Perhaps it was because I kept thinking of the past that I had many dreams intermittently.
I dreamed that Wen Yan saw me for the last time before he went abroad and said that he was sorry that he could not attend my coming of age ceremony, and that I could send an email or call him if I wanted to.
I didn’t call him once, because I met Qi Shu shortly after he left, and since then I’ve been ashamed, afraid to face Wen Yan again.
On my birthday, I passed out drunk. My friends who were also drunk, threw me in an elevator and left me alone. I fumbled back my way to the hotel room alone, but I couldn’t open the door. I was so angry and anxious that I collapsed on the door and smacked it hard several times. Suddenly the door opened from the inside, and I fell at someone’s feet. I looked up to see the face I had longed for.
At that time, I really liked Qi Shu. I was so drunk that I couldn’t even remember myself, but I could still recognize him.
And then it was the next morning.
I didn’t completely forget what had happened. After all, it was so painful that I cried so hard. I sobbed and begged him to be gentle, but he didn’t listen to me and instead, he thrusted harder and rougher. Finally, I fainted in pain.
I later thought, “I’m surprised he didn’t throw me out despite his fussiness and his addiction to cleanliness.”
He should’ve just thrown me out. If he threw me out, there’d be nothing like this after.
Then I dreamt that at the time when I thought our relationship was “stable,” I read in an entertainment tabloid about a scandal in which Qi Shu was having an affair with a minor celebrity, and I went to confront him about it. He didn’t even explain, only saying, “You’re not the first, nor the last, nor the only one, so don’t take yourself too seriously.”
Then he hung me out to dry for a month, during which time he found a lot of different people. The newspapers didn’t dare say he had a messy private life, only that he was “amorous and passionate”.
The fragmented dreams were no good. I didn’t want to look at Qi Shu’s face so I struggled to wake up several times, only to be soothed by a gentle hand.
Feeling dissatisfied, I unconsciously called Qi Shu’s name and wanted to ask him why even in my dreams he wouldn’t let me go.
I don’t love or hate him anymore. I just didn’t want to see him again.
When the sky broke, I finally got rid of my dream and woke up. There was no one around me, but the bed was warm. I suddenly thought of Zhou Chen, who I held before I fell asleep last night. He didn’t accompany me all night…
My cheeks inexplicably felt hot. I pulled the quilt over my head and calmed down after a while passed.
Although Zhou Chen and I occupied the same bed during his susceptibility period, but for some reason, I always felt something was different when I came back this time….
…It’s always a shame to pester people to spend the night together. I decided to pretend that nothing had happened and that I was asleep so I didn’t know.
When I got out of bed and opened the curtains, I looked down and saw Zhou Chen sitting in the courtyard, his arms folded as he looked into the distant dawn. I couldn’t see his face clearly, but he had a sense of loneliness, as if he was at a loss.
And he even seemed a bit sad.
Why is he sad?
Is it because I had given Qi Shu a present before, he thought I had given him something special…
I was affected by his emotions. I couldn’t help thinking if I hadn’t been drunk, gone to the wrong room, and liked Qi Shu… Would I be able to face him more cleanly now?
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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He turned back at the sound and frowned slightly. I trotted over in three steps, and he caught me and pulled me near him.
“Why did you run out in your pajamas?” he asked.
“Forgot… I’m sorry.” I raised my hand and rubbed his eyebrows. “Don’t frown.”
He put the coat he was wearing on me, and I noticed that he was wearing pajamas underneath, too.
“What are you thinking? I couldn’t refrain from asking.
“I…” He thought about it and said, “Nothing.”
My mood sank lower. His reluctance to share things with me was understandable since we were not from the same world.
His knowledge was more profound and his experience was broader than mine. I couldn’t understand what he knew, and I couldn’t understand the books he read.
I used to be a useless vase, but now I’m not even a vase.
Perhaps sensing that I was in a bad mood, Zhou Chen changed the subject. “How about I take you somewhere after breakfast?”
I didn’t ask where we would go and just agreed.
I didn’t expect Zhou Chen to take me to the cemetery.
As he took me by the hand and walked deeper into the cemetery, he said slowly, “I got your mother’s ashes. I wanted to tell you earlier, but you were so unstable when you first came back that I took the liberty of burying him in case you hurt yourself. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you.”
“How do you know…” I was shocked. I didn’t remember talking about it.
“It’s not hard to find your phone records.” He looked down a little. “I wish you could’ve told me yourself.”
I was speechless, then I suddenly found that his current expression unexpectedly coIncided with his lonely visage this morning. Just then, he clenched my hand and said, “Trust me more in the future, ok?”
My heart missed a beat. I avoided his eyes and asked, “W-What about Song Zhiqian?”
There was silence for a moment. Zhou Chen lightly looked elsewhere. “Dunno, probably went abroad.”
I vaguely felt that he knew, but he didn’t want to say. I wasn’t very interested anyway, so I didn’t continue to ask.
The cemetery was quiet, except for the sound of wind and leaves.
