Translator: White Lotus
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After the rehearsal, Kiyoi took out his mobile phone and found that he had received a text message from Iruma.
[If you have time, how about having a meal together?]
Iruma was a fairly popular mid-career actor, and ever since they got to know each other through work, he was giving a lot of attention to Kiyoi in one way or another. The fact that Iruma was gay was an open secret in the industry. In the past, Kiyoi would always make up excuses to brush off his advances because he considered them bothersome; however, today he typed out an OK reply.
“I thought you’d completely blown me off, so I’m glad you agreed to meet.”
At their meeting place, a members-only restaurant in one of the private rooms, Iruma raised the glass in his hand in toast to Kiyoi and posed the question. Thinking that he might start flirting right away, Kiyoi chuckled, clinking his glass with Iruma, and asked what he meant.
“I had the impression that you might already have gotten yourself a boyfriend.”
“No, I don’t. I’m just busy with work. Besides, I’m also a student, you know.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, it is. Oh, if you’re interested, feel free to come watch my next stage performance.”
Kiyoi took a ticket out of his bag. The premiere day of the stage play, where he would appear as a guest performer, was just around the corner. Rehearsals were already in their final stages, which also meant that he was practically residing at Hira’s house.
“Hmm. However, it feels like there must be someone who’s on the verge of becoming your lover, right?” Iruma asked while propping up his cheek with his hand. For a moment, Kiyoi did not know what to say. “Ah, so there’s someone, huh?”
“Well, who knows?”
Kiyoi leaned back in his chair, feeling too exhausted to offer any excuses. After all, he wasn’t the type of person who relished being flirted with by someone he wasn’t interested in. Even the effort of maintaining a smile on his face became troublesome.
“Could it be unrequited love?”
“I’ve been told I’m the person he loves the most in the world, though.”
“So passionate. Sounds like that person is head over heels for you.”
“Is that soー……..”
“Did you two have a fight or something?”
“It’s not like that.”
The sigh that was about to leak out was swiftly curtailed by Kiyoi. Although maintaining his smile was tiresome, he would rather not be seen looking depressed.
Depressed—although so, it wasn’t because he had a conflict with Hira. As he now met with Hira almost every night, Kiyoi felt that there was progress in his relationship with Hira. Ever since that day, they started engaging in those kinds of activities more frequently. There were moments when they were seated next to each other on the couch, and that atmosphere would spontaneously develop.
――May I?
They had done it so many times, but Hira still always made sure to ask him. Despite Kiyoi’s telling him that he didn’t have to ask for permission every time, he continued to do so. As long as Kiyoi didn’t say yes, Hira wouldn’t touch him. This was something that made Kiyoi frustrated. And after satisfying Kiyoi, Hira would promptly disappear and take care of his issue by himself.
Kiyoi didn’t know why.
To prevent Hira from activating his negative psychology, Kiyoi had tried his best to interact with Hira as calmly as possible. He even provided the corny, idol-like smile service. However, Hira still remained unchanged. He just obstinately continued to worship Kiyoi and didn’t make any effort to reduce the distance between them at all.
If he wanted to make further progress from this point on, he needed to push a little more. He had to confess his love in order to transition their friendship into a romantic relationship. But it was not a step that was easy to take.
――Do I have to confess to Hira ……?
He found it hard to believe. Or, more precisely, he didn’t want to believe it. How did he end up liking such an eccentric person? Hira used to say incomprehensible things like “King” and “Last Soldier” when they were in high school, and even as a university student, he talked about “Captain Duck” or “Golden River”. He wondered if he was truly okay with that. Kiyoi sighed and suddenly heard a chuckle from across the room.
“When people think of the person they like, they tend to exhibit wonderful expressions.”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Yt cb. Lf obguba jybea Pgewj’r fzlrafcmf.
“It’s okay, even though you have a boyfriend, I’m happy that you’re willing to meet me.”
Pgewj ufcais ugjrqfv Blsbl’r tjcv atja kjr qijmfv bc atf ajyif, jcv Blsbl rkjaafv la jkjs klat j mbiv rwlif.
“You know, I really admire that cold demeanor of yours, Kiyoi-kun. It gives me chills.”
Pgewj gjlrfv tlr fsfygbkr lc ojrmlcjalbc. Ktf bcfr ktb fzqgfrrfv lcafgfra lc Blsbl—ktfatfg la kjr Pgewj bg Llgj—jqqfjgfv ab yf rbwfktja wjrbmtlralm. Qfii, la kbeiv yf delaf vlrjqqblcalcu obg Pgewj ab yf mbcrlvfgfv bc atf rjwf ifnfi jr Llgj, atbeut.
Iruma was a well-known actor, and it goes without saying that he was very handsome. Being an adult, Iruma was also experienced in playing around. However, he couldn’t induce Kiyoi to feel the same exhilaration that he felt when Hira stared at him. Iruma was merely flirting with Kiyoi out of fun, lacking the absolute devotion that Hira possessed.
