In fact, Xu Xingzhe had said phrases like “I don’t want you anymore” or “I don’t like you anymore” more than once, but Lu Zhaoshen had never reacted as strongly as he did today.
In the past, his reaction might have been an “Oh” at most, before he would have gone on with his business. Xu Xingzhe would only stick out his tongue, rest his chin on Lu Zhaoshen’s shoulder in boredom, and blow air into his ear, “Humph, you always bully me.”
Xu Xingzhe didn’t like Lu Zhaoshen’s cold face, nor did he find the icy Lu Zhaoshen particularly cool. He wasn’t a masochist like Qian Sijia. Lu Zhaoshen had many advantages: good grades, intelligence, and stability. He could care for himself and was methodical, always managing to save the situation. Xu Xingzhe liked all these things.
If he gave him a dirty look, he would lose points, but if he smiled at him, he would gain a thousand points. In this way, Xu Xingzhe reaped what he sowed and was unable to drive Lu Zhaoshen out of his world.
The lecture hadn’t ended yet when Xu Xingzhe received a message from Lu Zhaoshen. Lu Zhaoshen asked him where he was. Xu Xingzhe stared blankly at the screen for a long time, then looked at the podium. The old professor was still lecturing eloquently, while the classmates around him were feverishly scribbling notes. Xu Xingzhe thought about Yan Xiao’s words as if he had been hit with a wake-up call.
It wasn’t easy to get into Nangang. Only Xu Xingzhe knew how much effort he had put into it. Lu Zhaoshen was right when he said that ten Lu Zhaoshens weren’t as important as his future.
Xu Xingzhe put down his cell phone. He didn’t reply to Lu Zhaozhen’s unusual show of attention and continued to listen to the lecture.
When the bell rang, everyone packed their bags and went back to their dormitories or headed to the cafeteria. Xu Xingzhe caught up with Dai Liang and said he wanted to go to the study room together.
Dai Liang wasn’t buying Xu Xingzhe’s act, “Why?”
Xu Xingzhe used to study with Lu Zhaoshen in the shared self-study room. Now that he didn’t want to see Lu Zhaoshen, he wanted to drag someone along with him. At least if they happened to run into Lu Zhaoshen, he wouldn’t feel so awkward.
Today’s Lu Zhaoshen had frightened Xu Xingzhe. He had imitated Xu Xingzhe’s tone to say coquettish things, took the initiative to kiss him, and begged him not to give up.
Xu Xingzhe was used to being bullied, and when the roles were reversed, he became the one who was the most clueless.
“I’m not taking you with me.” Although Dai Liang’s hostility toward Xu Xingzhe had lessened, he still couldn’t stand his excessive energy and liveliness on a daily basis.
Xu Xingzhe stood still, lifted his backpack, and asked with confidence that he would succeed, “I have Jiang Yaning’s calculus notes. Do you want them?”
Dai Liang’s eyes widened, and he immediately came closer, “Jiang Yaning? I thought his notes had not leaked? How did you get them?”
Jiang Yaning was a famous senior in the mathematics department, ranking first in his grade for three consecutive years. He was called a mathematical genius by all the teachers. He was a hidden gem who had ended up in the mathematics department after accidentally flunking the exams.
Xu Xingzhe believed that Lu Zhaoshen would never be inferior to Jiang Yaning in the future. But the time he asked Lu Zhaoshen for notes, Lu Zhaoshen took it as him not paying attention in class and punished him with a level 4 exam paper. Xu Xingzhe flew into a rage and declared, “Who cares about your notes? I’ll ask the god in our department. He got full marks in the exams!”
As for how he got them…
“Because I’m good-looking.”
Dai Liang looked at Xu Xingzhe with disdain, “Do you think everyone likes guys like you?”
Xu Xingzhe refused to comment. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and urged Dai Liang to head to the library.
