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Guide on How to Fail at Online DatingCh14 - I’m such a sissy.

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Xiang Huaizhi looked at all the cutesy expressions, and his head throbbed even more than when he was looking at advanced mathematics questions just now. Needless to say, this person’s apm must be pretty high to send out so many expressions in just a few seconds.

[Party] Yearning For: Didn’t see it. 4OK3M2

After sending that, he said, “If you tease her again, then you’ll have to do instances yourself in the future.”

Lu Hang, “…weren’t you just chatting on WeChat? Did you grow an eye on your forehead?”

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[Party] Xiao Tianjing: That’s good then [about to cry]

[Party] Yearning For: Get ready, we’re about to reach the BOSS.

nzD2U0

Jing Huan sat upright and pulled his Nine-Tailed Immortal Fox out.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: I’m ready Gege ^^

Lu Hang, “Yo, she even has a Nine-Tailed Immortal Fox. Why didn’t she pull it out when you guys were killing the Yao King?”

Xiang Huaizhi, “The Yao King only has AOE skills that summoning beasts can’t dodge. Pull it out just for it to die?” IN9HDU

“That’s true…” Lu Hang said, “I heard that she spent a few 10,000 yuan to buy this account, looks like she’s a little rich girl.”

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

All the scenes and characters in NCH were extremely beautiful, and their summoning beasts were no exception. That was why aside from in battles, players would often summon them to show them off. Lu Hang and the other two healers already had their summoning beasts out long ago. Lu Hang’s summoning beast was a sika deer, while the other two healers had rabbits.

Jing Huan put down his cup of water and saw Yearning For slowly pull out…a flower?

To be precise, it was a giant, pink flower that was firmly closed up. The flower stood in place for two seconds before suddenly blooming, revealing the slender and elegant flower fairy inside. The fairy was both small and lovely as it sat in the middle of the flower shaking its head. There was even light being emitted all around it. vj Wpt

…what kind of grandiose and pompous summoning beast was this.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Wow 0.0! What summoning beast is this? It’s so cute!!

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Haha, it’s normal to not recognise it. This is a legendary summoning beast ah, Xuanxing Flower Fairy. It has very high damage attributes, and there’s only one of it server-wide oh.

Fuck ZQiK9E

Jing Huan instantly felt sour.

How good must this person’s character luck be? He could even hatch a legendary summoning beast?

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Gege’s so amazing, rubrub >.<

After Jing Huan spoke, he turned off ‘automatic following’. His avatar walked over to Yearning For and used a “rubbing against lucky person” action. Vled0o

Only to see Xiao Tianjing lean over and intimately rub against Yearning For’s shoulders a few times.

Xiang Huaizhi, “…”

He quickly opened up the BOSS dialog box and started the battle, forcibly ending her actions.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

As soon as they met, the Water Demon dished out a skill that dealt damage to the whole map. Jing Huan lost half of his HP. He hadn’t tidied up his equipment yet, so he was the one who suffered the most damage. The other four people still had more than half of their HP left, especially Long Road Ahead, who looked like he had only lost 5% of his HP. E3I8Od

Seemed like Long Road Ahead’s equipment wasn’t too bad either.

“Long, give me a damage buff.” There was no spare time to type while killing a BOSS, so Xiang Huaizhi turned on his mic, “Everyone, pay attention to your HP. Healers, heal Xiao Tianjing, Xiao Tianjing…” He paused. “Defend ba.”

Most of the bosses in the game were resistant to seals, so half of Fairy Fox Cave’s skills were as good as useless. It wasn’t easy for blood pools to hit either, so it would be better for her to just defend. She would be able to ward off half the damage in that case.

“Ah…” Jing Huan paused and thought that he had misheard. “I’ll defend?” iG4gZa

Jing Huan used to play sects with high physical damage, so when his parties did instances or PKs, they would always rely on him to deal damage. In his understanding, asking him to defend was akin to looking down on him.

“Defend.” Xiang Huaizhi didn’t say anything more.

