What happened to Xiao Keran had impacted other people, including the student that was passing by who had suffered such a shock that they had to be hospitalized.
The student was in third year as well, and for something like this to happen right now was nothing short of a disaster. From a legal perspective, the school was not responsible when it came to Xiao Keran. The accident that befell this student, however, was something that the school had to take responsibility for.
After getting his students to settle down, Tong Qiu collected himself and went with a few teachers in the afternoon to visit the student that had been hospitalized because of Xiao Keran. On the way back, he received a call from Huo Zhixing and the two agreed to have dinner together.
Because of the Xiao Keran situation, as well as the added troubles brought about by Xiao Keran’s father, the school had no choice but to halt the self-study sessions and ask everyone to head home early.
Tong Qiu wasn’t used to getting off work this early and left the school at around five o’clock. He glanced at the date and the day of the week, and knew that Huo Zhixing would be getting off work at eight tonight.
He sent a text to Huo Zhixing and said he would head home first to wait for him.
Huo Zhixing was incredibly busy that night and when he saw the text, it was almost nine o’clock.
He changed his clothes, gave a few simple instructions to Zhao Heyu and then bolted towards Tong Qiu’s place.
Huo Zhixing knew Tong Qiu wasn’t in a good emotional state these days and given how late it was, he figured he might as well buy some food and take it upstairs for them to eat. Take-out in hand, he walked to the apartment complex and when he reached the building and lifted his head, he noticed Tong Qiu leaning against the window, smoking a cigarette.
Years had passed since Tong Qiu had quit smoking. He had stopped ever since he became a teacher. There was too much on his mind today so on the way back home, he had bought a pack.
As he leaned against the window, he unwittingly smoked his way through half the pack. When he heard the knocking at the door, he started and the ash from the cigarette scattered across the windowsill.
He extinguished the butt of the cigarette, then waved his hands in an attempt to clear the smoke to little effect.
He walked over and opened the door; Huo Zhixing choked at the smell of smoke as soon as he saw him and furrowed his brows.
Huo Zhixing smoked on occasion but didn’t make a habit of it. Back when he was in the criminal investigation unit, he could smoke two packs a day. After he left for the local police station, there wasn’t as much pressure so he smoked a lot less. And when he married Tong Qiu and discovered that Tong Qiu didn’t smoke, he began to make a conscious effort to limit himself.
“You were smoking?” Huo Zhixing asked.
Tong Qiu looked as if someone had uncovered a secret that should not be shared. He lowered his head, almost as if he were too embarrassed to respond.
“I figured it was getting late and things have been rather tiring these days so I bought a few things to eat.”
Tong Qiu nodded, then stepped aside to let him in. “I thought you were too busy tonight to come see me.”
It was strange, really. The two of them had gotten closer but their relationship was still unclear. Would seeing him and not seeing him make any difference? Perhaps it was because of Huo Zhixing’s job – he was a police officer, after all – but Tong Qiu always felt very safe whenever Huo Zhixing was around.
He didn’t know when it started, but Huo Zhixing had become a sort of steadying force in his life.
“It was pretty busy tonight; I didn’t even get a chance to reply to your message.” Huo Zhixing pulled out his cell phone and showed it to him. “When I was arresting someone, the screen shattered.”
Tong Qiu reached out a hand and pressed the palm of his hand against the pathetic remains of the phone screen. “You’ve worked hard.”
Huo Zhixing flashed a smile. “I live to serve!”
He casually reached out and ruffled Tong Qiu’s hair. “C’mon, let’s eat!”
The two of them sat on the living room rug. It was just like when Tong Qiu had been drinking – they sat next to each other with the coffee table before them.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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Tong Qiu gazed at Huo Zhixing and Huo Zhixing noticed that his interest had been piqued, so he continued, “They fight at least once a month and ever since I transferred to this station, I’ve become very familiar with this couple.”
“If he’s violent, why don’t they get divorced?” Tong Qiu asked with a frown.
“Zhao Heyu’s tried to convince the wife dozens of times. The lady’s always covered in bruises but whenever he suggests divorce, she ends up yelling his head off.” Huo Zhixing shook his head. “I guess everyone has their own way of living out their lives.”
