11 paged doozy on my draft, weakly edited. Mild heat in the beginning.
Chapter 156:
Falling Barriers
The feeling of warmth spread to Silas’s closed lips as he stared upwards, his eyes wide as they met Clarence’s, nearly blurring his vision at the close distance shared between them. The prince’s face flushed as he hurriedly closed his eyes, sweeping his lips against the seam of their lips in an unskilled manner. The sensation of Clarence’s tongue brought a sudden shiver trailing down Silas’s spine, weakening his lips as the prince pried them open with his tongue.
The kiss filled the room with heated, wet sounds that made the two men involved blush, but their bodies did not separate until Silas patted his hand against Clarence’s shoulder, the tips of his eyes full of water, lacking oxygen. With his eyes open, the prince pulled back, separating from Silas as the thin trail of saliva shared between them broke as Clarence mindlessly licked his lips, his eyes still tinted dark at the edges.
Panting, Silas rubbed his moist lips with the back of his hand, his upper body rising and falling as he breathed, his eyes red with grievance. The tingling sensation still lingered on his lips, the faint signs of swelling beginning to show on his bottom lip, where the price had sucked it.
As Silas stared up at Clarence from the bed, feeling his head spinning from the length of the kiss, the prince found his face growing red from the base of his neck to his ears. His eyes, previously full of determination and love, quickly began to become overshadowed by panic and embarrassment. Moving himself back with a sudden jerk, Clarence stared down at Silas, his lips twisting between excitement and panic in a strange flurry as he hurried and moved to the side of the bed, nearly falling off of it in the process.
“I-I’m sorry.” Clarence said suddenly, holding his face with his right hand as he covered his mouth, as if he did something wrong. “I-” The prince’s words fell into a stutter, until he finally fell quiet, his own heart hammering heavily in his chest as he stared at Silas’s disheveled appearance, desiring to kiss him again and again against his own chaotic thoughts. “I-I should go!”
“Clarence-” Silas began, raising his hand to call out to the prince as he sat up abruptly to stop him, but by the time he had spoken up, Clarence had jumped down from the loft, completely disappearing into the night before Silas could stop him.
What just happened? The cover of the night and the silence of the spot on the side of the bed next to him allowed Silas some time to think of what had just been said, and what had just been done. Did Clarence just confess? To me? Silas rubbed the space between his brows, feeling he had some sneaking suspicions towards the prince’s feelings, but he had always thought that they would disappear with time.
Now, he found they only grew more and more, until he could no longer hide from those feelings.
Ever since Emmeline died, I haven’t made any efforts to find someone else. Silas thought, the vague memories of Emmeline swimming in his thoughts as he moved on to the time after her death, once he moved up in the Faelfierian army. They always tried to persuade me to move on and to be happy, but I was only happy by myself. Just the thought of kissing someone else disgusted me, but…
The last of his thoughts were left unspoken: kissing Clarence felt different. It made him feel a heat deep inside his heart, scratching a place deep inside that had been left undisturbed for nearly a decade. There was a dwelling feeling in his heart, a giddy feeling of joy that refused to disappear, and after the kiss, the lingering warmth only grew stronger, making even Silas feel some shame in himself.
‘Whatever you want to do, I’ll do it.’ Thinking of what Clarence had just said to him, Silas felt like he suddenly understood the prince’s thinking more than before. The prince seemed to have no opinion towards himself or his safety, and he would often ask Silas his own thoughts, and finally, after the kiss, Silas felt like he had made sense of things.
He likes me. The tone of Silas’s thoughts was heavy, but there was a feeling in his chest that betrayed his thoughts. And I… am not disgusted. Rather, I feel a sense of relief. After all this time, what are my true feelings?
I don’t know. Nearly an hour had passed before the mana circulating in Silas’s body began to slow, his thoughts slowing with it as his alertness was dispelled with sleep. Once Silas’s restless heart grew calm, his eyes drifted shut, and he soon fell asleep, his hand still resting on the empty side of the bed, where Clarence had yet to return to.
