The candles had long been blown out, but it made little difference to Ren Yizhou, who had gotten used to living their life in darkness. When their eyes opened, they could only see vague shapes. Although the “eyes” Fan Yi gifted them were helpful in keeping up appearances, they had little practicality to them. Sight was one of the senses Ren Yizhou had long learned to abandon. Touch and smell were more concrete. They never had to second guess their senses when it came to those things.
Pressed against their bare back was something warm. A scent belonging to only one person wrapped around them, like the way a coffin would encase a corpse. Ren Yizhou’s fingers reached for the strip of silk, only to find that it had been placed right beside their hand. Their lips pursed as their fingers grasped the silk cloth. After another moment of hesitation, they turned to their side, careful not to disturb the person who insisted on becoming Ren Yizhou’s personal pillow.
The soft, negligible moonlight streamed in from the window, just beside their bed, casting just enough light for Ren Yizhou to be able to make out the vague form in front of them. They stretched out their hand, but didn’t touch the man. They could feel the warmth radiating from the other’s skin—something that felt so odd and unnatural. Ren Yizhou’s brows furrowed as they leaned in closer, as if doing so would help those fake, doll-like eyes of theirs to focus.
Ren Yizhou had long gotten used to a life without sight, but as of recent years, they had begun to feel unreconciled.
Many people fell in love and many people could see the one they loved. They could gaze into the other person’s eyes and tell, with just a look, that they were that other person’s world. But Ren Yizhou couldn’t.
Instead, they felt like a moth drawn to a flame, with only the other person’s warmth to guide them. And this person was always there, by their side. That was an indisputable fact. Even when they threw a tantrum, that man would remain. He would wait—wait for Ren Yizhou’s emotions to calm and subside and then he would show a patience that seemed to go against his own nature. He would take Ren Yizhou into his arms, with a gentleness that had to be learned, and he would murmur an apology that sounded more like a foreign language on his tongue than anything else. But he tried. And his efforts were warm. Almost too warm.
So warm that it snapped them back to reality and reminded Ren Yizhou that they were a moth, flying blindly towards this light. The light was unidentified, save for its glow and its warmth. But because of this uncertainty, Ren Yizhou was afraid to get any closer. Would they be burned like they had so many times before? Or was this flame—this warmth—not as strong or as eternal that they thought it was? Would this flame flicker out and leave them in the darkness again?
As the years went back and as they grew older, Ren Yizhou found that they disliked admitting many things. And they lied more and more to themselves. It was a bad habit—they knew this. But bad habits were hard to break. And Ren Yizhou just didn’t know how to stop.
“Yizhou…?”
The voice was soft and devoid of the edge the man would normally carry with him. It reminded them of the little wolf cub he had rescued, rather than the strong man that would stand beside them today.
Ren Yizhou didn’t answer. Their heart hammered against their chest. They wanted to reach back and grab the silk cloth behind them, but something stopped them. It was a soft yearning in their chest that had grown more and more each day until it hurt.
It was spring. The birds were extra loud recently and the flowers were blooming. Not too long ago, Bai Qiu and Su Han announced that they were holding a wedding. Two people who had been through so much were finally able to get together. Ren Yizhou should have been happy, but for some reason it felt like there was something hollow in their chest.
It had started when Wu Lingtian and Fan Yi had their own wedding.
It was odd. Ren Yizhou wasn’t upset at them or envious over their own happiness. They were just…sad. Sad that…they couldn’t possibly—
“Yizhou?” the name was spoken with more urgency.
They felt a shift around them as the man propped himself up. Ren Yizhou felt the man’s hand on the other side of their face.
Almost reflexively, Ren Yizhou covered their face, despite the fact that they had already closed their eyes long ago.
“I—” Tian Xiewen’s stopped short when he saw Ren Yizhou’s reaction. “I’m sorry. I was a little rough today. I was going to leave when you fell asleep, but you clung—I mean…and I figured it wouldn’t be comfortable to sleep with the cloth around your eyes, so I took it off. I didn’t mean to overstep.”
Ren Yizhou felt their nose sour. They shook their head.
Tian Xiewen felt a panic fill their chest. “I didn’t look. Really, I didn’t. You were faced away from me when I did it, I promise. And it’s right here.”
