CW: Explicit language, sexual content, blood, physical/emotional abuse, mentions of physical & sexual abuse, sexual content, depiction of a panic attack.
“You are angry,” Kahin hums, smiling faintly at the pacing Rose.
The Madame is lounging on her plush green couch with her silken robe drifting from the rounds of her shoulders. With her mussed hair and sleepy eyes, the indolent visage of the Madame stirs a deep emotion in Bucky that is near impossible to ignore.
“Yes,” the Rose says stiffly, her stormy eyes flashing as they flit over the Westerner’s languid form. Bucky flushes and continues stalking from wall to wall like a caged and restless beast. “Why do you continue to work with him? He took away Senna today. She’s hardly been here for half a year and now she’s gone. All that work? That effort? Wasted.”
Kahin sweeps a hand through her lush tresses, pulling them over her shoulder. She leans her cheek against the palm of her other hand, lashes falling low over her apathetic gaze. “I need him,” she drawls, stifling a yawn. Tears gather in the corners of her eyes. “He’s a great asset to the palace. Who do you think is providing all those elixirs and tonics?”
“But we can get those from any alchemist in the city,” Bucky sighs, impatiently tugging the mask from her face. Her soft features are moreso striking without the silver adornment obscuring her beauty.
“My dear. Come and sit with me. You are making me dizzy with your pacing.” Kahin extends a hand to the Rose, an invitation to join her on the couch.
Bucky pauses mid-step, visibly hesitating. She sees those stunning emerald eyes staring at her intently and her heart skips a beat.
Pushing out another sigh, the Rose takes her Madame’s hand and drops down beside. She spreads her legs and leans her elbows atop, gazing into the crackling hearth with a troubled frown.
Kahin squeezes her Rose’s hand and absently strokes her knuckles, a soothing gesture that’s followed them through the years. “Blossom and I have had a close partnership for decades. Far longer than you have been alive. Without him, there would be no Rose Palace. There would be no Roses. I need him. Do you understand?”
The blonde can’t help but ease her tension a tad, those gentle feathery strokes a primal comfort to this Rose. “…Yes. I never knew he meant so much to you.”
The Madame smiles and gives Bucky’s hand an affectionate pat. “You should be focusing on being a good attendant. Our new Rose has only just bloomed and he will be needing much guidance. Isn’t he why you returned to the palace?” There is a brittle edge to her words, one that raises the fine hairs on the younger woman’s nape.
Bucky tilts her head and glances at Kahin. The latter’s expression, though outwardly pleasant, also holds an impenetrable coldness. “I returned because I missed you,” she says, lowly. And after a hesitation, “Did you miss me?”
“Oh my dear, of course I did,” Kahin hums, releasing the younger woman’s hand to recline into the couch. She presses the back of her hand over her mouth as she yawns. “Out of all the Roses I’ve tended to, you have the most promise. You could be my Perfect Rose.”
“Do you really think that?” the blonde asks, brows tilting in worry. She shifts until she’s directly facing the Madame, their bodies close enough to share heat. “Even after what I’ve done? After I betrayed you? Do you still think that I am your perfect Rose?”
“Do you regret your actions?” Kahin asks, her voice alluringly deep and husky. Emeralds glitter in the trembling firelight.
Bucky’s stormy gaze pours over the Madame like molten rock, heavy with unfathomable emotions. “…I regret betraying you.”
“Will you do it again?”
“…No.”
“Somehow, I do not believe you.” Kahin’s words slice through the Rose like razor blades, cutting her to the quick.
“I am still devoted. My entirety, it’s yours. Only yours.” Bucky takes the Madame’s hands into her own and cradles them with such care. “But you know that I am not like the others. I will be swayed by things I can’t control. And I will have moments of weakness.”
“I do not wish to keep punishing you,” Kahin says, coldly. She slips her hands from the Rose’s grasp, bringing them to her chest. “Your mind will go before your body does. And then I truly will have no use for you.”
“Then why didn’t you train me like everyone else? What was so different about me?”
“You were devoted the moment we met. I wanted to see if I could raise you without training.”
“So that was it? I was an experiment?”
Kahin rears forward and grabs the irascible Rose by the jaw.
Bucky’s eyes widen as she’s caught in the snare of those flashing emeralds.
“My first Rose. She didn’t need to be trained either. Her devotion was as real as yours, if not more.” The Madame brings her face close and fills Bucky’s vision. Her breath, faintly sweet, puffs hot against the Rose’s cheek, inciting a rich flush wherever it strikes. “I really believed that you could have been the Perfect Rose, my dear. But then, you had to go and make a mess of things.”