They reserved seats and went out to eat. As they returned to the library, Xu Xingzhe had just settled into his seat when he noticed Lu Zhaoshen entering through the study room’s front door. Lu Zhaoshen was tall, with long legs, and handsome features. Even wearing a white hoodie, he gave off a clean and striking impression. As soon as he walked in, Xu Xingzhe’s eyes, along with several girls in the front, focused on him. As if drawn by a magnet, Xu Xingzhe blinked and met Lu Zhaoshen’s eyes.
His heart tightened, and he quickly looked if there were empty seats around him.
There were none, perfect.
He avoided Lu Zhaoshen’s eyes and lowered his head to continue his homework, pretending not to see the dejection on Lu Zhaoshen’s face.
It turned out that Lu Zhaoshen could also feel sad.
Lu Zhaoshen found an empty seat behind Xu Xingzhe. Xu Xingzhe immediately felt prickles down his back. He deliberately leaned toward Dai Liang and used his peripheral vision to sneak a peek behind him. Sensing the burning gaze from behind, Xu Xingzhe guiltily sat back down to his seat.
Xu Xingzhe was torn in two. One half was annoyed at his lack of determination, while the other half was bubbling with sweetness.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Lu Zhaoshen seemed to be really jealous.
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Dai Liang immediately put down his backpack and decided to stay.
Xu Xingzhe sluggishly packed his bag, one minute stretching into five, before he eventually departed the study room at a slow pace.
The cool breeze of Nangang was blowing gently at ten o’clock. The moon was rising from the sea, silently hanging in the sky. Xu Xingzhe gently closed the door of the study room and strolled toward the dormitory. The streetlights stretched his silhouette. Before long, he detected someone trailing behind him.
The person’s footsteps were light, reflecting his quiet nature. So quiet that it tested Xu Xingzhe’s patience. Xu Xingzhe could say “I like you” ten times and not receive a single reply.
Still, Xu Xingzhe stopped, turned around, and looked straight at him.
“Aren’t you going back to catch up on sleep? Your dark circles look like panda eyes.”
Lu Zhaoshen stopped one step later, shortening the distance between them. In fact, he could hug Xu Xingzhe if he took two steps forward, but he didn’t move. He was waiting for Xu Xingzhe to come over.
Xu Xingzhe clenched his fists tightly to feel pain so as to not reflexively cling to Lu Zhaoshen.
“I’m going back to sleep. I went to bed at eleven last night. It feels good not to have to rush to say good night to someone.”
Lu Zhaoshen seemed to call out to Xu Xingzhe, or maybe not. Xu Xingzhe couldn’t make it out clearly. He turned and ran ahead, not giving Lu Zhaoshen a chance to seize him.
*
Xu Xingzhe didn’t expect Lu Zhaoshen to go so far as to go to the roller skating club to confront him.
After all, Lu Zhaoshen had only come to the roller skating club because Xu Xingzhe persistently dragged him there. Lu Zhaoshen had no interest in roller skating and disliked group activities.
Today, Xu Xingzhe had just finished playing Werewolf with his friends from the roller skating club. He hadn’t even put on his skates when he saw Lu Zhaoshen standing at the door. He panicked and fell down on his butt. Trying to act calm, he rubbed his backside and stood up. He turned around and grimaced.
Lu Zhaoshen walked over. He stooped down to pick up Xu Xingzhe’s roller skates, stuffed them into his bag, and zipped it shut.
“Hey hey hey—Who gave you the right?”
“Xu Xingzhe, let’s talk.”
Xu Xingzhe wasn’t wearing shoes on one foot. He was forced by Lu Zhaoshen to hop back on one foot, “I decline.”
The club president happened to skate by and saw Xu Xingzhe pouting, and asked, “What’s wrong Xiao-Xingxing?” Before he could wait for Xu Xingzhe’s response, he was scared by Lu Zhaoshen’s intimidating cold gaze and skated back in an arc.
