Author: aji (あじ)
Translator: sleepingjay
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—I’ll wait patiently.
Like falling snow, Jill’s words settled deep in my heart. His gentle smile dazzled my eyes, to the point I had to avert them a little.
“……. Even if it takes a ridiculous amount of time?”
“If acceptance was an easy thing to do, then this world would have been a much simpler and better place.”
“Even till you die, I might still reject you.”
“Let it come when it comes. Lilius, it’s your choice. It’s not a decision you should make for somebody else’s sake.”
“……..Jill is an idiot.”
The desire to reject the kind world, Jill probably knew it.
He did say that “looking forward” was something that required a tremendous amount of time.
After knowing his past, I felt like I was able to meet Jill’s true self for the first time.
Those ugly hearts were the most worthless things in this world. I wanted to hug Jill who was deeply hurt at that time.
“Even if I say I’ll be there for you, you won’t allow it, right, Jill?”
I knew it, but I tried asking anyway, and as expected Jill only smiled faintly without saying anything.
He already knew that I was not attached to my life.
Someone else’s life, and my own life. If I had to choose between them, I would give up my own life.
But Jill would not forgive me for such foolishness.
I didn’t want the feelings that arose thanks to our talk about the past to go to waste. But, the me right now was not good enough.
If anything happened to the empire, Jill would not hesitate to act for the people. Even if he wanted to protect his children, he would have to leave them behind. He would have to leave them in other people’s hands.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Alii, ktb mjgglfv atf fwqlgf bc tlr yjmx, mbeiv bcis vb atlr.
‘They will be able to survive on their own strength’ — I didn’t have that confidence.
Bcbklcu ktja atf rtjvbk tjv abiv wf, jcv atf qjra Alii tjv fzqbrfv ab wf, j tjhs offilcu yfujc ab glrf. P xcfk abb wemt ab vfcs atf fwbalbcr atja kfgf cbk mifjgfg atjc fnfg yfobgf.
P kjcafv ab yf atfgf obg tlw. P vlvc’a kjca ab cba yf jyif ab rff Alii.
When I was thinking that—
“Did the shadow say anything to you?”
Jill asked when he saw that I was silent.
Because I was so focused on something else, what I was trying to hide was seen, and unconsciously my breath caught.
“That person is a bit contrary as a person. There’s no need to worry too much over anything harsh he said.”
“……No. That’s not it.”
“Lilius, if there’s anything you would like to tell me, please do. Seeing you carrying everything by yourself, even I can feel the pain.”
A large, warm hand stroked my head in a comforting manner. I couldn’t bring myself to shake off that hand.
Since when had I allowed Jill to get away with so much? Why did I want to cry so badly when I felt Jill’s touch?
Quietly, the tears that I had been holding back wetted my cheeks.
“I don’t have my memories.”
“I see.”
“Right now I’m just a fake, and the real me might be a shitty person. That’s why even Seira hated me that much. And….I, since before, I—”
It could be that my existence was solely to warm men’s beds.
“The shadow said it was just a joke, but, I think it’s true……!”
I remember it, the Divine Flower’s Fruit.
I was eating that fruit.
My family must have dedicated me to the king. If that was the only reason I was alive—
“….so, frustrating.”
Such emotions like sadness and despair had long been left in the past.
What remained now was a sense of shame and regret at myself, for having been violated so many times.
I vowed that I would never again be that weak existence, such that I could only yield one-sidedly to others’ power.
Only crying, only thinking about dying all the time. I decided to stop that. Even if it was a paper fort, even if it was a fake strength, I wanted to be strong……
“Just what was I born for?”
My family didn’t love me at all.
Everything will be overturned once I knew the me that I didn’t know.
Ever since I was born, I had been nothing but an abandoned…
“….—mmph!”
Suddenly, a strong force pulled me and my vision went dark.
When I realized that I was being hugged, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. It really did feel good in Jill’s arms, with a comforting scent, and I wanted to cling to him.
“No matter what your past, no matter who you are, I love you, Lilius.”
My heart screamed with a tearing pain at the words I was unaccustomed to.
Jill hugged me tight, as if to accept the call for help I couldn’t express in words.
“I’m very happy to have met you.”
—So please, don’t put yourself down.
—Please don’t condemn your birth as a sin.
Jill’s words fell and piled thick like snow.
But it was extremely warm, and unlike snow, would not disappear. Bit by bit, Jill’s kindness was healing the wounds where I had been hurt.
“You’re not alone anymore.”
I had always wanted to be deeply loved by someone. I envied children whose parents loved them unconditionally, and those pairs of lovers that cared for each other were dazzling to me.
I thought it was something that I couldn’t have even if I died.
“……Jill.”
I just needed a little longer.
Please just give me a little more time so I can prepare myself—
In the arms that hugged me.
I sobbed like a child, and Jill held me the whole time, a gentle embrace.
Thank you for the chapter!!!
OMG the feels… 😭😭😭 So fricking finally, the were honest with each other, even though it wasn’t easy. Even if Jill is sometimes super frustrating, he really is the best for Lilius.Lilius’s family members are 🤬 to actually do that to their son. I’m not so sure I want him to regain his memories, as that may be too much for him.
thanks for the chapter ♡
I hope he gets stronger and can accept Jill’s love..
Thanks for the chapter <3