translator: loop
proofreader: roki
The seat’s backrest was a little tall. As Sa’e spoke, his eyelids lowered slightly and the lines at the corners of his eyes angled down, taking away most of his aggressive temperament. His gaze was deep and indescribable, so much so that Chu Si was momentarily stunned, and even forgot to break away from Sa’e’s finger on his chin.
The way he spoke was a little ambiguous, and created an illusion of intimacy.
In fact, many times, the way Sa’e Yang spoke to him created such an illusion…
Originally, this was not the case.
During those years at the White Eagle Sanatorium, Sa’e Yang never spoke nicely to Chu Si, and of course, Chu Si didn’t give him an easy time either. Their every meeting was a meeting of enemies, and their every conversation carried a strong smell of gunpowder.
During the later years, Chu Si smoothed and polished his own personality and could hold a peaceful conversation with almost everyone. Only Sa’e Yang seemed to have a way to instantly raise the sharp thorns and hard bones hidden under Chu Si’s skin, no matter how much he tried to suppress them.
Thinking carefully about it, the conversations between the two of them were all actually very short. Even if he doubled every conversation they were forced to have during their military academy courses, it still wouldn’t exceed the number of conversations he’d exchanged with any ordinary classmate.
As for the names and appearances of those ordinary classmates, Chu Si had already long forgotten. Instead, Sa’e Yang, whom he spoke to the least and had the worst relationship with, became the person who left the deepest impression on him over those twelve years.
Their relationship only relatively eased down after they had been in the training camp for half a year. Perhaps it was because the sudden change in environment let them become more mature and break free of their rebellious phases, or perhaps it was something else…
If he had to find a turning point, it would probably be the first time they left the camp to serve as saving reinforcements for a mission gone wrong. For the first time, the two of them, who had never partnered with each other before, were forced to pair up. Yet they worked together in tacit understanding, better than anyone else.
For the first time, Chu Si could act with ease— there was no need to worry about his teammate dragging him down, because Sa’e Yang was far stronger than any other partner; there was no need for him to hold back, because Sa’e Yang’s every movement was crazily provocative, stirring something in Chu Si’s bones to be eager for action.
After that life-and-death mission, Chu Si’s feelings were very complex.
He always had some afterthoughts in this regard. By the time he reluctantly admitted he didn’t hate partnering with Sa’e Yang, and that in the midst of the excitement there was even a little exhilaration, the way he and Sa’e Yang spoke to each other had already changed to how it would be later, a combination of oppression and intimacy. And he didn’t even know exactly when this transformation began, because he had unconsciously become accustomed to it.
This relatively relaxed relationship lasted for a while, but always brought with it a sense of reluctance and unwillingness.
The mission on the planet Nas was their second partnership. Just as Chu Si began to feel his situation really was hopeless, Sa’e Yang unexpectedly returned and carried him out of the cave, using his own leap module to safely bring him back to the training camp.
Strictly speaking, Sa’e Yang had saved his life…
As he laid on Sa’e’s back, consciousness half-muddled, he had wanted to resist. This kind of resistance was like an instinct, a conditioned reflex honed from his childhood experiences. He struggled with his rationality for a while, but in the end, his heart softened— just like that year he was eight years old, when Jiang Qi had caught him in the alley.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
But when he was eight, he could find a reason for softening— either that the dependency all young children had in their bones had not yet completely subsided from him, or that Jiang Qi just so happened to be in his father’s generation, giving him a glimmer of hope towards familial affection.
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At that time, chasing behind them was a firepower probe from the City of Silver’s military. The probe’s bomb exploded less than a hundred meters away from them, spraying up a highly corrosive and irritating liquid, burning away a patch of vegetation in the forest.
The mist from the spray was sour and unbearable, and an ear-piercing alarm siren combined with the sounds of various alerts from the military’s communicators to create a background noise of deadly urgency. It was only during these kinds of life-and-death moments that Sa’e Yang felt stimulated, and whenever he felt stimulated, he would always become particularly crazy, to the point where all enemies were caught off guard and unable to resist.
