He supported my back and handed me a glass with both hands. As I parted my lips, lukewarm water trickled down my dry tongue and down my throat. While licking the sweet-tasting water little by little, I thought of him, who used to pass the cold and sweet liquid into my mouth.
Once I finished the glass, he took it and set it aside. The mattress beside my head sagged heavily under his weight. It seemed he had no intention of getting up this time, leaving me alone.
I heard his breathing. The sound seeping through my earlobes was my unstable breath. At the corner of my vision, his right hand, resting on my thigh, appeared. His spread fingers were long and slender. The crescent moons of his manicured nails, the thin veins crossing his palm. It was a neatly groomed and large hand that was suitable for holding markers in the conference room or reins on the bed.
As if sensing my gaze, his hand disappeared beyond the edge of my sight. Eventually, his touch reached the back of my head. It brushed against me and caressed me lightly.
“I had a fever… since earlier.”
The fingertips feeling around under my earlobe were lukewarm.
“I don’t have any fever medicine at home, and I didn’t want to go out while you were sleeping…”
The low voice trailed off. The hand that was digging into my hair slowed down. I heard a short breath.
“Do you regret it?”
It was a blunt question, cut and dry.
“I’ve told you multiple times it would be difficult, but you insisted on being stubborn. Now that you’ve tried it, do you think it was worth it?”
“…”
“Is this what Lee Seodan meant by trial and error?”
His voice was toneless and slow. His thigh, and the line leading to his knee, were stiff and rigid. The time I had slept seemed to solidify in his cracked voice.
“I…,” he said. Then he stopped abruptly. He slowly exhaled a long, pressed breath. At the end of it, he chuckled dryly.
“You said you wanted to know what it was. So, now that you know, how do you feel? Do you feel relieved now?”
It was a bitter voice. Exhausted and tormented by old fatigue, each word was like coarse grains of sand.
After being beaten with a stick by the person I started to like for the first time in my life, crawling around naked like a dog, and receiving resentment instead of concern when I fell, I looked up at him and quietly opened my mouth.
“I’m sorry.”
“…Who asked you to apologize?”
Han Team Leader retorted irritably. I slowly raised my tired body. I crawled onto his knees.
He didn’t push me away. I straddled his firm thigh and wrapped my arms around his neck. Only then did he grab my waist and pull me closer. My body fit snugly against his as if we had matched each other perfectly. It was warm.
With my cheek against his shoulder, I breathed slowly. The pulsating heartbeat against mine was hot like a fever.
“Dinner.”
He said softly, his nose buried in my hair.
“We should eat dinner so that you can take your medicine.”
“…I don’t need to take the medicine.”
“Really?” He questioned. I nodded my head.
“But we still need to eat. Are you feeling okay?”
“…Yes.”
“We’ve scraped out enough for today, but let’s take care of it properly at night.”
His voice was businesslike, locked. I dug deeper into his embrace, feeling my ears grow warm. His palm, which had been gently stroking my back for a while, stopped.
“Let’s go down. Can you walk?”
“Yes.”
Instead of blaming the dropped temperature, I slowly got up with dignity. I held onto the bed and lowered one leg at a time. Han Team Leader stood by the door, holding onto it and waiting for me. His shirt hem brushed against my thigh. It seemed larger than mine, but it wasn’t mine. Sensing his gaze looking down, Team Leader Han added,
“If you’re uncomfortable, change your clothes. There should be some clothes left in the dressing room.”
As I passed the threshold, I stumbled, and he grabbed my waist, adding.
“Be careful. You might slip on the stairs again.” If it weren’t for the faint hint of amusement in the corner of his eyes, I wouldn’t have realized he was teasing. Bewildered, I grabbed onto the banister without even turning around. The spot where I had stumbled earlier was now clean and devoid of any traces. The stairs, which had felt endlessly steep on the way up, seemed like nothing on the way down.
The living room wasn’t as dark as I had expected. The wide window revealed a sky that seemed to have just let go of the sun. It seemed I hadn’t slept for as long as I thought.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“What time is it now?”
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“Let’s cook something delicious tomorrow. I bought the ingredients, but it’s getting late.”
Even though he doesn’t like ordering takeout, Han Team Leader remarked, “Not liking it doesn’t mean I won’t order it.”
He said as he sat down next to me on the sofa, a half-folded booklet in his hand.
“Choose something. I think something with soup would be better.”
His thighs were pressed together. As the unfolded booklet split in half, it formed a gentle curve like a seagull’s wings, and in between, vivid photos of dishes like udon or beef soup floated on light green paper.
“What?”
He asked, looking up from the booklet. Our gazes met up close. The familiar scent of body wash wafted from his body.
“Would it be better to eat out? Is there nothing that you like?”
