis mjc’a mbcalcef cbk…”
Lbk kjr la qbrrlyif, la kjr lwqbrrlyif.
Ktlr wjc wera yf j dejmx.
Db Hlc kjcafv ab alf atf vbmabg lc ogbca bo tlw bcab j rabcf jcv atgbk tlw lcab atf bmfjc, yea tf tjv wbgf lwqbgajca atlcur ab vb.
“Xiao Mu…” The man’s slender fingertips fell gently and cherishing on the young man’s pale cheeks.
He touched carefully as if he was afraid of hurting his lover.
His magnetic voice asked gently, “You are sick. I’ll take you home, we’ll find the best doctor and give you a good treatment, okay?” The youth continued to look at him calmly.
“I’m not sick.”
“You are sick, I know you are sick…” The look on the man’s face became flustered and he could only warmly pat the youth’s back, at a loss over what to do.
”Sick people always say they’re not sick. Xiao Mu don’t be afraid, I will cure you…”
Bo Qin embraced his lover and held him up, but for some reason, his heart felt so empty.
Xie Mu was very light; it seemed that he had not gained much weight since he first came out of the hospital. The man could easily pick him up and walk.
His ears were attached to Bo Qin’s strong chest, and he could clearly hear the man’s rapid and flustered heartbeats.
Bo Qin could also hear his Xiao Mu say, “Bo Qin, put me down, let’s have an amicable parting.”
Amicable parting…The man folded the youth’s hand into his, gently telling his lover, “Xiao Mu, don’t even think about leaving me in this life.”
***
The first time Tan Tao saw Xie Mu, he was standing next to a gardenia tree.
The boy was full of joy as he slightly bowed his head, taking in the fragrance of gardenias.
Tan Tao fell with just this one glance.
He was always around Xie Mu, harassing him, watching him become angery but only be able to silently bear his desire, fantasizing about pressing the person under his body.
One day, he witnessed his cousin, who liked men, drinking himself into a stupor outside after being beaten up. On the way back, he suddenly had an impulse.
He wanted to be with Xie Mu, even if he would be punished for doing so.
Tan Tao picked a few gardenias and pulled the boy over to the bathroom. The wine had made his spirit lose sobriety; the smell of flowers seemed to become drugs. He could not wait to be with the youth.
After being interrupted by Bo Qin, a small cold face looked in disgust at the back of the boy who had hurriedly left. “I see you’ve gone crazy, acting on your hormones at school!”
“Couldn’t you tell he wasn’t willing at all…”
“If you really wanted to do something, take people outside the school and do whatever you want. Don’t go crazy in school, I’ll have to transfer along with you.”
At that time, he had been woken up by Bo Qin’s punch.
What had he done to Xie Mu?
Fortunately, fortunately he had stopped in time.
Tan Tao had said, “I really like him, it’s not what you think.”
Bo Qin had looked at him sarcastically. “Whatever you want to do, it’s fine as long as you don’t get me involved.”
Later, what had happened…the person he liked, because he had almost been violated, crazily tried to avoid him. The youth had wanted to scare Tan Tao with a knife but harmed himself instead.
Looking at his eyes full of fear, his hand in pain, trembling as he continued holding a knife to himself, Tan Tao was incredibly distressed and regretted his actions. He did not dare stimulate him again.
Later, the youth disappeared.
When they met again, he was following Bo Qin around, looking up to the man with his beautiful round eyes, full of love.
That gaze, when it fell on Tan Tao, became cold disgust.
Whether it was in the past or now, he only had Bo Qin in his eyes.
No, for a while, the person Xie Mu had loved was him.
His darling…but the one he had personally destroyed.
That was his baby, soft, full of tenderness, who only trusted him.
Even at the last moment of being dragged to his death, he had obviously been so afraid, but still only quietly begged him for help.
—Tan Tao, I’m so afraid… —I will disappear… —Tan Tao… He had been so trusting, so adoring.
When he signed his name on the document that would kill off his own life, had his darling’s heart been like how his was currently?
Bitter and astringent.
His entire heart hurt. It hurt so much he had become numb.