But back then, Chu Si had never thought he would suddenly switch to a different kind of craziness.
He had only wanted to use the trunk of the tree to block the spray of corrosive liquid, yet Sa’e Yang suddenly lowered his head and leaned over.
At that time, his eyes were also half-narrowed. They gave off a sense of madness and arrogance, so much so that they made it impossible to tell if he was only momentarily excited or something else.
That was the closest they had ever been to each other, so close that even their breaths intertwined. But that distance of a few millimeters ultimately did not decrease to zero, because the aircraft responsible for assisting them landed by their side.
Afterward, there was a chaotic and frenzied exchange of fire. The team assisting them in the aircraft struggled to leave, while shouting greetings to the enemy’s eight generations of ancestors. Chu Si and Sa’e Yang were chaotically healed, disinfected, and physically examined, leaving them with no extra time to mention the moment in the forest.
And after that, an even more complicated internal turmoil took place at the White Eagle Military Headquarters. Disputes erupted between the military’s research institute and command center, with the resulting chaos dragging in the training camp, the sanatorium, and an even wider range of institutions. Even those who had already passed away weren’t able to avoid being implicated, including Jiang Qi.
Thus, Chu Si’s energy was completely divided.
By the time everything had finally calmed down, it was already the end of the year. The formerly precarious atmosphere had been buried and smoothed out under all the chaos, and there was no need to mention it again.
The next time Chu Si and Sa’e Yang met again was the day when Sa’e left camp early due to special reasons.
Until that day, they had known each other for thirteen years. For the most part, their conversations were always full of provocation and ridicule. The remaining part was a combination of indescribable ambiguity and banter. Only when they finally crossed paths in the botanical garden where they first met, maintaining the distance of a few steps apart to say “goodbye,” were they at their calmest.
That was actually a rare period of time when Chu Si relaxed his mind, because he had found clues that could prove that Jiang Qi wasn’t dead, and also because he finally swept away his defenses, hostility, and even the slightest bit of awkwardness towards Sa’e Yang.
After so many years, except for Jiang Qi, a family member, Sa’e Yang was the only person whom he tried putting down his suspicion and vigilance towards.
At that time, Chu Si could not assign Sa’e Yang a clear definition, because the only other person he could refer to was Jiang Qi. Jiang Qi was a family member and Sa’e Yang was not; the difference between the two of them was too great.
They weren’t friends. Friends wouldn’t oppose each other with swords and daggers drawn, as they had been for more than ten years. Between them, no heart-to-heart words had ever been spoken.
But no matter what, the fact that their relationship was moving towards tacit agreement and mutual confidence was already pretty good.
Such a thought lasted until the third year after Chu Si left the camp. Half a month before the anniversary of Jiang Qi’s death, Chu Si received a mission he had planned to participate in for a long time. It involved the White Eagle Military Research Institute’s most secretive research base, which was located in the Red Maple Cross district, sandwiched between the Military Department and the General Government.
The Military Department’s most confidential and vital research was all done in the Red Maple Base, where Jiang Qi used to spend three months every year.
As for what kind of research he conducted and what affairs he was involved in, Chu Si had no idea.
But after several related missions that year, Chu Si discovered there was a research project at the Red Maple Research Base involving restarting the physiological lifespans of some researchers. Listed among them was Jiang Qi, who had been blown up to the point where not even bones were left behind.
The name list and vaguely described research project gave Chu Si a foothold after years of perseverance— it was likely that Jiang Qi had not died, or if he had, that there was a way for him to come back to life.
Although it might’ve sounded absurd, like some deceptive fantasy, it was indeed the hope that Chu Si waited a whole eighteen years for.
However, in the end, he could only watch as that hope collapsed along with the entire Red Maple Base. In an instant it all turned to ash, leaving nothing behind.
The person who destroyed the entire Red Maple Base was Sa’e Yang, who had suddenly defected.