The prince, stepping up into the loft with trepidation, stared at the man sleeping on the hay bed with a soft gaze of adoration. Each step he took grew closer and closer, until he stood over the bed, looking down at the sleeping elven man. His eyes traced the curves of his almond eyes, lingering on the shadows under them and the swollen lips he had kissed only an hour earlier. The sight made his mouth dry.
With Silas’s breathing even, sleeping deeply, Clarence was not afraid to lower himself onto the bed, lifting the blanket gently so as to not let the cold air disturb Silas’s sleep. “I couldn’t face you tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll face you then.” Clarence whispered softly, brushing his hand over Silas’s forehead as he lowered his face, kissing Silas’s forehead. His lips lingered momentarily before he pulled himself back, staring down at Silas who murmured dully in his sleep.
Feeling Silas move in his sleep, Clarence moved closer to Silas’s side and wrapped the man into his arms, placing Silas’s head on his chest as he nuzzled his chin onto the top of Silas’s head, gently closing his eyes as he felt Silas’s body heat warm his own cool frame.
If only every night could be like this. Clarence thought, sighing quietly in the windy night. If Silas rejects my feelings tomorrow, I’ll give him up, but- The prince’s thoughts continued, a smile dancing on his lips. If he accepts my feelings, I’ll never let him leave my side again.
…
The next morning came quickly, and the fading sounds of the birds calling filled the air, the sun having just barely risen off of the horizon, bringing with it an orange hue to the sky. Waking up, Silas found himself alone on the bed once again, but the culprit beside him had not gone far from the side of the bed before Silas woke up. Staring from his spot on the bed, Silas sat up and looked at the prince’s back, which moved closer and closer to the ladder to the loft, not noticing he was being watched.
His hair’s still a mess too. He must have just woken up. Finding himself at a loss as to how to start, Silas let out a soundless sigh. There was no thinking before he said, “Clarence, stop.”
The prince, feeling the awake gaze of the elf on the bed on him, fell still as he looked over his shoulder, his eyes reminiscent of a troubled puppy. The thoughts behind the eyes, however, were far from innocent.
Patting the warm spot on the bed next to him, Silas replied with a flat expression, attempting to keep his demeanor serious. “Sit down. We need to talk.”
With Silas so serious, the prince’s movements grew stiff, his limbs jolting awkwardly as he stared towards the loft ladder one more time before he returned to the bed, walking back to his side of the bed to sit by Silas. His body was only inches away from Silas, but the expression on Clarence’s face made them feel miles apart mentally.
“About yesterday, I’m sorry, I-”
Silas interrupted, “That’s-”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“I won’t change my feelings, but you don’t have to accept them, Silas-”
He’s not listening. It would be better if I was direct then. Thinking to himself, Silas swallowed his pride and spoke aloud. “Clarence,” Silas repeated his name again, this time his tone more concise. “I’m not against it.”
“Qtja?”
“P rqfca jii cluta atlcxlcu jybea ktja tjv tjqqfcfv, jcv P-” Vlijr olcjiis eaafgfv, rajglcu ja atf qglcmf klat j tlca bo fwyjggjrrwfca lc tlr ujhf, jaafwqalcu ab xffq tlr kbgvr rtbga. “P’w cba jujlcra… er.”
Rbatlcu wbgf mbeiv yf rjlv yfobgf Jijgfcmf gjlrfv tlr jgwr jcv qeiifv Vlijr lcab j aluta teu, tlr ifoa mtffx gfralcu jujlcra Vlijr’r jr tf rqbxf, tlr nblmf agfwyilcu lc pbs. “P-P’w rb tjqqs.” Llr gluta tjcv tfiv atf yjmx bo Vlijr’r tfjv, aemxlcu atf bivfg wjc jr mibrf ab tlr ybvs jr tf mbeiv, rjnbglcu atf kjgw abemt tf ofia lc tlr jgwr. “P cfnfg atbeuta atlr kbeiv tjqqfc.”
I never thought he’d stay by my side like this. Clarence thought, holding Silas in his arms with a wide smile, his eyes narrowed like crescents, hsi eyes beaming with unhidden joy.
