Ever since he met Yue Xuelin that time, Xu Juan had something harboured in his heart that he wanted to discuss with Pei Yu.
In all honesty, he was aware that it was possible Yue Xuelin had laid out a trap for him, but it was all right. For someone like him who knew no shame, it didn’t matter what the girl was thinking. The only important thing was that she had first given him a promise, spoken from her own lips. Then, in the future, once they were married, no matter how unreasonably he behaved, he could still remain on his moral high ground.
This was the modus operandi of fuckboys. Did you think they would be dumber than you? That would be too naive.
But in Xu Juan’s heart, there was still an unexpected variable, Pei Yu.
Frankly speaking, if his current partner were Li Mengzhou, he would have sealed the deal with Yue Xuelin right away, without hesitation.
What was the big deal about marriage? He would have a wife at home to deal with issues, while he messed around to his heart's content. This was too easy a life, and if his wife wanted to have kids, what would Xu Juan even have to sacrifice?
Should Yue Xuelin desperately want to have children out of familial interest, then as long as she was willing to bear children, she could bear children. What was so difficult about that for Xu Juan? He would be able to take advantage of the situation to get sex, so he didn’t care.
Without a doubt, Xu Juan’s way of thinking was not only selfish, it was a little heartless as well. But this was just the cold, hard truth.
When one arrived at a crossroads and had to make a decision, they should first get the facts sorted out before starting to plan; What were the things weighing down each side of the scale, and which side would matter most in the end?
After weighing his options, Xu Juan concluded, on the right side: As long as he agreed to the marriage, all the so-called “life events” that his parents had been torturing him over would be completely settled. It would be the end of all his problems and he would no longer have to worry about the future. If he let the opportunity that Yue Xuelin had offered him go, he would probably never get another one that could surpass it.
While on the left side, there was only one Pei Yu.
–– Was Pei Yu important?
If he weren’t, Xu Juan wouldn’t have had to consider it so thoroughly.
But if he were important enough, then he also wouldn’t be hesitating. He clearly knew that Pei Yu would be hurt, so the best course of action for Pei Yu would be for him to directly reject Yue Xuelin.
However, apart from that, Xu Juan had another thought in his heart –– Once he began to integrate “Pei Yu” into the weighing scale of his life, then he would no longer be able to deny that Pei Yu held a special place in his heart.
This wasn’t the kind of development he liked.
Xu Juan silently pondered this matter for a few days, fluctuating between the states of “self-control” and “just go with the flow of whatever makes him happy” for a long while. Eventually, he felt that he was overthinking.
What was he afraid of? Afraid that he would become dependent on Pei Yu?
He knew it was impossible just by thinking about it. Old habits die hard. To put it more bluntly, a dog can't stop itself from eating shit. Someone like him who was a fuckboy through and through, how could he become dedicated?
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“What are you doing?” Tightly wrapped around his waist, Pei Yu exhaled warm air by his ear, “Not secretly pinching leaves behind my back, are you?”
“……”
Xu Juan let out a laugh: “No, can you not take me for a plant-murdering villain? I’m so full of love, even helped you water the flowers.”
He turned around and gave Pei Yu a kiss: “You’re back so early, have you eaten?”
“I have. You?”
“I’ve eaten, too.” Xu Juan squirmed out of Pei Yu’s embrace and went to the washroom to rinse the soil off his hands. When he was exiting, Pei Yu had just finished cutting a plate of oranges, stuffing a slice into Xu Juan’s mouth.
Chewing with his mouth full, Xu Juan mumbled: “Pei Yu, I have something I want to tell you.”
“What is it?” Pei Yu passed the fruit platter over to him and went to change in the bedroom. The first thing he did when he came home every day was to change out of his formal wear into comfortable lounge clothes, before heading into the study to work overtime. He would be writing papers or preparing materials for his lessons. Basically, he was very busy and rarely took a break.
Xu Juan stood in the living room, staring into the open door of the bedroom. For a moment, it was as if his mouth had been sewn shut, he couldn’t speak. But he still chose to say it in the end.
“That day, Yue Xuelin and I had a short discussion.” Once these words were said, Pei Yu paused in the middle of undoing his buttons and slowly turned his head to glance at him.
Xu Juan said: “Her words caught me off guard. Essentially, she said that if I was willing, she and I could get into a marriage for the sake of putting up appearances, and she would help deal with my parents. What she wants are the benefits that come with the marriage, as long as it helps the Yue family, she doesn’t care for anything else.”
