They end up holding hands down the path.
Of course, they don’t talk about it. Shan Haoyu isn’t actually a pushy person. Unless it concerns his brother or the ill-treatment of another ‘good person,’ nine-point-five times out of ten, he’s the type to silently give way. That’s why despite how many ‘guests’ they’ve hosted, he’s never connected with anyone else as a friend, much less a lover.
He just doesn’t care enough to get involved with them.
Zhou Xiwei mistakes him for a natural flirt, but in reality, each smile and call and hooking of their fingers is a great tribulation. A gamble that he can’t believe pays off. A gift. He doesn’t actually have any idea what he’s doing, or how to progress this. He just likes Zhou Xiwei, and wants Zhou Xiwei to know it, so he doesn’t hide his positive feelings and desire for closeness.
Zhou-ge is really easy to get along with.
But since his positive feelings only apply to Zhou Xiwei, there’s a quite funny contrast, every time they connect with the rest of the group and Shan Haoyu regrows his reticence.
According to Zhou-ge, he’s ‘A cute little hedgehog who shows his belly, only to curl up when other people want to pet it.’
Shan Haoyu likes Zhou-ge calling him cute. Hedgehog or not.
“Who wants to be pet by strangers?” I only want to be pet by you.
Zhou-ge bumps against his shoulder, empty baskets bouncing free in his other hand.
“If you got to know them, they wouldn’t be strangers anymore.”
“Too much trouble.”
“And you’re too young to be a misanthrope.”
He doesn’t know why, but he knows there’s something funny about what Zhou-ge said. Funny or sad, but he really can’t tell which. Or why he thinks that. Shan Haoyu freezes for a few seconds, the thinnest of dark cracks appearing behind his ear before the moment passes.
He squeezes Zhou-ge’s hand more tightly.
Centers himself in the moment, and feels the warmth of a good person choosing to walk with him. It makes the confusion less important, the threads less necessary to pick at. He hums and leads Zhou-ge into the kitchen, where they have to admit their wrongs:
They forgot to look for the berries.
A-Tian snorts like he’s the elder brother, hands on his narrow hips and dish towel over his shoulder. It would be a pretty good caricature of disappointment, if his lips weren’t twitching, and he hadn’t already made a dessert with preserved berries.
Almost like he knew that they wouldn’t find their bounty.
Or maybe even just wouldn’t look. Heh.
“Well, you can make it up to me by going to look again later in the week. Might be a bit early, so you’ll just have to keep going to check.”
It’s very clearly a setup, but Zhou Xiwei nods and earnestly promises that they will certainly keep combing the hills to bring back food, even if they have to go every single day. Every single day, just the two of them?
Sometimes, having a little brother is a truly wonderful thing.
—
On Uto, two meals a day is the norm, and the visitors (even the Song parents) have the good grace not to question it. Other than Ding Dongqi, who gets four small special meals a day in his sickroom, everyone’s on the same truncated schedule. After all, a family of three suddenly having to fill the bellies of fifteen new people? With once a month groceries?
No one complains about the number of meals or the amount of it that’s simple fresh vegetables, canned fruits, and preserved meat. Everyone’s just thankful that so far, the quantity has held up.
After all, no matter how Zhou Xiting jokes about it, no one actually wants this to turn into a diet retreat. Regular meals are key.
Breakfast an hour and a half after the sun comes up. Dinner at five, early enough to give them a few hours of sunlight after, to wander and digest and plan. Then, everyone is safely indoors by the time night falls, and they’re shrouded in the darkness of the inkspot island. It’s routine. It makes sense and conserves the limited batteries and oil that they have.
It’s interrupted when they experience their first thunderstorm since the one that wrecked them.
—
Zhou Xiwei wraps himself up in a blanket and sits on the porch swing that Captain Li and Engineer Di had found, cleaned, and hung back up as one of their little projects.
The dorm building has a nice deep roof overhang, and Zhou Xiwei’s luck is so remarkably good that even though the wind and rain are fierce, they always seem to be heading in the opposite direction as Zhou Xiwei.
He and his swing stay dry, as he watches the lightning that used to scare him so badly.
Still scares him the tiniest bit, if he’s being honest. But he thinks he can master it, here. Thinks maybe this is the time and place for him to finally progress past childhood trauma.
It’s been fifteen years.
Nearly dying yourself has a way of putting things in perspective. Or maybe the island and its routines have just given him a sense of security that he can never have, in the business world that he’s unsuited to or the society that will always subtly reject him for who he loves, and how.
Like this, safely wrapped up, without failing brakes or slick concrete, he can finally see the romance of a storm. The only thing that would make it better is-
Shan Haoyu runs from the school building, one tarp over his head and another pile of them held against his chest. Zhou Xiwei can’t help it– he smiles. Smiles and leaves his blanket on the bench so that when Shan Haoyu finishes his sprint, he can be there, waiting with a towel.