Xu Xingzhe reluctantly squatted down to put on his shoes. As soon as he finished, he slipped out. He raced down the stairs, darting left and right without direction. He didn’t know what he was hiding from. At the corner of the second floor, Xu Xingzhe bumped into someone and stumbled backward while holding his forehead.
“Yan Xiao?”
Yan Xiao rubbed his shoulder and moved his arms a few times. “Where did you pop out from? You almost broke my bones.”
Xu Xingzhe looked like he had no time to explain. He waved his hands and started to walk away. But after taking a few steps, he stopped and pointed ahead, “Hey, isn’t that Jiang Yaning?”
Yan Xiao followed Xu Xingzhe’s finger and saw the boy leaning against the railing at the corner, basking in the sunlight wearing a simple white shirt and black pants.
Yan Xiao quickly averted his gaze, looking uninterested. Instead, he smiled and asked Xu Xingzhe, “I heard you sold me out for a notebook?”
Xu Xingzhe felt guilty and went “ah ah um um” for a while before finally confessing, “He asked if I knew you, and I said I did. Then he asked if you were single now, and I said yes. I didn’t say anything else.”
A coldness gradually crept into Yan Xiao’s smile. Xu Xingzhe defiantly asked, “You should feel honored that someone likes you, right?”
“I don’t mess with good students.”
Xu Xingzhe was dumbfounded, and then his expression became even more disdainful as he sighed, “To call you a player would be praising you. You’re the king of scumbags.”
“I’m still better than a certain someone who doesn’t even dare to admit that he likes someone,” Yan Xiao suddenly stood up straight and glanced over Xu Xingzhe’s shoulder to look behind him. His tone was provocative, “Don’t you think so?”
Xu Xingzhe was kept in the dark and still naively supported Lu Zhaoshen, “My Lu Zhaoshen is a hundred times better than you! He may not say it, but deep down, he likes me to death.”
Yan Xiao’s expression was inscrutable. Time seemed indefinitely long as if a stop button had been pressed. The next second, Xu Xingzhe was grabbed by the waist from behind and dragged into a pitch-black room. The abandoned office was covered in dust. Soon, a familiar scent enveloped him. Lu Zhaoshen pinned him against the door, his long-held restraint now completely gone. Xu Xingzhe could hear the panic and tension in Lu Zhaoshen’s breathing, which gradually calmed down as he kissed him.
Only then did Xu Xingzhe react, belatedly reaching out to push Lu Zhaoshen away. But Lu Zhaoshen’s embrace was like an iron ring, and no matter how hard Xu Xingzhe struggled, he couldn’t break free.
Lu Zhaoshen’s hand slipped under Xu Xingzhe’s shirt, running from his abdomen to his shallow back dimples, then up along his back to his butterfly bone.
Xu Xingzhe had lost a lot of weight compared to high school. He used to have a soft body where even his butterfly bone wasn’t visible.
Xu Xingzhe shivered all over when he was touched. He opened his mouth to let Lu Zhaoshen in and out. The psychological walls he had built up over the past two nights collapsed. He pushed Lu Zhaoshen while trembling and threatened, “You be c-careful, I’ll post that 53-minute video online, y-you’ll be finished.”
Lu Zhaoshen picked him up by his buttocks and pressed him down, “Post it. We’ll record this time as well.”
“Mhm, you’re just relying on my feelings for you.”
“Xu Xingzhe, it was you who said you’d pursue me for another four years.”
Xu Xingzhe was fuming and annoyed. Before he could speak, Lu Zhaoshen sealed his lips again.
“Don’t do it here, it’s dirty,” Xu Xingzhe complained feebly.
After Lu Zhaoshen finished kissing his mouth, he moved downward little by little. Xu Xingzhe refused to look up, so Lu Zhaoshen lifted him up. Xu Xingzhe’s back was pressed against the door, the cloth rubbing against the mottled wooden surface with a jarring, dull thud.
“Lu Zhaoshen, stop.”