Kahin’s fingers dig ruthlessly into her cheeks, nails slicing through skin. Blood trickles from the tiny wounds, but Bucky doesn’t even feel the pain. Her heart trembles along with her vision as a thin film of tears gather in her eyes.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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Despite herself, Bucky feels an excited clench below, a dampness spreading between her twitching thighs. She presses her legs together, cheeks burning. “N-no, Madame Kahin. I…I will do better. I will be your Perfect Rose. I am your Perfect Rose. You must believe me. I want nothing more than to be with you. Than to devote my entirety to you.” Her gaze shivers as she pours her sights over Kahin’s cruel, impassive features. “I am devoted to you. And only you.”
Kahin narrows her eyes, the red glow of fire drunkenly swerving over her lines. “You are mine, child. All of you are mine. The only one you should love is me. The only one you should be devoted to is me. I will not let you walk away and be trampled by those thieves.” She spits out the last word, her voice dripping with pure venom.
Bucky’s light lashes flutter as her eyelids droop, drawing dark clouds into her gaze. A wash of tears dampens her cheeks, but she’s unfeeling. Numb. Like Solaris and Luna meeting only in the twilight, Madame Kahin’s obsession will always be an endearing fact of this reality. And nothing Bucky does will ever change that. Not even her unfettered love.
The Madame’s lips press lightly against hers. The kiss is tender, surprisingly warm. The hard grip around her face falls away. When Bucky wipes at her cheeks, her hand comes away smeared red.
“Do not betray me again,” Kahin says, voice hushed as if she were whispering sweet nothings. “There will be no next time, do you understand?”
A chill runs down the Rose’s spine. “Yes, Madame Kahin.”
“For now, I want you to continue attending to our new Rose. Keep a close eye on him and report his progress to me daily.” Kahin sinks back into the couch, idly licking her blood tipped nails. “I want to see how deep his devotion runs.”
Bucky frowns, uneasiness building in her chest. “I will. But may I ask…why?”
“He has potential. Much like yourself.”
In other words, she’s grooming him to be the next me, Bucky thinks, numbly. She stares blindly into the fire, feeling at once distant from herself. “I will do as you say, Madame Kahin.”
“For you, my dear, it’s Lila.” Fingertips graze Bucky’s temples, brushing blanched locks from her face.
But she can’t bring herself to say that name. If she does, she might well and truly lose herself to her beloved monster.
***
Rin’s legs are shaking.
His last client had been particularly rough and he’d only had enough time to bathe and dress before rushing off to his next appointment. But now that he has a moment to gather himself, he keenly feels the weakness in his limbs and the sharp bolts of pain running up his spine.
Cursing quietly, the Rose carefully pads over to the bed and gingerly lowers himself onto the plush mattress. He lays on his back despite the pain, hoping to tantalise his next client with his front instead of his battered rear. He closes his eyes, trying to minimise the trembling, and pulls in deep, calming breaths.
There’s no telling how many days he’s been here. It could be a week. It could be a month. Maybe even longer. Every day blurs into each other. All the fucking and dancing and flirting and drinking, it all fills his time, with hardly a second to himself. Whatever precious time he has, it’s spent either unwillingly unconscious or simply resting his weary body and tossing tonics down his bruised gullet.
In a way, the chaos is what enables him to survive this kind of life. Time to think means time to feel, and that could be the end for this Rose.
For this appointment, Rin wears a Northern tea dress made from fine Echana silk – a gift from a particularly wealthy client. The fabric hugs his body and cuts tantalisingly short, exposing a pair of pillowy thighs that rub against each other with every uncomfortable shift.
He fiddles with the ends of his damp hair as he stares blankly at the ceiling. In the haze of his last session, he saw the little lord again, drifting before his eyes like a spectre in the gloom. The boy who he’s not supposed to keep in his heart and yet, he can’t seem to keep him from his mind. Despite Bucky’s warning, it’s Jun who accompanies him through every session. Every client is the little lord, whether rough, clumsy, or downright sadistic. As long as he sees those goldens gazing back at him, that’s all he needs to lose himself in the other and steal a modicum of enjoyment from the transaction.
