“How do I find my reason? I don’t understand it.” Xie Yi hiccuped and pulled his feet up again. A skeleton hand broke off and loosened its grip.
“It’s a natural thing. It’s a striving for the state that you are most comfortable in. A state that gives you true peace. That can mean a lot – wishing to become someone that changes the world, or acquiring something, or just being safe. You might not ever be truly aware of what it is, but it will finally release you of that constant unrest in your heart.”
“Stop talking in riddles!” Xie Yi continued struggling away from the hands that pulled at him and angrily shouted at Juxian, who blinked with an apologetic expression.
“Force of habit. Just look out for it, Xie Yi. Stop clinging to an excuse with closed eyes. Cling to it and look around – you can see neither raft nor island if you don’t try to look. It might take a while, but there will be one. Until then, no one will mind you leaning on them.”
“Couldn’t you have told me that somewhere else”, Xie Yi hissed and followed Juxian, who began walking backwards.
The smaller version of him smiled. “No. You are obstinate. You wouldn’t have listened if I simply told you, and I need you perfectly healthy both of body and mind. Can’t have you continuing on like this, you’ll destroy yourself. That’s good – keep on watching only me. They can’t do anything if you don’t allow yourself to be shocked by the cold water they are throwing you into.”
“What is this place”, Xie Yi asked, not looking away from Juxian’s unnatural but beautiful eyes. He blocked out everything else and only trudged after the sword spirit. In time, the screams and whimpers vanished, then the hands that tried to pull him down.
“They’re Cursed Netherworld Flowers. Not a species that should be here in the Branched World, mind you. They’re a mutation of a much nicer, much prettier species that belongs to another plane.” Juxian clicked his tongue again, as if he disdained the existence of the flowers.
“How do you know that?”, Xie Yi asked dumbly. “Is that something all spirits know? What belongs to the other planes?”
“It’s something I know, let’s leave it at that. I’m tempted to destroy them all, but I’m not allowed to do that. You should make it a longterm goal, though. The flowers are useful for demonic cultivators and they shouldn’t exist.”
On and on they walked. The uneven ground was slow to traverse, and Xie Yi felt a jolt run through his body every time he broke down over a broken bone. The flowers did not care about being walked on and straightened right away, contrary to the corpses below that stayed broken.
“And that… stone, too? The one I brought to them in my last life?”
“For them, sure. Well, this time, they have gotten to the flowers much earlier than the last time, due to you escaping them. While that’s bad, it’s still better than them getting that, admittedly. Even half of the thing can be used.”
“What does it do?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Qtja vb sbe atlcx la vbfr?”
Lf vlvc’a xcbk. Lf cfnfg obecv bea, lc ojma. Ycmf tf tjv ulnfc la bnfg ab atfw, tf tjv cfnfg rffc la jujlc. “Vbwfatlcu klat liierlbcr, qfgtjqr?”
“Rba yjv! Pa fjar eq sbeg ygjlc.”
“It what?!” And how did that fit into illusions?!
“Pa ajxfr eq qjga bo sbeg ygjlc, ilxf j qjgjrlaf. Pa’r atf wbra jclwjilralm asqf bo atlr oibkfg atja sbe mjc olcv. Pa ajxfr eq j tbra ab qgbafma lar rqfmlfr. Ktf gfra lr ubbv wjafglji obg mgfjalcu liierlbcr.”
Juxian wanted to shake his head, but didn’t do so in favor of holding Xie Yi’s eye. It was better to make sure that the other wouldn’t fall into the illusions again.
“Growing these flowers is much harder if you don’t have the mother-plant. In fact, the flowers will even destroy each other if placed too close, and fight for dominance, so they’re a hassle. The mother-flower keeps them under control, but it’s immobile and weak. The only thing protecting it is the guard-parasite.”
“You mean that huge flower in the center? That means if I destroyed that, all these flowers would wither?”
Xie Yi’s face lit up a bit. He would gladly destroy this place, even more so if it was so easy.
Juxian raised an eyebrow. “You don’t truly think it’s that easy? Even reaching the flower aside – which is a unique thing only you can do right now – you can’t win against the parasite.”
“It looks like a stone. The last time, I could carry it away easily”, Xie Yi mumbled in complaint.
“Did you?”
“Huh?”
“Did you carry it away easily?” Juxian smiled twistedly. “What did it look like when you saw it, inside the flower?”
“White”, Xie Yi answered instantaneously. He remembered it well, because it had been such a clean colour in this terrible place.
“And how did it look when you gave it away?”
“It was-” …White?
It hadn’t been. It had been black. He had the memories, he remembered the way it looked, but back then, he hadn’t questioned it for a single moment.