“There are some things we need to discuss before anything else, though.” Silas responded, lightly pulling away to create a little more distance between the pair. Afraid of being pushed away, Clarence settled for holding Silas’s right hand, brushing the man’s calloused palm with his thumb in gentle motions. “Can you stop touching me? It’s distracting.”
“No,” The smile on Clarence’s face was bright, too bright to be stopped. “If I let go, you won’t let me hold your hand again.”
At least he’s smart enough to understand that. Silas thought, letting out a small sigh as he continued, ignoring the soft touch on his hand. “The two of us have been through a lot, nearly killing each other, getting kidnapped and locked in the dungeon, escaping the palace… but that doesn’t forgive what has happened in the past. Beyond our travels together, we really don’t know much about each other.”
“That’s true.” Swallowing his anxiety, Clarence said, “But I want to know more about you, Silas. And I want you to know more about me too.”
“Then, let’s start now. If you’re uncomfortable with my past, we can stop everything now and forget this whole conversation ever happened, or we can move forward. The choice is yours, Clarence.”
“I would never abandon you, Silas.” Clarence declared, his gaze full of determination. “From this point forward, you’ll never be able to get rid of me.”
Silas laughed, “How reassuring… Anyway, I think it’s time we talk about something more serious.”
Clarence listened patiently as Silas spoke, still holding his hand as he traced the lines in the older man’s palm with light movements. “I think it would be best to start with what we expect from each other.” Silas stared at Clarence as he asked, “What do you think?”
“All I want is for you to be happy and by my side, that’s all.” Clarence answered honestly. “I want you.”
“I’m still not sure what I expect.” Silas said, running his free hand through his hair with an air of embarrassment. “For now, I want stability, and I want to rebuild from the past.” Pausing, Silas added with a moment of hesitation, “I worry about the current state of the kingdom.” Silas confessed, tapping his fingers on Clarence’s hand. “And if we can work through what has happened between us.”
That is, if those around us will let us forgive each other. Keeping his thoughts to himself, Silas sighed, his eyes staring down.
“Then, can I ask you something about the past? Are you comfortable talking about it?” The prince asked, holding Silas’s hand in his own. “Before we met, I mean.”
“Before we met?” The space around the two fell into a lull as Silas hummed thoughtfully, “I don’t mind. What do you want to ask?”
“You mentioned you were married… What happened, with your wife, I mean?”
At the mention of wife, Silas’s gaze fell, his hand tightening in Clarence’s grasp, “In the past, I was married to my childhood friend, Emmeline. Ever since we were young, we knew we would fall and love and get married. When I turned sixteen, we got married because of Emmeline’s illness. We were married for nearly a decade before she died of illness. I was with her… the night she died.”
As Silas’s words trailed off, Clarence frowned, squeezing Silas’s hand with his own as he said, “It must have been difficult to lose her. I’m sorry.”
Silas smiled, his tone somber, “I’m lucky to have had so much time with her.”
There was another slight pause before Clarence’s grip on Silas’s hand tightened slightly, his face full of questions. He looked up at Silas, opening his mouth slightly before he closed his lips again, his lips falling into a slight frown, his cheeks flushed lightly at the edges.
Silas raised a brow. “What else do you want to ask?”
The prince fiddled with Silas’s slim fingers for a moment, his eyes glancing sideways as he spoke aloud. “Were you two, intimate?” Clarence probed lightly, his expression somewhat curious.
Silas frowned, his displeasure looming on his brow. “We were married. Does that answer your question?”
“I shouldn’t have asked.” Clarence played with Silas’s hand, attempting to dispel the awkward edge in the air. “But, I’m jealous Emmeline was your first love. Did you ever have a relationship with anyone else after…” He trailed off, reading Silas’s facial expressions carefully.