Tian Xiewen picked up the silk cloth from beside Ren Yizhou’s head and gently pressed it against his exposed wrists. Seeing that the other person was still unresponsive, Tian Xiewen looked away. He pulled the covers off himself.
“I’ll go first, okay?” Tian Xiewen whispered. “We can talk in the morning.”
The hopeful smile fell from Tian Xiewen’s face. He lowered his head and was just about to climb out when a hand shot out and clung to his shirt. He froze and risked a glance down.
“Don’t,” Ren Yizhou murmured.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Tian Xiewen’s expression changed immediately. He settled back down and hugged the person close to his chest. “Okay, okay. I won’t go.”
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Ren Yizhou puffed out a laugh, but still shook their head.
Hearing the soft sound, Tian Xiewen’s expression relaxed. “Then, do you want to sleep first? I’ll stay here. When you wake up, everything will be okay again.”
“I…No…”
Tian Xiewen frowned. “Then—”
“I’m scared.”
“…Scared of what?” Tian Xiewen asked. “You know I’m strong. I can protect you from whatever you’re scared of.”
Ren Yizhou let out another soft laugh. They drilled themselves into Tian Xiewen’s chest and hugged him tightly. “I…I’m scared…scared of some stupid things.”
Tian Xiewen stiffened. Aside from when they were being intimate in bed, Ren Yizhou had never hugged him—especially not like this. This wasn’t a hug that was from the ecstasy of being pleasured. It was something innocent and gentle. It made Tian Xiewen’s heart soar, but it also confused him. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself, but when he felt Ren Yizhou pull away, he quickly hugged the other person back.
“What…what sort of stupid things?” Tian Xiewen clumsily asked.
Ren Yizhou’s mood had lightened upon noticing Tian Xiewen’s nervousness. “Just…that you’ll leave m—”
“No way!” Tian Xiewen shouted. When he realized that his voice had raised to that degree, he muttered an awkward apology. “I…I would never—no. I could never. I know sometimes I get to excited and I raise my voice, but that’s just because I’m too stupid. I can’t explain my emotions. I’m not good with words like Yi-ge is. And if I try to do some romantic gestures like Lingtian it always comes out wrong. But I really…even if you dislike me, I would still help you if you needed me.”
Ren Yizhou felt their nose sour again, their fingers dug gently into Tian Xiewen’s back as they pressed themselves closer. “How can I dislike you?”
Tian Xiewen smiled wryly. “That’s true. If you disliked me, we wouldn’t have this relationship.”
“No, I meant…” Ren Yizhou’s words faded.
It had been a long time since they had been this unsure of themselves. But they felt that if they didn’t say anything then Tian Xiewen would eventually leave. And they really wouldn’t have anything to hold onto but regret.
Ren Yizhou shifted away from Tian Xiewen’s chest and tilted their head up. The figure in front of them was blurred, but Ren Yizhou instinctively felt something was wrong.
“Did you close your eyes?”
“You suddenly moved,” Tian Xiewen said.
“You…open your eyes.”
“Is the silk cloth back on?”
Ren Yizhou sat up. They took the silk cloth and pressed it into Tian Xiewen’s open hand. “It’s not.”
“Then—”
“Open your eyes.”
Tian Xiewen slowly opened his eyes, but his head was still turned to the side.
“Did you look?”
“No.”
“…Look at me.”
“But you’re not—”
“Look at me,” Ren Yizhou said, confidence solidifying behind their words.
Tian Xiewen gulped and cautiously looked over.
“Can you see me?” Ren Yizhou asked, their voice suddenly softer again. “Is it too dark? If it’s too dark, then you—”
“Beautiful…”
“…What is?”
“…You,” Tian Xiewen said as he dazedly looked up at Ren Yizhou.
Despite how many years they had shared a bed or how many years they had been friends and comrades, Tian Xiewen had never seen Ren Yizhou without their silk cloth. It was one of the few things that made him envy Fan Yi, who had known Ren Yizhou long before they began wearing that piece of cloth. It made him want to rewind time—to be the one who rescued Ren Yizhou from that damned place. But he knew it was unreasonable.
“I…don’t look weird?” Ren Yizhou muttered.
“How could that be?” Tian Xiewen asked. He propped himself up and carefully cupped Ren Yizhou’s face. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”
Ren Yizhou held Tian Xiewen’s hand to their face, their neck shrinking in embarrassment. “So, even with these…things for eyes, you don’t find me revolting?”