“…No, it’s not that.”
It was a season with large temperature fluctuations. If I were to open the balcony door, a chilly breeze would lick the glass. Still, the house was warm enough to wear shorts, and the living room was bright with soft yellow light. With its high ceiling, it was a living room I liked.
“I feel weird.”
“What’s wrong?”
He persisted to the point of catching the tail of my elusive words. As the silence prolonged, something unfamiliar and warm fluttered in my chest. He, who had been staring at my face intently, chuckled softly.
“Do you like udon?”
“…Yes.”
“Then that’s fine too.”
His tidy fingertips traced over the photos, drawing my gaze.
“Shall we have a beer too? Would that be okay?”
“Yes.”
“I have some at home… Japanese beer might be better. We have dessert, so it’s fine. Do you need anything else?”
Shaking my head, Han Team Leader stood up and crossed the living room. He brought his phone from the dining table and sat back down next to me.
I blinked, letting his ordering details sink in. The house was bright, and outside the window was dark. A sense of exhaustion washed over me, as if my tired eyes would never close.
Eventually, I didn’t drink the beer. As soon as the food arrived, Han Team Leader pressed the back of his hand against my forehead to check for a fever and confiscated the beer can. The juice he brought from the kitchen was the same yellow one as I had in the afternoon.
I ate the rice, the fruits he sliced, and the ice cream he scooped. Even though I said my stomach was full, whenever he offered food, I took it. Tea, fruit, ice cream in glass bowls—it was hospitality for an unfamiliar guest.
“What?”
Han Team Leader, pushing a teacup toward me, asked. I snapped out of my daze and looked up.
His hand came over and lightly touched my forehead. I closed my mouth and blinked. He concluded in a somewhat teasing tone that I had calmed down, and then his finger lingered lightly where it had passed, resting briefly on my lips. It was a gentle touch devoid of any sexual implications.
“What were you thinking about?”
He asked as he held up the teacup. I responded belatedly.
“I was thinking about you, Team Leader.”
“Do you usually not think about me enough to have to say it so earnestly?”
Even as he said so, he smiled faintly. The atmosphere was much more relaxed than during dinner. As he ate his meal and sliced the fruit, the ease he found was familiar to me as well.
Embracing his casualness, under the bright light of the living room, I spoke up.
“Can we do this every weekend from now on?”
My voice came out flatly. Upon waking up, the crimson memories seemed to be wrapped and covered by a thin film.
With a faint frown, he remained silent. I took a sip of tea and continued.
“If there’s nothing special, can I visit you at your place like today, have dinner… I know you’re busy and there might be other things, so maybe not every weekend, but…”
Instead of a response, he let out a short breath. Pressing his temples as if he had a headache, he moved the teacup aside and spoke without preamble.
“Since Lee Seodan brought it up first, let’s finish the conversation. Is that okay?”
Automatically straightening my posture, I nodded. Leaning on his elbows on the table, Han Team Leader asked without preamble.
“Does Lee Seodan want to continue what we did today every week?”
Just by hearing the words, it felt as if the upstairs closet belonged to me, and I had dragged him into complicated and risky sex.
Unable to respond immediately, Han Team Leader seemed to have anticipated it, as he tilted the corner of his mouth.
“Is Lee Seodan’s plan to try to feel it while doing it progressing well?”
“…Certainly better than last time-.”
“How do you feel while doing it? Are you regretful or unhappy?”
In the silence that lingered as I hesitated, it became the answer itself. Remembering his expression from the study, I fiddled with the lukewarm teacup.
As expected, Han Team Leader calmly continued.
“I also tried it today and realized that Lee Seodan seems to still find such extensive play burdensome. It was visible to me, and I found it hard to concentrate.”
“…Yes.”
“Lee Seodan wanted to try it, and I thought it would be good to show it properly at least once. But if we continue to do similar things every week, one of us might fall behind before Lee Seodan adapts.”
I heard his dry assessment with lowered head. Although relieved, my heart stung a bit. Han Team Leader pierced me with his gaze and asked.
“Why the sad expression?”
“…I feel like if I practice more, I could do better… But it seems you’re not pleased, Team Leader.”
He tucked his fingertip under my chin. Inevitably meeting his gaze, his face, which I had to face, was slanted and adorned with a gentle smile.
“Does Lee Seodan want to have sex that pleases me?”
“…Yes.”
“Even if it’s difficult for you because it’s my preference, would you endure it?”
Unable to come up with words suddenly, I nodded, and his hand gently ruffled my hair. As affectionate as looking at a lovable expression, his touch was tender.
“I don’t know what I’ve been doing well all this time to have met Lee Seodan.”