The door creaks open and close. Heavy footsteps make their way into the room. There’s the faint musky scent of a man drifting in with the client, making Rin inevitably clench on instinct. So far he hasn’t yet been with a man who is the recipient, but maybe this one will be the first. Wishful thinking. Rin sighs lightly and props himself up on his elbows, glancing over at the figure standing awkwardly by the drink cart.
“Help yourself,” Rin says, giving the fool a coquettish smile. He crosses his legs and twists them to the side, exposing the full length of his right leg. From his toes and all the way up to the plump curve of his hip. “What’s your name, handsome?”
His client picks up one of the crystal bottles and unstoppers it, sniffing loudly before taking a big swig. “Blech. What the fuck is this? Don’t this place have River wine?”
Rin jolts upright, flinching at the sudden lance of pain up his spine. “Bell?”
“Yeah?” The bullish youth steps closer to the bed, the warm electric glow of the chandelier above highlighting his rough features. A crooked grin stretches across his face and golden liquid drips down his chin. “Damn, Rat. You look like shit.”
There’s a violent swell in his chest, hot and heavy and throbbing. He purses his lips in a tight line, brows falling low over narrowing eyes. Black orbs swim like jelly. Cheeks grow flushed in his sudden upset. He throws himself out of bed and stalks over to the bull, breath coming in short, ragged bursts.
Bellow raises his brows, suddenly alarmed. He steps back, free hand held up before himself in defense. “Woah, Rat. Are you crying? What are you–”
A sharp crack interjects his speech, snapping Bell’s head to the side. He clutches his sore cheek with bulging eyes, mouth hung open in dismay. “What was that for?”
The raven trembles ever so slightly as he balls up his hands, trying his utmost not to beat his friend to a pulp. “You left me,” he seethes, scrubbing furiously at his burning eyes. “You weren’t there. And I…I needed you!”
Bellow closes his stupid mouth and frowns, ears turning a deep shade of red. He shrugs his hefty shoulders and fiddles with the bottle, glaring down at it with furious intent. “I didn’t know what was goin’ on, Rat. I was with my date. Y’know, Clarise, she uh..she wanted to go to Hansa Inn, so…” He rubs the back of his neck and glances up at the raven. “When I heard you got caught, I tried lookin’ for you all over. Wasn’t until I got a weird message from one of the Brier Roses that I knew where you were.”
Rin scoffs sharply and snatches the bottle from his friend’s hand, taking a long swig for himself. “Whatever. So you found me. So what? I still got caught, didn’t I?” He sighs, anger draining from him like water down the drain. Tired lines sweep from the inner corner of his puffy eyes and he waves at Bell lazily. “I suppose things wouldn’t have turned out this way if you were there. I just…I thought you abandoned me to save your own hide.”
“Huh? I ain’t gonna do something that low. You think I’m a dirty Rat like you?” Bellow throws himself on the vast bed, thick covers puffing up around his heavy form. “Anyway, you seem to be doing pretty well for yourself. Didn’t realise you wanted to be a Rose all this time.”
“I didn’t. Not at first anyway.” Rin follows his friend and perches on the edge of the bed, wincing ever so slightly. He takes another long drink, hoping to numb the pain.
“Yeah? So what happened?”
“I met Madame Kahin.”
“I heard she’s the one that saved your ass when you got caught.”
“Mn. She did.” A faint smile curves on Rin’s lips, his eyes turned slightly glassy.
Bell grins at the raven, propping himself up on an elbow. “Didn’t you always say that you like to keep the money you earn? What changed your mind? You fall in love with her or something?”
“…I love Her, yes. All the Roses do. How could we not?”
The bull blinks in surprise. “S’pose I can understand why.” But he can’t hide the slight disgruntlement in his tone nor the disappointed glint in his narrowing eyes.
Rin twists his lips to the side and offers him the bottle. “How did you get in? Didn’t think you could even afford me.”
“Ah. Well, when I heard you were here, I snuck in posing as a client. Didn’t work too well and I almost got tossed out, but then Bucky swooped in and saved my ass. She gave me a token and told me it was proof of purchase.” He throws his head back and drinks deeply, the large bump in his throat rolling with every swallow. A golden bead of liquor slides down his chin and over his neck.
Rin carefully pulls himself further up onto the bed and lays flat beside the boy. A sea of sable locks spills around his head, making his face seem small and pale in contrast. Red rimmed eyes, big and black, gaze up at the bull steadily.
Bell feels his heart clench, thinking that his friend looks rather sick and pitiable.
“Do you hate me, Bell?” Rin asks suddenly, clasping his hands across his chest.