“Darling, my darling…” The man coughed and spit out a mouthful of blood, carefully stroking the gardenia within his palm with a blood-stained hand.
The blood dyed the white petals red. Tan Tao’s eyes revealed his panic.
“I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to stain you…”
“I’ll wipe it off for you, wipe it off, okay…”
He pulled the paper off the table in a loss, gently and nervously trying to wipe the gardenia flower clean.
But the petals were too fragile.
As long as they were touched, they would be damaged.
Just like his darling.
The man’s wiping action gradually stiffened and slowed down. He held the flower, and for a moment, did not know what to do.
“I’m sorry…” Tan Tao’s mouth was full of blood. Some of it was from getting beaten and some from biting his tongue earlier.
The man who had always maintained a warm, gentle appearance was so confused at this moment that others would not be able to stand watching him.
He said, “Did it hurt when you left?”
“I really didn’t want you to die. I thought those were memories, you would remember what had happened before and stay with me forever…”
“Darling, I’m begging you, please, believe me, I love you, always love…” After countless nightmares, Tan Tao suddenly woke up in shock.
He couldn’t stop thinking back to that day, when his darling asked him for help in fear, and asked if he could not go.
After taking over his power, Tan Tao went crazily to find the original doctor.
But all he received, in the end, was despair.
Obliteration, was death.
It was him who had personally killed his darling…
”Ke ke ke…” Tan Tao violently choked on his coughs, and spit out a mouthful of blood. His internal organs were all in pain. Bo Qin brought over professionals and they hadn’t gone easy on him. His spleen had probably ruptured.
He knew that he needed to go to the hospital, yet he had no intention at all of getting treatment.
The reason why his darling would leave like that was not only because of himself but also because of Bo Qin.
If he had not deliberately guided…
Tan Tao coughed, carefully reaching out to block the gardenia so that the blood wouldn’t drip onto the flower.
Even if it was already soiled and broken at the moment.
But in his eyes, it was still the most beautiful, the cleanest.
He couldn’t get Xie Mu, but he would never let people like Bo Qin get him either.
The man crawled on the ground, and he could feel his life passing away bit by bit.
Bo Qin was crazy, but he was also crazy.
In that case, he had to push one more time.
He must let the man who killed his darling also experience the pain of losing his lover.
Tan Tao climbed to the computer. He sat in the chair with difficulty. His hands tapped at the keyboard and then clicked send.
Looking at the interface on the computer, the man with his face covered in blood showed a smile.
Although he was smiling, the smile was bitter to the heart.
His…darling…
***
Bo Qin held him all the way back home.
Even if he was strong and Xie Mu was also very weak, the youth was still a man of normal height. Holding him like this, how could his hand not hurt?
But the man acted like he didn’t feel anything. He didn’t even put the youth down for a second the entire way back.
The effects of the medicine on Xie Mu body’s had not yet worn off. Powerless, he lay in the arms of the man, looking at Bo Qin and the others who passed by.
Bo Qin could feel the gaze of his lover, but he didn’t dare look down.
He was afraid.
Afraid that all he would see in the eyes of Xiao Mu would be emptiness.
Bo Qin was not afraid of Xie Mu hating him, nor was he afraid of his anger. The only thing he was afraid of was that the youth’s eyes would not hold him.
Angry or abhorrence; at least those emotions would show that Xie Mu’s eyes were full of him.
He placed the man on the bed, and the young man lay down weakly, his face pale as he looked up at Bo Qin tucking him in.
The man said in a gentle magnetic voice, “Get a good night’s sleep. When you wake up, let’s go on a trip together, okay?”
“I remember you mentioned many times before that you wanted to go to S City to ride horses. We can go together and set up a tent, watch the cattle and sheep on the grasslands. If you don’t know how to ride a horse I’ll teach you…”
Xie Mu stared at his lover as he held his hand, gently rubbing. The beautiful face he had once secretly glanced at countless times was full of tenderness.
This was what the youth had always dreamed of, but when the moment really came, why was his heart empty, without a single trace of happiness?
“Bo Qin.” He opened his mouth again, but what he said were words that made the man’s heart grow cold.
“You know that we can’t.”
