Warnings
Suicide attempt and aftermath, including emotional reactions. If people would like me to continue giving brief summaries in the case they want to skip these chapters, let me know.
Lu Qinyi stirred in his sleep before his eyes opened again. He frowned, seemingly looking around for something. Fei Li figured that he was probably after more water but just as he went to pour another cup, his sleeve was caught. He looked at Lu Qinyi and was even more surprised to find the other looking directly back at him, albeit with a hazy look. “…Where’s Yanlin? She always comes.” He asked softly, almost inaudibly, his voice sounding grated.
Fei Li felt his throat close over and found he couldn’t tell the truth, couldn’t remind him of her death. Met with those sincere and confused eyes, he instead just pursed his lips and focused on removing Lu Qinyi’s fingers that dug into the fabric of his clothes. He tucked his hand back under the blanket. “Sleep.”
Lu Qinyi nodded a little and obeyed, turning away as he returned to sleeping.
When morning came, Lu Qinyi’s fever had gone down considerably and so after checking his temperature one last time, Fei Li left the room. Once Fei Li’s footsteps faded out, Lu Qinyi opened his eyes. He had actually been awake for a little while now, he had only pretended to be asleep to avoid the awkward situation. As much as he wanted to spit curses at Fei Li and demand the other to leave his presence, it couldn’t be denied that Fei Li had actually stayed up the whole night tending to him. How does one even handle such a situation? How could he deal with the fact that the very man he hated had actually tended to him throughout the night with such dedication? Besides, Lu Qinyi didn’t really have the energy or mind to cuss and curse at him. He felt too exhausted and miserable. His thoughts were still on Yanlin and the lingering fragments of memories the fever had dredged up.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Pc atf fcv, tlr rlrafg tjvc’a mbwf atlr alwf. Vtf kjrc’a tfgf jcswbgf. Dea tf kjr ralii tfgf. Qtja obg? Cii atja kjr ifoa kjr reoofglcu jcv uelia, rjvcfrr jcv qjlc. Qts kjr tf ralii tfgf?
Qtja gluta vlv tf tjnf ab xffq bc ilnlcu?
Qtja qegqbrf vlv tf tjnf ab xffq ilnlcu obg?
He thought for a while, too long perhaps, before he got up from the bed. He was still a bit light headed so he had to grip the bedside table. He stared down at the bowl of water below him and his reflection gazed back. His brows slowly furrowed and then as if he couldn’t stand the sight any longer, he knocked the bowl off. It clattered as it hit the ground, splashing water across the floor boards. Lu Qinyi gripped the table harder and screwed his eyes shut. He then sighed softly and opened his eyes again before he straightened and walked from the room.
Fei Li had changed his clothes and straightened his appearance before he went to attend an early meeting. He noticed Lu Qinyi had gone to take a bath as he was walking past. He must be feeling better then. Fei Li continued on without pause. It was only when he got back, and the bathroom was still in use that he paused. One of his servants informed him Lu Qinyi was still using it. Fei Li didn’t reply, his gaze lingering on the closed door for a moment longer before he decisively turned to go to Yang Xun’s room in his residence. “Lieutenant Yang.”
“What do you want?” Yang Xun’s tone was guarded but he didn’t glare at him this time. However, his reservations shifted to concern when Fei Li mentioned he wanted him to check on General Lu. Yang Xun immediately brushed past him, rushing to the bathroom and throwing the door open.
“QINYI” Yang Xun cried in panic as he pulled his body from the tub. He had been face down in the water, and he was completely unresponsive. Yang Xun was well trained and had dealt with drowning victims before so even in his frantic state, he laid Lu Qinyi onto his back and compressed down on his chest. Thankfully, it didn’t take much to force life back into him. Lu Qinyi’s eyes flew open and he started choking and coughing, rolling onto his side as he vomited up the water he had taken in. He was breathing hard, still painfully coughing a little and spitting out small bits of water, but he was very much alive. So Yang Xun threw his arms around him and clutched him tightly to himself, uncaring for the way his clothes got soaked. “YOU FUCKING IDIOT, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? YOU’RE A SELFISH BASTARD, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!” He screamed hoarsely at him but Lu Qinyi had only just regained consciousness and he was still slow and dazed as he lay in Yang Xun’s hold.
Yang Xun started to shake, then he started to sob. “How could you…” He said more weakly, his voice shaking.
“Yang Ye…” Lu Qinyi strained to say, raising a hand to grip onto him. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
“You asshole… How could you? I can’t watch you die too. Don’t, please don’t, Qinyi please,” Yang Xun mumbled. Tears were still streaming down his cheeks and another sob shook his body. He held onto Lu Qinyi even tighter.
His words seemed to pain Lu Qinyi, his expression twisting and he buried his face against Yang Xun. “I’m sorry, it was a mistake. I won’t. I won’t do that to you or Mei Mei, I promise. I’m sorry Yang Ye.”
Yang Xun continued to clutch him and cry uncontrollably, as if this was the last drop of what he could handle before it all overflowed and it couldn’t be stopped now. Lu Qinyi continued to apologise while he listened to the cries that seemed to painfully pierce into his heart.
Fei Li glanced through the open door and upon seeing that the crisis had been averted, he turned away, ordering towels for the two and summoning the physician. Again.
Author’s Notes:
I decided to keep this on its own since its quite an intense scene. This author is very sorry. I’m aiming for a more realistic and painful depiction of depression, grief, loss and slowly recovering and rebuilding, so its a slow journey back to the top for all of them.
The next chapter is a bit nicer, and the one after that will be a more wholesome and healing one <3
😭💔 heartbreaking t_t
Thank you for the chapter!
I knoww I’m sorry! ;_;
You’re welcome!
This all must be taking quite a toll on Fei Lin as well. He is trying his best to keep Qinyi alive, but it’s difficult to deal with someone consistently rejecting you. He tried to take care of Qinyi and the next morning this happens. And this is not to blame Lu Qinyi, he is obviously going through a lot and doesn’t owe Fei Lin anything in that regard, but it’s just – they both need to be taken care of! and hugged!
hehehe great minds think alike, no? And the knife is so shiny!
Thank you so much! Your compliments are very kind and definitely help me feel better about my writing, I sometimes don’t think its good enough, especially when I have such loyal and engaged readers. But I don’t plan to stop writing, I want you guys to know where the story goes! Hehehe, there are some titles I’m quite proud of and this was definitely one of them. Its just tragically fitting.
It definitely is, you’ve absolutely nailed it. They all need hugs! Everyone here needs hugs and healing!!