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“…okay Gege.” Jing Huan pressed down on the defense key in shame.

Lu Hang added a BUFF to Xiang Huaizhi as he had requested. Xiang Huaizhi stabbed the BOSS and dealt a full 13,000 damage. B rZwK

Jing Huan couldn’t shift his gaze away.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

Now he really wanted to see the attributes of Yearning For’s divine artifact.

Dea atf yjaaif vlvc’a jiibk tlw ab atlcx wemt.

Lf rjk atf Qjafg Gfwbc ijecmt lar rxliir bcmf jujlc, jlwlcu ja Wljb Kljcplcu, atf bcf ktb tjv atf ifjra LU lc atf rmfcf. Ktf “Mibbvlcu bo Alcrtjc Kfwqif” uertfv bnfg, jcv tf ibra wbgf atjc tjio bo tlr LU jujlc. KNAP7R

Jing Huan immediately placed a blood pool below his feet and healed himself.

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Xiang Huaizhi glanced at his HP from the corner of his eyes and emphasised once again, “Healers, heal.”

Yet it seemed like the two healers in the party didn’t hear him. They stood in the corner of the map and didn’t move, and even their summoning beasts just stood foolishly beside them.

Ai, what’s going on…” Lu Hang quickly added a defense BUFF for XIao Tianjing. “Are the healers not around?” pP6BuI

No one responded. Lu Hang uttered a “fuck”. “We’re finished, they’re probably afk-ing… what do we do, run?”

Jing Huan, “But if we run, they’ll be killed by the BOSS ba?”

“You still have the time to worry about others right now…? The two of them are too much, they obviously knew that we were about to kill the BOSS so why afk?” Lu Hang muttered softly before asking, “Old Xiang, what do we do now?”

Fairy Fox Cave’s blood pool skill has a CD; after casting, the player has to wait for 20 or more seconds before casting another one. If she just waited around, Xiao Tianjing would probably die before she could heal herself. 4K9d7P

Both healers weren’t around either, so she couldn’t be saved after dying.

“It’s okay, continue.” On the contrary, Xiang Huaizhi was quite calm. He glanced at the healers. “Add a defense BUFF to my summoning beast.”

Lu Hang didn’t question anything and quickly added a defense BUFF to Xuanxing Flower Fairy.

One of the most annoying things about the Water Demon BOSS was that it would lock onto the player with the lowest HP in the whole map and pummel them with 100% hit rate attacks that couldn’t be dodged. Jing Huan looked at his HP and hardly thought it over before saying, “It’s okay, you guys should be able to kill it, don’t mind me. I don’t have much money on me, so I won’t drop too much gold even if I die~!” 9KteEd

Right after he spoke, the BOSS’ skill was about to hit him again, but at the exact same time, the Xuanxing Flower Fairy beside Yearning For rushed to Xiao Tianjing and helped him block more than half the damage.

“Fuck, you actually used your flower fairy to block the damage… that’s such a waste!” Lu Hang couldn’t help but say, “Let the flower fairy attack ba, I’ll help her block with my deer.”

“How many hits can your deer take?” Xiang Huaizhi asked instead.

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Lu Hang’s sika deer was like Jing Huan’s NIne-Tailed Immortal Fox — high damage and low HP. It couldn’t compare to the Xuanxing Flower Fairy at all, it’d likely die with one hit. QVASPn

“…okay then.”

Jing Huan hadn’t expected Xiang Huaizhi to block the attack with his summoning beast either. He was stunned for a long while before he thought of saying, “Thank you Gege, wuwu, it’s all because I’m too noob…”

Xiang Huaizhi, “Un.”

Jing Huan, “…” UlVnTI

I was just casually being modest, did I ask you to agree with me?!

Lu Hang’s heart itched when he heard her. “Xiao Jingjing, praise me too bei, look at all the BUFFs I gave you.”

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Jing Huan. “Thank you.” It was both formal and rigid.