“It’s possible, we can…” The man pressed the cold, slender fingers of the youth against his face as if he were afraid.
He begged, “Xiao Mu, you are sick. I will cure you, wait until you’re cured. You’re still my Xiao Mu, okay…” The last sentence was said breathlessly. The youth looked at his bloodshot eyes that were trying to deceive his own lover and shook his head.
He said, ” You know I’m not sick.”
“Bo Qin.”
Xie Mu painfully closed his eyes, covering his unbearable expression. The youth’s long eyelashes trembled, his voice hoarse.
“I love you.”
The man’s eyes lit up in hope after hearing this sentence. He excitedly kissed Xie Mu’s cold fingers, full of anticipation, and looked at him.
“Even now, I still love you.”
”I love you too, I love you, Xiao Mu, don’t leave me, okay…” Bo Qin begged, then saw the youth open his eyes.
His eyes were very beautiful, very good-looking, and slightly round. When Bo Qin first saw them, he felt like he was looking at deer in the woods; innocent, naive, and trusted people to surround him in his own territory.
That was exactly what the man had down. The deer became his possession and single-mindedly loved him. But why were the pair of beautiful eyes he wanted to look at for a lifetime now full of pain?
“I love you, but I can’t face you.” A voice appeared in Bo Qin’s blank mind. He listened in confusion to what his lover was saying.
“When I close my eyes, when I open my eyes, all I think of is that night.”
“Tan Tao pinning me down. I’m struggling for my life, crazily begging for you to save me…but you were laughing…”
“My lover, the person I love, the person I respect, was personally pushing me into the arms of another.”
“Did you know how scared I was?”
”Bo Qin doesn’t not like others touching his things. If Tan Tao really succeeds, I will no longer be able to stand next to Bo Qin… ” The young man smiled wryly as he said this.
“This is what I thought at the time. Even if you did not save me, even if you laughed and watched like it was an amusing joke, watched Tan Tao tear at my clothes, I was still wishfully thinking…Bo Qin doesn’t mean this, he’s just drunk, he can’t handle his alcohol… ”
The youth’s eyes on his pale face slowly, slowly fell to look at the man’s face. From his lips that held no trace of color, he slowly confided a sentence that made Bo Qin suddenly clench his fists…
“Even when I woke up with no memories, the first thing I thought of was to find my lover…”
“My body was in a lot of pain and very uncomfortable. That day it was raining hard and I was walking on the road. When the raindrops hit my body I suddenly had an idea. If I washed myself, when Bo Qin saw me, would he not be angry anymore?”
The man trembled, and he clenched his fists so hard his palms were almost at the point of bleeding.
“Xiao Mu, don’t talk anymore, don’t say that…”
The young man’s face was wooden as he murmured, “But it wasn’t like that…”
“How ridiculous.”
Xie Mu revealed a sarcastic smile that also seemed very bitter. “My lover personally handed me to another.”
“Then, he said I was dirty.”
“No, no…“ Bo Qin’s bloodshot eyes gradually reddened as he tried to explain. “Xiao Mu, I really know I was wrong, please forgive me, I beg you to forgive me…”
“In the future, I’ll always listen to you…“
”You don’t like me drinking, so I won’t drink. Regarding smoking, I won’t smoke again. I’ll eat three meals a day on time, won’t work late. These, aren’t these the things you want me to do…” He put out all he could think of, kissing the young man’s fingers in a loss.
Xie Mu’s tears fell from the corners of his eyes. He turned his face away, and his voice choked.
“I’m sorry, Bo Qin.”
The man’s expression became blank.
Why was he saying sorry.
He was the one who should be saying sorry—who was talking? Why was it that when he heard this, his heart hurt this much?
“I really love you, love you very much.”
“Before I met you, I never realized there could be such a good person in this world. I carefully hid in the dark to secretly watch you, in the fear of being found…”
“You said, you also liked me. I couldn’t even sleep at night because of how happy I was.”