Tong Qiu thought about Xiao Keran, the girl who had been beaten by her father and ignored by her mother since she was young.
“It’s also possible that there simply isn’t another option.” Tong Qiu took a sip of water. “No one has the freedom to live life exactly the way they choose.”
Huo Zhixing set down his chopsticks and helped refill his water. “People…how long do they live anyway? A hundred years is the most they get so why don’t they let themselves live an easier life?”
Tong Qiu knew that Huo Zhixing was trying to console him, and thanked him with a small smile as he took the cup of water.
“Zhixing, once this year’s batch of kids graduate, I don’t want to be a teacher anymore.”
Huo Zhixing had just sat down and when he heard these words, he was startled into stillness. “Why? Because of what happened?”
Tong Qiu folded both hands around his cup and his entire being seemed dispirited. He gazed at the transparent water and said softly, “I suppose so. I don’t think I have the right to be a teacher.”
Huo Zhixing fell silent for a long time. After a while, he asked, “Do you have any cigarettes?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll smoke one, then.” Huo Zhixing placed a hand on Tong Qiu’s shoulder and borrowed it in order to climb to his feet. He walked over to the window and lit a cigarette.
Tong Qiu remained where he was and turned his head to gaze at Huo Zhixing, who was leaning against the window frame and blowing clouds of smoke outwards.
“I’ve never told you why I transferred to the local police station, have I?”
Tong Qiu had asked him about it once, before they had married, but Huo Zhixing had simply said that he had been injured in a mission. He hadn’t said a word about what that mission had entailed and what kind of injury he had sustained, and Tong Qiu had never asked.
However, Tong Qiu knew that there was a story behind it.
Tong Qiu knew that those in the criminal investigation unit could still stay within the team, even if they were injured and couldn’t remain on the front lines. They wouldn’t go as far as to transfer someone to a local police station, and yet Huo Zhixing had been transferred.
Huo Zhixing hadn’t explained back then, so Tong Qiu hadn’t insisted on asking. Everyone has something about their past that they didn’t want to talk about, so if he didn’t want to talk about it, so be it. Even if they were a couple, they still had to give each other some space.
Tong Qiu said, “You said you were injured.”
“Mm.” Huo Zhixing gazed out at the night sky, where not a single star could be seen. His voice was almost enveloped by the smoke itself and it made his words difficult for Tong Qiu to hear. “I had two injuries. One was on my shoulder, got hit by a bullet.”
Tong Qiu remembered.
Huo Zhixing’s body had countless scars – he could tell how some scars were formed, but was unclear about others. The first time they had revealed their bare bodies to each other, Tong Qiu had been startled by Huo Zhixing’s body and at the time, Huo Zhixing had smiled as he asked, “Are you scared?”
Tong Qiu had answered that he wasn’t scared.
There was a time after that, probably before they were divorced, when Huo Zhixing came out of the shower. Tong Qiu had stared at the scar on his shoulder and Huo Zhixing had asked him, “Is it ugly?”
Tong Qiu had smiled and answered, “Only heroes have scars on their bodies.”
And a few days, once they got back after their date and were chatting about the subject while being intimate, Huo Zhixing had asked if he was bothered by it. Tong Qiu had answered that, not only was he unbothered, he actually found it very sexy.
Perhaps his responses had been out of politeness or as a sort of consolation at the beginning, but now, Tong Qiu truly felt that Huo Zhixing’s scars were mesmerizing.
There were many such scars and as for the scar on his shoulder, Huo Zhixing had mostly recovered by the time they were married. He only had to avoid carrying things that were too heavy – Tong Qiu still remembered.”
“What about the other one?”
Huo Zhixing turned, then pointed at his chest.
“Your heart?” Tong Qiu frowned.
“Inside my heart,” Huo Zhixing said. “The wounds inside my heart hurt more than any of the wounds on my body.”
After he spoke, he took a viscous drag of his cigarette then fell silent again for a long time, until he had finished smoking.
Tong Qiu felt that something was off, so he walked over, pulled out a cigarette himself and lit it. He hadn’t even put the cigarette to his lips before Huo Zhixing snatched it away.
