It was a quiet evening and Lu Qinyi had a book in hand. He had just meant to skim it before putting it away. It was one of the few remaining books to be sorted into Fei Li’s library. But it had actually caught his interest a little, so he was standing in the middle of the room reading it when Yang Xun came in. “Hey Qinyi.”
Lu Qinyi closed the book to look up at his friend. “Didn’t think it was dinner time yet, aren’t you stopping in a bit early?”
“It’s not. I came to discuss something with you.”
Lu Qinyi raised a brow before gesturing at a stack of books. “Take a seat.”
“…That is a pile of books.”
Lu Qinyi gave him a deadpan look and shrugged. “It works the same, doesn’t it?”
Yang Xun couldn’t think of a counter-argument to that so he simply replied. “…I think I’ll just stand. Anyway, General Fei is travelling across the border to the South soon.”
Lu Qinyi’s brows furrowed and he leaned back against the bookshelf behind him. With his fingers at his chin, he wondered “What purpose does he have that will bring him to the South?”
“He simply said he had some business to attend to and didn’t clarify further. Zhao Mei and I want to see if we can get more information by investigating over in the South, so we plan to travel with him.”
Lu Qinyi thought about it for a moment but nodded. “Okay. When do we leave?”
“In a few days.”
—
A few days came and went.
The group’s travels couldn’t be said to be peaceful. With the Southern trio and Fei Li, along with a few of his selected men, forced in such close proximity to one another, the atmosphere was awkward on the best of days. But it was still largely uneventful.
The temperature cooled as they crossed the border into what was formerly the country of the South, now called the Southern Territory. This made it easier for the Southern Trio to wear cloaks, appearing the same as any group of travellers braving the weather and making it harder for them to be recognised. The hostility they might face in what used to be their homeland posed a significant risk, even when they were with the Northern General. Fei Li could only do so much to keep them safe.
Their final destination came as a surprise to Fei Li’s company, as it was somewhere they were vividly familiar with. The trio were completely silent as they stood at the edge of a village that had once been partially in ruin, a location close to the border that had once posed as a favourite stop for the previous Southern army. Instead of ruin, or at least the consequences of a disaster like the one experienced here, they found blooming prosperity. As the group made their way into the town, they found it was bustling with activity. There were numerous newly built buildings, from homes to taverns to entertainment halls, and more were in the process of being built. The atmosphere was pleasant and the residents were quite friendly and welcoming to the travellers.
Lu Qinyi couldn’t believe what he was seeing. It wasn’t possible. The landslide hadn’t wiped out everything but it wasn’t a very big village to begin with. It killed men, women and children, and wounded even more. This village had relied on farming to make an earning. It needed every capable labourer, children here would begin helping the moment they could walk steadily. It hadn’t even that long since the streets had been lined with bodies. This village should have still been struggling with the devastation. And yet it wasn’t.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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Lu Qinyi’s brows furrowed and he politely stopped one of the passing villagers, an older man who had been hobbling along quite spiritedly with a loaded basket strapped to his back. “Uncle, this village was never like this before. Wasn’t it half destroyed? How did it become like this?”
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The Emperor? Lu Qinyi cast a glance at Fei Li. The group had stopped on account of Lu Qinyi, and Fei Li had his arms folded over his chest as he gazed up at a newly built tavern. He seemed to have decided this is where they were staying, instructing one of his men to organise their rooms. Lu Qinyi frowned slightly but at the word ‘accident’ it became more pronounced and he immediately looked back to the villager.
“Uncle, could you tell me how this… accident came about?” Lu Qinyi questioned slowly.
The older man sighed with emotion, shaking his head with regret. “Awful, it was an awful day. Without warning, a wave of earth came crashing down before dawn had even broken! It even buried that striking young man Dong, pity that, I was going to have him pull up my radishes next harvest! Didn’t take out that squawking old mother of his. Now THAT’S a real pity. That cranky old pig of a woman is still here and now my boy has to go over to help her. Ah, but it was a tragic day, tragic, tragic. Did a good amount of damage, you should have seen it when it first happened, what a mess!”
Lu Qinyi had unfortunately seen it very shortly after it had happened, he remembered it well. But he only murmured “I’m sure it was tragic indeed. How did this landslide come about?”
The man frowned and scratched his head. “Well, wrath of the heavens, wasn’t it? What else would it have been? It had been a poor harvest, we didn’t offer enough and angered the gods.”
That. That was the information Lu Qinyi had suspicion about. “…I see.” Lu Qinyi replied flatly. He bowed his head. “Thank you for your time, Uncle.”
The man grinned again before he clapped Lu Qinyi’s shoulder in passing and continued hobbling on his way.
Yang Xun gave Lu Qinyi a look, raising his brows but Lu Qinyi remained silent and expressionless as he rejoined the group.