Lu Zhaoshen obediently let Xu Xingzhe down, but his arms stayed at Xu Xingzhe’s sides, leaving him no way to escape. Xu Xingzhe’s thighs were kneaded raw by Lu Zhaoshen, and the discomfort didn’t ease temporarily. He wanted to move but found Lu Zhaoshen clinging to him, so he could only bear it. The room was dark with no lights on, only a sliver of light peeked through the door crack and reflected off Lu Zhaoshen’s glasses. Xu Xingzhe couldn’t see Lu Zhaoshen’s eyes clearly, nor could he guess his emotions.
“Do you have classes at night?” Lu Zhaoshen asked.
“Huh?”
“Do you?” Lu Zhaoshen asked again, then leaned down to kiss Xu Xingzhe’s earlobe as if he hadn’t had enough yet.
Xu Xingzhe was a little confused, “No. Do you want to chat with me?”
It seemed like Lu Zhaoshen had mentioned that at the roller skating club just fifteen minutes ago.
“No, let’s get a room and stay out tonight. Do you want to go back for your clothes?”
“Eh?”
“Don’t you mind that this place is dirty?”
“I mind—” Xu Xingzhe could barely speak. He reached out to touch Lu Zhaoshen’s forehead to check his temperature. “Lu Zhaoshen, are you crazy? What’s gotten into you these past two days? Did you get silly from staying outside the dorm in the cold wind two nights ago?”
“No, I just can’t seem to stop now.” Lu Zhaoshen said, suddenly bending down to rub Xu Xingzhe’s butt. He used the deep, husky voice that Xu Xingzhe couldn’t resist to make an irresistible request, “Xingxing, just once, okay?”
When Lu Zhaoshen refused to sleep at midnight and hugged Xu Xingzhe who was covered in red marks and wanted to go again, he would use the same tone. Xu Xingzhe intended to refuse, but as soon as Lu Zhaoshen called him “Xingxing,” he would comply with anything. He would unbutton his pajamas and turn to the side so that Lu Zhaoshen could bury his head and bite his chest. Of course, the next morning, Lu Zhaoshen would never admit to saying or doing such things. He would even flip the blame on Xu Xingzhe.
In any case, Xu Xingzhe had seduced him, and Lu Zhaoshen was simply under a spell.
Xu Xingzhe loved first and was wrong first, so he had to accept it.
Just like this time, even though Xu Xingzhe was clearly the most reasonable and could have pushed Lu Zhaoshen away by force, he lacked that bit of decisiveness and determination. Before he could say no, Lu Zhaoshen sealed his lips again. The frames of Lu Zhaoshen’s glasses felt cold and made Xu Xingzhe shudder.
Lu Zhaoshen’s hand lingered on Xu Xingzhe’s back for a while, then suddenly moved down. Xu Xingzhe’s sore legs were once again picked up by Lu Zhaoshen and then placed on a low cabinet that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. Xu Xingzhe dared not lean back and asked anxiously, “What is this place? Can I sit here? Is it dusty?”
Lu Zhaoshen took off his own coat and spread it out on the low cabinet before lifting Xu Xingzhe again.
“It used to be where the business school kept their sound equipment, but it’s not used anymore,” Lu Zhaoshen said as he lifted the hem of Xu Xingzhe’s hoodie.
Lu Zhaoshen lifted the hem of Xu Xingzhe’s hoodie and planted kisses from his belly button to his chest. His lips and tongue made wet sounds as they rubbed against his skin. He pushed Xu Xingzhe’s hoodie up to his collarbones. Xu Xingzhe deliberately refused to cooperate and take it off, so Lu Zhaoshen punished him by biting the small red bud on the left side. Xu Xingzhe was so stimulated that he curled up and put his arms around Lu Zhaoshen’s neck. Just as harsh words were about to come out, he was overwhelmed with pleasure and changed them to, “Hmm… the other side too.”