Pei Yu’s expression went stiff: “What are you saying?”
“I’m discussing with you.” Xu Juan said, “What do you think?”
“……”
Pei Yu shifted his gaze away from his face to settle on the closet door, then he finished changing in silence. After which, he repeated his question, asking Xu Juan: “What are you saying?”
Holding the fruit platter, Xu Juan walked over to the bedroom door: “What I’m saying is, if you consent to me getting into a marriage of appearances with her, then I’ll be able to easily solve my family issues. In the future, we won’t have any other problems by being together, no one will get in our way.”
Pei Yu didn’t reply.
Xu Juan could only see the side of his face and his expression wasn’t good; It was as if a piece of blank, white paper was splashed with ink, and the stain had bled into his eyes, irritating them. When he turned around to look at Xu Juan again, his eyes had reddened.
“I don’t understand.” Pei Yu said, his voice low, “What you mean to say is, you lied to me that day. You didn’t reject her at all. The both of you privately discussed these countermeasures? Then why didn’t you tell me in the past few days? You hid it from me and I didn’t know anything. I was even in high spirits while preparing your birthday present, while you… you were planning to marry her?”
“It’s not a real marriage.” Xu Juan emphasized once more, “Do you consent to it, Pei Yu?”
“I don’t.” Pei Yu said, without hesitation.
He walked out of the bedroom and pushed away Xu Juan, who was blocking the doorway. After a few steps, he abruptly turned around again, restrained anger and disappointment written all over his face: “What exactly is a marriage for the sake of appearances? Can you explain it? No marriage certificate? No wedding? No public announcement?”
“……”
“That isn’t it, am I right? You will get the marriage certificate. You will invite all your friends and relatives to the wedding ceremony, they will wish you a long and fruitful marriage. She will be your proper, legal wife! And you will have me be your secret love affair?!”
“That’s not my intention.”
“Then what is your intention?!”
“……”
Pei Yu rarely lost his temper and basically never raised his voice at Xu Juan. He was so gentle, Xu Juan could bully and tease him however he wanted, and when he hurt him, he merely had to indulge him a little and it would be all right again.
But the more this was so, the less seriously Xu Juan seemed to take him. He assumed that he had no bottom line, that he would be accepting of everything.
“I––” Pei Yu inhaled deeply, “I don’t quite understand. Is today April Fool’s, Xu Juan? Are you playing a prank on me?”
“……I’m not.”
“Then why are you saying such things? You’re being serious? You really plan to marry her?”
“No, I’m discussing with you.”
Xu Juan put the fruit platter down on the cabinet beside him, then walked over to Pei Yu. However, Pei Yu said: “I don’t think this matter warrants any discussion. If it were me and some other woman getting married and I told you, don’t worry, it’s only marriage for the sake of appearances, could you accept it?”
“……”
Well, of course not.
Xu Juan felt a headache coming on. He reached out to hug Pei Yu, burying his face against Pei Yu’s shoulder and saying in a small voice: “You’re the only one I like. I don’t like her.”
“That’s still a no. What do you take me for? Don’t you care about my feelings at all, Xu Juan?”
“I do.”
“You don’t.”
“……”
“You just don’t.” Pei Yu’s voice softened again. He said, lowly, “While you were pursuing me, I felt that you really, really liked me. I know that actually, you can barely stay awake at seven in the morning, yet you insisted on texting me good morning. But after we got together, I could no longer feel how much you liked me. The more time passed, the more I felt as if…… you no longer liked me very much. Only when I’m upset, would you spare me just a little love. Neither do you seem willing to do much for me anymore.”
Pei Yu cupped Xu Juan’s face in his hands: “Have I wronged you in any way? Think about it, isn’t this how you’ve been treating me?”
“Is that so?” Xu Juan said innocently, “I didn’t do it on purpose. I do still like you very much, much more than before.”
In this position, he kissed Pei Yu’s fingers: “I only wish to solve these problems. The marriage is only for keeping up appearances. Yue Xuelin and I will each take what we need and owe each other nothing. You are my true lover.”
Pei Yu yanked his hand away forcefully: “Listen to yourself. You’re discussing with me right now? You’re persuading me to consent! Since you’ve already decided and made your choice, why ask for my opinion?!”
Xu Juan made a choked noise.
“I have a question.” Pei Yu continued.
“What is it?”