A faint hint of laughter lingered. Slowly, gradually, his face approached mine. His nose touched first and lightly brushed against mine. Then he gently kissed my lower lip, sucking it in as he kissed softly. There was a tingling sound of “chu, chu.” It was a gentle kiss without intrusive tongues.
His firm fingers slowly stroked my hair. Through eyes half-closed as if trembling, I saw his slightly lowered eyelids. His eyelashes resting on his cheek were visible one by one. It felt like my heart was dropping somewhere with a thud.
With a wet sound, our lips slowly parted. For a moment, he remained silent and then leaned back, saying:
“If we consider it from the other perspective, I also want to accommodate Lee Seodan’s preferences. Whether it’s thoroughly vanilla, leaving out everything else, that’s fine too. If Lee Seodan can find a compromise point where you’re not regretful, that’s good too.”
“…Yes.”
“Let’s take some time to think about it. Maybe we can try again later with less intensity. Lee Seodan, do some research. Refer to audiovisual materials. Think about what you want to do and what positions and tools you’re curious about when we’re in bed, establish your preferences, and then let’s talk again.”
It wasn’t easy to retreat because of the distance. After barely nodding my head and waiting stiffly as if this were the end of verbal torture, Han Team Leader got up.
“Are you tired?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“It’s too late to go outside, and if you’re not sleepy right away, should we watch a movie at home? Is that okay?”
“…Yes, I… don’t mind.”
Although there was no explicit instruction to clear out for the weekend, it seemed predetermined that I would sleep here tonight. Han Team Leader opened the cabinet under the TV and stepped aside. While I examined the titles of the DVDs packed tightly, he turned off the living room lights, leaving only the stand light on, and popped popcorn in the kitchen, putting it in a large bowl. It was caramel-flavored popcorn, which didn’t seem like his taste. There was also hot chocolate with whipped cream.
There were many movies. Some I had seen before, but most were new to me. As I hesitated to make a decision and picked popcorn one by one, Han Team Leader spoke up.
“Tell me what you want to watch, and I’ll choose.”
“…Something not too stimulating.”
I had already received enough stimulation in the afternoon. As I glanced at the unfamiliar movie titles, I added, “Not too much dialogue, not too noisy, and not too many people…”
He picked out a few DVDs while I was picking at my popcorn. They were all titles I had never seen before, so I just picked one randomly. It didn’t seem to matter much what we watched anyway.
“Don’t you watch movies at home?”
He asked. As I was about to sit on the couch and offer him a seat, he pulled me between his legs. My body overlapped with his, and my back touched his chest. Han Team Leader put his arm around my waist and pressed a button on the remote, projecting a blue screen onto the large screen. My head was leaning against his neck. Every time he breathed in, I felt his chest rise and fall.
People appeared on the screen, starting small and gradually growing larger. Their voices murmured softly. As Han Team Leader had said, subtitles appeared at the bottom of the screen in white. Glancing at him, who was concentrating on the movie with an indifferent expression, I saw his defined contours in the darkness. When the scene changed in the movie, different colored lights shimmered over his cheeks. The dry shadow smudged and lightened around his eyes. The Italian heard in my ears, even though the subtitles were not visible, sounded like slow, gentle music.
Then his hand slid down my waist to grip one side of my hip to prevent it from hurting.
“Oof!”
“How do you feel looking at me instead of the movie?”
“Uhh…”
As if enjoying the softness, he spread his palm wide and molded the round flesh. Adjusting the pressure, he rolled it in his hand. Goosebumps ran down my spine. He lightly massaged my buttock through the shirt, then lightly patted it down over my pants. The touch was so slow that it didn’t feel like a hit, but it still made my breath quicken. I turned my head to look at the screen, but even if the subtitles came up now, I couldn’t focus anymore.
His hand that had been caressing me slid under my pants. Slowly, he caressed my buttock over the thin underwear. The warmth of his palm spread over the sensitive skin.
“Hm, ah.”
“Making suggestive sounds won’t help.”
“…Ah, Team Leader, your hand…”
Reaching out, he lightly brushed between my buttocks over my underwear. My body stiffened. As his fingers gripped as if grabbing onto my buttocks, he leaned in to kiss my neck before pulling away and neatly removing his hand, lowering my shirt again. Gasping for breath, I turned around to see his indifferent gaze fixed on me.
“We’re planning to go out and have fun tomorrow, so it’ll be awkward if Lee Seodan gets aroused now.”
“When did I…?”
“Alright, I understand. I won’t touch you anymore, so turn your head and watch the movie.”
I stretched out my body against the back of his hand, which had just grazed my buttock, as it fell away. The contact felt warm and firm. Leaning my head against his shoulder, I stared at the screen.
