After Getting Gayified, I Swore Off Parody MashupsCh34 - The upbringing of a good stay-home man

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I was so busy shooting the back-to-back scenes before. Now that I’ve settled down, my lousy old waist is starting to hurt. 86z0Mu

Man, I was still hoping to mooch food and drinks off Jiang Ran and enjoy what a life of retirement feels like.

 

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No way around it. I could only lie properly in bed and stare at the million-dollar chandelier on the ceiling to distract myself. tXc4MZ

One sheep, two sheep, three sheep…

 

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After god knows how long, someone suddenly knocked on the door.

aLGB0h

Jiang Ran asked me through the door, “Are you asleep yet?”

“Mm, not yet.” I was still very much awake, casually replying.

Jiang Ran sounded a little worried. “Are you unable to sleep? Or feeling uncomfortable anywhere? It’s already one in the morning.”

Huh? It’s actually this late? 0gJ15I

I got up trying to grab my phone, but because my lower back was lacking in strength, I ended up whacking smack into the headboard.

Bloody hell. I can certify that it’s solid wood furniture, it’s so goddamn hard.

I cried out in pain, rubbing my pitiful head.

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Perhaps because the noise was too loud, Jiang Ran entered through the door straightaway. His eyebrows were knit and his expression was stern. “What happened?”

I had one hand supporting my waist, one hand rubbing my head, half-leaning in bed in a contorted posture.

Jiang Ran stared at me the whole way. 7z6ZvG

“Uh. Nothing.” I hurriedly sat upright, pressing myself against the headboard, my heart aching for my cranky, old waist.

“Is your back injury flaring up again?” He rushed forward and held my hand. “Does it hurt?”

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Bleh. I can’t believe he actually saw through me.

I blinked, giving a fake smile, “It’s fine, really.” WddDqQ

However, Jiang Ran’s giant pig trotter touched my waist.

!! I involuntarily roared.

His expression instantly turned grave, eyes locking firmly on me.

Jiang Ran, do you seriously think that you have Sun Wukong’s Fiery Gold Eyes or Röntgen vision, that you can give me a manual X-ray examination? L6zMpH

 

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Supporting my waist, he shoved me back under the quilt, then flipped me over.

He pressed down a few times. “Does it hurt?” txs6lk

“It’s fine.” I was feeling antsy all over because of him. “It’s just sore and swollen, it’ll be good again after I endure it a little.”

“Lie still.” Yet, Jiang Ran slammed out of the room.

Huh? What’s going on?

Jiang Ran, what the hell are you doing? EcjWqC

But this salted fish was really in too much pain today and couldn’t flip myself out of danger.

 

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After a few minutes, he walked back with a round machine and a hot water bag. UbdHMy

I watched as he dimmed the lights in the room and plugged in the power. White mist slowly sprayed out of the machine.

It… smelled quite fragrant.

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“This is an aromatherapy machine to calm the mind,” Jiang Ran explained. “If it’s too unbearable, you can take sleeping pills.”

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

Truly, poverty limited my imagination. Rich people use high-tech stuff to take care of people. EakQcz

Ktfc ws mgjcxs, biv kjlra revvfcis kjgwfv. Aljcu Ejc tjv gfrafv atf tba kjafg yju bc ws kjlra.

QKV, la’r rb mbwobgajyif!

Zs ibkfg ybvs rdelgwfv lc yilrr.

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Aljcu Ejc rja yfrlvf wf. “Qjr la tegalcu ktfc kf kfgf oliwlcu, bcis atja sbe tfiv yjmx ogbw rjslcu jcsatlcu?”

“Pa kjr ralii bxjs, pera atja la kjr gfjiis abb mbiv eq bc atf rcbk wbecajlcr lc atf ijra ofk vjsr.”

Jiang Ran was silent for a long time. ElPVjv

I could almost feel his scorching eyes coveting my cranky, old waist again. Alas.

I thought he’d say something out of bounds, like your waist is so fair and slender, it’s too bad that it’s hurt, etc.

However, he was serious this time. “When I bring you to Germany, make sure to strictly follow the doctor’s instructions. If it isn’t very severe, it should be able to recover.”

