Some time had passed since they had returned to Fei Li’s estate. Fei Li sat alone at his desk. His hair was loose and he was dressed in his inner robes and a thin outer robe meant for indoor wear. He should have retired for the night a while ago. Instead he sat with his head leaned on his hand, staring at the documents spread across his desk by the faint glow of a light orb propped in its holder. The most troubling was the letter outlining his new set of orders. Following the war, organised groups formed with the aim of rebelling against the new rule, and the new Emperor.
The rumoured rebellion consisted of three main groups of people. The first group consisted of those with loyalty to the now overthrown Emperor of the South. The second group were those who were discontent with what had been overturned in the new rule. They were people such as previously powerful Southern families who hadn’t been pleased with the transition and refused to comply, which resulted in them being stripped of their power and possessions. But a vast majority of the strength and push behind these groups were Lu Qinyi’s previous soldiers, the remains of the Southern army. The South were a very passionate and fiercely proud people and it was difficult for them to accept such a change. And so it didn’t come as a surprise that there came those who refused to accept it peacefully. Enough time had passed for them to truly organise and Fei Li’s efforts to integrate the two countries without raising a hand against them had unfortunately not been effective on these rebels. They felt too strongly and they were too fixated. They had begun to stir and Fei Li had been given his new orders. Deal with them.
Fei Li frowned then flipped the letter over so its inked words faced the desk and no longer stared up at him demanding answers, so he could think in peace for a moment.
Fei Li didn’t want any more bloodshed, he wanted to solve this with as little violence as possible. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been successful dealing with this on his own in such a manner, which left him with few options. His thoughts drifted to Lu Qinyi.
Lu Qinyi’s mental state had stabilised and continued to improve each day. And since they had returned to the village, Lu Qinyi had stopped cursing him out entirely. He couldn’t be said to be friendly, but he wasn’t hostile and he wasn’t quite as cold. These days he now met Fei Li’s gaze, silently acknowledging his existence whenever they passed one another. It felt strange. Lu Qinyi had been tolerating the fact he lived in the same house as Fei Li by refusing to look in his direction for so long. If not that, then it was a cold or hateful glare. He didn’t hide his true feelings, he made it obvious he couldn’t stand Fei Li.
And now he looked at him. And sometimes, when their eyes met while passing through the open corridors bathed in the moon’s light, he heard Lu Qinyi’s words echo in his mind once more. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
Fei Li hadn’t saved or cared for Lu Qinyi for any great purpose. He didn’t want anything in return and he didn’t do it to get something from it. And he certainly didn’t do it only to drag him back into the aftermath that had already pained him so. He didn’t want to ask Lu Qinyi for help. But there was truly no one who stood a chance at helping him resolve this with less blood added to his debt than the fallen Southern General and his lieutenants.
Fei Li stared blankly as this conundrum turned in his head again and again, but he would only end up at the same conclusion. He found himself unable to solve it and unable to sleep. So instead he listened to the sound of rain as it hit the tiled roof above him.
A knock at the door interrupted him. “General Fei, there is someone here to see you,” a servant called urgently.
Fei Li got up immediately. It was so late into the night that even most of the servants would be asleep, a visit at this hour couldn’t mean anything good. Once he reached the room at the front of the estate used for welcoming guests, what he found was Xi Ming. Xi Ming was completely drenched to the point that water dripped from his hair and clothes, darkening the floors beneath him. His head was down and his eyes stared blankly until he heard Fei Li’s footsteps approach. Xi Ming glanced up from between the messy strands of hair that were plastered to his face but he didn’t say anything. Fei Li walked up to him, taking the ends of a sopping lock of hair between his fingers and lifting it so he could get a clear look at the face beneath it. His brows raised mildly.
“You’re a mess.”