I thought it would be hard to concentrate, but it wasn’t. The darkened living room and the comfortable warmth of our bodies touching made me feel good. Unable to move because of his arm crossing my waist like a seatbelt, I watched the screen and listened to his breathing behind me. It was a weekend evening that I couldn’t imagine in my daily life.
The last scene of the movie was once again the sea. The living room was bathed in blue darkness, gently undulating. His breathing behind me gradually became regular. Leaning into my ear, he spoke softly.
“This is a movie I watched when I was in college. It hadn’t been out for long, so… it’s about ten years ago. I just wanted to see that sea, so I packed a backpack and took a plane. Even though I only knew the Italian lines from that movie… I thought it was okay to be so ignorant when I was young.”
The people on the screen became smaller and smaller. The deep blue water slowly filled the screen, rising and falling gently.
“I used to go abroad with just a backpack, thinking I liked traveling. But now that I think about it, I didn’t really like traveling. I always wanted to come back when I went, and wanted to go out again when I came back. It didn’t matter where, as long as it wasn’t right in front of me…”
The screen flashed black. White names began to rise in the darkness. I turned my head. His hand reached up in the darkness and gently cupped my cheek. Our eyes met, and his lips traced a slow line. He released his arm to embrace me, and said,
“Let’s go for a walk tomorrow. Eat something delicious, and if you feel like it, let’s go far away.”
I nodded silently. A faint kiss settled on my lips. His gaze briefly turned to the window, then returned to me in his arms.
“After the first half of the project is over, I think we’ll have some time off. Think about where you want to go for summer vacation. Get your passport ready now.”
“…Yes.”
“I also have many places I want to go with Lee Seodan in the future. Places I’ve been alone… I like both nearby and faraway places. If Lee Seodan is there, I want to see the landscapes I saw back then…”
His palm, gently stroking my cheek, moved lightly up and down.
“I think I can understand myself from back then, now.”
The screen lit up white. The logo of the movie company lingered large. Looking up at his face illuminated by that light, I vaguely recalled many landscapes we would see together. I hoped that my worn-out spot next to him would become my place as we stayed by each other’s side through countless seasons to come.
So, holding hands on a warm evening, walking through the neighborhood at sunset, and waking up to his sleeping face one day in the morning, I felt that I, too, could face my past self calmly.
In the company during the day and in bed at night, traces of his touch lingered on my body, texts exchanged with him remained on my phone, and my empty living room gradually filled with landscapes from places we had visited together. Then, the strong chain made of time and roles would tie me to him. Tangled with sticky and dizzying emotions, it would become a relationship that couldn’t be easily ended with words or feelings. Then, I thought I wouldn’t need to be afraid anymore, and nothing would make me anxious anymore.
Nestling into the embrace of the man who was my boss, my owner, and my lover, I rested my cheek on the rhythm of his regular heartbeat. The screen turned dark. The slow, warm music faded away. Only darkness, silence, and the warmth of our touching bodies remained.
<End>
we have reached the end of saturday’s master! i will notify the crowds soon on discord as well. but how was it? for me, it’s one of my favorite novels because the dynamic between seodan and juwon will always be unique for me! anyway, this end isn’t the end because we still have 5 more side stories to push through so you can look forward to it :)) also thank you ivy, for working hard to edit these chapters and helping me out <3
Thank you! Really loved the novel and looking forward to the side stories!
Thank you for translating! It’s a really intriguing story and I’m curious to see how their relationship develops in the side stories!
Thank you for the hard work!! I liked how they learned to communicate with each other and how they both tried to understand each other. Looking forward to the side stories.
thank you for all the wonderful updates 😘
Thanks very much for the chapters, There were difficult situations but I appreciate the willingness of both of them to satisfy each other mutually.
Thank you so much for the translations! Really enjoyed this story, one of my new favorites. Really hated the way Han Team Leader treated Lee Seodan throughout the story. But I’m happy with his shift in character after he found out about Lee Seodan’s sexual trauma. For once it is actually obvious how much he cares about him, choosing to “give up” his sadistic tendencies for him. Very satisfied with the ending. I’m sad it’s over but really looking forward to the side stories!!
I like the ending, though I think they still have many things to work on in their relationship, but they have their whole lives ahead so hopefully they can make it work. I enjoyed reading this novel a lot, it was very interesting!
Thank you for the amazing translation and allowing us to read this great novel as well! I’m looking forward to the extras.
thankyou ❤
Siempre voy a decir que está novela es mi favorita, la relación de Lee y Han es única, amo a los dos fuertemente, la redacción es atrapante y hay momentos en que la tristeza de los personajes trasciende y llegan hasta uno. Muchas gracias, ya me leí está novela como 4 veces…❤️
thank you for reading!