Zhou Xiwei wakes up in a cold sweat.
He-
He doesn’t know why? And for a moment, he doesn’t know where he is. Not home, not in the dorms or on the yacht or-
It’s Shan Haoyu’s arm across his belly that helps orient him. Right- He and Shan Haoyu spent the whole day making this room into something worth sleeping in and then they ate dinner together at the newly cleaned desk, in the company of a little ivy plant that Shan Yutian had given them as a ‘housewarming’ present.
Yes. Them.
As if this room belonged to the two of them, and not just Shan Haoyu alone.
It should have been scary, but all Zhou Xiwei felt was excited. Excited and very, very warm. Warm enough that dinner had turned into pulling Shan Haoyu into their bed and christening it– Not all the way, he’s not ready for that, not even when his belly is filled with butterflies and the whole world seems to be conspiring to give him a romance as impossible as it is magnetic.
But for the first time, they’d done something that couldn’t be mentioned in public.
Soft touches had turned to heady kisses, and kissing had turned to those first questing touches of one another, in places that he’s never touched another person. Places that no other person has ever touched him.
His juvenile dreams couldn’t hold a candle to what they’d shared in this bed. The physical sensation, he could still handle, but the way Shan Haoyu had focused on him and him alone, like he was worth loving– like he was intoxicating–
It had healed something deep and hidden in Zhou Xiwei. Some part of him that keenly felt his own weakness and feared that bare and exposed, he might be found ugly. Being adored so thoroughly, not laughed at or disdained, had made him feel connected in a way he’d never experienced.
So had the way Shan Haoyu sounded, as he gasped out Zhou-ge and spilled against his hand, eyes still half-open like he couldn’t bear to stop watching him, not even at that impossible to resist moment when his inexpert hands brought relief.
Especially then.
After his (their?) first social orgasm, sleep had stayed away only long enough for them to shyly wash up and brush up and agree that for tonight at least, the room really should be theirs, and Zhou Xiwei should stay over. Once more, they’d pressed skin against skin and fallen asleep like lovers do.
Perhaps that’s what makes waking up so jarring?
The night had been so sweet, and the touches so intimate– the kind of milestone and the kind of company that should be the harbinger of beautiful dreams.
Yet, even though he can’t remember any of it, Zhou Xiwei’s sure that his sleeping mind hasn’t been at peace, or even titillated– he’s sure it was a slouching nightmare, and not a fantasy.
Zhou Xiwei takes deep breaths and looks from the pitch black room to the deep navy of the moonlit night. He’s not sure what he expects to see. Something that will jar his memory, or explain his disquiet? But it’s just– just a bright moon, unbelievable stars, and a familiar beach.
Just below his navel, he feels Shan Haoyu tighten and shake.
He looks down and sees the frown on his face, and the hint of tears that the light makes look almost black at the corner of his eyes. Zhou Xiwei’s frown smooths out, turning from one of fear to one of distress. Oh. If his first ever bedmate has been having bad dreams, it makes sense that he would pick up on the signals and wake up worried.
Only…he’s never had to comfort someone sleeping before.
He goes on instinct.
He brushes away the tears and softly starts to hum, some half-remembered melody that his mother once sang to him, when he was small and scared of the latticework shadows of the trellised roses against his windows. He hums and when Shan Haoyu’s grip tightens, like he’s afraid to let go, Zhou Xiwei doesn’t escape–
Instead, he holds his callused hand and pulls him more closely into his arms, so that Shan Haoyu can feel his body and his heartbeat and the steadiness of his breathing. Humming turns to soft, uncertain singing– broken lyrics in an untrained voice, with nothing but care to carry it through.
But it seems to work.
Shan Haoyu quiets, and Zhou Xiwei experiences the bone-deep contentment of having taken care of another, even if it’s just chasing bad dreams away. Normally, Shan Haoyu runs a little cold, but tonight, he’s burning. Maybe the blankets they found are wrong for the season?
Stifled, Zhou Xiwei opens the window and thanks his lucky stars that the winds are in their favor– just right, just enough to keep the room cool and fresh without banging the shutters or shaking the screen that they’d been lucky enough to find halfway through their cleanup process.
He admires the charm of this place which is frozen in time, yet makes him feel on fire in a way that even he doesn’t understand. At night, with Shan Haoyu beside him and the peaceful dark stretching out, it’s beautiful.
Beautiful, with tarnished edges of strange dreams and terrible accidents and uncertainty. It’s like a fairy tale, one of the old ones; it’s an antique book, with silver buckles in strange gothic flourishes.