Tian Xiewen’s brows furrowed. “Is that what you were scared about?”
“Not exactly,” Ren Yizhou mumbled.
“I wasn’t attracted to you because of your looks,” Tian Xiewen said.
Ren Yizhou felt a soft, feathery touch between his brows. Then another kiss was placed against his eyelid.
“I liked your attitude and your way with words,” Tian Xiewen whispered. “I fell for your confidence and your self-assuredness. You saved me when I was the most desperate and my admiration for you evolved into something else.”
“…And what’s that?” Ren Yizhou asked as they tilted their head back, allowing Tian Xiewen to press light kisses against their neck.
Tian Xiewen smiled against Ren Yizhou’s neck and gave it a soft bite. “Love.”
Ren Yizhou’s grip on Tian Xiewen tightened. “Yǔniàn (雨念)…”
Tian Xiewen stiffened at the sound of his birth name. His grip on Ren Yizhou tightened and he sat up taller so that he could pull Ren Yizhou closer.
“Am I allowed to?”
“A-allowed to?” Ren Yizhou was surprised by the sudden shift. They felt hot fingers tugging aside his clothes. “You can continue—”
“Not that,” Tian Xiewen said. His actions paused. “Am I allowed to love you?”
Ren Yizhou felt the last of their defenses fall away. They wanted nothing more but to melt against Tian Xiewen and entangle with this man for the rest of their lives.
Ren Yizhou hugged Tian Xiewen tightly and gave him a shy nod. “Of course. And I…”
Tian Xiewen gently massaged Ren Yizhou’s waist. “You?”
“…Yunian, I…I also…”
Tian Xiewen let out a delighted chuckle. “You—”
“Let me say it,” Ren Yizhou snapped nervously. They hugged Tian Xiewen tighter. “I…Yunian, I also love you…”
The moment the words fell from Ren Yizhou’s lips, they were quickly captured by Tian Xiewen. A soft whimper left them as they were tossed back onto the bed. Calloused fingers touched their bare skin, making them shiver, despite the many times they had felt it before.
Ren Yizhou had been kissed dizzy when they heard the delighted, boyish laugh. Tian Xiewen lowered himself and kissed along Ren Yizhou’s exposed chest.
“You love me,” Tian Xiewen whispered.
Ren Yizhou flushed in embarrassment. “Yes, I do.”
“You really love me,” Tian Xiewen repeated. “Yizhou, you love me.”
“Stop saying it,” Ren Yizhou said, pushing against Tian Xiewen’s shoulders, but not rejecting his advances.
“I think I haven’t woken up yet,” Tian Xiewen said breathlessly. “I think I’m definitely still dreaming.”
Ren Yizhou pursed their lips. They reached down and pulled Tian Xiewen back up. With their arms tightly wrapped around Tian Xiewen, they pulled him into a deep kiss. Before they separated, they bit down.
Tian Xiewen hissed and watched in shock as Ren Yizhou pulled away, their lips lightly stained with Tian Xiewen’s blood. The glassy eyes looked back at him with those gentle brows tightly furrowed.
“Now you know it’s not a dream, right?”
A relieved chuckle escaped Tian Xiewen. He hugged Ren Yizhou tightly and closed his eyes. “Mn. It’s not a dream…that’s great. I…thank you, Yizhou. Thank you.”
Ren Yizhou gently ran their hand up and down Tian Xiewen’s broad back. A small smile played at their lips as years of anxiety flew from their heart.
Neither of them knew what would happen in the future and neither of them dared promise forever. “Forever” was a fragile thing—they knew all too well that it was something that could be shattered in an instant. So, they didn’t wish for forever. They could only hope for an instance. And at least right now, on this calm spring night when it was just the two of them in their quiet little world, they knew that they loved each other. And that’s all they could ever hope for.
Who knew Tian Xiewen could be so sweet and Ren Yuzhou could be so vulnerable ❤️. I feel much better having these two resolved ☺️
hehe, i tried my best for them. one of my favorite pairings uwu
“The moment the words fell from Ren Yizhou’s lips, they were quickly captured by Tian Xiewen.” i am like, in love with this sentence and them both
i love them too 😭😭