Huo Zhixing took a drag, then said, “During that mission, none of us expected that the enemy would have guns. It happened so suddenly too, and we didn’t even put on our bulletproof vest. I was too impulsive at the time and ran straight into the fray, and was struck in the shoulder by a bullet.”
Tong Qiu gazed at him and felt that there was something shining in Huo Zhixing’s eyes.
He wasn’t certain if they were tears.
“While I was still dazed, I suddenly heard two gunshots,” Huo Zhixing’s voice drifted towards him. There was a tearful smile behind Huo Zhixing’s eyes as he said to Tong Qiu, “Do you know what happened? One of my teammates fired his gun at the bastard who shot me, but he was shot as well.”
Huo Zhixing said, “The bullet struck him in the chest and he died on the spot.”
—
Everyone has a moment in their lives – or several moments, perhaps – that they’re reluctant to revisit. After the moment’s passed, one needed several years worth of dust to cover the images from those moments. If possible, they would rather that they never have to brush aside the dust that gathered.
It was why Huo Zhixing had given a half-assed answer when Tong Qiu had asked him why he had been transferred, and hadn’t said another word about the matter.
At the time, they were merely two strangers who had been set up on a date and were on the verge of getting married, which meant that they still held certain fantasies or expectations about each other and neither were willing to be candid.
And now, a year had passed, and Huo Zhixing was beginning to realize that he couldn’t bear seeing Tong Qiu upset. Tong Qiu had said that he wasn’t able to protect his students, but wasn’t Huo Zhixing the same?
He couldn’t protect the person he liked, couldn’t protect his teammate. The person he liked was suffering and his teammate had sacrificed himself because of him.
“The bullet that struck my teammate in the chest also struck me in the heart.” Huo Zhixing watched as the spirals of smoke formed shape, before eventually dissipating. “Back then, I couldn’t bring myself to face the others, couldn’t bring myself to face my own actions – I felt as if I was the one that had killed him.”
Tong Qiu gazed unblinkingly at the man before him. He’s never seen Huo Zhixing like this – it was almost as if he was ripping apart his own flesh and showing Tong Qiu his wounds.
“For a long time, I was consumed with guilt and hid in the hospital, refusing to see anyone. I was scared and even though I knew no one would point and hurl curses at me, I was still too afraid to meet them,” Huo Zhixing said. “Later, when I returned to the team, I quickly realized I couldn’t stay there. During missions, I became too careful and too cautious, and made a lot of mistakes because of it. I went to see a psychiatrist, but there was no solution to the problem. Finally, I requested a transfer. I knew that if I stayed with the team, no matter what I did I’d feel a pair of eyes watching me. I always felt as if my teammate was always following me – he may not have blamed me, but I blamed myself.”
Tong Qiu picked up the pack of cigarettes and lit another one.
“When it comes to people, the hardest illnesses to cure are always mental illnesses. Whenever something like ‘guilt’ is created, it can’t be healed quickly.” Huo Zhixing smiled bitterly at Tong Qiu. “That’s why I can sort of understand what you’re feeling right now.”
Tong Qiu’s eyes were red from the smoke and he didn’t know if he was mistaken, but Huo Zhixing looked as if he was crying.
It seemed everyone was exhausted by the burdens they carried.
With the cigarette dangling between his lips, Tong Qiu pulled Huo Zhixing towards him by the wrist. They stood face to face, and a second later, Tong Qiu wrapped his arms around Huo Zhixing.
Tong Qiu’s hug was warm and gentle. Huo Zhixing lifted his hand and ran it through Tong Qiu’s hair. It wasn’t clear who was comforting whom.
Tong Qiu’s fingers took hold of the cigarette again and he took another drag. When he spoke, his voice was almost like a sigh. “We’re all sinners, I suppose……”
Huo Zhixing furrowed his brows and pulled Tong Qiu closer. “Yes, in order to atone for our sins, we have to work hard at living, right?”
Tong Qiu smiled and nodded his head. He buried his face in Huo Zhixing’s shoulder and let out a muffled “mhm”.