—
The next morning, Yang Xun and Zhao Mei went their own way to attend to their own business of investigating their missing loved ones, with a couple of Fei’s men in case of trouble. Lu Qinyi had quite surprisingly insisted on staying with Fei Li instead. Even Fei Li found it strange, but he simply allowed it. He continued his plans for the day, investigating the new businesses of the village, inspecting their progress and records before moving onto the next one, and Lu Qinyi followed along from place to place without saying much. They were all progressing smoothly so Fei Li was getting through them all at a much faster pace then he had expected. By the time afternoon had begun to give way to evening, Fei Li felt it would hardly take a couple more days before they could travel back to the Northern Territory again.
With the dimming light, the air began to cool so Fei Li pulled his cloak tighter around himself as he walked along the dirt streets with Lu Qinyi trailing by his side.
“They aren’t aware of who is responsible for the landslide. You didn’t tell them anything,” Lu Qinyi accused suddenly.
Lu Qinyi had argued with Zhao Mei and Yang Xun about this topic last night. Although they felt the same, they both stood against confronting Fei Li about it. Yang Xun reminded him that Fei Li was instrumental to their lives. Lu Qinyi in particular relied on him to live, otherwise his fate was back in the labour camp. But Zhao Mei and Yang Xun depended on him as well. Fei Li was the reason the trio were comfortable and protected. Zhao Mei said it was stupid to pick a fight with someone you’re travelling with, especially someone in such a powerful position. Lu Qinyi wasn’t content with this however. It nagged at him, seeing how the villagers all praised the North without knowing that the reason they had suffered at all was because of the North, and the man who gave the order was the very same one who walked the streets like nothing had happened. It infuriated Lu Qinyi to no end and he refused to let Fei Li go unaccounted for. So he took a chance to get away from the two that would try to stop him. They likely knew what he was planning so they had warned him not to do anything stupid. He ignored them.
Fei Li wasn’t surprised by the accusation. He probably suspected it would come. He maintained his lack of expression, responding calmly. “I’m not permitted to. I would have preferred to confess the truth to the villagers. But because the feelings the South have toward the North are already strained and the integration has proven.. difficult, I’ve been restricted from saying anything that could worsen views towards the North.”
Lu Qinyi wasn’t satisfied with this answer. He narrowed his eyes. “All of this.” He gestured to the village around them, but was referring to the changes that had been implemented here. “It’s your doing, right?”
“In a way, yes. Helping integrate the North and the South following the war became a part of my duties on order of our Emperor. This was one of my proposals under that order, but before it had been granted approvals, I used my own resources to fund disaster relief for the citizens here.”
Lu Qinyi knew it had to have been, the Emperor wouldn’t have known or cared about a little no-name farming village on the border of the South. But Fei Li would care about the village he had personally thrown into ruin if he had any conscience. And from all Fei Li’s actions, it seems he did. “Do you think these things you do will erase your sins and right all the wrongs you caused?” Lu Qinyi asked with a cruel coldness. The sharpness to his glare had returned after it had slowly dulled after all this time.
Fei Li’s fists slowly clenched, hidden beneath his cloak. His face remained as impassive as a careful mask. “No. I don’t.” With Fei Li’s brows furrowing, that stoic mask he wore cracked a little as his emotions welled up. Lu Qinyi clawed at where Fei Li was most tender. But not only that, he could see that bitter hate seeping back into Lu Qinyi’s heart when it had taken this long for even that tolerance to form. But what right did Fei Li have to blame him for it? Fei Li knew that he had earned this himself. And Lu Qinyi was a representation of what each of these villagers should feel towards him. He stopped walking and turned to Lu Qinyi. “Do they not deserve this at least? After all they have lost, and all they have been through? Can I not give them this at least?”
Lu Qinyi fell silent.
Fei Li had taken a step forward. He wasn’t sure why, but he couldn’t let it go now. Lu Qinyi had to see it. “Come with me.” He demanded and turned on his heel to walk off.
Lu Qinyi stared after him with a guarded look, but he followed.
Fei Li came to a stop near a quiet, unassuming building. It was larger than the other homes in this area. And it was newer in appearance, clearly one of the additions post landslide. Numerous children were gathered at the front, playing a game in the dirt. A woman stood by the door from which light poured out, calling them in for the evening. The children came running, boys and girls of different ages and heights. One child hobbled along with a deformed leg, quickly falling behind the other faster and more able-bodied children. But a man came along and scooped the child up who giggled delightedly as he was carried inside.
An orphanage. The children who lost their parents to the landslide. Orphanages were only really seen in larger cities, but never in a small village like this one. A few children who would be taken in by extended family and friends, finding a new home for themselves. Other children would be offered food by villagers when they could. But a village like this that barely got by couldn’t possibly look after all of the children that would have been displaced following the tragedy.