Xi Ming blinked in surprise before he offered a weak half smile. “Sorry, General…”
“It’s no matter.” Fei Li turned to the servant to order towels and tea to be brought in. Xi Ming dried himself off while Fei Li poured a cup of tea for him. Ordinarily, Xi Ming would have complained that someone of Fei Li’s position couldn’t pour tea for him. But tonight, he didn’t. He silently accepted it, slowly sipping at the warm liquid. But it wasn’t enough to warm him against the chill that seeped through him and he was trembling faintly still.
“Your outer robe, take it off,” Fei Li instructed calmly.
Xi Ming’s brows furrowed but he obediently took it off. Fei Li took the garment that was heavy and cold with the water held in its threads and set it aside. He then took off his own outer robe and wrapped it over Xi Ming’s shoulders. It was thin but it was dry and warm. Xi Ming’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to protest, but Fei Li simply raised a hand to silence him.
“B-but, you’re not- this is your-”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“It’s fine, Xi Ming.”
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Fei Li only nodded. Xi Ming was one of the only people who would always be allowed entry. He had given a lot to Fei Li, so no matter the time or circumstances, he was welcome here. “What was the argument about?”
“…Marriage.” Xi Ming replied awkwardly.
“Marriage?” Fei Li frowned faintly. Fei Li didn’t often think of it, but Xi Ming must have been about 20 years old by now. He was well within the age for marriage. Since he had returned from the war, it made sense for his parents to want to organise a marriage for him. He had many merits from the war as well, he would be quite a popular suitor…
“Is that… an issue?” Fei Li tried to ask as sensitively as he could but this kind of thing wasn’t exactly something he was familiar with.
“Yes!” Xi Ming exclaimed, his head suddenly lifting to reveal the simmering anger that came rushing to the surface all at once. The heat of the argument and the feelings that came with it were still very fresh and so it took no time at all for emotion to fill Xi Ming’s tone. “I gave them almost every tael I earned! Every reward I was paid! I earned a title, I performed well, I did right by our family name! I did everything they asked for! I joined the military, I looked after our family! What right do they have to force me to marry? What right do they have to do what they will with my life? Can I not decide for myself what I wish to do with my own life?” Xi Ming grit his teeth together angrily before he hissed out. “I told him I wouldn’t do it.”
Fei Li considered it. Xi Ming had joined the military young to support his family. He had suffered greatly for it before he transferred into Fei Li’s squad. Xi Ming shared a few similarities with Fei Li, including the fact that both their fathers were military men. Fei Li’s father had been a good soldier, but he was too soft to have gained any significant title. Xi Ming’s was even worse, having been kicked out from the military for poor behaviour. From the tiny bits he had heard from Xi Ming over the years, Xi Ming’s father wasn’t only worthless for neglecting his duty to provide for his family, he was malicious too. Fei Li believed the man was particularly jealous of Xi Ming who had achieved great things when he had been unable to, since he seemed to target Xi Ming. But Xi Ming had now become someone with a lot more power since he returned home following the war. “He aims to control you through your marriage then.”
The anger drained out and Xi Ming slumped. “…Yeah.”
Fei Li refilled Xi Ming’s teacup and the other man silently nodded his thanks as he sipped at it.
“So… What do you plan on doing?”
A wry smile rose on Xi Ming’s lips and he shrugged. “I’m going to take over as head of the family.”
Even Fei Li was surprised at that. Xi Ming might not have come from a well off or noble family where the hierarchy and social rules were stricter, but it was still a great disrespect to best your elders like that. It would be a disgrace to his father, and even Xi Ming himself might be looked down on for doing such a thing. But after the initial surprise, Fei Li nodded approvingly. “That’s certainly a bold enough move to be fitting for my lieutenant.”
Xi Ming’s smile became more genuine and then he started to laugh. He gave Fei Li a strange and oddly soft look. “That’s not even the boldest thing I plan to do tonight.”
Fei Li raised a brow with interest, as if silently prompting him to continue.
Xi Ming suddenly became unsettled, his gaze darting about for something else to look at. His fingers twisted in the fabric of the robe draped over his shoulders nervously. “G-general…”
“…Yes?”