At that moment, Yearning For dealt another critical hit to the BOSS. When he saw the massive bright red damage numbers, Jing Huan immediately typed like crazy, “Gege’s so great! Gege jiayou! Gege goooooo! Gege hit its head!” 84oqUF

Lu Hang, “…” Fuck, he hadn’t expected that Xiang Huaizhi had really called Xiao Tianjing over tocheer him on.

Five minutes later, the BOSS’ HP plummeted, and it was about to turn enraged. After it became enraged, it would do the same thing it did in the beginning and deal damage to the whole map again, then focus on killing people, and its damage would increase sharply as well.

Jing Huan looked at his HP and thought that he was finished. He probably wouldn’t be able to stand it this time.

Just before the BOSS became enraged, Yearning For suddenly stopped attacking. 4xUcYt

【Yearning For has used Restoration Red Pearl on Xiao Tianjing.】

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

Restoration HP pearl, high-level potion. Jing Huan saw his HP shoot up to full in one shot.

Lu Hang was completely stunned. “Ai no…you just casually threw out a potion that costs tens of yuan? It’s just an instance, do you have to…besides, she may not necessarily die ah.”

Xiang Huaizhi, “Just in case.” wmb2jc

The Water Demon used its skill that damaged the whole map again. Jing Huan had just snapped out of his stupor when he saw the Water Demon he was facing suddenly turn around and change its target– after taking that Restoration HP pearl, he was no longer the member with the lowest HP in the party.

The BOSS’ target this time was one of the healers in the party — Love is For You to Eat.

Love is For You to Eat was taken aback and wanted to reflexively dodge away, but she immediately thought again — she had already been afk-ing for half a day, if she came back right at this moment…it would probably be a bit too obvious.

So she could only stand there foolishly and allow the BOSS to attack her. IQtzMm

Just when she thought that she was going to die, a Nine-Tailed Immortal Fox suddenly scuttled to her side and helped her block the attack, then Xiao Tianjing leapt out and placed a blood pool below her feet.

Two minutes later, Yearning For hacked at the Water Demon with his sword, the battle ended, and the whole crew had survived.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: [sigh] I was almost scared to death, I thought our whole party would’ve been wiped out.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Thank you God of War Gege for doing the instance with me~ [blows a kiss] WEMZp8

[Party] Yearning For: Just did it in passing.

[Party] Love is For You to Eat: …

[Party] Love is For You to Eat: Something urgent cropped up on my side, and I couldn’t return in time, sorry…

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

[Party] Long Road Ahead: It’s okay, it’s fine since we cleared it. jCqIVK

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: God of War Gege, can we still do instances together next time [wipes tears away]

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: I’ll buy equipment and not be so noob anymore!!

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: [begging you]

Xiang Huaizhi hadn’t even had the time to type back yet. PYKEd9

[Party] Long Road Ahead: OK, we’ll call you along next time!

After sending this, Lu Hang immediately said, “Those two healers are too unreliable, they screwed up right at the critical juncture. We’d be better off taking Xiao Tianjing along, she can even chat with us when it’s boring.”

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Xiang Huaizhi clicked. “Up to you.”

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Does God of War Gege agree to it too? [about to cry] Xb1YUn

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Of course, he’s very easy-going. But we don’t have a fixed time for doing instances, so how do we contact you then?

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Why don’t we add each other on WeChat?

WeChat?

Jing Huan was stunned and finally remembered what he had missed. He opened his WeChat in a panic– VKsS b

His WeChat name was “What are you looking at your Jing Ge for”.

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And his WeChat profile picture was Kobe Bryant.

The background of his Moments was a basketball court.

…this fucking doesn’t look like the WeChat of a cute loli girl at all ah! C0hD4q

[Party] Long Road Ahead:?

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Afk-ing again?

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: No no!

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: My phone’s not with me though. Send me your WeChat number ba, I’ll add you later [touches head] sjVdzX

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Okay, luhang123.

Jing Huan wrote down Lu Hang’s WeChat number, and just as he was thinking about what he should do, a message suddenly popped up on his page.

