Fuck-Up's Guide to Falling In LoveCh2 - When You Know You Love Him

Wei Qing screams himself awake. Sticky and uncomfortable–

But this is not the underworld that he barely remembers, for all the years he spent in flux, or the cracked hood of that car. This is not the impossible to capture threads of other lives, other possibilities, that he thinks he might have once had, once been allowed to remember.  RBb4iD

This is-

His fingers spasm against the snow-white duvet, his breaths come in sharp little gasps against his tan skin, naked but absent the blood that had last painted him. There’s no pain, except in his memory, no radiating fire across what’s left of his spine, nothing but… a crick in his neck? Probably from sleeping like an idiot. Yet…

Chrysanthemum Garden.

He died. He knows he did. 

His imagination isn’t good enough for him to have- K97IUD

A dishonest hand snakes its way under the covers and begins stroking him. Wei Qing screams again, jumping out of bed like it’s a monster and not the star that he chased for several weeks, trying to get intimately (re) acquainted with his equipment. 

Nani the fuck? 

A bleary-eyed beauty with a name that Wei Qing cannot begin to remember sits up, the marks on his skin as accusing as the look in his eyes. Both clearly testifying: Wei-ge, why are you so cold? Don’t you remember how badly you wanted this? 

He really doesn’t. He remembers this bedroom, his bedroom, the one where he’d hidden every bit of his personality under the sleek smarminess that he felt was expected of him. He remembers a life like this, where he chased the sweetness that he could never catch, in dozens of pairs of arms. But the only person that he sees clearly, the only one he remembers, is undoubtedly-

The zebrawood door opens with a bang, and Yue Fei slides into the room, a baseball bat held with disturbingly expert precision. Despite the messiness of his dress, his eyes are alert. And naturally, those alert eyes search out his charge, first and foremost. It’s the natural, trained response of an everything-man like Yue Fei– 

So of course, there’s no time to hide from his gaze. 

That’s right. After years of nothingness, Wei Qing re-introduces himself to the one person that he regretted and missed. Naked, covered in hickeys, and against his will, half-hard. 

Fucking fantastic.  MjtdeD

To make a painful moment even more shameful, this time, Yue Fei’s eyes don’t naturally slide away, filled with the same practiced indifference as always. Instead, it’s like he’s trying to see underneath his skin…? His gaze is too complex to understand, but it’s certainly not placid. No, there’s… judgment? And fear? And- other, softer and more tangled things, that Wei Qing misses out on as he flees. 

Wei Qing pulls the entire duvet around him, covering his nakedness. And in the process, exposing the even more debauched body of the bed partner that he had no recollection of. Great, wonderful, perfect! He’s the alcoholic at the bar, surrounded by bottles but wanting to swear his sobriety. 

He makes the adult choice to stomp into the bathroom and lock himself in. 

— 69urvU

Yue Fei is first and foremost a professional. Even thrown for a loop as great as this. The old speech still comes, albeit with a pause, and having lost a great deal of its polish. His eyes are fastened to a spot one foot above the befuddled starlet’s (presumably) breathtaking face. 

“Master Wei has a long day ahead, please feel free to wash and refresh in the guest bathroom. The driver will take you wherever you are going, Master Wei thanks you for your discretion. The film you mentioned, Master Wei will naturally invest as a sign of his appreciation.”

Yue Fei’s tone is blunt. 

Blunter than normal, not that this naked stranger knows that. There’s not even a slight smile, or a polite turning away while the guest gathers himself. No, he just picks up stained clothing, far-flung underwear and socks, and a belt that has been tied against the bedpost like a gag, and waits, unflinching, for the thoroughly embarrassed young man in the bed to get up, get dressed, get out.  4WHRk7

Once upon a time, he babied these idiots in the interest of protecting Wei Qing. Learned their names and treated them with respect, so that no gossip would spread. But what had that helped? Gossip still spread! The effort he put forth did nothing! It might have even made things worse, since Wei Qing never cut his teeth on more pedestrian predators. Not that he was blameless, but…

When he finally met a monster at the apex, he’d had no defenses. 

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We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

Ccv cbk, tf uba ab reoofg la jii bnfg jujlc. 

— p1P6A5

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The underworld– 

He didn’t remember much except the sense that he’d been there, and that he hadn’t been alone. Other than that… He just remembers a crash and blood and resignation– the only discordant note is an impossible image, of Wei Qiwan smiling at him. But everyone knew, Wei Qiwan didn’t smile anymore. Certainly not in death. It didn’t make sense. But just as Yue Fei was trying to organize this into something logical, he heard the panicked shout of a voice that he’d nearly forgotten. 

