“Don’t think that gangsters don’t regard their own lives like lives!”
Yang Lei looked at Fang Yu, surprised.
Fang Yu burst out this sentence, then became silent again. He smoked another cigarette, not saying a word, his eyes fixed on the ground. Yang Lei didn’t know what he was thinking.
After a long time, Fang Yu opened his mouth.
“When Da Hu left, I told myself, I don’t want to see a brother die in front of me again for the rest of my life.”
Fang Yu’s eyes fixed on an unknown point.
“Today at the hospital, I thought I had to experience it again.”
Fang Yu’s voice seemed to be coming from a very far place.
Yang Lei looked at him silently.
Yet Fang Yu didn’t speak again, lost in thought. The cigarette end in his hands became very long. It fell to the ground, but Fang Yu didn’t react.
“…I don’t want it to happen again.”
He didn’t know whether Fang Yu was speaking to Yang Lei or to himself.
“I’ll bring over some more soup.”
Fang Yu put out his cigarette, stood up, and walked towards the kitchen.
Fang Yu walked two steps and stopped. Yang Lei hugged him from behind.
“I’m different from Da Hu,” Yang Lei said.
“He’s already not here. I’m here. If you think well of me, even with Da Hu’s portion, I’ll live in front of you. I’ll live until you’re tired of seeing me.”
To Yang Lei, these words were a confession with all his heart.
He knew that Fang Yu regarded him as a brother, a brother like Da Hu. Fang Yu was afraid of seeing a brother disappear before his eyes again, just like Da Hu had back then.
But to him, Fang Yu already wasn’t a brother.
Yang Lei was already hugging Fang Yu before he had even thought about why he should take a few steps forward and hug him. When he saw Fang Yu’s lonely back as he turned around, his heart was in pain and unhappy.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
He wouldn’t let him experience the pain of losing a brother again. Having that kind of experience once was enough.
“Qtja vb sbe wfjc, klat tlr rtjgf? Gj Le jigfjvs vlfv wbgf atjc atgff sfjgr jub. Eluta cbk, P’w kbgglfv jybea sbe!” Mjcu Te rjlv.
Gj Le kjr tlr ygbatfg, Tjcu Ofl kjr jirb tlr ygbatfg, yea Gj Le kjr Gj Le, jcv Tjcu Ofl kjr Tjcu Ofl. Ktfrf akb qfbqif kfgfc’a atf rjwf ja jii.
He wanted to let Yang Lei know that he wasn’t worried about him just because he had thought of Da Hu. Today, he was really afraid. When he saw that horrifying motorcycle and the bloodstains all over the ground, Fang Yu felt a fear that he hadn’t felt in many years. Outside of the operating room, his mind was blank. That time his cousin Chuan-zi was fatally stabbed and his life was on the line, he could still maintain his calm and deal with it. The day Da Hu was executed, he was also mentally prepared. He had never experienced such instant and complete blankness.
“Good people don’t live long; menaces remain for a thousand years. I’m not a good person. I’m a menace, so don’t worry. My life is long,” Yang Lei said, still hugging Fang Yu.
“Fuck, you also know that you’re a menace!” Fang Yu was amused, turning his hand to say with a smile.
Yang Lei liked sticking to people, hugging and kissing them. Fang Yu already understood, and was a little numbed. He just thought perhaps Yang Lei had this habit, so he let him hug him.
“You’re the same as I was a few years ago. I was reckless and liked to cause trouble. I’m really afraid that something will happen to you.”
In Fang Yu’s eyes, Yang Lei was often still childish. Fang Yu spoke from the bottom of his heart.
“Don’t worry.”
Yang Lei only said two words.
Yang Lei told Fang Yu that the matter of leaving was abandoned. He wasn’t going. He told Fang Yu that he wanted to stay the night.
“I don’t want to go back. Even if I go back, no one will care,” Yang Lei said.
Yang Lei rarely mentioned his own family to Fang Yu. When he occasionally mentioned it, there was disgust in his tone. Fang Yu felt that Yang Lei really didn’t like that family.
“Stay. Who wouldn’t let you stay?!” Fang Yu took out the blankets for Yang Lei. Hearing that Yang Lei wasn’t leaving, Fang Yu was really happy.
They lay on one bed. After this experience, that strange little awkwardness from before was also forgotten. But after having chatted for a while, Yang Lei thought of what had happened that night.
At the same place and in the same bed, something had happened after all.
“…Fang Yu, let me ask you something.”
“Ask.”
“…That night, you really didn’t feel good?” Yang Lei took the risk. He had kept it in his heart for a long time.
“…” Fang Yu knew what he was asking. He didn’t speak.
“…I felt pretty good,” Yang Lei said.
“Enough.” Fang Yu didn’t want to mention this.
Yang Lei turned over and propped himself up, looking at Fang Yu.
“Say the truth. Did it feel good? Was it exciting?” He wanted Fang Yu’s honest words.
“…There’s no playing around like that!” Fang Yu furrowed his brows.
“How is there not that kind of playing around? Don’t be old-fashioned. Foreigners right now are all about sexual liberation. Do you know what sexual liberation is? As long as it feels good and is exciting, it’s fine. Although we’re both men, we can still play around. We’re not taking it seriously. At most, this is just… helping each other.”
Yang Lei had calculated these excuses for a long time. He wanted to wash Fang Yu’s mind, to let him know that it was actually quite normal for two men to do this.