For years afterward, Chu Si’s missions were all related to the pursuit of Sa’e Yang. Under an unceasingly increasing amount of files and records, he finally convinced himself of one thing: he and Sa’e Yang had nothing between them. Perhaps today he would be the strongest teammate, and tomorrow they would turn against each other. He could not and would not be influenced by any external factors; he was dangerous, independent, and had nothing and no one tying him down.
Everything came full circle. In the end, his original impression of Sa’e Yang was ironically the closest to the truth.
The person who destroyed all his hope had once saved him, and the person he had tried to trust stood against him.
This complex feeling wore at Chu Si for many years. It wasn’t until Sa’e Yang finally entered the Space Prison that it gradually faded away. After several years of supervision and being supervised, their situation changed to how it was now— neither friendly nor hostile, and neither clear nor simple.
……
For a moment, Chu Si stared into Sa’e’s light-colored eyes, which had not changed for decades. He swept aside the hand Sa’e had hooked under his chin, and said, “If you have a reason, then you have a reason. Do as you please.”
After speaking, he turned his head back and retrieved Carlos Black’s video to watch.
The video wasn’t whole, but segmented and incoherent. However, most of it matched the information he had heard just before.
As Carlos said, the City of Silver had already started taking action. Mecha armies and probes were advancing toward the alpha star region. Other planets didn’t remain idle either, and two planets that once had close relationships with Aquila Gamma circled around the edge of the star region. It was unknown if they were there to help, or had some other intentions.
However, the location of the fragments containing the Military Department and General Government, as well as the general situation, was still unknown. After all, Carlos Black had only encountered two fragments so far.
He had recorded the last segment of the video during his landing on the previous fragment.
The camera angle was unsteady, making one dizzy and unable to see much.
Chu Si could still feel that the pressure on the back of his seat had not yet left. Sa’e Yang was still leaning there, perhaps watching the video together with him, or perhaps pondering over something else.
Just as Chu Si was slightly distracted, the angle of the video suddenly changed and a very familiar building flashed past.
Chu Si was stunned for a split second before immediately pulling the video back, pausing at the frame where the building appeared.
It was…
Just as he zoomed in the slightest bit, Sa’e Yang suddenly spoke from behind him. “For the longest time, I was always thinking about something.”
Chu Si gestured with his hand, but did not turn around: “You thinking about something for a long time is quite hard to imagine.” His gaze was still on the video, tone very casual, as if he was extremely busy and only spoke offhandedly.
Sa’e Yang made another movement, seemingly supporting his head with his hand. He gave a laugh, and his low voice echoed down the back of the seat. “I was surprised, too.”
Strangely, there was a hint of self-deprecation in his laugh.
Chu Si finally turned his head to look at him.
Sa’e narrowed his eyes. Under the shadows of his eyelashes, the light reflected in his eyes was cut into countless fragmented dots. “I did something I had always wanted to do, and felt neither guilt nor regret over it. But why was I still a little unhappy? I thought about this for many years.”
Chu Si furrowed his brow and looked at him for a very long time. “Did you figure it out?”
Sa’e gave an “en,” and spoke in a low and deep voice: “Because there was one person who wasn’t happy.”
He blinked, those fragmented dots of light in his eyes resembling the star map that encompassed their entire world. “The reason why I wasn’t happy wasn’t because of myself. Isn’t that… really quite strange?”
t/n
I’m with you translator I am in fact also not fine
I wish we could put reaction images here because words cannot encompass how I am feeling about the whole chapter and ESPECIALLY that last part!!!!
I think I’ve found the book that suits my tastes… After years of delaying it too… Ah, these two’s atmosphere are really just something else… I always delay the best books… 😭😭
So unhappy was he for blowing up his bae’s hope for resurrecting his adoptive father
I am, in fact, not okay
I’m with Sa’e for the blowing up of the base. Who heard of resurrecting people? It’s better to let them be deceased in peace. These experiments sound quite unethical
I am shooketh
I really didn’t expect that, how sad 🥹