“I funded this one myself.” Fei Li then turned to directly face Lu Qinyi again and met the other’s gaze. “Tell me, General Lu. Do they not deserve this at least?”
Lu Qinyi had been left with nothing to say. His brows had furrowed further, but the anger had drained away. He pressed his lips into a line and averted his gaze. They began the walk through the darkening streets back towards their tavern in silence. Just as the faint twinkle of stars dotted the sky and the tavern could be seen in the distance, Lu Qinyi spoke up again. It was quieter this time, softer.
“Does it hurt for you as well?”
“Does what hurt?” Fei Li replied, equally quietly.
“Living.” Lu Qinyi nearly whispered in response.
Fei Li was quiet for a moment before he answered. “Yes.”
“Then why do you do it?” Lu Qinyi asked.
Fei Li gazed at the homes they passed, and at the warm light from under doorways where villagers had returned to their loved ones for the night. “I want to know what living is like. The true kind of living. The kind I’ve seen others live.” Fei Li admitted softly, which was a truth and honesty he had never said aloud. Fei Li hadn’t really lived, he had merely existed. He had existed to meet a goal, a purpose. He had fulfilled it now. What was left for him? Could he have what others had? Could he experience life, really truly living, like others did? Could he find out what it was they got from life and what they lived for. What it was like? He didn’t know.
Lu Qinyi hadn’t expected that response, contemplating it as they walked. “I see.”
Another moment of silence.
“…I hope you find what you’re looking for.” Lu Qinyi had meant it in that brief moment. In that moment without any bitterness, anger and hate. Lu Qinyi knew the pain of having lost it all, the life he once had before the war. But at least he had had it once. He knew what it was like to live and to hold the world in his hands. Now that Fei Li had prompted the thought, Lu Qinyi seriously thought about it. In the times he had been around Fei Li, he wasn’t sure what Fei Li really had. He knew that the house Fei Li lived in meant nothing to him. He also knew that Fei Li cared little if anything at all about his own wealth and the title. When Lu Qinyi really thought about it, even Fei Li’s achievements seemed shallow, Fei Li took no pride in them. The former Northern general had nothing that he held close but his guilt.
And in that moment, Lu Qinyi pitied him.
Fei Li was so shocked by these words, he froze. Lu Qinyi kept walking. In the darkening streets where no one was out, he lowered the hood of his cloak to feel the familiar feeling of a Southern night. The breeze swept his hair from his shoulders to tangle in the air behind him. Fei Li stared after him, watching his figure walk away.
Author’s Note:
This author is very sorry for being gone so long! Thank you so much for your patience, I finally finished this chapter! I had a good holidays but it got much busier then I expected, and I ended up exhausted from work so this chapter took much longer then I would have liked to complete. I did get to see an actual musical performance with my family though and it was amazing!
Many thanks to our beloved editor Rae who has been helping me a lot with time lining and plotting out the next plot points. I should be setting up for the next plot arc next chapter.
Any many many thanks to @Zhiruoaa for all their support. Ruo made not only some hilarious fanart pieces but also a MINI COMIC of a scene from Chapter 7 of the novel! They are also the one that developed this beautiful cover art for the novel, and the one before it. Here is a link to their Instagram where you can find the comic and a link to their own Webtoon comic. Please check them out if you can~!
Ruo’s other fanart and mini comic
Thanks for the chapter!! Worth the wait!
Thank you so much! Thats sweet of you to say, I always get so worried when I take so long to upload❤
No worries! Your health and wellbeing are most important. ❤
Awww! Thats so sweet of you to say knightmare, I appreciate it a lot 💕
Thank you for the new chapter! Remember to take moments of rest even when work gets busy ❤
Ahhh, they went back to the village! I just love Fei Li more and more – he obviously caused the destruction and it’s only right that he makes reparations for that, but his guilt and not having direction anymore just hit me right in the heart. And him being so honest with Qinyi and Qinyi realizing Fei Li doesn’t really have much! It’s! A! Start! Towards! Something! More! I’m excited!!
The art is so pretty, wow ❤ The one with pushing the two closer…hehe! I admit nothing!
Thank you Aerlind!! You’re so kind as always 💕
They did! I thought it would be an interesting inclusion and we, as well as Lu Qinyi, get to see more of Fei Li’s depth. Hahaha yes! Nailed it! This is the start towards more~
Isn’t it?! 🤭 This author also admits nothing~~ What evil gay plans? I know of none! We’re all innocent here!!
Author, I think I’m gay with feels.
Fantastic! This is exactly the right place for you
Sorry I was delayed! Thank you for the chapter 💕
This chapter is so deep. I particularly like the idea of ‘existing but not living’. I hope someday, FL will get to live life too 🙏
Hi Miyori! Thank you for the comment 💕
Thank you! I pour my best into my characters, I’m glad you like them. He will indeed! Fei Li will find his peace, and he’ll end up with someone to spend his life with too 😌