Mai Dong regretted it deeply. He knew for sure it would be like this, knew that Yan Xuming must have seen it. He insisted on this unnecessary move and wanted to ask.
But deep down, he also understood his own thoughts. It was nothing more than the unwillingness of a crush and a desire to get closer. Breaking the pot just seemed fitting. After all, since Yan Xuming had seen it, why not take this opportunity to have a few more words with him?
He even wanted to get Yan Xuming’s questioning and rejection, as if participating in a segment of Yan Xuming’s life. In a twisted way, he thought that maybe in the future, Yan Xuming would remember having such a pursuer, and that would be enough.
Sometimes, Mai Dong doubted whether he was a masochist, insisting on things going south to a certain point before he would give up. With these thoughts, he replied.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. If you feel offended, I’ll tear off that page right away. I really didn’t mean anything else. I’m truly sorry.”
Yan Xuming replied, “Don’t feel embarrassed or awkward. I opened it, read a few lines, realized it was a diary, and didn’t read further. Get some rest soon.”
Yan Xuming was always considerate, Mai Dong had always known that.
This kind of consideration carried a sense of lofty detachment, making Mai Dong always feel that Yan Xuming was someone above everyone else.
He compassionately observed everyone with an equal God’s-eye view. Like when he, as the vice president of the student union, agreed to help the Hanfu Club as a living advertisement, smiling and distributing promotional flyers for a whole day.
And there was… in high school.
During the high school sports meet, Mai Dong and his deskmate were reluctantly dragged into a three-legged race. Both were typical bookish nerds, with Mai Dong’s deskmate being even more extreme—a chubby guy with bottle-bottom glasses.
With no athletic talent and no coordination between them, it was unsurprising that after struggling to move about five or six meters, they ended up harshly falling onto the track. Knees were scraped, the wounds mingling blood and dust, a painful and embarrassing sight.
At that time, Mai Dong felt both frustrated and angry.
Frustrated with himself for not being able to perform even such a simple “parent-child game” well, and angry with his chubby desk mate for essentially acting as his burden. Although Mai Dong was an obscure figure, he was not a pushover. His deskmate tripped right before the fall, which was the main reason for them being wrestled together.
So he sat on the ground, frowning, because of pain and anger.
Yan Xuming appeared at that very moment. He had just finished running in the relay race. His face was slightly red, holding a bottle of water given by a girl, which he had drunk half of. He handed over a portable iodine swab and said, “Is it okay? Let me help you clean up.”
For various reasons, Mai Dong didn’t believe that Yan Xuming hadn’t really read it, and he firmly believed that it was just a comforting and friendly lie to avoid awkwardness.
This secret crush was buried strongly.
“Senior should also get some rest early. Good night.” Mai Dong replied with this message and turned off his phone.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
It was such a small matter, just finding an irrelevant diary.
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Mai Dong has been reluctant to go out for a week now. Fortunately, it coincided with the National Day holiday, and there were no classes to attend, so he seldom went to the library. He even avoided the cafeteria during meal times and ordered takeout for a whole week.
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I’m afraid that after meeting him, he might remember me, but I’m more afraid that after meeting him, he forgets who I am.
Ah, ah, ah, Mai Dong, Mai Dong, you’re really a super-duper, ultra-cowardly awesome little ghost in the universe!
He decided to find something to do for himself. As everyone knows, self-care is the best remedy for a broken heart.
Because even though Mai Dong has secretly loved Yan Xuming for four years, he still feels that he isn’t an overly love brain. Secret love, secret love, these two words always come with a predictable outcome, which is the end.
Things have developed to this point, and continuing to secretly love would be impolite, Mai Dong persuaded himself in this way.
So, he dug up the chat records from his former classmates inviting him to join the debate group. Although it was a bit dated as it happened in the first half of his freshman year.
The incident started when Mai Dong, who had always been invisible, displayed astonishing eloquence during a presentation. Of course, Mai Dong felt that he was just reading the script off the ppt, but it didn’t stop his classmates from thinking he was a genius at debating.
After a hiatus of more than half a year, Mai Dong replied, “Mr. Chen, do you still need people for your debate team?”
The response came quickly from the other side, “Oh, Mai-zi, the child is dead, and now you come to milk it!”
Mai Dong: “…”
Mai Dong: “Ahem, sorry, I just wanted to find something to do recently.”
“But you’ve come at the right time. There’s a college debate in three days, and our first debater got acute appendicitis and is undergoing surgery. I’m in a bind here. Cn you come to the rescue?”
“Three days later?! Isn’t it a bit too rushed? Besides, I don’t have any experience. Is that okay?”
“I think it’ll be fine. You may lack experience in gathering evidence, but we can all help you with that. Just memorize it with your disdainful tone and expression, and you’ll be good.”
Mai Dong stared at the message sent by the other party for a long time, rendered speechless.