I wasn’t as fragile as Zhou Chen thought. Seeing Xiao Fei’s tombstone, I felt more lost than sad.
The only emotional connection between us, apart from blood, were those hundred letters. When I was young, I even resented him for bringing me into this world and not being responsible for me.
It wasn’t until I grew up and made the same choice as him that I understood that there were some people who were truly willing to fight for love.
Fortunately, the difference between us was that I met the man who pulled me out of the fire a second before I fell.
Facing the tombstone, I suddenly felt that the sadness and happiness of more than 20 years was not so important.
In the face of death, all is but a speck of dust.
Those who have managed to obtain peace should no longer be disturbed by worldly affairs.
After standing silently for a long time, I said to Zhou Chen, “Thank you.”
“Xiao Yu.” He said softly, “Affection and family may have let you down, but remember that in the beginning, you were born out of love.”
Love… Will someone love me?
Xiao Fei may have loved me briefly, or maybe he loved Song Zhiqian and his child, it didn’t matter who the child was.
Qi Shu didn’t love me before. Now he may think he loves me, but his love was just out of habit and possessiveness.
Zhou Chen…. I knew it myself, he has no reason to love me.
When I think about it, I lived my life a failure.
Looking bleak, I asked, “The graveyard next to me seems empty. Can I buy it?”
Zhou Chen was absentminded for a moment and asked, “Do you… want to be buried here in the future?”
“There’s at least one person here I know well…” I was uneasy, and I didn’t know why I suddenly said, “Just to be prepared… You know, heart disease, you never know when…”
“What about me?” Zhou Chen interrupted me, as if it was a difficult thing to ask.
“You’re going to outlive me…”
“You know I don’t mean that.” he held my hand and pressed it to his chest. “I sometimes doubt whether you’re doing it on purpose. Why do you always like to poke my heart with a blunt knife?”
The beating of his heart under my palm was heavy and powerful, stirring my thoughts even more.
He had saved my life, he must not like me mentioning my death.
“I’m sorry…” I apologized incoherently. “I won’t buy it…”
“You can also buy it. The piece next to it will be bought together.” Zhou Chen let go of me and shook his head bitterly. “I’m nine years older than you. Who’s walking in front ofー”
“Don’t.” I covered his mouth reflexively. “You won’t.”
The air suddenly froze. He looked at me deeply. His burning gaze even momentarily shook my previous thoughts.
After a long look, he took my hand, pressed it to his lips, and kissed my palm.
A crisp, tingling sensation spread through my body, burning every inch of my skin.
He said, “I’ll outlive you by one day.”
I didn’t know how I got home. Every step was like stepping on an empty space. The temperature obviously dropped, but I feel very hot.
Zhou Chen held my hand all the way home, so he must’ve felt the sweat on my palm.
Will he dislike me…
Before I could figure it out, the sound of a breaking news came from the TV:
“Feiwen Group Chairman Song, was detained by the police at 11:40 this morning under the suspicion of illegal fund-raising, bribery, tax evasion and other charges…”
Feiwen? It sounded familiar.
I looked over, and sure enough, I saw Song Zhiqian’s beaten face on the screen.
Didn’t Zhou Chen say he went abroad, how was he arrested…
I turned around to find Zhou Chen only to see that he had changed into his home clothes, with glasses resting on his nose bridge and a cup of steaming coffee in his hand. He was standing not far behind me, with his eyes fixed on the TV screen.
“Is he…?” I asked blankly.
“I’m not sure.” He shook his head lightly. “Are you worried?”
“I… It has nothing to do with me.”
He gave a hum, which I couldn’t understand what it meant. After a while, he said calmly, “The law has its own judgment. I hope he can take care of himself.”
Then he leaned over, picked up the remote control and turned off the TV.
I have kinda forgotten about who this Song Zhiqian is already and I only vaguely remember his mother’s story… time to re-read!
Thanks for the chapter ♥️♥️
There are a lot of names here that I seem to have forgotten. Who are Wen Yan, Xiao Fei, and Song Zhiqian again? I get Song Zhiqian is his parent? But i remember absolutely nothing about any if them
I remembered wen yan because he was mentioned a coupled times but the others… I had to use context clues😂
i thought i was the only who forget all these names 🤣 turned out people in the comments are in the same boat as i am
Man, it’s been so long since I started this I’ve sort of forgotten the details about zhiqian…😅
I’ll clear their identities the next chapter sorry about that 😂🍉
I’m not crying. You’re crying.
sounds like ZC had something to do with his father getting arrested~
This sentence about him Zhou Chen outliving him by one day really hit me hard in the heart… i hope it’s not foreshadowing
more like “if you die i’ll suicide/die of heartbreak”, that’s how i see it
That’s how I interpreted it too. The phrase itself is bittersweet.
How this is HE? I mean… I have this feeling and i don’t like it…
„I’ll outlive you by 1 day“ fuuu*kkk why did that nearly make me cry?? The _love_, the _passion_!