How do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become? It was a question that haunted Seth for many years.
Just like anybody else, Seth Wiley dreamed of becoming someone great when he was a young boy. Seth often daydreamed about a life where all of his goals and aspirations became an undeniable reality. Sure, it was nice to have a dream. But, most of the time, dreams would stay as—well, just dreams. Not everyone was fortunate enough to be the person one always wanted to be.
At 33 years old, Seth was working as a part-time waiter in a restaurant. Just a week ago, he was a dishwasher in the same restaurant, but because they were short-staffed, the owner decided to transfer Seth to the waiting staff.
Seth had a big problem dealing with people. He would get tongue-tied while talking to them, he would become sweaty and nervous whenever he was around people, and he also couldn’t look straight into their eyes. Seth was always like that since he was a child. He had a hard time working on his courage even now that he became a full-fledged adult.
However, because Seth needed money to survive, he accepted the waiter job despite of his shortcomings. It paid a little better than being a dishwasher.
Seth also worked as a bagger in a supermarket during the day. And on weekends, he would also work part-time cleaning houses of rich people.
Seth had been working since he was seventeen years old. He didn’t finish high school. Seth dropped out of school in the middle of his second year because his mother died. Seth was raised by his mother all by herself. While growing up, Seth witnessed how his mom would tire herself out just to provide everything for him. Seth loved his mother with all his heart. He was devastated when she died. Seth didn’t have any idea about who his father was.
His mother’s brother, Uncle Hans, took Seth when his mother died. Uncle Hans didn’t even bother hide his cruel nature to Seth. He directly told his nephew that he couldn’t send Seth to school. Uncle Hans even said that if Seth wanted eat, he should start working for his needs.
Seth wanted to go back to school. However, because of unfortunate circumstances, he wasn’t able to. It was one of the many things Seth had regretted in life.
Upon reaching eighteen years old, Seth left his uncle’s house. Life was not easy for Seth, but he accepted that it was just the way it was for some. The world would not stop revolving just because of an unlucky bastard like him. Every day was a battle for Seth.
“Why are you spacing out, Wiley? Get your ass to work! You fucking shithead!”
Seth’s thoughts regarding the past were easily pulled back in the present because of the angry tone from one of his coworkers.
“I’m sorry…” Seth immediately apologized. He looked at his coworker named Andrew. “I’m sorry…” he repeated.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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“Ygvfg obg ajyif 5 lr gfjvs.” Ktf xlamtfc rajoo jccbecmfv.
Vfat wbnfv. Pa kjr tlr vfrlucjafv ajyif. Qtlif Ccvgfk xfqa bc wbmxlcu tlw, Vfat ugjyyfv atf obbv mjga jcv kjixfv bea bo atf xlamtfc ab rfgnf atf merabwfgr.
Seth’s heart was beating erratically. He was always like that whenever he would approach people. Earlier, when he was getting the customers’ orders, Seth didn’t look at them and he kept his gaze on his little notebook.
There were three people on table five. It was not too many compared to the people he encountered every day form the supermarket. Seth could do it. He wouldn’t fuck this up.
And he really didn’t. Seth served the food without any hitch. He even wished the customers to enjoy their meal. Seth was about to go back to his post when one of the three customers spoke.
“Seth Wiley?” said the customer in a surprised tone. “Is that really you?”
Seth couldn’t help but look at the face of the customer who spoke. He was surprised to learn that the guy looked somewhat familiar.
“Remember me? Of course you do! I am the top student in our batch. Oh, maybe you don’t? Because you dropped out in your second year of high school.”
Seth’s mind was in chaos. He wanted to disappear instantly. He remembered why this guy was familiar to him. The guy’s name was Chuck Mallory—he was the top student during high school and he was also the bully who made Seth’s school life miserable.
“Seth was my classmate. He was quiet. He always seemed nervous and would always look down whenever the teacher would ask him a question during class, Seth would freeze up. He couldn’t speak even a single syllable. He would also turn test papers with barely enough answers during exams. He was like that. It’s not really surprising to learn that after all these years, he end up a food server.” Chuck told his colleagues.
Seth should have done something to counter Chuck’s obvious mockery of him. Though, as usual, Seth didn’t do anything. He hated himself from being like that.
“Just call me if you need anything…” Those were the words that came out from Seth’s mouth.
Chuck smirked. “You haven’t change, Wiley. You’re still a loser.” Chuck handed Seth his card. “This is me now.”
Seth read the things written on the card. From there, he learned that Chuck became a lawyer. Just like what Seth wanted to be ever since he was a child.
“Oh, do you remember Gilbert Hugo? He’s a well-known neurosurgeon now. You can look him up on the internet and be amazed of his achievements in the medical field.”
