Author: aji (あじ)
Translator: sleepingjay
Warnings: mentions of suicidal ideation, grief
As I was about to throw away the potion, there was a knock on the door, which stopped my hand.
“……”
Well, I guess I’ll put this aside first and think of how to deal with it later.
I put the medicine in the back of the cabinet and locked it away for safekeeping. That, and also its antidote.
“Lilius-sama, is anything wrong?”
“Aa, I’m coming. You can enter.”
I called out as I was walking there, when the door opened from the outside. Hank and a servant came in.
“Haa— You sure have a lot of free time on your hands, huh?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m here for your physical check up.”
It had already been three days of check-ups in a row. Even if he wanted to help, there should be a limit to this.
Fed up, I let Hank into the room, then stopped the servant who was about to turn around. I gave the servant the previously mentioned aroma potion to give to Jill.
“Thank you,” I said. With a big smile on my face.
When I told her this thing was “something filled to the brim with my love”, the servant girl smiled happily at me. My conscience hurt a little.
“Oi—! I don’t have time for this, so come here and let yourself be examined obediently.”
“Ugh, I got it already.”
Well, I’ve done and given it already, so it can’t be helped.
I put the joking away and seriously underwent Hank’s examination, but in the end he still couldn’t find anything wrong with me.
“Hmm, your heart is beating fine, and your body is in perfectly good shape.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying. In the first place, did you forget that I’m a healer too? I can at least properly monitor my own physical changes.”
“I don’t want to hear that from the guy who collapsed! You slow rock-for-brains!”
Along with the angry shout was a falling fist.
My face grimaced in pain, and Hank snorted from above me.
“…… But, I’m serious. Before I fell, I really didn’t feel anything unusual except for a slight anemia.”
“Really.”
“…..That’s why, no matter how much I rest, it’s not going to unearth the cause of my illness, so it’s useless.”
“Why are you saying something so timid? That’s not like you at all.”
Certainly, the past me was not attached to my life.
But to do something like ignoring abnormal changes that would lead to my death—that, would be betraying the village. “I’m leaving the village chief in your hands,” was what Brad had told me, on that day.
Besides, the current me had decided that more than anything else, I wanted to live with Jill.
Unlike my past self, I would not be willing to let go of my life.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Dea, P kjr regf Alii ralii atbeuta bo wf jr atja qfgrbc ktb kjr lcvloofgfca ab ilnlcu.
“We have no clue what happened to you. When you wouldn’t wake up, that Knight-dono was so exhausted that even his speech was shaking, you know.”
Cr P ijs oija bc ws ojmf, Ljcx rjlv lc j wjaafg-bo-ojma abcf.
“Mbg Oliler, la wjs yf vloolmeia ab ecvfgrajcv, yea obg yfjrawfc atf mbccfmalbc yfakffc wjafr lr fnfc tfjnlfg atjc atja klat atflg bkc mtlivgfc.”
“This again?”
Soulmate this, soulmate that. Everyone was too noisy.
“You’re a human so you won’t get it,” —was what they kept saying.
When they said it like that, I wouldn’t want to understand even if I could.
Jill had never once called me his soulmate, but ironically, everyone around us kept saying it.
“What, are you sulking?”
“……Aren’t you busy? If you’re done, go home.”
“You aren’t an honest kid, but then again, seems like that Knight-dono also has a troublesome personality.”
Hank looked amused, but I didn’t find anything even the least bit funny.
When I sulkily crawled into my futon, I found myself patted gently on the back.
“You’re right, It was rude of me to tell you prematurely that you wouldn’t understand. Sorry, Lilius.”
“……You’re acting too upright. It’s disgusting.”
“Even if you say that, you’re too cute today so it doesn’t have any effect.”
“Tch.”
“There, there, don’t be angry.”
Then stop saying things that would make me mad!
I gave a loud hmph in response. Beside me, the bed creaked.
“Not going home?”
“Hmm? Ah, I just want to tell you about one of my favourite memories.”
“…..If you want to boast about your golden days, go find yourself another audience, geezer.”
“One day you’ll be an old man just like me. So be kind to old people!”
“If it’s boring, I’m kicking you out.”
Even though I threw these roundabout, thorny words, Hank just nodded heartily.
“Generally beastmen refer to their partner as ‘soulmate’, but to tell the truth, our ‘soulmates’ are actually of a slightly different form than the one in the Great Magic Age.”
“Huh. Really?”
“Yes. Compared to that era, the magic power within each person now has weakened. Perhaps that has affected the soulmate bond, and now the instincts of beastmen to seek their soulmate have also become more varied.”
After saying that much, Hank stopped speaking and looked out the window.
Looking at his side profile, the silence that had visited upon us felt so lonely.