“Never. After losing my family, I had no desire to start over again. Emmeline is the only person I’ve ever been interested in before this. Emmeline was too ill for us to have children together.” Shaking his head, Silas spoke directly, his words brushing against the prince’s heart. “What about you? Did you ever-”
“No.” Clarence said hurriedly, his face flushed as he said, “The marriage between Charlotte and I was only for political reasons. Beyond that, I have never so much as kissed a person like I have you.” Thinking of the passionate kiss they shared, the prince’s face grew warm again. “Y-you’re my first.”
“Well,” Silas laughed, lightening the stiff atmosphere somewhat with his smile, “We’ll both be learning.”
Hearing such provocative words, Clarence felt his chest beat faster, his heartbeat thudding in his ears. Fluidly, a naughty grin lining his lips, he lifted Silas’s hand with his palm holding up the back of the other man’s hand as he kissed it, his lips trailing on his knuckle. Watching Silas’s face grow redder and redder, he used his lip to trace over the edge of his knuckles.
With the tips of his ears burning, Silas quickly retracted back his hand, “I’m not comfortable being intimate, not yet.” Probing the difficult topic, Silas expressed his thoughts on their relationship. “We need to get to know each other better first.”
Clarence, feeling the warmth in his palm dispelling, felt a trace of disappointment, but he spoke seriously as he replied. “I’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with.”
Though neither of them had been in a romantic relationship with another man before, Clarence felt a wave of joy knowing that Silas had accepted him. There were no others to hinder the two of them, no previous entanglements to complicate their current relationship, only a space to explore their feelings and allow them to grow.
Just knowing Silas is mine now is enough. No one else can interfere now. Clarence thought to himself, his eyes flashing with a dark hue as he asked Silas, opening his hands in a hugging gesture, “Then, can I hug you?”
“Of course.” Silas said with a trace of surprise, opening his own arms as he gently pulled Clarence in for a hug. Though the two had often hugged at night, their sober touches were still awkward, full of the trepidation of a couple finding love for the first time. Neither was clear how to approach the other, having found out their feelings only recently.
Holding Silas in his arms, Clarence lightly tightened his arms around the man’s narrow waist, the smell of fresh grass and herbs lingering on the elf’s frame. Traces of long blonde hair fell over his hand as he leaned his head on Silas’s shoulder, savoring their embrace, wishing to swallow the other man whole. Lifting his hand, he brushed his fingers down the crown of Silas’s head, his fingers passing through the strands of hair slowly with delicate motions.
The hug lingered, as did the warmth of their feelings, filling the loft with a warmth unfitting of the lingering chill in the air.
…
The day their journey back to the palace came quickly, and so did the shift between Clarence and Silas. Before, the pair functioned as normal, nearly having Clarence chase Silas around like an orbiting moon, but when the pair was alone, it was as if they were catching up on lost time, exploring what their relationship was, and how they wanted to define themselves.
Unlike his stiff appearance. Silas was fond of physical affection, but he was never comfortable displaying it openly. Often in private, the short days they had left before their journey, Silas found himself holding the prince’s hand, sitting under the shade of a tree, autumn leaves dancing around them as they spoke about trivial matters, their words lost in the peace of the moment they shared.
Once, under the cover of a large, shaded maple tree, Silas laid the prince’s head in his lap, caressing his hair with gentle movements, his nails occasionally scratching softly against the prince’s scalp in a soothing manner, his movements full of affection and comfort. Even his eyes, soft and warm, full of doting, found themselves lingering on Clarence’s frame in a way he never expected from himself. I feel warm… I feel at ease like this.
Staring up at the beautiful man, Clarence felt breathless, as if he would wake up to everything as a dream, that the loving elven man he had hunted so long would all but vanish. His warm flesh, however, made even Clarence’s deepest fantasies a reality. For Clarence, who had never truly fallen in love, his heart felt a sense of peace and serenity that it had been so direly craving, so much so that he wanted to monopolize his love, and the person that had made him feel so.
I’ll never let you go. Clarence thought, lifting his right hand to hold Silas’s against his forehead, his eyes sparkling like gems. You’ll never leave my side, not while I’m still alive. His eyes fluttered close, his heart calm as he enjoyed the cool breeze passing by his face, gently pushing his bangs out of his eyes.