“You like women too, don’t you?”
“……”
“You like men, you also like women. Then once you marry her and become a family, you won’t even spend a day with her? What if your family wants you to have children? You’ll go to bed with her, won’t you? –– You’ll get a marriage certificate with another, have a grand wedding with them, go to bed with them, have children with them, yet in the end, you still want to say that I am your ‘true lover’? Xu Juan, do you think me an ignorant eighteen-year-old?!”
Xu Juan had nothing to say.
All his desires were selfish and despicable; He wanted the best of both worlds, to covertly enjoy the pleasure of having multiple partners, but Pei Yu wasn’t willing.
No matter how foolish Pei Yu might be, he wasn’t truly a fool.
“Do you really love me?” Pei Yu suddenly asked.
Xu Juan nodded.
Pei Yu stared at him for a good few seconds. Although he was furious, his love still gained the upper hand and he was willing to speak to him civilly: “Since you love me, why can’t we solve this problem in a better way? Isn’t the real solution to convince your parents? Why must you go accordingly to their wishes? You’re already an adult, Xu Juan, why let others dictate your life? Can’t you refuse them?”
Xu Juan froze, his expression becoming a little complicated.
Pei Yu was unaware. He took Xu Juan’s “I love you” too seriously and thought he could say whatever he wanted. But, every sentence was sincere and came from the bottom of his heart: “I’m not sure if I’m right, could it be… due to financial reasons? Because you live in a house gifted by your mother, you drive an expensive sports car, your closet is full of luxury items. A pair of your shoes is equivalent to another’s monthly salary. You could open a bottle of wine during any meal on a whim, but that could fund an ordinary person’s expenses for half a year. You spend your family’s money, so you have no choice but to comply with their wishes. Is that the case, Xu Juan?”
“……”
Embarrassment coloured Xu Juan’s face. This was the epitome of having one’s sore spot jabbed at.
However, Pei Yu still wished to continue the heart-to-heart: “Have you ever thought about changing? You can live your own life, go to work properly, you––”
“That’s enough.” Xu Juan finally interrupted, “I get it, I already get that you don’t consent.”
He took two steps back, putting some distance between himself and Pei Yu.
His sudden indifference stunned Pei Yu and they stared at each other in silence for a few seconds.
All at once, Xu Juan felt that there was no meaning to this.
Pei Yu liked him so much, but it wasn’t even the real him that he liked. If he abandoned his charming facade, the real him was but someone who indulged in a life of luxury, who was a scum right down to his bones, who had no desire for progress or improvement; Pei Yu didn’t like that version of him.
Everything was so damn meaningless.
What was he even doing?
In the living room, the French windows let in the sunlight too well; The bright flecks reflected right off the floor, abruptly making Xu Juan feel that his eyes hurt.
He avoided the hand that Pei Yu reached out and found a random excuse: “I need to head out for something, will be back late.”
Then, he left Pei Yu there and rushed out of the house.
“––Xu Juan!”
As for the voice calling out after him, he feigned complete ignorance.
T/N: how can you do this to pei laoshi, xu juan!!! and even in this situation, pei yu just wants the best for him. 
💙💙💙
Well, Xu Juan really have the guts to say that Pei Yu didn’t love the ‘real him’ when in the first place he was deceiving Pei Yu from the start. I can’t wait to see how this scum will have his karma soon.
Anyways, thanks for the update!
Sorry don’t know what happened it was supposed to be a comment not a reply to you.
Its fine
he really forgot who started it, huh. 🤔
♥♥♥
I love the way the author shows us the train of thoughs of the scum Xu Juan.
Thank you for the chapter.
😘
me, too! pretty enlightening, but sometimes his thoughts are pretty relatable and that’s when i start to re-evaluate myself… 😶♥
Thanks for the chapter ♡
Pei Yu ㅠㅠ
♥
XJ you scum! (╬☉д⊙)⊰⊹ฺ But I have to say it’s good that he told about this and not lie to PY
Thank You for the new chapter (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤
that’s true, he’s shameless but at least he’s… honest(??) in this aspect. JHSDJF. ♥
Let’s witness Xu Juan sabotaging this otherwise smooth sailing relationship and breaking yet another lover’s heart :/
[ already in tears. ] who do you think you are, running around leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts, tearing love apart… T_T
The sheer depth of narcissism is mind blowing and I can’t wait to see how the author flips him around and drags him through the hell of his own making!