“The parasite likes strong hosts, but it hardly cares for using them unless the mother-plant is in danger. Only if that happened would it use its host to come to the rescue while the other flowers protect the mother in the meantime. That said, it’s cooperative with people who grow more of the flowers and will also protect them.” Juxian hummed softly. “You might have killed yourself in your last life, Xie Yi, but I can’t even name all the things that would have ended your life sooner or later, even if you hadn’t.”
“It was… in my head?” Xie Yi felt himself retching and reached up to cover his ears, shuddering. He stopped walking. “I didn’t notice? How couldn’t I notice that?”
“It’s a thing from a higher plane. It took the place of what it ate up and did the same work. The health of the host is important – no one would ever notice something is wrong until someone attacks this place here. As for why you didn’t see it move, that’s the task of the flowers here.”
Xie Yi recoiled. “Then why am I walking towards the flower now! I don’t want that thing inside me again! And you said that they can’t get it!”
Juxian laughed. He sounded so pleased and amused, as if he was teasing a child. It didn’t suit his small body.
“Yes, that’s why you don’t have to worry. We’re not going close to the mother, so the parasite won’t wake up. It’s just that it’s the easiest to climb out of the canyon at that area, since you can’t use spiritual energy down here.”
Xie Yi glanced past Juxian, but quickly returned to staring only at him. “I don’t see that huge flower anywhere nearby.”
“Oh, it’s going to take a while until we get there. A couple of days. This place is large.”
The young man stopped walking. This time, he let his eyes slide once over the sea of flowers. His nose was already numb to the stench. “You don’t mean to tell me I will have to sleep down here?”
“You will have to.”
“How about I just start climbing up on the wall here? Instead of wasting days getting to the flower.”
“You are welcome to try.”
The sentence was so openly suspicious that Xie Yi clamped his mouth shut and went back to following obediently. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to find a place to rest down here.
How had he done it the last time? It had all happened in a somewhat short timespan, so he hadn’t slept.
And to tell the truth, he was getting a bit queasier now. Not that he cared about the corpse-layer in itself, he had no problem with the sight.
But by now, he had gotten used to being cleaner. Walking through this place was much more unpleasant now.
Xie Yi, not ever stopping cursing mentally for a single second, trudged forward continuously, his eyes glued to his sword spirit walking backwards through the sea of yellow and red flowers.
Author’s Note
Oooooh boy. Don’t ask me what hit me back then to throw such a serious topic into this novel. It’s impossible for me to cut out, but I always wince at rereading it because I worry people might misunderstand my intentions here.
All of this is very personal opinion. In general, an excuse is something made up to justify something, while a reason is a natural cause/basis/explanation for something (exact definitions differ depending on who you ask).
My point here was…
Xie Yi, in his last life, was living very blindly. He didn’t know why he was doing what he was doing, he was just doing it. There had never been something that he was thriving for (no matter how big or small), and the only reason why he moved at all was “to repay the elders”, “to see Mingtian”, “to see Shi Yue”. If one of these was impossible, it was okay. It was only when all three broke away at once that he realized, he just didn’t know why he was living at all? If there were no elders, no Mingtian, no Shi Yue, what was Xie Yi there for? For who did he exist?
Juxian is worried that Xie Yi might relapse into this state if something happens to MingMing or Shi Yue. What he wants is for Xie Yi to be more open about the world and allow himself to experience more (as he does – growing from only focusing on Shi Yue to having friends, going on trips, finding hobbies) and find out what things he likes. He wants Xie Yi to find genuine reasons for his existence, so he doesn’t feel that his existance has to be linked to things he fakely gives more importance. At the same time, he also mentions – it really doesn’t have to be something big.
To live to see the next day,
to live to be with your loved ones,
that is perfectly fine. You don’t need excuses to live just because you think your reasons aren’t “worthy” enough – they always are, because there is no such thing as a useless reason. He wants Xie Yi to feel stable and safe in this life. And until he does, it’s okay for Xie Yi to lean on his friends and family, because they’re willing to be there for him.
That is something he does need to figure out.
Thank you for the update ❤️💯
Uff, yeah, this Is serious stuff. And Hi! First comment, cause I’ve been busy reading since first paragraph, this story is amazing like that.
About the serious stuff, you are totally right, a reason to live is never unimportant, and I think it’s very important to put that in the story, also, I agree with sword spirit sama, there is no better time than now, fortuitous coincidental stuff is like inspiration, you need to grab it as fast as you can, or eternally postpone the things you have to do even tho they are important.
Yeah yeah yeah, my reason is that i can’t stand pain and I’m scared of death, of what comes next and if I will be punished for taking my own life.
That’s it, that’s enough.
This sword is evil
But… this chapter helped me remember my reason. AFTER THE OTHER 2 MADE ME FORGET IT!!!