After that moment spent in peace, the true trouble began. One day had passed, and it was finally time to leave the village. Having packed their bags for the journey back to the palace, Silas, Maeir, and Clarence all wore the knitted scarves and the gem necklaces, containing their mana the best they could for the journey through the now-broken Yursear Kingdom.
“Safe travels, you three. Please send a letter once you arrive safely.” The old man said, smiling lightly as he passed a satchel of dry food items to Maeir outside of his home, having sent Niran to play to keep her occupied while they left. “We will pray for your safe travels in the meantime.”
“Thank you.” Maeir sincerely thanked the old man, taking the dry goods to stow with the horse as Silas and Clarence spoke with Eloise and Julian, who both appeared as if they would burst into tears at any moment. The queen stood not far away from her two children, her expression full of dissent, but she could only watch as her child left her side once again, refusing to abide by her wishes.
“I’ll miss you.” Eloise cried, hugging her brother’s and Silas’s legs at the same time, crying on both of them as she sobbed aloud, unwilling to be parted with her two favorite people.
Silas smiled, patting the top of Eloise’s head as he said, “We won’t be gone forever, only for a short trip. Take care of your mother while we’re away, okay?”
Eloise nodded her head, sniffing back her tears the best she could as she let go, allowing Julian to approach his brother and hug him tight, his own tears streaming down his face. “I’m going to miss you.” He said, his lips quivering as he spoke. “I don’t want you to leave again.”
Clarence hugged his brother, patting his back gently as he reassured him with a soothing tone. “Don’t cry. I’ll be back soon, Julian.” Julian could only hug back his brother, glaring at Silas between sniffs, his distaste far from hidden.
As the group loaded the last of their items, the queen approached Silas and Maeir, her gaze as heavy as bricks as she said, audible enough for Clarence to hear a whisper, “Take care of my son. If anything happens to him at the palace, I’ll never forgive you.” Her gaze fell heavily on Silas, its cold, sweeping gaze nearly chilling his heart as he stared back at her, seeing her eyes full of desperation.
The temptation to laugh at the queen’s hypocritical personality was strong, but Maeir controlled her facial expression, knowing her words were from the genuine worry of a mother towards her son. “We’ll keep him safe.” Maeir said in a quiet tone, audible only for the queen to hear. “Silas and I will make sure of it.”
As the queen’s face stiffened, Maeir walked towards the prince and her son, staring over her shoulder at the queen one last time as she urged, “You two, come on. Eva’s expecting us any day now.” The final goodbyes were said, and so began their final journey to the palace.
Once the trio crossed the river, the weight of their safety began to hang over them. As they traveled farther and farther, they truly left the small village behind as they traveled south east, directing themselves away from the Bethellian border and closer towards the center of the continent, towards the Yursear palace. Using the dilapidated elven trails, they swiftly gained time as they hurried their pace, selectively using their mana to aid their journey to avoid any human settlements, attempting to avoid all conflict if at all possible.
Their journey was short, but time felt as if it were dragging, pulling them into an undesirable future.
…
Less than a day passed before Silas found time to speak alone with Maeir about the current situation between him and Clarence, unable to hide what was plaguing his thoughts any longer. Sending Clarence forward, Silas opened his mouth, patting his mother’s shoulder with a worried frown.
“Mom,” Silas began, walking with his satchel on his back as Clarence trailed ahead with the horse, just out of hearing distance. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Hearing the concern in her son’s voice, Maeir asked, “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Holding back his nerves, Silas finally said, “About Clarence and I, I wanted to tell you that we’re together.”
The air fell silent, the sounds of their footsteps echoing in the overgrown forest. Silas stared towards Maeir, but her expression showed only a glimpse of knowing, as if she had anticipated this response.
“I was waiting.” Facing her son, Maeir’s gaze was full of thoughts, but she could only support her eldest child with a faint smile. “And I wasn’t wrong after all. I’m happy for you Silas, I truly am.” She paused, adjusting her sword as she said, “When did that brat spill the beans?”