One that only lived as a petulant memory on his voicemail.  OYtx4u

His body had reacted faster than his brain. He’d barged in, needing to see him, to protect him. 

And found him, like always, with his dick out and some random pretty in his bed. The only danger to Wei Qing was Wei Qing. Like. Fucking. Always. 

Yue Fei’s relief is replaced with anger– 

Annoyance, frustration, a million negative emotions that he cannot vent, because Wei Qing is his master and he is the help, and if he actually says what he thinks, Wei Qing will fall out with him and end up hiring some bottomfeeder yes-man instead. He’d probably just die ahead of schedule!  KdU4Ti

So he instead vents his bad mood on the starlet (who leaves in record time) and the sheets (which are balled up and thrown in the wash with a fervor that suggests they killed Yue Fei’s whole family) and his own hands, which he washes with water hot enough to scald. 

Wei Qing still does not return from the bathroom. 

Yue Fei pulls out his phone, checks the calendar, and orients himself in the timeline. He would have done it before, but then Wei Qing screamed and- He got distracted by wanting to keep him safe. Just like always. 

He really never learns.  qGCQro

Wei Qing…

Wei Qing is only twenty-four, this year. Six years away from death. Four years away from their parting. 

Then this is… just before he started to lose control completely. Stopped even slapping a veneer of respectability over his debauchery. Wasted away, as if injuring and embarrassing himself was a poison that would hurt the brother he was aiming for more than him. 

(It had, but why aim for him at all? Yue Fei still didn’t understand. After all, Wei Qing had been smart, once. Top of his class, at ease in any situation that wasn’t familial, able to think his way through the most complex problem sets. Had been innovative, brilliant. But Wei Qiwan had become a deadly blind spot. Was Wei Qing really so coddled, that he couldn’t see the truth beyond the lie? The love his brother had for him, always, even until the end?) jdf4bP

Yue Fei flashes back to the nonsensical smile, jumbled in with the rest of it. 

He does not know why he has returned. But he knows why it is this year. 

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Because this is the year that his four-year employment contract would end. In ten months, he could decide to walk away. To wash his hands of all this, instead of fighting to change the future of someone who refused to see what was good for him. 

In his last life, he stayed with Wei Qing from his sixteenth to the eave of his twenty-ninth. Twelve years. Three contracts. No difference. Only a slick slide towards ruin, over and over again.   7u5RyT

This life… He already knew that he couldn’t change anything. 

Wei Qing would always love what was bad for him.

So why try? Why force himself to watch that self-destruction? It would be better… Better to finish out this year, stop coddling him, and then wash his hands of it all. 

It’s not like it could possibly be worse than how it went with his interference. All his good intentions were worthless, and he did not have the kind of faith that would allow him to make a third attempt. The problem with all his plans was probably… that he was the one executing them. What right did he have? What qualifications?  JUcZPs

Yue Fei organizes all his thoughts, hardens his heart, and knocks on that still-shut bathroom door. At least the sound of water beyond means that Wei Qing might be blissfully free of body fluids, when he opens it…

“Master Wei, your companion is gone. The duvet, please.”

I need to wash it free of all your bad decisions. 

— OlxoGv

Wei Qing can admit that he’s a coward.

Really, he can. If jumping from that building didn’t teach him, those years of being afraid to reincarnate certainly did the trick. And now this– this embarrassment, in front of Yue Fei… He wonders at the source of it. Wonders why he can remember all these horrors that he’d rather forget, all these regrets that stuck close to his skin. Isn’t one of the main promises of a visit to the underworld that your past self is left there? That you get the joy of ignorance?

Evidently, not for him. 

“Master Wei. For once, just once, please do something for me. Stay away from Yang Wushe. He is not in love with you. He is just bored, and you are easy prey. He will hurt you, more badly than you think. Please. Stay. Away.” lf3mSF

The last time they’d spoken. On the phone, of course. Yue Fei wouldn’t see him in person by then. 

Right. A story had come out– a leak after a night out when Wei Qing had been more dissolute than normal. A night that had ended with him very nearly in Yang Wushe’s bed. Only some freak trouble at work had delayed it. (Yang Wushe’s work, not his– Wei Qing hadn’t gone to work for years, by then). 

Yue Fei had called him, after months of not speaking to one another. After betraying him, and heading to his elder brother’s side. He’d sounded like he really cared, when he begged him. And Wei Qing had hated the belated concern. Had a tantrum over it. Had served himself up even faster, just to prove Yue Fei wrong. 