“Are you stupid? Would I’ve tried lookin’ for you so damn hard if I hated you?”
“No, I suppose not,” the Rose sighs, but he seems a little happier for it.
“So what’s the plan, Rat? Are you gonna come back with me? Your old lady’s goin’ crazy trying look for you. I think she’s hired a whole bunch of people to find you actually.”
“She has?” His heart skips a beat, surprise and…other strange emotions coursing through his veins. “What…what do you mean she’s hired people? With what money?”
“I dunno, Rat. But me and the boys have seen people come and go from your old lady’s place everyday since you disappeared. They look like Slummers but none of ‘em are any I’d ever seen.”
His stomach twists as uneasiness grows with every word Bell utters. “That doesn’t sound right,” he murmurs, rubbing the heel of his palms into his eyes.
“Even that old witch. She and that giant are trying to find you.”
“Nuwa and Bo are looking for me?” This entire situation seems increasingly surreal to the raven. Though the two women had helped him in the past, they weren’t exactly on the friendliest terms. “If there are so many people looking for me, why’d it take you this long?”
“You kidding me? The first places we looked were the Rose Palace and the five inns. There was no sign of you anywhere.”
That’s because I was in the Training Room, Rin thinks with a sour taste in his mouth.
“Honestly,” Bell continues, emphatically, “we all kinda thought you were dead. You disappear a lot, but you ain’t ever disappeared for this long before. Thought maybe the Marquis finally got to you. Or Tiger.” He sets the empty bottle on the side-table and shifts closer to the Rose, leaning his head against his palm. “You’ve been gone for almost half a year, Rin. Couldn’t you have sent word? Or come down to the Slums? You didn’t say nothin’ this whole time…”
“I…” The syllable tapers off into an airless croak. His heart thumps uncomfortably. “Roses can’t leave the palace. Not without permission from the Madame. And that includes any contact with the outside.”
Now that he’s looking at him properly, the brutish boy seems to have grown into a rather handsome man. Though his features are still rough and coarse, his strong jaw and hard eyes are incredibly striking. He’s also filled out quite a bit, with widened shoulders and a firm, muscular chest. The boy had disappeared, only to be replaced with a near stranger.
Rin suddenly feels disoriented. He sits upright and holds his spinning head, feeling as though he were about to spit up his guts. A large hand grasps his arm, keeping him steady. The palm is hot, near burning upon his flesh.
He turns to face the man and snatches the front of his shirt, twisting to jerk him close. Bellow’s face nears until their warm breaths mingle. The bull gazes at Rin with heavy eyes, cheeks flushed with drink and other things.
“I don’t want you to tell them,” Rin breathes, pressing his face into the crook of Bell’s neck. He grazes his lips against the sensitive area under his ear. The man gives a slight shiver. “They might take me away and I don’t want to leave Her, Bell. So don’t tell them, okay?”
The pulse in Bell’s throat quickens. His flesh noticeably burns. Thick arms coil around the smaller form, squeezing their bodies together. “S-sure, Rat. Whatever you say.”
Rin hums and presses his lips against that fluttering pulse. When he parts, he leaves with a flick of his tongue, eliciting a short intake from the man. “Bell. I want to fuck you. Will you let me fuck you?”
Bellow stiffens, his arms tightening their hold around their prize. “…Yeah,” he grunts, already semi-hard in anticipation. “Just don’t go wild. You look like you’re about to pass out.”
Rin glances up at the man with a coy smile, that familiar playful glint in those depthless hellebores. “Aw, pet. Are you worried about me?”
The bullish man scowls down at the Rose, stretching out his hand to pinch his fragile jaw. “ It’d look bad if I accidentally killed you is all.”
Rin smacks that large hand away and shoves the man onto his back. “That’s so sweet. But it’ll take more than that to kill me.”
He straddles Bell’s thick waist and keeps him pinned down by the shoulders. Sable locks tickle the bull’s face as Rin hunches over, hellebores hooded and simmering with want. “I’m going to be rough with you, Bell,” he husks, bringing his mouth close to the other’s flushed ear. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk out of here. I’m going to beat you, bloody you, and tear into your flesh. If you can’t handle that, then tell me now. Or I won’t hold back, understand?”
Bellow stares up at the Rose, his own gaze torrid and his chest pumping with excited pants. Beneath the raven’s supple cheeks, the man swells and hardens, his length straining angrily. “I can handle it,” he says hoarsely, the slightest tremor present in his voice.