It must be the atmosphere– Instead of just handing it over, Zhou Xiwei helps him wipe the water that’s gotten past his makeshift umbrella. And Shan Haoyu lets him, eyes deep and dark and easy to get lost in. He chats casually while rubbing the man up and down a little daringly.
“Does this roof have a problem?”
“Shouldn’t, but just in case, I thought I should bring supplies.”
“Very diligent.”
“En.”
They’re standing very close together, tarps forgotten on the steps. Zhou Xiwei remembers himself, and after far too long, stops stealing tofu and hangs the towel around Shan Haoyu’s clammy neck. If he was a little bolder, or drunk, maybe he’d use it to pull him close and taste his lips.
Instead, he scurries back to the swing and re-cocoons himself.
Very masculine.
Once he’s back in the safety of layers of fabric, he looks over to where Shan Haoyu is still watching him. Watching him like he’ll never get bored of it. Zhou Xiwei blushes and pats the bench, doing his best (terrible) impression of an overbearing president.
“Alright then beauty, come and sit so that you don’t catch your death.”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
A pause, and then, eyes flashing in time with the lightning over the ocean, Shan Haoyu joins him. Joins him and shivers.
Itbe Wlkfl bqfcr tlr yijcxfa jcv joafg j ofk jvperawfcar, atfs’gf qgfrrfv abufatfg.
To share one blanket in life, and one shroud in death.
Itbe Wlkfl vbfrc’a xcbk kts atja qbqqfv lcab tlr tfjv. Pa’r cba- oemx, atfs’gf cba ufaalcu wjgglfv! Ktfs’gf pera qgfrrlcu atflg atlutr jujlcra bcf jcbatfg. Ktfs’gf pera tbivlcu tjcvr, jcv kjamtlcu atf rabgw atja nflir atfw. Ktfs’gf pera- rtjglcu- kjgwat-
Zhou Xiwei looks over.
Looks over and thinks that sometimes, you don’t have to overthink it.
Shan Haoyu makes him happy. Shan Haoyu makes him warm. He moves forward slowly, and Shan Haoyu doesn’t move back. He accepts him. And maybe that’s what does it? What gives Zhou Xiwei the confidence that he’s never had? The reflected anticipation?
Under the eaves, with rain all around them, Zhou Xiwei closes his eyes, and clumsily presses his lips against Shan Haoyu’s cold ones.
His first kiss. And surprisingly, he wouldn’t change anything about it. Especially not the recipient.
—
Neither of them are advanced enough to try anything daring.
There’s no plundering, or moaning, or any of the other spice that Zhou Xiwei used to always read about. Just sweetness– just holding hands under the blanket and nuzzling gently against one another. Just a stolen moment, and the desire for it to go on longer.
To please the other person.
There’s a loud clap of thunder, and they finally part when he jumps.
Turns out, Zhou Xiwei’s not 100% grown out of his startle response. And now he’s so close to Shan Haoyu, a Shan Haoyu that he’s kissed, that’s still looking at him in wonder, that he really wants to go back to kissing, if he’s being honest- He doesn’t want to part from him. But how to-
The rain suddenly falls harder, so thick that two feet away isn’t visible, nevermind the school building.
Zhou Xiwei’s lips twitch.
He breaks into a full smile at the way Shan Haoyu instantly drops his eyes to watch his mouth, like he’s fascinated. Zhou Xiwei feels a bit of masculine pride, at being able to fascinate someone so fascinating. This is… probably really going to be bad for his ego? For once, he’s feeling confident.
But also concerned. After all, he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, and he doesn’t want to sound like scum, but the storm is certainly picking up.
“You shouldn’t walk back in this. Even if you’ve lived here for years, you’re liable to get lost, or fall, or-”
Shan Haoyu nods. If it wasn’t for how bright his eyes are, he’d really look well-behaved. Instead, he looks a little puckish. Like a kid about to stay up all night at a slumber party, or-
Or a man looking to share a bed with the person that he’d just confirmed feelings with.
Zhou Xiwei suddenly feels that twenty-four actually isn’t that old at all, and that maybe, he’s not old enough for this. He stands up and tries to play it off, just like he plays off the fact that they’re still holding hands:
“Well, you know, plenty of rooms, so don’t worry, I won’t take advantage of the storm. I’m not that kind of person-”
“I know.” Don’t say it- “You’re a good person.”
Ai, the child can’t learn.
Zhou Xiwei’s stress leaves him as he laughs. Right. Shan Haoyu isn’t scary. Shan Haoyu is an open book, with a frank way of speaking. He doesn’t have to second guess if he’s overstepping. Not with someone so forthright. Zhou Xiwei leads him down the hallway that by all rights he knows better, but Shan Haoyu doesn’t object.