Xi Ming’s head bowed again but it hadn’t missed Fei Li’s notice that this time, it was to hide how his cheeks were growing coloured. Fei Li frowned faintly, getting the feeling he knew what was coming next. So he placed his own tea cup down and gave Xi Ming his full attention. It was the least he could do.
“I-I just… I’ve really admired you for a long time now and… I’ve followed you all these years and gotten to be by your side and… W-well… for a while now I’ve.. I…”
Fei Li waited patiently. He didn’t prompt him. He simply gave Xi Ming the space to find his words.
“I… wanted you to know…” Xi Ming took a breath but he kept talking, allowing the words slowly spilling out from his heart. “I care a lot about you. N-not just as a subordinate, or your lieutenant, or.. Anything like that. More than that.”
Fei Li finally looked away, sighing softly. “I know.”
Xi Ming only laughed nervously, giving an awkward smile. “…Of course you do.”
Fei Li had known for a while now. Xi Ming had been enthralled with him for some time, and it wasn’t hard to notice. He didn’t need Yang Xun’s ability to read people to know this much. And so Fei Li also knew that this day would eventually come.
Fei Li wasn’t short on people he had shared a bed with over the years, men and women alike, even his own soldiers. Many came to him, all after the same shallow things. Usually, it was power. Power over others from having a relationship with him, or power over Fei Li himself. The few he accepted didn’t ever get what they were looking for however. Fei Li never spent the night with the same person twice. The following day, he would continue as if nothing at all had happened. And if a person didn’t quickly catch on and give up on the idea of pursuing more from Fei Li, he would have them transferred into a position away from himself. That was all they would get for their efforts.
But with Xi Ming, a clear line was drawn that he would never cross. Even if Xi Ming came to him, Fei Li wasn’t willing to muddy the waters. He highly respected Xi Ming, and he was carefully considerate of him as the closest thing Fei Li had to a friend. He wouldn’t take the other’s feelings lightly. However, Fei Li believed that what Xi Ming felt was actually closer to blind idolisation that had developed into an infatuation.
Xi Ming had been nothing more than a child when he had joined under Fei Li’s leadership. Fei Li hadn’t been far off Xi Ming’s current age at the time.
Fei Li could still recall the time Xi Ming had taken a life for the first time while out on a mission with Fei Li to flush out a homebase that belonged to some bandits. In the rush of adrenaline, the dance of the fine line between life and death that comes with a real fight, everything happens too quickly. You fight with all you have, hand and blade. And the price of faltering will be your own blood. And the fight ends just as quickly, leaving you with the life of a person dirtying your hands. Xi Ming had been so stunned that he hadn’t realised it had ended. The bandit’s body had slowly collapsed onto him, and he hadn’t moved out of the way. Even if he had trained well, he was still a kid and his opponent was much bigger than him. He ended up pinned under the body, flailing uselessly as he desperately tried to free himself. Fei Li had been trying to keep an eye out for his youngest team member, knowing Xi Ming was still inexperienced, so it hadn’t taken long before he came over to free him. But Xi Ming’s entire little body was shaking. He stubbornly kept his grip on his blade but Fei Li knew he was in shock. He wasn’t fit to continue fighting. He called his orders out to the remaining men before he scooped Xi Ming up as the other was shaking too hard to remain steady on his feet. He took Xi Ming from the building, far enough away that the sounds of fighting faded, then set him down in the grass. Xi Ming was taking big gulps of air like it was becoming difficult for him to breathe. Fei Li knew his men vastly out powered the bandits and they would have the situation completely under control shortly. So he stayed crouched beside Xi Ming. He didn’t comfort him. He just stayed there. But after a short time had passed, Xi Ming had clung onto him and was crying with his face buried against Fei Li’s arm. Fei Li simply let him cry until he had calmed down. When the other soldiers rejoined them to report back to Fei Li, there had initially been some scoffs at Xi Ming’s red puffy eyes. They were quickly silenced by Fei Li’s sharp glare.
When it was like this, it wasn’t hard to work out how Xi Ming had become the way he was now.