A venomous flower? Stunning, and untouchable, but he can’t help but feel that even if it’s dangerous, it doesn’t want to hurt him at all? Bah. He always thinks strange things when he wakes off-schedule.
Once, he swore his stuffed rabbit from childhood had returned to comfort him.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
He should lay back down and think more simply.
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It can protect him well enough.
—
It starts with the fuel pump to the engine.
A small rubber hose, so old and unmaintained that it disintegrates into black flakes in their hands when they try to remove it to clean the valves–
That’s what starts the disaster running at full tilt.
It’s not something that can be magicked out of their own skill at yachting, or the skills that were passed down to them from their families. It’s not something that can be woven out of fucking palm fronds like they’re in some castaway movie. It’s not something that the boat can run without. It’s not something that’s easy to find, in this place that doesn’t seem to hold a single fucking car or motor or even a goddamn bicycle pump.
A completely necessary part, that they are completely and totally fucked without.
Captain Li shakes his head.
Engineer Di throws his wrench against the hull.
Everyone else despairs. It would have been bad enough to find this problem at the start. But after they’ve spent three whole days slogging through the very worst jobs on this ship that doesn’t deserve to be called one? The idea that it’s all for naught?!
Well, it’s enough to make one feel murderous.
Literally.
Xu Mei takes off towards the dorms, a determination in her step that can’t be anything good.
The others are still moping, but Xu Wang is aware enough to chase after her. Last time she looked like this, she shoved a rival off the dock and got banned from the entire marina. Granted, the woman was talking about her parents in a way that warranted violence, but still– There’s a time, a place, and a sense of proportion that Xu Mei’s never been able to grasp, once her back is against the wall.
And despite striding across an open field, she looks cornered now.
“MeiMei! MeiMei, whatever you’re thinking, stop and let’s talk!”
She doesn’t listen. Just rolls her eyes and breaks into a jog. Despite him being the one with the military background, his little cousin has always, somehow, been able to outpace him. Especially when he’s trying not to cause a scene and she doesn’t give a fuck about anything. That’s always been her strength, and her curse.
“MeiMei! Please!”
—
As a lady, Xu Mei is one of the few people in their group that hasn’t sat vigil at Ding Dongqi’s bedside. After all, part of watching a comatose patient is things like checking for sores and taking care of relieving them as necessary and cleaning up after. Hardly the kind of thing that an unrelated woman should be involved in, absent a nursing contract.
But she still knows the way to his room.
She still knows what door to open, to see the human vegetable that they’re all still pretending is something more. Between his diseased dick and his busted head, he’s never going to be anything but a waste (if he wakes up at all), but everyone keeps tiptoeing around it.
And that’s fine. To a point.
She’s not a monster, okay?
If they were back home, the guy could live out this sleeping beauty script indefinitely, for all she cares. She’s not some vicious person that would begrudge his family their self-delusion. But they’re not on the mainland. They’re on a cursed fucking island, with one lonesome boat as their way out, and a missing piece of tubing.
And as far as she knows, the only tubing on hand is the too-thin snake running back up to his bladder–
And the larger, longer tube running down his nose and keeping him alive through bone broth, nutritional sludge, and delusional fucking hope. Weighing their future against his lingering death, the choice is clear. Unfortunate, but obvious.
She opens the door.
As luck would have it, it’s gentle Zhou Xiwei manning the vegetable stall at the moment.
Proof enough that she’s in the right, and this is all some cosmic lesson in learning to pick your battles, and stand your ground. The others might give her some trouble, but he’s an absolute lamb. She smiles disarmingly at the surprised young man with the book about some sort of amusing country doctor.
“Oh, are you– no worries, I just got here, so if it’s your shift, no rush! I can keep going, and you can get some more rest!”
Cute dumb idiot. Ai, she hopes he won’t blame himself after. But even if he did, she- she’d still have to go for it. Xu Mei brightens her best customer service smile as her cousin nervously shifts behind her.
“MeiMei-” Xu Wang’s tone is a whispered warning that hasn’t worked on her since she was eight years old. She brushes him off with a reassuring (warning) look and turns back to Young Master Zhou. Smiles more softly.
“No, it’s my dereliction. This whole time, I haven’t checked in on Young Master Ding even once. I’m sure his family and everyone else will be full of complaints if I don’t do my part.”
Young Master Zhou tilts his head and rushes to comfort her:
“I don’t think so. We’re hardly on the yacht anymore. No one can claim that you owe anything– even if the charter was still on, you don’t have to caretake just because you’re a woman, or a member of the crew, or anything else. The Ding family is matriarchal.”