Guilt had wound its way around their hearts like dark magic. Huo Zhixing had left the criminal investigation team and came to Sanhu Police Station to be a regular police officer. As for Tong Qiu, he thought about it for a moment, then said, “I can’t leave the school.”
They let go of each other, put out their cigarettes, closed the window and went back to the coffee table.
Huo Zhixing poured Tong Qiu another cup of water and pressed it into his hands.
“Later, I want to sit down for a chat with the principal – firstly, I want to apologize, and secondly, I want to say my thanks.” Tong Qiu drank some water, then said quietly. “Thirdly, I want to tell him that I won’t be a homeroom teacher next year.”
Tong Qiu had become a homeroom teacher only two years after he started teaching at the school. He was only thirty-three, but had already been in charge of two batches of third years – it was a rare occurrence at the school.
He liked being a homeroom teacher because he liked the feeling of accompanying these children as they grew. Some say that cycles happened in five years, others say ten years or maybe twenty years, but to Tong Qiu, a cycle lasted three years. And with every cycle, the ones who matured weren’t just the students, he matured as well.
Teachers and students shared the same successes and were companions in a way. Tong Qiu rather enjoyed this kind of relationship.
Now, however, he had to admit that he needed to take a break – he didn’t have the strength to walk forward anymore.
Next to him, Huo Zhixing squeezed his leg and said, “I’ll support whatever decision you make.”
Tong Qiu gazed back at Huo Zhixing. He wasn’t in his police uniform today and couldn’t look more normal if he tried. Before, Tong Qiu had always felt ambivalent about Huo Zhixing without his uniform. He had thought of Huo Zhixing as no more than a ‘nice guy’ and in his heart, he had given Huo Zhixing a slew of ‘good guy cards’.
Tonight, however, he suddenly realized that regardless of whether Huo Zhixing was wearing a uniform or not, he still made Tong Qiu feel at ease.
Translator’s note
Thanks so much for reading! While it’s nice to see our protagonists baring their souls to each other, I know it’s been a bit heavy but never here, the fluff will return soon enough!
Once again, I just want to stress that the police officers depicted in this novel are very idealized and shouldn’t be confused with the atrocities that IRL police officers have committed. I understand that novels are an escape for many people (myself included), but if you do find the time I encourage you to learn about BLM and racism/police brutality faced by black and POC communities.
thank you for the chapter! such a sentimental chapter;;;; but I always get scared with HZ’s enemy still on the loose…
Seriously! I just can’t relax while he’s in the open even if something extremely heartwarming is happening….
They’re comforting each other. That must be nice. They can rely on the other to ease their souls.
Thanks for the chapter!
Thanks for the chapter!
This chapter is so hard-hitting, all that feels… 😭
Still worried about HZX’s enemy tho…
Aah it’s good to see them have a heart-to-heart 😭😭
Thanks for the chapter!!
Thank you for the chapter!!! Even if the content seems heavy, because of the topic they’re talking about, it is doing good to their relationship. ☺💞 I’m still anxious about the criminal threatening officer Huo, but I’m also waiting for the moment when Tong-laoshi realises that he loves his sweet ex-husband. 👨🏫❤👨✈️
Oh.. and teeny-tiny remark. Here ” He wasn’t his police uniform today (…)” I think you missed “in” or “wearing”, because a person cannot be clothes.
And thank you for spoiling us readers with this many chapters! 😍
Thanks for catching the typo! Should be fixed now :))
Ugly cries
Thanks for the chapter! 😭💕
I really enjoy this story!
Thank you for all the chapters so far! I look forward to more chapters and I APPRECIATE that you have added the trigger warnings and the notes about fantasy and escape compared to real life concerns and encouraging everyone to be aware of and learn more about how we can support BLM.
This chapter even made me reflecting on my life, it was not nice but deep kinda feeling? This was such a good story. I love it when you and your partner are like a team, supporting each other, the dynamic is so nice aaaaa Thank you for the translation!
What a beautiful chapter TTATT I’m living this book so much.
Can’t they remarry already, with the atmosphere between them… they are kinda misusing the name ex ¯\(ツ)/¯
Thank You for the chapter ♡(ŐωŐ人)