Lu Zhaoshen really loved sucking on Xu Xingzhe’s breasts. He liked to wrap his lips around them and lick them with his tongue, just like a child sucking milk. Xu Xingzhe was shy at first, but now he didn’t even bother to cover himself with his hands. He thought that Lu Zhaoshen might be like this because he lost his mother when he was young. He was distraught when he thought about it, so the hand that grabbed Lu Zhaoshen’s neck gradually turned into a gentle caress.
Every time this happened, Xu Xingzhe thought that he was the stupidest and cheapest person in the world. Lu Zhaoshen didn’t give him a single promise, yet he still did whatever he pleased.
Lu Zhaoshen kissed him again, this time without the touch of the cold glasses. Lu Zhaoshen had taken off his glasses at some point. Xu Xingzhe thought for two more seconds and missed the right moment to resist.
Yet, as Lu Zhaoshen yanked Xu Xingzhe’s pants off, Xu Xingzhe still resisted slightly. He said there were no tools here, and he was afraid of pain.
In the end, Lu Zhaoshen didn’t go in. He simply lifted Xu Xingzhe and pressed him against the cabinet again, using his legs to relieve his desire. He also helped Xu Xingzhe. Xu Xingzhe didn’t dare to shout out, so he could only hold Lu Zhaoshen’s left hand and occasionally lower his head to bite it. When he reached the climax, he called out Lu Zhaoshen’s name like a kitten.
He said, “Slow down, slow down,” and then, “It’s too hot, too hot.”
Lu Zhaoshen was completely under his control.
The temperature continued to rise in the dim, cramped space.
When Xu Xingzhe stood up, the sticky liquid slid down his thighs. Xu Xingzhe clamped his legs, buried his face in Lu Zhaoshen’s chest, and let him clean up the mess.
Lu Zhaoshen took a tissue to wipe him. It wasn’t until he helped Xu Xingzhe put on his pants, straightened his hoodie, and pulled him back into his arms, that Xu Xingzhe muttered, “It’s always like this every time. Giving a treat after whacking me with your rod“.
The sun had set, and the light shining through the crack in the door had dimmed. Lu Zhaoshen’s body stiffened slightly when he heard Xu Xingzhe’s words. Although Xu Xingzhe couldn’t see his expression clearly, he could sense Lu Zhaoshen’s nervousness, even though Lu Zhaoshen was the kind of person who was never nervous and always seemed so calm that people found him boring.
“Will this turn on the lights? I want to turn on the lights,” Xu Xingzhe reached for the switch on the wall.
Lu Zhaoshen stopped him, “Xingzhe, there are some things I’ve never been able to say out loud, things I know you want to hear.”
“I know those words might be easy and simple for you, but they’re a heavy responsibility for me. I don’t dare say them until I can give you a better future. Consider me a coward, I admit it.”
Lu Zhaoshen let go of Xu Xingzhe and smiled self-deprecatingly, “No matter how hard I try, what I can offer you is still far less than what you already have. Just thinking about it, I don’t have the courage to say that I like you.”
Just like Xu Xingzhe could casually say: Let’s buy a house in Xicheng, or Nangang works too.
Lu Zhaoshen could only look at the astronomical figures and silently calculate how many years he would need to work to earn that much money.
Xu Xingzhe was stunned for a while. Then he tiptoed over to hug Lu Zhaoshen, feeling distressed and on the verge of tears. He hugged Lu Zhaoshen tightly, not stinging the least bit of love, “But I just want us to be together.”
Lu Zhaoshen didn’t hug him back. Instead, he gently stroked the back of Xu Xingzhe’s head and said, “Xingxing, good boy.”
t/n: Lu Zhaoshen finally decided to use his words! 
Thank You for the new chapter ♡(ŐωŐ人)
Ahh, so it’s more of an insecurity on lu zhaoshen’s part 😭 don’t worry bb, with your brains, what could you not achieve after graduation 🤧