Feeling frustrated by the guy who didn’t act according to his own wishes, Kiyoi came to hang out with someone else. But being with another man like this, he was once again reminded of what attracted him to Hira. His lonely childhood self, who yearned for parental attention but was never given it, still existed within him. He craved to be loved in a way that went beyond the absolute limits of rationality. He desired for someone to fix their eyes just on him—and him alone—till he felt suffocated. And the only one who could fulfill that was Hira.
―― I guess it’s time for me to make up my mind.
It requires the appropriate degree of momentum to articulate one’s feelings in order to make a confession that is successful. Additionally, the right amount of alcohol had been consumed. All right, Kiyoi resolved, guzzling down the wine in his glass in one go, that he would confess to Hira tonight.
After the dinner, Kiyoi was invited to go to a second pub, but he declined and headed towards Hira’s residence.
As the train got closer and closer to the station, it became more and more difficult for Kiyoi to calm down internally. I like you. Obviously, these were just three simple words, but voicing them out seemed extremely difficult. He was sure that after saying it, he’d feel it wasn’t all that hard. Perhaps he was too immersed in thinking about this while walking, so he soon arrived at Hira’s residence before he knew it.
Anyway, he should calm down first. Kiyoi took a few deep breaths and opened the door with unprecedented nervousness, only to see numerous pairs of unfamiliar shoes at the entrance. There were many voices coming from the living room.
“Hira?”
When Kiyoi looked into the living room, the chattering came to an abrupt halt.
“Kiyoi, didn’t you text me that you were going back to your home tonight?”
Hira hurriedly stood up and came over to Kiyoi’s side.
“That was the plan, but I changed my mind. Am I disturbing you?”
“It’s fine. Ah, um, these guys are my friends from my university club.”
When Hira turned around, eight men all greeted Kiyoi at once, saying “Good evening” and “Sorry for the intrusion.” They all had a vibe similar to Hira’s, but Kiyoi’s eyes were drawn to one individual in particular.
It was Koyama’s younger brother. He was also staring at Kiyoi. Hira had stated that they weren’t dating, but they appeared to still be in touch. Koyama was the first to bow his head in greeting.
“Good evening. Thank you for the last time. I enjoyed the stage play.”
When the others inquired as to whether they knew each other, Koyama briefly explained that Kiyoi was a professional actor who had participated in a stage play of the theatrical troupe where his older brother was providing assistance and that he was a high school classmate of Hira.
“Amazingー, it’s the first time I’ve seen a celebrity in person.”
“Speaking of which, I’ve seen you in a juice commercial.”
Everyone started to get overly excited, saying things like “A commercial?”, “That’s awesome!”, and “Can I have your autograph?” Noticing their annoyingly enthusiastic behavior, Koyama lightly admonished them, stating, “It’s his private time now, so let’s stop doing this.”
“Sorry about that, Kiyoi-kun; everyone is pretty drunk after having quite a bit of alcohol. Today we came here unannounced to pay a visit. Hira said he was going to quit the club, so we all gathered to talk to him,” Koyama explained.
“There’s no need to discuss such things,” Hira protested, but was immediately met with retorts from all sides.
“What are you talking about? You don’t even realize our good intentions at all—we’re all willing to listen if you have some trouble.”
“A club like ours is small and weak, so don’t mention things like quitting and make us sad.”
Kiyoi managed to kind of grasp the situation. It seemed that Hira, in his own way, was also trying to distance himself from Koyama’s younger brother. It was a pity that the timing of Kiyoi’s confession was interrupted, but knowing that Hira possessed some semblance of a normal sensibility, this made Kiyoi feel relieved.
“Lately, there’s not much spirit in Koyama either. Don’t make your wife worry.”
“Wife?”
Kiyoi couldn’t help but ask rhetorically. “Ah, because Koyama and Hira have a good friendship,” the other party replied casually. It was clear that there was no deep meaning. However, Kiyoi was still very bothered by it, and he hated himself for it.
Kiyoi glanced at Koyama and found that the latter had cleared some space for one person and invited Kiyoi to sit down there. Despite being annoyed by Koyama’s somewhat wife-like attitude, Kiyoi sat down anyway.
“Kiyoi, is beer okay?”
As Hira was about to get up, Koyama pressed down on his shoulder and said, “Ah, it’s okay, I’ll go,” before getting to his feet. That friendly demeanor made Kiyoi even more annoyed. Hira, however, just casually thanked him. There was no denying that this level of physical contact wasn’t unusual between the two of them.
――When I touch him, he flinches……..
While Kiyoi was feeling vexation inwardly, Koyama returned with beer and snacks.
“I forgot to bring out the fried chicken just now. I grabbed a random plate from the cabinet to use; is that OK?”
Faced with Koyama’s question, Hira nodded and said it was fine.
“They’re all expensive-looking plates, so I was a bit scared to use one.”
“My aunt seems to like collecting these things.”