But Yue Fei wasn’t wrong; he never was.  qks3 1

Yang-ge thought he was pathetic and easy and worth more dead than alive– worth more humiliated than whole. He liked bedding him, in the way slag men like bedding anyone. Liked teasing him and accidentally (or intentionally) exposing his materials to the public. Wei Qing didn’t know why Yang Wushe had targeted him, but he knew he had. And Yue Fei had seen it and warned him and–

He’d been a complete child about it. Being the fuck-up that everyone, even he himself, expected. 

Chrysanthemum Garden.

And now, his first chance to change things and make a good impression, and he was already on his old bullshit. Living down to a reputation that would completely ruin him, sooner rather than later. 

Wei Qing wonders if mornings like this were why Yue Fei abandoned him. Why he chose that backstabber Wei Qiwan instead. For all his failings, his older brother was never one for scandal or salaciousness. In comparison, he was really disgusting, wasn’t he? He thinks back to that moment through the door when Yue Fei had looked at him, so disappointed.  3qctXZ

Was this what made him unworthy, not good enough, unwanted…?

Wei Qing cannot lose him again. 

Everything was worse when Yue Fei went away. 

Even if he’s disloyal, even if he’s stuffy, even if he never laughs at anything– Wei Qing does not want him to leave. Yue Fei was the only person in the world who wanted better for him. Who pushed him, more concerned with his health than his good opinion. Yue Fei was the only person that Wei Qing wanted to impress, to get the attention of, to call back and keep near him. He’d done so much, been so stupid in his last life… 27DeFg

And looking back, wasn’t it all for those worried phone calls? Those anxious appeals to reason? Those long, rambling two am emails that entreated him to do better, be more steady? For the way a town car would sometimes be sent to whatever club he was at, offering him a safe, chaste way home that he never accepted? 

Hadn’t all of it just been for Yue Fei’s attention? 

Look at me, look at everything I’m wrecking, don’t you want to come home and discipline me properly? 

He really never grew out of it. Didn’t he first fall into Yang Wushe’s trap precisely because of how much the man reminded him of Yue Fei’s calm indifference? Hadn’t he wanted to make Yang Wushe fall apart, love him, because if he could do that, if he could make Yang Wushe care, he could make anyone, and if he could just have a sliver of real power over that kind of a man… xOzyMU

Wei Qing’s body responds to the warm water and the clove-scented soaps and the sound of Yue Fei’s voice, tetchy through the door. Responds… very, very honestly. Shattered emotions knit back together, into a landscape that Wei Qing can finally recognize, with this newly-gifted distance and these old regrets. 

Oh. Oh no. 

How long had he been in love with him?!

— tNZjI6

Based on the calendar of gifts, this is Wei Qing’s fourth conquest in October. This is the fourth time that Yue Fei has been left to clean up after him, unwilling to let the housekeeper see these things and whisper dirty gossip about his master to those outside. The fourth time that Wei Qing’s allowed someone unworthy to see this part of him, been vulnerable with someone that does not appreciate it. Made intimacy into a transaction. 

Which is why it’s so odd, the way Wei Qing blushingly opens the bathroom door and refuses to hand over the duvet. Today is no different, but Wei Qing is acting differently. Even dunking the thing in the bathtub before Yue Fei can touch it.

…

It takes Yue Fei a moment to gather his thoughts. kPca1O

“That’s not how you wash it.” Yue Fei frowns, Wei Qing melts. 

“Then… we’ll just buy a new one!”

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“Master Wei should invest in a goose farm if he intends to buy a new comforter every time a new companion visits.” This new, jaded Yue Fei does not bother to keep the judgment out of his tone. After all, his goal is to end this relationship. There’s no need to hide his disapproval. Who knows. It might even help. Couldn’t hurt.

Indeed… nralNy

“I won’t! I won’t sleep with anyone ever again!”

…Right. Sure.

Yue Fei stares pointedly at the red rash of kiss marks against Wei Qing’s neck, turns heel, and leaves this ridiculous conversation. Wei Qing, the born-again virgin. As if an edge of disdain could be so effective! As if Wei Qing would actually be good and sweet and docile again.  Clever, over coquettish.

Yue Fei gives it a week.  ZBTmeb

Two, if Wei Qing finds a video game he likes in the interim.

AN:

Wei Qing: I am leaving behind the shackles of the flesh, shining with Holy Light.

Yue Fei: …Bet. eV1d9w