I was getting a little drowsy from that bullshit aromatherapy machine of his, vaguely humming in assent. sb5dO8

As if able to tell, he leaned over, brushing my hair.

“Go to sleep, it’s okay.”

Jiang Ran’s pig trotter seemed to carry its own electricity, sending a spark of electricity shooting down from my scalp into the depths of my heart.

And so my heart, once again, and a g a i n, and a  g  a  i  n, started to race for the umpteenth time. x5CP4b

 

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Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

My cranky, old waist really couldn’t stand the cold.

Last winter when my back injury flared, I laid in bed for the whole day. cizMCf

Afterwards, because I was completely famished, I crawled out of bed to make myself cup noodles.

Really. I’m not exaggerating. I crawled out of bed.

I stuck close to the heater as I ate my noodles, and out of pure obstinacy, I kept my tears from falling.

  UpdMN0

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Times like this were when people needed company the most.

I buried my face into the pillow.

I don’t want to admit—I’m a little unable to do without Jiang Ran anymore. 4I2CbH

 

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By the time I awoke the next day, the sun was already three poles high. It was another late morning.

Lying spreadeagle in bed, I felt refreshed. fwexIk

Ahhhh, the feeling of gaining a new life is great.

 

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Jiang Ran was busying around in the kitchen when I walked out of the room. yHgs6R

I stood at the door for a while. When he turned his head, he happened to catch sight of me.

“Feeling better yet?”

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“Mm,” I nodded. “Thanks.”

Jiang Ran smiled. “It’s almost time for lunch. Give me a bit of time, I’ll get it done.” 1M9f8L

Ehhhh! Hang on, as a good young man of the 21st century, how can I allow myself to be a professional kept woman!

I hurriedly went up. “I’ll do it.”

Jiang Ran frowned. “Don’t make a fuss, you should rest.”

“No way.” I stole the apron from his hands. “Sitting and sleeping too long will hurt my waist too.” UASKyw

 

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Jiang Ran pinched my waist. He only agreed after seeing that I didn’t show any reaction.

“Do you have noodles at home?” cL6W4u

“Noodles again?” Jiang Ran asked back with a smile. “You don’t only know how to cook noodles, do you?”

“……”

I was a poor, fat otaku. I basically mucked my days through with cup noodles and had to save up if I wanted to get take-out; how could I have the leisure to learn recipes?

[so what] [unreasonably stubborn.jpg] rD7VKM

 

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At this, Jiang Ran huffed in laughter.

“Hey!!” I rolled my eyes at him, irate. m0kLxo

Jiang Ran pointed at the vegetables that he had already cut. “I’ll teach you how to make tomato sirloin soup.”

Huh? Before I realised what was going on, he had already helped me tie the apron.

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“Cook the beef in a pan over high heat for three minutes. Remove the froth.”

“Then, place the pan evenly and leave it to saute for a bit.”

Jiang Ran was leaning against the counter, directing me from one side. rA2nZD

I hadn’t pan-fried my meals in a long time and was somewhat frazzled for a while.

“You can put the seasoning in now.” Jiang Ran handed me a small bowl. “Put in a little less oil. Be careful not to get splashed.”

“Mm.” I didn’t even lift my head, taking the bowl and pouring it straight in. Then, I reached out looking for the cooking oil.

“Here.” He uncapped it for me before handing it over. CjnpLq

I poured a little in by rough guesstimate, my shoulders reflexively flinching when I heard the spitting sound.

“Your motions are very rusty.” Jiang Ran finally couldn’t resist coming over. He held my wrist, wrapping my entire body in his embrace.

Pressed against his chest, I forgot to breathe for a moment.

“Oy…” I twisted my lower body to make a little space. OR8tA9

“Focus.” He tousled my hair. “You’ve got a lot to learn later.”

Pah, bastard! Why would a man as wise and all-powerful as laozi need you to teach me by hand?

Although… this dish smells really fragrant.

  yrf2A5

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After putting the vegetables into the stew pot, Jiang Ran took out a handful of uncooked noodles and passed it to me. “It’s your turn to shine.”

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

I rolled my eyes at him.

It’s finally time for laozi to show off my skills! iVnuKD

When I finished boiling the noodles, the soup was just about ready.

Oh god. It really does smell fragrant.