Rin smirks and smashes his mouth into Bellow’s, hungrily tasting every inch of his mouth. When they part, a thin rivulet of blood trickles from the corner of the man’s mouth. “Good. It’s been a long time since I’ve last enjoyed myself.” Rin reaches between his legs and grasps the bull through the fabric of his pants, tracing the bulging outline with his fingertips. Bellow jolts and intakes sharply, his jaw locking at the teasing touch.
With a pleased hum, the Rat lowers his head for another hungry kiss, losing himself in the other’s comforting presence. For once, he doesn’t have to see those goldens to enjoy himself. And yet, they continue to haunt him like an irritating spirit latched onto his back.
***
Rin runs his hands down Bellow’s spine, petting his sweat drenched flesh with a modicum of sympathy. He massages the small of Bell’s back, knowing that the man will be sore when he wakes. The bull groans lowly in his sleep, his spent body quivering under that soothing touch.
“Sorry,” Rin murmurs, tugging the sheets up to cover Bell’s nakedness. He plants a kiss on his nape and rolls over onto his side of the bed. His own body aches and creaks, having done the larger man multiple times without rest. Of course, Bellow seemed to enjoy it as much as he did, orgasming with every round. And by the end of the night, the poor guy was shooting blanks.
Solaris lightens the cloudless sky outside, casting a hot pink glow into the night drenched room. The Rose gazes out the window, both hands slid under his head as he fights to keep awake.
He ruminates on what Bellow had told him. About his mother and the strange Slummers. About Nuwa and Bo. About the brutish boy now become a man. And the fact that he cared enough to keep looking for him all these months. When his mind wanders to the little lord, he sighs and gets out of bed, suddenly feeling restless.
After wrapping himself in one of the sheets and slipping his feet into Bell’s large winter boots, he awkwardly stomps his way to the window and swings it open. Frigid air hits his face and invades his lungs, scorching them with glacial burn. He steps out onto the ledge and swings the window shut behind before the heat escapes.
Virgin snow blankets the palace grounds. Pathways and bridges are cleared for convenience, but everything else remains untouched and pristine. The ponds are frozen over, coral coins painted by the dawn. Weeping higan cherries are dressed in glistening icicles, delicate ornaments upon skeletal arms. It’s quiet at this hour. Only a few guards roam about, but they rush from building to building, chased inside by the cold.
Rin leaps from the ledge and lands rather clumsily in the snow, rolling a few times down the slight incline. Thankfully, the snow is dry and doesn’t seep into his clothes too much. He shakes himself clean and wraps the sheet tighter around himself.
He trudges to the perimeter of the grounds in his too-large boots, picking a more secluded area behind an unused villa. Out of sight of the guards who tirelessly patrol the main gates.
The green stone wall stretches high above his head with black tiles laid atop. When he palms his hand across the wall, it’s slippery with ice. He scrubs his numb hand across his chest, frowning in thought. If he can’t climb the wall itself, then it’ll have to be the higan cherry tree with branches extending towards the black tiles. He puffs a white plume and starts towards the tree.
And that’s when the panic strikes.
Galloping heart. Tightening chest. Cold sweat prickling his brow and around the collar of his robes. His palms grow damp and his legs start to wobble. Every breath he takes seems lacking. The world shifts under his feet, turns upside down. It takes on a harsher, sharper edge. He’s in a different reality, one that’s immediate and dangerous.
The Rose stumbles against the wall, gasping and shaking. He hunches over, clutching at his heaving chest. The sheet slips from his body, exposing his flesh to winter’s merciless chill.
He’s dying. He knows he’s dying.
He’s also terrified of staying in this state forever. Of being trapped in this isolated and freezing corner of the palace, never feeling the warmth of Solaris again.
Rin pants raggedly, sliding to his knees and curling up like a pillbug. He presses his face into the snow, shoving as much as he can into his mouth. “Jun…” he muffles, burning tears rolling down his cheeks. His hands claw at the white powder as if he could find stability there.
But no matter how desperately he calls for the little lord, his knight never comes to save him.
Instead, it’s Kahin who finds him and gathers his shaking form into her arms. And he clings onto her like she’s his last tether to this world.
Kahin~ when will you suffer~ when will you die~
holds knife without being seen
Does anyone know where it’s the most painful if you get stabbed??? I’m asking for a friend….
Thank you for the chapter!! ❤️❤️
WHAT IN THE MANIPULATIVE PSYCHO IS THIS-
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