Gilbert Hugo…Seth had heard that name before. But it was still pretty vague for him. He didn’t want to hear about his classmates’ achievements anymore. So, he walked out from Chuck and went back to his post. He had heard enough.
“Why do you look pale, Wiley? It looks like you have seen a ghost.” Andrew pointed while laughing at Seth.
Seth ignored him. He then proceeded to do the rest of his work. He placed the memory of Chuck’s insults at the back of his mind. It was not the time to think of anything or anyone unnecessary in his life. Seth was there to work.
When it was time for Chuck and his colleagues to pay, Seth handed his former classmate the bill without looking at his face.
Seth could feel Chuck’s gaze on him. But, he chose to ignore it. Then, Seth heard Chuck laughed. “It’s nice to see a former classmate again. It makes me appreciate life more. Please serve me well again next time.”
Seth clenched his teeth. He wanted to say so many things though he couldn’t do anything but to keep quiet.
“I left you a generous tip, Wiley. Use it to buy yourself a decent meal.” Chuck muttered before leaving.
Seth felt numb. He wanted to run away from that place. But, he couldn’t. Seth needed all the money from this work just to survive. He realized he couldn’t afford to be upset with Chuck’s behavior towards him. Seth deserved it. He was just a useless side character in this game called life.
Seth did his work for the rest of the night. His shift ended at exactly 10:30 in the evening. Seth changed his clothes and left the restaurant without even saying goodbye to anyone.
He walked to the bus station. Seth sat on the empty bench while waiting for the bus. Seth’s mind was in jumble. All he could ever think about was Chuck’s insulting words toward him.
Thoughts suddenly came flooding in his mind. Thoughts like: Why didn’t I become something worth respecting? Why didn’t I amount into something? Why did I have to be a high school drop out? Why did I become a loser in life? Tears were building up into the corner of Seth’s eyes. But, he immediately wiped them away and steeled himself. Crying should be the last thing in his mind.
The bus arrived at exactly 11 PM. Seth got inside. The bus was practically empty. Besides Seth and the driver, there were only three passengers. Seth walked all the way to the back. He sat down on an empty seat.
The moment Seth sat down, his tears that he was trying so hard to prevent from falling started to burst. He couldn’t control his own emotions. Everything he experienced in life came back to him. Seth always thought that he already accepted his fate. But after the incident with Chuck, he realized that it was not the case.
Seth closed his eyes. From the bottom of his heart, he prayed for a miracle to happen.
I want to be someone who my mother would be proud of. I don’t want to be like a loser anymore. I want to go back to change everything. If only there’s a reset button, I will gladly redo my life. When it happens, I will do everything to make my dreams happen. Just a reset button or a time machine, maybe. Please, someone help me! Please!
Seth opened his eyes. He smiled bitterly when it dawned on him that nothing had changed. Who was he kidding? He was not in a fantasy novel. Seth was living his reality. There was no reset button or even a time machine. He had to live his fucking reality.
Seth wiped his tears away. He already knew it was too late for him to change. He had to fully accept his fate. Yeah, that was the only way.
While Seth was having a moment of epiphany, something caught his eyes. A shiny object was glimmering on the other side of the bus. Seth got curious, but he didn’t do anything.
Seth chose to ignore it; however after a minute or two, the shiny object began to bother him. He heaved a deep sigh. Seth moved his ass towards the shiny object.
It better be worth it… he thought.
However, before he could reach the shiny object, Seth heard someone on the bus screamed: “Oh, shit!”
Seth looked in front of the bus. His eyes widened when he saw an incoming truck about to collide with the bus.
So, this was the end, huh? Seth realized. What a loser…
But at the last moment, Seth’s mind was screaming: No, I don’t want my life to end like this. Take me back! Take me back! Take me back—
There was a loud crash. Seth felt an excruciating pain enveloped his being. His breathing became hard. Seth felt his soul was slipping away from his body.
Seth took one last breath.
Then, there was silence.
*****
I felt so bad for Seth :((
Thanks for the update, author!
author, why are you bulling me, so early in the morning?😥
thanks. it begins good.
Poor Seth!! It wasn’t his fault he didn’t get the support he needed to finish and do well on school 🙁
What a sad life! This is why I say being poor is a crime! It is really messed up when people with better circumstances look down on others without. 🤬🤬🤬. Thanks for the chapter.
That is why education should be free.
When I grow older, would I become like Seth? Who failed to fight for his dreams. Who coiled and quietly accepted his supposedly fate.😢💔
Why is everyone writing in italics???
Aw, poor Seth :'(
Thanks for the chapter!
I feel bad about him. I can relate for his regret in this life.
Seth :(((