 

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Jiang Ran brought the pan over, then served the two bowls of noodles.

Only now did I notice a wine cabinet standing between the living room and the kitchen. With a quick lookover, I could see that it was filled with red wine inside.

Ah, this is the sinful life of the rich.

  xMvJLC

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I stared at the wine cabinet. “Jiang Ran, do you want to drink some wine together?”

“What do you want to drink?”

I crossed my legs at the table, lounging back in my seat, commanding, “A bottle of ‘82 Château Lafite-Rothschild for this grandpa to gargle my mouth, then.” 13vDHQ

“You use red wine to rinse your mouth?” Jiang Ran was mystified. He frowned, judging me for the reckless waste of resources.

I snorted in laughter.

“Surely the venerable Film Emperor Jiang has watched Young and Dangerous before, right?”

Hearing this, he pondered it for a few seconds, then smiled as he shook his head. “You’re impossible.” x8 qos

With that, he got up and went to the wine cabinet.

“Hey, wait. I was just joking!” I hurriedly went to block him. “Don’t take me for real, it’s a waste to let me drink such good wine.”

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“It’s also a waste to have no one to drink it with.” He disagreed. “Give the wine a moment to breathe.”

  UW1ape

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And so, tomato sirloin soup accompanied with red wine; new gastronomy recipe, get √

I sipped the wine. The pure aroma wafted over, even tinged with a slight acidity.

I had only casually made a joke and he had seriously brought out such good wine. 98YHhr

How on earth am I going to pay back all these favours?!

Despicable rich second-gen kid!

 

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There was a sudden knock on the door.

Jiang Ran got up to answer it. It was our agents.

“What is it?”

They were panting as they walked in. “President Jiang, why didn’t you pick up your phone? Brother Shuyao, too. Are the two of you playing missing?!” aTd o8

While yattering away, my agent suddenly caught sight of the food on the table. His expression instantly changed. He apologetically scratched his head. “Ahhh I didn’t realise you were having a candlelight dinner. I get it now, I get it now, sorry sorry…”

“……”

 

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Jiang Ran still seemed a little unhappy, repeating himself, “What is it?”

My agent said, “Nothing much. It’s just that there’s a brand called Koel who have invited the two of you to do an endorsement…”

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“Turn it down.” Without waiting for my response, he crisply refused.

Hearing this, my gaze jolted. A6qbC0

Jiang Ran, do you have an effing clue how much an endorsement is worth!

How can I let go of an opportunity to make money?!

 

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I hurriedly spoke up, “Why not? Take it, do it! Immediately, right now, asap!”

Jiang Ran frowned. “Mo Shuyao, your waist is still injured. Furthermore, we’re about to leave for Germany soon…”

“Stopstopstop,” I cut into him with righteous conviction. “I can’t keep staying at your place and live off you, right? I also want to make my own money to support myself. I’m a good young man of the 21st century, after all.”

Jiang Ran studied me solemnly for a few seconds. S5fw2j

“What are you staring at me for, just agree to it!” I was afraid that he wouldn’t hear me, practically roaring like a lioness.

Jiang Ran clucked his tongue, saying helplessly, “Okay, I’ll listen to you this time. But after this advertisement, you must make sure to rest well, understand?”

I was over the moon. “Yesyes, I understand. Don’t worry about it.”

My agent beamed. “Alrighty, I’ll contact the company right away. Enjoy your meal, sorry for intruding.” zkdFo

With that, along with the other agent, the two of them fled like the wind.

At the door, he poked his head back in, continuing, “But, Teacher Mo, please listen to President Jiang and take good care of your waist~”

???

I kept feeling that there was another, underlying meaning behind his words. 7 KWrz

Translator's Note

理不直气也壮表情包图片- 求表情网,斗图从此不求人!

Translator's Note

Ref to a tv programme. Describing something as fragrant refers to being determined otherwise, but once you try it, you start to like it. Here, the dish not only refers to the food but can low-key also refer to the way Jiang Ran is treating him.

Translator's Note

Idiom for a dominating wife. Also the idiom which he used in prev chapter to describe warming up his vocal cords, which Jiang Ran called little kitty yowling.

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8 comments

  1. I hope your waist recover for the long blissful nights ahead.

    Thank you for the chapter 🤍