“I was up all night thinking, how could I be so lucky, someone as good as Bo Qin actually liked me. I thought I must take good care of you so that you would not regret liking me…”
“But now, I’m dirty…”
The man’s hands shook as he stiffly held the youth’s hand, kissing them. “No, no, my Xiao Mu isn’t dirty, not dirty…”
“It’s all Tan Tao’s and my fault, you are not dirty…”
He saw Xie Mu laughing.
As he laughed and laughed, his tears fell down.
”It really hurts…”
“So being with you, would hurt this much…Bo Qin, I regret it…”
nao: chapter 28 is 11k+ characters in all…
…i’ve finished translating the second part and will be posting it later this week after it’s edited ^^
Thanks for the chapter! :3
Ahhh!!!!! I can see it now!!! The utter despair these scum are in!! Ahahahhahahahahaha!!!!☺ suffer. Poor OG!Xie Mu, at least he’ll get revenge this life.
Thanks for the chapter~♡♡♡♡
it still doesn’t feel like he acknowledged his wrong doings enough!! I need more suffering!!! so much that he cries blood!
Thanks for the chapter !
The fact that I can both cry and laugh at the same time is amusing to me…
Thanks for the chapter~
coughs_blood.jpeg
Thank you for the update.
I’m crying and that’s make me upset.
Not because of the scum bags, of course. But for the original XM. He died without having received a tenth of the love he deserved… and he wasted his life playing two piles of selfish garbage.
Ughhhh, I wanna see them suffer. So much more.
Wuuuuuu! Thanks for your hard work!
Readers: We want justice! Blood! Tears! Pain!
Xie Mu: Satisfaction guaranteed.
secretly hugging my dear original Xie Mu
It’s okay dear… Look, your revenge went so well!
Thank you for fulfilling my sadist side.
Thanks for the chapter~~😁😁
Bo Qin hasn’t suffered enough.
Thanks for the chapter!
And the Oscar award goes to~
I feel so sad for the original Xiao Mu :((
I feel like both of them haven’t regret enough! Especially that Tan Tao, the only thing he’s concerned about is the second personality that mindlessly believe him just because he’s the first one that claim to be XM’s lover. He doesn’t feel a tiny bit sorry for the original XM! So what if he hold back once that time in university? He still assaults XM in the end, oh and I think he forgot that the reason he kills the second personality is because he doesn’t like how incapable he is compared to the og XM
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
Jeez the MC is really getting into his role, isn’t he? Most other novels of the genre like to remind us that someone is pretending to do this or feel that.
Can’t believe I really cried😭😂
I remembered that I mtl-ed this particular part just because I want to see how they ended up but reading it again with a really good tranation still feel satsfying to no end lol can’t wait to see them to the end of the story
*translation
Thanks for the chapter! ^ ^
…jeez hit me right in the heart why don’t you
Heartfulloftears.jpg
Ahhh so TT actually liked XM way back then but made a drunken mistake and touched him without his consent. I though he only liked him after XM and that other dude got together. In a way I do pity TT, unlike the other scum he actually liked XM from the beginning and he acknowledged it. Idk what would possess him to repeat that stupid mistake. He has to pay for the rape cause that also caused trauma for XM but when I think of him holding the gardenias the sadness hits me a bit. Ughhhh messing with my emotionssss
Xie mu’s daily routine:
1.Wake up in the morning
Sips tea
Drive some people insane 😂😂😂
😉
I almost feel bad for BQ, almost. But it couldn’t get there in the end. He is such a clean freak with ptsd, then why did he have heaps of past lovers before XM? And even during the time he was with XM, when he had lost interest and looking for an excuse to dump him? And what about after XM’s accident, the 6 mnths that he was in a coma? Nop, I don’t feel bad for this manwh*re.
TT is an example of ‘I bully you bcuz I like you, why can’t you understand?’ type of scum, also a manwh*re. But compared to BQ, I like him a little bit.
Huaaaaa saaaddd …😪
But xiao mu acting’s very good .. It can win the best actor of the year
😂
MC’s acting it too good!! I can’t help being hooked in the sadness! TwT
realmente mi corazón duele por el original XM 😢
Ah this is so good, I am crying 🤣
Thank you for the beautiful translation 😍💕
aside from Steal the Male Lead really, this one really boiked my eyes out too😭😭
яm crying