Did he really not know how he appeared in the eyes of his classmates? Reflecting on himself, Mai Dong was never one to understand the emotion of nervousness, except when it came to matters related to Yan Xuming. Forced to participate in a two-person three-legged race, he wasn’t nervous. During the college entrance exam, he wasn’t nervous, and when presenting a ppt on stage, he wasn’t nervous.
Why be nervous?
After all, Yan Xuming wasn’t watching him from below the stage. Regardless of his performance, Mai Dong remained Mai Dong.
Is this what they call “disdain for the common people”?
So, Mai Dong immersed himself in the preparation for the debate which was running out of time.
Participating in the debate had a positive effect. In the busy week that followed, Mai Dong had no spare time to indulge in melancholy or long for Yan Xuming.
Self-deception played a significant role, such as every day after returning from the debate team to the dorm, when he thought of writing in his diary, he would open a new page. After hesitating for a moment, he would put the diary away.
He dared not write. It had become a habit for Mai Dong to avoid mentioning “him” in this diary.
He was afraid that if he picked up the pen, his true feelings would be exposed. The first sentence he wrote would undoubtedly be, “I haven’t seen him in the last few days. I wonder if he has already forgotten about this little incident with me.” As long as he didn’t write, he could convince himself that he was slowly forgetting Yan Xuming.
However, once this thought emerged, it was challenging to suppress.
Even though he dared not deceive himself by writing in the diary, lying in bed, he still found it difficult to fall asleep. All the images in his mind were of Yan Xuming.
Mai Dong and Yan Xuming attended the same high school. The student representative at the opening ceremony was undoubtedly Yan Xuming.
At that time, Yan Xuming appeared somewhat youthful, wearing the summer school uniform fittingly. He exuded a vibrant and youthful aura. Mai Dong believed that he probably wrote the speech himself. Yan Xuming even considered going off-script, occasionally holding the microphone with one hand. His gaze, not overly warm, swept over the row of freshmen standing on the field.
Mai Dong had consistently good grades, and Yan Xuming naturally became his pursuit. However, at that time, the pursuit was very pure, merely an academic pursuit.
Mai Dong stood below, fantasizing that after Yan Xuming graduated, he might replace him, standing in the center of the platform as the student representative. It was a good time back then. Mai Dong hadn’t contracted the disease called “liking” yet. Like his roommate Du Chuan, he considered Yan Xuming an excellent competitor.
Until that sports meet.
After his embarrassing fall on the track, sitting there defeated and disheveled, Mai Dong felt as if his entire future had collapsed. Yan Xuming handed him an iodine swab. Still catching his breath, Mai Dong hesitated for a while but didn’t reach out to take it.
So, Yan Xuming crouched down, his index and middle fingers pressed directly on Mai Dong’s knee. Those two fingers landed beside the wound, carrying the summer warmth. Yan Xuming’s brows slightly furrowed, “Can’t move?”
Mai Dong snapped back to reality, blushing intensely, and quickly explained, “No, no, it’s not that. I can move.” Then, he took the swab but didn’t open it immediately, preparing to move to the side to deal with it.
Yan Xuming naturally held onto Mai Dong’s wrist, “I’ll help you.”
Mai Dong originally wanted to say “no need,” but his polite refusal didn’t come out. His heart raced, his brain seemed to stop functioning, and his mouth became uncooperative. For some reason, he started to feel nervous and awkward. He was sure he didn’t like Yan Xuming at that time, yet he felt inexplicably shy.
Suddenly, Mai Dong pulled the blanket up until his entire face was engulfed in darkness, making it hard to breathe.
He took a deep breath, trying hard to expel Yan Xuming, this bastard, from his mind.
Needless to say, his efforts were in vain. Not only did he fail, but he also shamefully apologized in his heart for calling Yan Xuming a “bastard” and silently wondered who he was apologizing to.
Yann Xuming is a very good person, definitely not a bastard.
Mai Dong knew what he wanted–Either to receive Yan Xuming’s attention and affection or to face his rejection and dislike. Not this current situation, where his crush had been exposed, yet it seemed like nothing had happened at all.
It felt as if his feelings weren’t even worth Yan Xuming’s serious rejection.
I…
I’m not a bad person either, am I?
Mai Dong thought to himself.
I look decent, my grades are good, and my family background is passable. Though I may not stand out in any particular area, alright, I’, really not worthy of Yan Xuming.
Crushing is a stubborn illness.
So, Dr. God Mai is trying his best to cure himself. He doesn’t want to be afflicted with such an incurable condition at such a young age. The virus is a dangerous entity named “Yan Xuming,” and once you get close, you quickly become infected.
Curing stubborn illnesses requires patience, and Dr. God Mai must be patient with himself.
Author’s Note:
Dr. God Mai’s medical skills seems terrible. Let’s call him Dr. Mai Quack for now.
Thanks for the chapter! (≧◡≦) ♡
cute!!
I can see that this treatment is not going well for you, bubu
Thank You for the new chapter ( ˘ ³˘)♥
Mai is a typical shy quiet guy, who is secretly super funny one
Thank you for your translation 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Do your best Dr Mai Quack! 😂