“What playing around nonsense are you thinking about all day?” Fang Yu also remembered that day’s scene. His expression wasn’t very natural.
“We’re all men. Don’t pretend. Just say, did you feel good or not that night?”
Yang Lei used words to put Fang Yu on the spot.
“…It wasn’t bad.” Fang Yu didn’t realize he was being put on the spot by Yang Lei’s words. He was still saying the truth.
From the view of male physicality, the excitement that night had brought to Fang Yu was strong. He admitted it.
“But you… don’t think it’s weird?!” Fang Yu looked at Yang Lei.
“You think it’s disgusting?” When Yang Lei asked these words, his heart was a little heavy.
“…I just think it’s weird. I can’t say.” Fang Yu’s voice also sank down.
Yang Lei was silent for a while. He knew that Fang Yu was different from him. Fang Yu didn’t have the thoughts he had. Fang Yu only regarded him as a brother, but he was already different. On the night of his birthday, when Fang Yu started playing “Childhood” on the Turbulent Times stage, when he knew that he was the guitarist on the other side of the lab high school field, when Fang Yu smiled as he shouted “Happy birthday” and threw the flowers into Yang Lei’s arms, Yang Lei already clearly understood. It was as if a flash of lightning had lit up his heart. He saw clearly, and he understood.
He liked Fang Yu.
It wasn’t the kind of like he had for brothers, and it wasn’t even the like he had for women.
He didn’t know what kind it was. He only knew that he liked Fang Yu. He wanted to hug him, wanted to kiss him, wanted to do those things in his dreams, and wanted to stay by Fang Yu’s side forever…
“I’ve never done it with anyone else, and I don’t want to do these things with anyone else. Just thinking about it is disgusting,” Yang Lei said in a calm voice.
“But I can with you. In my heart, your importance is not the same. I regard you as the closest person. Other than you, I can’t play with other brothers like this.” Yang Lei wanted to say the real feelings in his heart. He felt suffocated.
“If you think it’s disgusting, then act as if that night had never happened. Later, we will still be brothers. I don’t want us to be awkward because of this.”
Yang Lei finished speaking, and stopped talking.
Both his eyes were open, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t hear the voice of Fang Yu next to him. He could only feel his own chest rising and falling because he was upset, frustrated, and sad.
If Fang Yu said the word disgusting today, Yang Lei would turn around, get off the bed, and leave. He could bear Fang Yu not accepting him, but he couldn’t bear Fang Yu looking down on him and detesting him. That felt even more worse than dying.
“Did I say it was disgusting?” Fang Yu said.
Yang Lei turned his head, looking at Fang Yu.
“…Fine, I can’t win over you,” Fang Yu said, his tone very conflicted.
Yang Lei quickly jumped up as though he had been injected with chicken blood. He heard the give in Fang Yu’s tone.
“…You’re willing to play around with me?”
“Don’t go too far!” Fang Yu kept his voice low. “If you really have a need, go find a sweetheart!”
Yang Lei understood that Fang Yu was making a concession. He felt a kind of ecstasy.
“Okay! If there’s a real need, find a sweetheart!” Yang Lei said happily.
He didn’t care if Fang Yu was making a concession because his heart was soft, or if Fang Yu’s male physical instinct also couldn’t resist that night’s strong and exciting temptation. No matter which one it was, Yang Lei knew that Fang Yu had given in.
Yang Lei had found the best opportunity. He knew that tonight, Fang Yu would definitely have a soft heart for him.
Because through the car accident, he realized that his own importance in Fang Yu’s heart was greater than he had imagined.
Actually, to men in their twenties, it was a time when they were most unable to resist sex. When they were with brothers, the things they spoke of the most were dirty jokes, obscene things, and sex. This was the same in any decade.
Later facts proved that actually, many teenage boys all once had sexual experiences with the same sex, no matter if it was masturbating with each other or even giving blowjobs. Yet most of them were not gay, but rather heterosexual. It could only be said that this was a kind of lustful impulse. And afterwards, they at most felt that they had played quite crazily with their friends. It wasn’t a big deal.
Of course, in those days, it was impossible to go online to research or ask people for advice about these things, but it definitely wasn’t considered to be a big deal. Things that men would do with each other, would forever exceed women’s imagination. This was a man.
So, at that time, Fang Yu also didn’t think it was a serious matter.
Of course, at that time, he wouldn’t know that this matter had changed his whole life.
That was what they had said, but that night, Yang Lei didn’t do anything. After all, there wasn’t the excitement of porn like that night. Fang Yu didn’t have that impulse, and he couldn’t force it.
Yang Lei also wasn’t in a hurry. He had patience. He could wait for an opportunity.
Well this is a step forward in their relationship! I’m glad they addressed it, I can’t wait to see how this will affect their relationship.
Thanks for the chapter~♡♡♡
a lot of other characters can learn how to be open and honest from these two gangsters.
I do wonder how many men have actually done something like the author says.. it seems like an exaggeration to say that they are willing to masturbate and blow each other just cuz they are horny…
thanks for the chapter <3
😚
To all my boyfriends, husbands, sons please learn from this two on how to be honest!~
Thanks for the chapter<3
Yesss their relationship took step forward~~
Thank you for the chapter 💕
More more more……. I like the smut chapter….
💙💙💙