He drops his voice to a whisper, so they won’t disturb anyone managing to sleep through this.
“You know, when most people say ‘good person,’ it means they won’t want to do things like kiss them.”
“Well, there’s another reason to avoid most people.”
Hard to snort under your breath.
If you’re curious.
…
By the end of the short tour, Zhou Xiwei doesn’t know what kind of face to make. Either his luck is still very good, or Shan Haoyu’s is very bad? Every spare room they checked, there was a problem. Problems that didn’t seem to exist before the storm?
It’s the strangest thing.
A window left open, and the entire room now damp. A leak from who knows where. All the mattresses being folded up, with miserable and obviously uncomfortable bulges and creases in them. A dry room with a draft so bad that it almost seems like they’re outside, even though there’s clearly a closed window and a solid wall between them and the gale.
…In short, there’s nowhere decent for Shan Haoyu to sleep.
They wind up outside Zhou Xiwei’s door.
Zhou Xiwei, whose cheeks are burning and who is doing his best to keep his voice level and low, as he earnestly explains that he’s not taking advantage– to someone who rather clearly wants to be taken advantage of!
Dating is really complicated. Be a gentleman, be a gentleman-
“Well, if you can bear with it– or, I can take apart my mattress and help make up a bed for you-”
“Do you not want to share a bed with me? Is it a germ thing, or something?” There he goes again. Hopeful but honestly asking, like he’ll accept whatever Zhou Xiwei says. Because he’s a ‘good person.’
Fuck, it’s really lucky that he grew up on this island.
Back home, someone as wonderful and trusting as him would definitely be made miserable by scum and conmen.
“No. I don’t mind-” Zhou Xiwei’s a little concerned about just how much he doesn’t mind, but he doesn’t. Might even be curious? But!
“I just- I kissed you, and then I told you you shouldn’t leave, and forcing you into my bed is just-” He coughs. “I just don’t want you to think that I have bad thoughts. I won’t do anything bad.”
“I don’t think you have bad thoughts. And don’t you share with your sister?”
Oh. Right.
A very good point. Zhou Xiwei peps right up!
“Right! My sister! I definitely won’t do anything with her snor- er, sleeping- right across the way. You don’t need to worry.”
“Wasn’t.” Shouldn’t you worry a little bit?
“…Okay, come on.” Really, really shouldn’t ever go to the mainland.
They creep in, to where Zhou Xiting is indeed snoring in the most ladylike fashion possible, if you consider drool chic.
Zhou Xiwei grabs dry clothing for Shan Haoyu and then it’s a quick break for teeth and changing and then– then Shan Haoyu strips off his brand new shirt and climbs into bed with him. Climbs into bed with him in such a way that there’s no futile attempt at having their own space or splitting the twin-sized mattress. There’s just spooning, right from the start.
“Is this okay?”
Zhou Xiwei is lucky that his heart is strong. He gives in and cautiously rests his left hand on Shan Haoyu’s hip.
“As long as you’re okay.”
“I’m good. Goodnight, Zhou-ge.”
“Goodnight… Yu’er.” A night of firsts. First kiss. First time sharing a bed. First time calling him so intimately.
Despite the terror of new horizons… It just feels natural to be like this. It makes his heart feel full and the storm feel distant and somehow, despite his nerves, sleep comes fast.
As long as he doesn’t think, he won’t talk himself out of it… As long as he doesn’t endlessly catastrophize, maybe he really can just… have a nice hookup, with a nice guy, without it blowing up in his face? Maybe he can give and receive happiness like everyone else can?
—
Zhou Xiwei wakes up positively wrapped around Shan Haoyu. Ankle to groin to neck, he’s entangled with the sleeping man. It’s not his fault! Yu’er just– has a very nice temperature, and even though they’re both a little thin, their fat seems to be in complimentary places, so that it’s comfortable to push in.
Uh.
That came out wrong.
Zhou Xiwei sleepily nuzzles closer and, still in a dreamlike trance, kisses his neck. And then he hears his sister’s scandalized little inhalation, and- no more dream.
Just wakefulness.
Wakefulness and the realization that not only has he drooled a bit on Shan Haoyu (nevermind the licks and kisses)– but he’s holding onto him and pressed against him and fuck, but he has the kind of physiological problem that even being smirked at by his ‘dying to gossip’ sister can’t overcome.
Physiological problems that will become readily apparent the minute that handsome Shan Haoyu wakes up.
Oh no. No one warned him about this easily foreseeable problem.
He holds his finger to his lips and reminds his sister not to wake up their guest. Eyes shining, she lays back down and– stares unblinkingly over at them.