“I, too, called my wife ‘soulmate’. But unlike the ‘soulmates’ that everyone thinks of, we weren’t always attracted to each other. If that was the only basis for our connection, then we would have not been destined to be each other’s mates.”
“……So it was like that.”
One by one, each memory was turned over like a page from a novel.
Hank spoke with tenderness and love in his words.
Hank’s wife had already died, caught up in the demon incident three years ago.
When I had just been rescued, she patiently talked to me and accompanied me, even though I was rough and unstable. She was a woman with incredible kindness.
“My wife was a strong-willed, headstrong woman, and I was a cautious, timid person, so we didn’t get along well. But before I knew it, I had found myself falling deeply in love with her. I’ve even thought of following after her a few times.”
“……”
Yes, I had thought that might be the case.
So even when Hank became aggressive, I never thought about giving up on him.
However, there was a difference between my own guesses and having it confirmed as truth, and the weight settled heavily on me.
……Truly. Just as Jill said, I had come all this way with my eyes closed, knowing nothing.
“Even those of us who weren’t destined pairs could experience pain so terrible that death seems like a trivial thing. ……Because I’m painfully aware of the despair of the Knight-dono on that day, that’s why I wasn’t able to consider your opinions properly. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologise for that, Hank.”
“……’Lilius-chan is cute’. That’s what she always used to say.”
—And indeed, I thought the same.
Smiling dazzlingly, Hanky gave my head a slow pat.
“In our eyes, you are like our own child. That’s why we want you to be happy. After all, you’ve brought us a lot of happiness.”
The words startled me and my breath caught.
That, those kind of words, to someone like me—I wasn’t someone deserving of them.
“Me…..? After all the trouble I’ve caused you?”
“That ‘trouble’ made us happy.”
“……”
“So, Lilius. Since you like the Knight-dono to the point you’re sulking like this, then if you want him to be happy, you must keep yourself healthy and happy, first and foremost.”
My throat tightened all of a sudden, and I buried my face in the pillow.
I had shown the worst of myself to Hank and his wife.
I had thrown out words after hurtful words, all meant to hurt them.
How could I not be confused when he claimed that they thought of me as their child?
Without any sense or reason, the back of my eyelids grew hot and my heart ached terribly.
“We are similar in appearance so it’s easy to misunderstand, but there are differences between humans and beastmen. Even if that’s not the case, with differences in environment comes differences in values as well. —That’s why we have learned to use words.”
A wry smile broke out on my face.
Hank knew that I was terrible at this.
I found it very difficult to put my feelings into words.
Without being able to use our words, we would not be able to get to know each other; neither learning the other person’s heart, nor showing our own.
“Oh, right, I almost forgot the biggest thing I wanted to tell you. When our family or friend is not feeling well, we would want them to rest. And if they’re overwhelmed, we would want them to not push themselves too hard. That’s why… being relied on isn’t something we would mind.”
“…….Hank and Jill, too, you’re all hypocrites.”
Every single one of you pushed through your own pain, but kept reaching out for other people’s pain.
You kept telling me to rely on you, but you always turned a blind eye to your own pain. With you guys like that, how was I supposed to rely on you?
“……I knew about it.”
A coward. That was what I had been, running away without saying a word.
I was afraid of being touched by those strong emotions, of being distressed by them.
I knew. Every day, every morning, Hank would make the trip to the place where his wife died and offer up beautiful flowers.
Bearing grief so terrible it made him want to die, blaming himself for not taking care of her better—what kind of thoughts was in Hank’s mind as he walked down that road….?
“……All this time, I knew, but I did nothing.”
Sorry.
I’m sorry I turned my eyes away from your plight.
“That right there. That’s exactly what I’m talking about—you have nothing to apologise for. Well, since you know about it, then next time it would be nice if we could go to that place and give her flowers together.”
“……I’ll go.”
“Hahaha. She’ll be happy; she always used to say she’s helpless to you because you’re so cute.”
Even when holding our hands to walk together for our happiness, many of us might lose it. Step by step, our pace might become mismatched until we could no longer walk together.
That was why, never take it for granted. These ordinary days were the most important, precious happiness.
A long, long time ago, that was what Hank told me.
—Someday, you’ll find someone you feel this way about.
In the back of my mind, a much younger Hank told me with a smile.
“……I’ve found him.”
I had managed to find that person, Hank.
Translator:
Sorry it’s a bit late. I thought I’d have time to edit so I procrastinated to today, then I got home late from work lmao
Yeah, you’ve found him and you are about to prank him bad, Lilius. I wonder how Jill will retaliate for that “gift”.
Thank you for the chapter!!!
Hank’s wife sounds super nice. I’m sad she died.
thanks for the chapter <3
I’m actually crying yall