Poor boy adds that last part like he really wants to reassure her.
Sure enough, only the rich can be raised so soft and sweet. If he was a girl, he’d probably already be married off to some heir and popping out perfectly elegant little cherubs that would never dare do anything as uncouth as wet themselves.
Or steal medical supplies, even if the person using them was a lost cause.
Xu Mei nods gratefully, like she’s really been placated by him. Young Master Zhou is silly enough to fall for it. Her cousin is not. But that’s fine. She only needs to handle one of them. She continues onward.
“Still, I would really like to help.” She hitches her thumb over her shoulder. “He’s my cousin, you know. And he worked so hard to help Young Master Ding– even if no one else will blame me, I’ll blame myself. Plus-” Time to see if good breeding was still such an easy exploit, in even these outrageous circumstances– “We’ve been working in the sun all day and I really think I might throw up if I can’t sit and rest and maybe hydrate, but I still want to help…”
Young Master Zhou jumps up.
Predictable. And sweet. But mostly predictable.
He says something about her looking flushed and how he’ll be right back, and fruit juice should be better than water– Annnnd he’s off. Now it’s just her cousin. She doesn’t speak to him, or ask permission.
She turns her back and brushes her fingers across Ding Dongqi’s pallid face.
She’s not a monster. She isn’t.
She won’t take it just to take it. If it really can’t be used, she won’t doom him to starvation just for fun. She’ll at least check the diameter first. To do anything else would be callous.
“Xu! Mei!” Based on the tone of voice and the way he grabs her wrist, her cousin has finally figured out what she’s playing at. Or maybe he’s always known, but it’s taken him this long to admit it. She sighs and allows him to continue holding her–
But she doesn’t let go. She continues to evaluate the waste on the bed.
“Is the life of a playboy you’ve known for a month really worth more than mine?”
Xu Wang sputters out, “Of course not.”
“Well, then-”
His grip tightens, and she frowns as he tries to convince her.
“But this isn’t that. MeiMei, we’re not in danger. We’re just jumping at superstitions. The only thing that’s happened is him, and if you do this, you’ll be the bad thing. How does that fit with a cursed island?”
He’s not wrong.
Normally, he’d be completely correct.
The risk of being found out as the killer of an heir (even a useless one) isn’t worth a cheap bit of rubber tubing. At all. But this situation isn’t normal. And she’s got enough womanly intuition to know that this is us or them, and she’s not going to wait to be half-dead to mount her defense.
By then, won’t they already be too weak to fight back? Maybe that’s why the terror has been so slow! Maybe this place is lulling them into a false sense of security, so the taste of adrenaline doesn’t spoil their meat before it reaches the table.
She has parents. Old parents, who were honest enough to keep her, even though a boy would have been better, and they couldn’t afford to have another child. Even if Xu Wang isn’t thinking about it yet, he’s in the same boat. They have responsibilities back home. People counting on them to return.
Hell, when they got these jobs, their whole family rose up. Even just 20% of their pay sent home was enough to completely change their lives for the better. They got real insulation in the house, instead of just newspapers stuffed between the planks of the roof and floor. Xu Wang’s mom was able to get medicine for her glaucoma, instead of just going blind. In bad weather, her father and uncles could sail to safe harbor, instead of staying out because they need the catch to put food in their family’s mouths.
They can’t just think about themselves. They have to be practical.
And right now, the most practical thing in the world is to survey their resources. And make the choices that breadwinners must. Triage. Survival isn’t pretty, and anyone that claims it is is a liar. If Xu Wang can’t be a man about it, then she’ll step in and be one for him.
With her free hand, she tilts the nutrient bottle up and pulls off the tube, checking its diameter.
“Don’t.” He sounds heartbroken, and she wavers a moment, before hardening.
“You’re a medic. Tell me yourself. Do you really think he’ll wake up? Here? With random mashed up bullshit and expired meds? Do you think he’ll survive a ride on our simple little boat? Do you think his family wants to see him like this? Or would they rather mourn a dead but whole son?”
…Xu Wang takes a long time to respond. Long enough that she has some vague expectations.
“…Even if he’ll die, he shouldn’t die by your hand.”
Disappointing.
But the tube is close enough to the right diameter. Even if it’s suboptimal, it’s good enough to try to jury-rig it. Which means that even if Xu Wang starts crying, she can’t let go. If she does, she’ll see her parents’ withered faces behind her eyelids forever.
