This person had come this far, suppressing their own feelings for the sake of others’ opinions and building a happy family through marriage.
But, even though they were supposed to be happy, they couldn’t lie about their true feelings. The day would inevitably come when they reached the limit of lying.
An unrequited love… Unattainable feelings…
A relationship that must not come to fruition.
A love so deep but unable to be together.
“When people ask if I feel guilty about it turning into an affair, of course, I do. But, even so, I can’t help but love him deeply, and even if this love doesn’t come to fruition, my heart still yearns to be connected to him in some way.”
“…”
“At that moment, he said to me, ‘I love you too. But, right now, we both have things we need to protect. So, even though we can’t always be together, our feelings should remain the same… Let’s cherish this connection until the time comes, without rushing… Right?’”
“…I-I see…”
As he spoke of being bound by the same feelings, tears overflowed from my eyes once again.
This love that I couldn’t help but feel must not come to fruition. But alongside that, there is true love, where we continue to hold feelings for each other.
What kind of feelings does Ippei harbor towards me…? The sad expression he showed that day, the meaning behind his words, “I want to see you again”…
“Why do you think he encountered you?”
“…I-I…”
“Surely you understand that it wasn’t meaningless for him to meet you, don’t you?”
That’s right, it’s about the online forum.
Why did Ippei respond to my post, even though he has a girlfriend… Why did he continue to shower me with his beautiful smiles and say, “I want to see you again”…?
Although I fell in love with Ippei, whom I thought was only seeking pleasure, upon reflection, I realized that I had never properly listened to Ippei’s feelings.
Ippei, what kind of feelings are you experiencing right now…? Will you tell me your true feelings…?
“It might be inevitable that you can’t tell him that you like him yet. Maybe it’s not the right time yet. But you know what? I think it’s important to listen to his feelings too.”
[If you truly love him, it’s even more important to empathize with his feelings. No matter what the outcome, it shouldn’t end like this. I think you should date him honestly, regardless of the answer…]
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
The feeling of love… this hopeless feeling.
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I don’t want to end this relationship with Ippei yet.
“…I… I don’t know anything about him… His feelings… I haven’t listened to anything…”
“Then, why don’t you meet him and talk to him properly? Not everything is a sin; there might be salvation. Maybe you’re the one who can pave the way for that?”
He gently patted my shoulder as I cried.
If I hadn’t met this person today, what would have become of me…? What would I have thought, and what would have happened in the end?
And, Ippei… I’m sorry…
I still love you after all…
Until my overflowing tears and this uncontrollable feeling dried up, he stayed by my side, comforting me.
* * *
By the time the tears had subsided and my emotions had calmed down…
“…Thank you so much.”
“If I could help even a little, I’d be glad.”
He had given me strength when I had been in despair, thinking that I could change something by filling my body with pleasure. However, there was one thing that bothered me.
“You have someone you love, so why did you come to this place…?”
“Haha! You hit the nail on the head! Actually, I don’t live in Sapporo; I came here on a business trip today.”
“I see…”
“And the person I love isn’t here in Sapporo either. They don’t live in my city… They’re living in Tokyo now, but we’re still connected.”
[Honestly, you two might be able to meet up whenever you want, and that makes me so envious.]
Despite loving each other, we couldn’t meet easily… Our relationship was limited to contacting each other.
We could meet if we wanted to. The distance between us was my choice.
I wondered how many more times I would be able to meet Ippei. But there would be nothing sadder than ending things without being able to talk properly face-to-face.
So, I wanted to meet Ippei properly. I wanted to confront each other with our feelings. Yes, I had gained strong confidence in my heart.
“So, why come to this place…?”
“Ah, it’s the same reason as you today. Sometimes, I come here hoping to alleviate the loneliness and pain with pleasure, but ultimately, pleasure can’t fill the void, you know?”
Regardless of the form or the feelings, when you feel lonely or in pain, you want to cling to someone, be healed, and be helped. Maybe that’s why our bodies act on their own.
But the existence of a “precious person” or a “loved one” doesn’t heal you. What heals you is being with that “precious person” or “loved one.” That’s why when I felt like I was about to be touched by him, I wanted to be touched by Ippei, I wanted to be enveloped by Ippei, and I wanted to be healed. I think that’s why tears flowed down my cheeks.
“I’m glad I met you. You’ve been a great help.”
“I’m glad I could be of help to you too.”
Thanks to him, I was ready to move forward.
In front of him, I was finally able to regain my usual smile.
* * *
“…Hey, would you mind exchanging contact information?”
“Huh, mine…?”
“There’s no one else here but us, right?”
I had never exchanged contact information with anyone other than Ippei. I had no intention of exposing myself to someone with whom I only had a physical relationship.
But this person had been my savior, helping me through my tough times. Perhaps it was okay to exchange contact information with him, but I hesitated for some reason.
“I understand your hesitation. But if things get tough, I’ll be here to listen and support you. I want to be there for you… Is that okay?”
He smiled as he made this suggestion.
There would surely be many more obstacles ahead, and there would be times when I wouldn’t know what to do, just like this time.
Having someone who would listen to me and lend me strength during those times might help me overcome even the toughest obstacles.
He will surely continue to support me in the future.
“Okay, let’s exchange contact information.”
“Yeah, if you ever need anything, feel free to reach out, okay?”
We brought out our phones from the lockers and exchanged contact information.
“…Your name is Daisuke, right?”
“Yeah, that’s my real name. And you…are you Ryo?”
I had exchanged fake contact with him, just like I had with Ippei. Yes, the email address also had “@ryo” in it, so Daisuke must have thought so too.
But now that my benefactor’s real name was known to me, I had to tell him mine properly. It was the same feeling I had when I met Ippei.
“No, my real name is Yuta.”
“Haha! Got it! You don’t have to say anything else!”
I felt like Daisuke understood everything.
Daisuke seemed to understand everything about me for some reason; he was older than me and had probably had many experiences.
“Make sure to talk to him properly, okay?”
“Yes, I’ll face him properly.”
“I think you’ll see things more clearly from now on. If you can continue to cherish your feelings for him, something is bound to change. I’ll be rooting for you from the shadows, okay?”
“…Thank you so much, Daisuke-san!”
Daisuke-san appeared before me, who had foolishly thought that pleasure could solve everything.
Thanks to him, I felt like I could move forward, so I said goodbye to Daisuke-san with a smile and headed back home, where Kuro was waiting.
Ippei… I want to see you.
I want to know your true feelings.
I would be happy if you could meet me again…
CLIFF hanger…
Interesting theme… What to do about the pull of attraction