Finding his words, Silas uttered, “It was the day you told me to ask Clarence if he would travel back to the palace or not. The discussion became a little heated, and-”
Maeir, holding onto her sword with a placid expression, nearly dropped her sword as an unhidden expression of shock filled her face, nearly causing Silas to laugh. “What?” Her words were loud, nearly shrill as she coughed, regaining her composure as she stared towards Clarence’s back with heat. “Did he do something to you?”
Feeling the space around them grow awkward, Silas fell silent, staring at his mother with a frown. Maeir, watching her son’s expression shift, found her own expression falling. Knowing Maeir’s poor reaction would come, and not particularly interested in sharing his bedroom activities with his mother, Silas could only say, “It was just a kiss-”
“Really,” Maeir scoffed with a chuckle, “Must have been some kind of kiss to make you agree to being with him.”
“Mom-” Silas said with warning, his face growing dark with embarrassment.
Holding her sword in her hand with a strengthened grip, Maeir replied, “After all that’s happened between the two of you, are you sure you want to do this, Silas?”
“I do, regardless of how difficult it is.” There would be many obstacles now and in the future. Their relationship, viewed by outsiders as a gay relationship between a human and an elf, would cause many problems for them, particularly for Clarence if he ever desired or was allowed to return to the throne to rule the kingdom that was once his. While Silas’s own family would accept him regardless, while reluctant, Silas could only imagine how the queen would react to her son’s feelings.
Maeir’s gaze never left the prince’s back as she said in a quiet voice, “You know, I had suspicions Clarence liked you. The queen was already aware of it herself too.”
“What?” Silas asked, his shock apparent. She knows?
“Ecaterina and I had a long conversation before the two of you had that discussion. Don’t worry about anything the queen has to say.” Maeir shook her head, a small laugh trailing on her lips, as if she had thought of something funny, “Rather, you should worry about Cirdan and Aurelia. The two of them will have a lot of opinions about this.”
“I’m not quite ready to think about that-”
Watching Silas’s expression change over his shoulder as the too-quiet conversation continued outside of his listening range, Clarence wanted to walk over and join him at his side, however, he knew the conversation between Maeir and Silas was one he could not interrupt, just like his conversation with his mother.
Unable to approach Silas, Clarence found himself shifting his thoughts, thinking towards his arrival to the palace. When we arrive at the palace, I wonder what will happen? Eva will be there, and so will the rest of the rebels. If they wanted to kill me, they already could have done so. Why do they want me back there?
Yet, Clarence was still unaware of his role in the palace, and what would be at play to leverage him in the battle to reclaim peace in the Yursear Kingdom. Only time could tell what Eva had in mind for him.
He would not allow her to endanger Silas and Maeir.
…
A lot has happened since the start of my absence, but I want to thank you all for your patience as I worked this chapter out. It’s 11 pages, and due to my own aversion to a lot of things romance, I had a very difficult time approaching this chapter, combined with pneumonia and a work emergency over the weekend (taking calls while trying to teach my Japanese courses was fun :))). I also had a student apparently try to dig through my social media pages (found nothing), so I had no time to write until tonight.
The first 3 paragraphs of this chapter were surprisingly the easiest, but if you were expecting them to jump in the sheets, nah. Silas wouldn’t roll that way, and I can’t say I blame him (though, Clare-bear is ready for action like y’all). And, for the record, Silas is bi, Clare is gay. Marrying a woman previously doesn’t change that for Silas 🙁
Also, some of y’all asked me if I was a male writer. While I do prefer male leads (I’m trash), I’m a lady, hence Cat Masseuse. Though, I did get a good chuckle out of that. Anyway, thank you all for listening to my rambling. Hopefully my writing is coherent at least. I feel mentally in circles lately with writing….. Here’s to being back hopefully on time next week………
~~Much love, Cat
I only discovered that you updated today. Glad they got that HAWTTT kiss. They are 2 men after all. Physical love it part of that kind of relationship. They both have junk. lol
Thanks again for the chapter.
And I hope whatever it is, that you feel better.
Some things we have no control over.