She’s doing this for the both of them.
“Taking the tube would be a little obvious. Better for him to die and then we take it.”
She flicks her wrist, breaks her cousin’s clammy hold, and pulls a pillow from the army that’s being used to fight off bedsores. She presses it against the once-flashy man’s waxy face and pushes down. Xu Wang shouts, but he doesn’t stop her.
Proof that he knows she’s right, but just doesn’t have the will to do it himself.
As she smothers the boy on the bed, she comforts her cousin the best she’s able, mid-murder. Maybe she’s also comforting herself.
“It’s better like this. No more suffering. No more wasting away. The young master can finally rest. And we can get back to our families.”
.
..
…
After a long, long while, she lifts the pillow and checks.
Silent. Still. At peace.
It’s lucky that Young Master Zhou is diligent enough to try for fresh-squeezed juice. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have time to hide the broth and spit-stained pillow and pull the tubing from his gastrointestinal tract and through his nose, like slimy seaweed brought up from the ocean floor.
“MeiMei!”
“It’s already done. If you want peace, you should ‘rescue’ him so that Young Master Zhou understands why the tube is gone.”
Xu Wang looks betrayed. But he does as he’s told. Maybe to sell the story that will protect her. Maybe to convince himself that he’s still a healer at heart– that he’s still the type to intervene when someone is on the edge of death, instead of someone that will stand back and watch them being suffocated by another.
“I’ll go check the tubing now. Just say that I was overcome by the scene.”
She’s the one that had to kill someone. She’s the one that can never be washed clean.
The least Xu Wang can do is clean up and sell the story. To be honest, she’s never been good at faking her emotions. Probably why she’s never succeeded at social climbing or even temporarily hooking one of those vapid young masters. Probably why whenever something bad happened at school, whether it was her fault or not, she’d be blamed.
All she can do is stuff her feelings down and pretend they aren’t real.
That she’s above them.
But at least that helped her build the nerves she needed, to make hard choices and not look back. She’s fine. It’s fine. She made the right choice, and the shaking feeling of sickness will be a distant memory, when they’re sailing away from this place that wants to suck their marrow and hide their bones.
Author’s Corner:
Strength, weakness, the stories we tell ourselves to justify our actions…
At the end of the day, actions still have consequences, and I can’t imagine that the island will be pleased at the development. Especially not Zhou Xiwei being implicated in it.
Ai.
even if you do survive by the end of this story girl, you can’t lull yourself into forgetting about what you did
Xu Mei: Sure I can.
Xu Mei: …I can.
Xu Mei: ….Can’t I?
Xu Mei: ….Mom?
Thanks for the chapter ! ^^
Thank you for reading and commenting!
You can’t get away with murder girl, even if there wasn’t a cursed island enforcing punishments based on karma
The line between self-comfort and delusion has vanished. Apparently, it’s actually pretty common that when someone is a situational killer (survival situation, prison, a sudden snap), they’ll make excuses like she is, and more remarkably, they’ll talk themselves into believing them.
It’s fascinating, but her belief doesn’t matter compared to the island’s, so…
🌺
I won’t lie Xi Wang was one of my favourite character. But I really want to deck him rn. There’s being soft for your family and being unable to say no to them. And there’s cautioning murder for fantasies ! (We know Uto is a ghost island they don’t, they’re not sure)
Thank you for the chapter ! So excited to n the beginning so not amused at the end, what a rollercoaster as always !
I heard advice a long time ago that if you want to improve your characters, you should imbue each of them with some part of your personality, or the personality of someone you know really well so that as you write them, they develop in ways that feel more real.
Xu Wang’s good points are mostly his own, but his bad points come from me. 😅
Namely, doing the wrong thing (or letting the wrong thing happen as a bystander) and feeling bad after, instead of just doing the right thing from the start. It’s natural to do that sometimes, but if you make a habit out of it because you are weak-willed, then isn’t saying sorry just a cheap means of comforting yourself? Wouldn’t real remorse involve getting better?
Well, unlike me, he has an island to teach him, so maybe he’ll turn it around! That or die horribly. One of the two! Maybe one and then the other? Who knows what hunks of rocks think about…
Jury-rigged hoses tend to give out at the worst possible time in a journey. I could almost see the island thinking it doesn’t have to kill them, it could just let them go and sink themselves 😄
I hope her punishment is swift and fun and every thing she deserves. She is the type of person that wants to justify her behaviours as she deserves it more than others, horrible wretch. Bring it on !!!