“I wonder if she’ll be angry if she finds out we’re using Ginori's plate to serve fried chicken from the convenience store.”
Koyama held up his cell phone and joked about taking a picture as evidence, but Hira hastily stretched out his hand to block the camera, calling him an idiot. Watching that frank behavior, which was completely different from the way Hira interacted with him, made Kiyoi gnash his teeth in silence. As Kiyoi just kept sipping beer awkwardly, Hira offered him the plate with fried chicken.
“It’s from the convenience store, want some?”
“No. I already ate.”
“Then, let me know when you get hungry. I’ll make you some ochazuke or onigiri.”
“Mm.”
Kiyoi nodded in agreement with a single word. Observing this, Koyama tilted his head in confusion.
“Even though you’ve known each other for so long, Hira and Kiyoi-kun treat each other with courteousness as if you’re strangers.”
Koyama looked straight into Kiyoi’s eyes.
“Rather than being friends, you two are more like a master and a servant.”
“…… Huh?”
Sensing a distinct prick from the other party’s remark, Kiyoi narrowed his eyes.
“Excuse me, I need to use the washroom.”
Koyama quickly got up and left the living room, leaving Kiyoi stunned.
“……Sorry.”
Hira apologized in a low voice.
“Why are you apologizing?”
When Kiyoi asked angrily, Hira closed his mouth with an expression of trouble on his face, not knowing how to answer.
When a friend sitting across from Hira at the table asked a question, Hira immediately gave a response. It wasn’t anything extraordinary, yet it nevertheless generated an odd sense of unease. A creepy, annoying, and inscrutable weirdo. Kiyoi had always assumed that everyone who knew Hira had this common viewpoint about him. However, this was not the case. When conversing with university friends and Koyama, Hira came across as just another ordinary boy who was slightly old-fashioned.
—— Even though you’ve known each other for so long, Hira and Kiyoi-kun treat each other with courteousness as if you’re strangers.
——Rather than being friends, you two are more like a master and a servant.
The person he least wanted to hear it from had sharply pointed out what Kiyoi cared about most. Acting like strangers. Master and slave. Words he couldn’t deny, even if he wanted to. Kiyoi slowly reached out his hand and touched Hira’s hand under the table. Startled, Hira looked at him.
“Wh-what’s wrong?” Hira asked.
“Everything’s fine.”
Hidden from view, underneath the table, he held Hira’s hand. Even if it was such a trivial thing, Kiyoi wanted to prove something by doing so.
“But everyone’s still here?”
“It’s okay to hold hands for a little while.”
“But……if we’re found out, it will discredit Kiyoi.”
“Because we’re both men?”
“There’s that aspect too, but….”
“But what?”
“More than anything else, with someone like me……”
He was being negative again. However, being rejected only made Kiyoi want to assert himself more in order to have his way. When Hira pretended to be inadvertent and tried to break free, Kiyoi gripped Hira’s hand even tighter.
“I said it’s okay, so it’s okay.”
“No, but――”
In the midst of their tussle, Kiyoi suddenly felt someone else’s gaze upon them. It turned out to be Koyama who had returned from the washroom at some point, and the moment Kiyoi got distracted by his presence, Hira managed to pry his hand free, causing Kiyoi to let out an involuntary yelp.
“…… Hira is very shy.”
Koyama murmured as though talking to himself. Kiyoi looked over, but Koyama didn’t meet his eyes; instead, he sat down and began conversing with other friends. Perhaps that comment had been directed at Kiyoi, but from the way it sounded, it appeared as though Kiyoi was the one aggressively pushing things, which was, in fact, indeed the case――.
Feeling his cheeks slowly getting hotter and hotter, Kiyoi stood up.
“I’m going to practice.”
“Eh, ah, Kiyoi…”
Without turning back, Kiyoi left the living room. How awful it was to be seen in such an embarrassing situation by Koyama, of all people! He locked himself in the soundproof room, took out the script from his bag, and started leafing through the pages. Kiyoi wanted to fill his head with lines to distract himself from the embarrassment he was feeling.
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Translator’s Note: Hello everyone, if you find any errors or typos, please feel free to point them out to me. Another thing I’d like to add is that if you enjoyed this novel, I would greatly appreciate your valuable reviews in NU (Novel Updates). It will assist others in learning more about this beautiful novel and inspiring them to read it. Thanks for reading. XOXO
Thank you sooooo much Crinichi, Neoday, Ms Jackson, beyonces3kwig for the kofis. (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡
I’m getting frustrated with how dense Hira is, but it is what it is. He is eccentric but it’s what made him likeable somehow. I’m feeling sorry for Kiyoi. 🫠
I will make a review on NU but I’m not really good with words, so I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to give justice to this novel.
Thanks for you awesome translation as always 💕
Thank you too 🥺❤️❤️
Thank you for update! Kiyoi is so cute, i wish Hira could understand his feelings some day..
Can’t wait for the next update! I love the drama and movie so much.. Thanks for translating 💕💕💕