【Love is For You to Eat has added you as a friend】

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: …are you there? Z9lo1A

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: [nods] I’m here.

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: I’m sorry about just now, for not healing you.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Ah, it’s okay, you don’t need to come and specifically apologise to me.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: …in any case, I’m sorry [sheds tears]. CsjOUD

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: If you need any help in the future, you can call me.

Jing Huan was puzzled. This girl used to constantly ignore him before this, so why did she suddenly become so cordial?

But that didn’t matter.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Ah, really? TwieSh

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: I have something I need your help with right now!

[Friend] Love is For You to Eat: What is it?

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[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Can I add you on WeChat?

A few minutes later, Jing Huan picked up his phone and searched for Love is For You to Eat’s WeChat. swTki8

He had come up with an idea; before adding Long Road Ahead’s WeChat, he had to modify his WeChat profile a little and at least make it seem like it belonged to a girl. But he didn’t have many female friends on WeChat, and they were all either family members or his teachers, so he didn’t have any references at all.

Fortunately, there was a ready-made one now.

Very soon, the search results were out.

WeChat name: Die if you scold my Idol (horse’s head) qHwEIo

Her profile picture was Hong Shixian, and there were even words attached below it: you’re so flirtatious.

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?

Did he find the wrong one?

Jing Huan typed out the WeChat number and searched again, it was still this “Die if you scold my Idol [horse’s head]”. sx09YT

He hesitated a little and clicked on her Moments. Fortunately, the other party’s settings allowed strangers to see ten photos, so photos could be seen even without adding her as a friend.

The bio under the profile picture was:【Here to peep on your ancestor again?】

“…” Jing Huan silently continued scrolling.

The first Moment:【Idiots are really interesting. Asking me to not brag about my family’s idol, then am I supposed to brag about yours? [doubtful]】 96LJSt

Second Moment:【What’s with the new stupid clothes NCH came up with? It makes me look like I gained 20 fucking pounds after wearing them! If the art designers suck then get lost and let me do it [OK]?】

Third Moment:【It’s already 9102, why do I still bump into shitty men on blind dates that want me to resign and go home to ‘support my husband and educate their children’? And he even asked me to fork out 500,000 as part of the dowry? 3 yuan for one bunch of keys, 10 yuan for 3 bunches, are you fucking worthy??】 lKoBu5

Jing Huan, “…”

He was speechless for a moment, then he closed the other party’s WeChat and went back to look at his own profile and Moments.

…I’m such a sissy.

i4EZ98

Juurensha: Well at least Love is For You To Eat saw the error of her ways. Maybe you made a female friend Huanhuan! Also, ML is already a bit protective, ohohohoho

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Translator's Note

specifically the luck of a character lol, there’s this belief that some characters are luckier than others. Not the luck of the player themselves

Translator's Note

cooldown

Translator's Note

horse = ma, a chinese word particle that’s sorta equivalent to ?; so her WeChat name is actually Are you cursing my idol to die

Translator's Note

male MC of some drama

Translator's Note

oh my god… this joke. Errr, making keys = pei yao shi (yao shi = keys) in chinese, but the pei here can also mean worthy. So the joke is like:

A: 3 yuan for one bunch of keys, 10 yuan for 3 bunches, are you fucking worthy??

B: I’m worthy If5Jlu

A: Worthy your ass, I’m asking if you want to make keys or not

OR

B: I’m not worthy

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A: YES YOU’RE NOT WORTHY

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11 comments

    • Hubby so good, he makes sure that his wifey won’t die before triggering red blood animation umu Huanhuan, jiayou! Keep up with your cute antics to snatch yourself a good husband!!

  1. Going accidentally change the profile pic into a delinquent magical girl punching something instead of using the staff?

  2. HuanHuan made a female friend!!

    He shouldn’t change his weibo, that way he could be more authentic and not make mistakes trying to remember everything he’s lied about.

    Thanks for the chapter!