In Xi Ming’s eyes, Fei Li could do no wrong. Sometimes Fei Li felt Xi Ming wasn’t far off worshipping him, much to Fei Li’s discomfort. Despite this, he was still grateful for Xi Ming’s dedication and… friendship, if such a word could be used. But he didn’t feel anything else.
In the end, Fei Li couldn’t accept Xi Ming’s confession.
“I don’t feel the same. I’m sorry.” He had replied as gently as he could, but it still came out awkwardly.
Xi Ming’s gaze fell. He pulled the robe closer around himself and closed his eyes to hide the inevitable pain in them.
“I understand.” He whispered back finally.
Silence fell between them. There was nothing more to be said.
After a while, Xi Ming opened his eyes again and offered the glimmer of a smile. “…I don’t want to go home. General, can I stay here a while longer?”
Fei Li felt relieved so his reply came immediately. “Yes. Do you want more tea?”
“Yeah, please. It tastes different, what kind of tea is it?”
Xi Ming and Fei Li ended up chatting through the night. It started with meaningless things, like tea leaves and seasons. Sometimes it drifted into work, and then it fell into discussions of moments and memories.
Fei Li didn’t reminisce much. But it was oddly nice, staying up late into the night talking to Xi Ming about random moments, ones he had practically forgotten. Talks of quiet mornings they had shared while surveying in the earliest hours of dawn. Loud nights when soldiers had gotten rambunctious only to have to shamefully confess their sins to Fei Li the next day. He, in turn, would pretend like he hadn’t been watching the antics from the side lines for amusement and had already seen the whole thing already. Xi Ming was the only one sober enough to notice Fei Li there, so only he knew that Fei Li’s impassive expression hid a mischief as he watched his men stutter out their confessions. Many many nights spent over plans and papers, discussing and solving. Xi Ming started talking about how much he hated snow and Fei Li revealed he didn’t actually hate snow. The first snowfall of the winters in the South was actually quite a nice thing to experience. But he did hate the cold. He really hated the cold.
Like that, they chatted like friends did until the first break of sunshine interrupted them.
Author’s Note:
Possibly not the confession we’re all waiting for but our couple has some rebels to fight and some life and death situations to bond in first. Bonus points to anyone who was able to tell early on that Xi Ming had a thing for Fei Li, you were correct!
Thank you editor Rae for going through comma purge hell for us. This author likes to use commas too much 😅
And thank you readers for your patience and support! The next chapter is half written and will be passed over for editting soon. I’m pretty keen, the excitement is about to kick off again as we delve into the next and final arc of this novel.
I didn’t see that coming! I was so focused on the main couple and it didn’t occur to me about Xi Ming 😳
Thanks for the chapter this week! 💕
Ohh~? Surprise! Its a good thing our main couple outshines it, thats the hope afterall. They are the stars of this show.
You’re welcome!! Thanks for the comment ❤ You shocked me with how fast you were Miyori!
I love this. Sob.
I’m glad to hear that! I really debated about whether to include this scene or not, but I decided to in the end since I had it written and planned in the notes for so long.
Ahhh, I didn’t expect it to come now! I had an inkling of Xi Ming’s feelings, but I wasn’t sure whether it would come up now or later. I really want to hug Xi Ming, he was very brave to speak up about his emotions as he did, and I hope he finds someone that will bring him happiness – whether romantic or platonic! My heart has totally warmed up to him, like I’ve said earlier, and I just want to physically hug him!
(I’m sorry for a little late comment – February’s been a bit hectic and tiring, and your novel was really a lovely little relief to all the stress! ❤)
Aerlind! Good to see you~ Surprise! Xi Ming is a very brave and bold person, and hes also quite a sensitive and sweet soul when he wants to be. I haven’t decided how I’ll conclude his story yet but he and Fei Li will continue to be good friends. Xi Ming could do with some more hugs I reckon.
Don’t be sorry at all, I hope you get more time to rest Aerlind. Take care okay? And I’m very glad to be able to provide a little relief in the chaos. Hang in there Aerlind!