Zhou Xiwei lifts the covers a little more, so that Yu’er’s choice to sleep shirtless doesn’t instantly lead to a loss of privacy. And then, to avoid his sister, he– lays back down and hides behind Shan Haoyu’s very cute, very messy hair.
What? He never claimed to be particularly courageous! And anyway, it’s– it’s probably best, to peel off a little and lean back and think of his economics professors, so that when Shan Haoyu wakes up, he’s not instantly confronted with certain ‘we’re-not-there-yet’ parts of him, pressed against his ass.
The best laid plans–
As soon as Zhou Xiwei moves away, Shan Haoyu rolls over, kicks out a leg, and ends up pressed against him again, just in another configuration. And the worst part is, from here, Shan Haoyu’s face– amazingly unguarded and handsome– is directly facing him. No way that Zhou Xiwei can pull away when faced with such beauty and contentment.
Fuck, it turns out it’s not a myth: You really can count someone’s eyelashes, and get lost in the joy of doing it. If this is what it means to be intimate with someone… Well he finally understands the obsession with romance.
Understands people taking leave of their senses to chase someone.
—
Zhou Xiwei doesn’t know it, but this new position means that his previously-blocked sister has an excellent view of the doting look on his face, and the soft happiness that she’s never seen before.
Not even when Song Bai has been his most permissive has her brother looked so enchanted. He finally looks like a brilliant young bachelor should, and as his older sister…
She wants to protect that.
Whatever questions she has can wait– delight takes over, and she even does them the kindness of closing her eyes. Though she still peeks over to enjoy her brother’s silly look, from time to time. And when she finally does get up, she’s sure to move like a ghost, aided by a world that seems equally disinclined to intrude on the moment. No creaking floorboards, no loud calls– not even much sun to tell them to rouse themselves.
Just a cocoon of soft, stolen moments, built for two.
For the first time ever, Zhou Xiwei and Shan Haoyu end up being the ones late to breakfast.
—
Zhou Xiwei is no scum.
And he knows his sister and Shan Haoyu well enough to know that they won’t be very good at keeping a secret (and might see no reason to keep last night secret at all). After all, nothing immoral had happened. Even if they’d done something, there was nothing wrong with it!
To act guilty is to accept guilt. He might be new at this, he might be meek– but he refuses to treat Shan Haoyu like a dirty secret, or let him be misunderstood through his shyness.
So he righteously holds Shan Haoyu’s hand. All the way from the dorms to the veranda, even when Father Song stops eating his congee to watch them, even when his sister winks and he discovers that they are accidentally wearing a matching outfit-
(Shan Haoyu: Not an accident).
-Even when they sit down next to one another and Song Bai lightly kicks him under the table and gives him a subtle thumbs up. Even when Zhang Zhiping’s chopsticks clatter to the table, and Shan Yutian has to find him a replacement dumpling for the one that rolls away and into the dirt.
All the while, he keeps his shoulders squared and his chin tilted up. The blush, he can’t help, but he can make the rest of his body seem nonchalant!
…..Aahhhhhhh.
So awkward, the way everyone’s either looking at them with gossiping eyes (or avoiding looking, with an equal fervor). So awkward, the way Song Bai and Zhang Zhiping (Qian Li is on invalid duty)’s eyes light up when Shan Haoyu serves himself plain congee.
And the way their expressions turn more subtle, when he adds plenty of chili-garlic oil and fresh scallions to it and happily digs in like someone well-rested (and not at all injured like the stories suggest).
It takes Zhou Xiwei a moment to figure out where their minds have run off too, but once he gets it, he makes sure to kick them both. Hard.
A grunt, a smirk, a set of rolled eyes and mouthing ‘you can try again later’ to make him feel like he needs smarter friends. Bah. Does he have a sunburn? He feels like he has a sunburn! He’s sure that blushing shouldn’t make his cheeks feel so hot.
Maybe they should have stayed in bed? No, no, that would be treating him like a secret, and he already told himself he wouldn’t do that! He just has to be brave and resolute in his affections, and everyone will adapt.
Probably?
Shan Haoyu’s happy and half the table is indifferent, so Zhou Xiwei focuses on the positives and feels the lowkey contentment of being romantic without having to be obnoxious about it.
He luxuriates in the pleasant expectation of being able to spend more mornings like this, knees knocking against someone that likes him. Someone that he likes more than he expected. Someone good and handsome and sweet, with interesting stories and big hands and good kissing technique, even if he’s basing that on his own very limited experience.
The food is delicious, the company is good, and even his state of mind is a pleasant surprise.
Other than an initial moment of uncertain panic, when he first saw Song Bai, Zhou Xiwei finds himself very even-tempered. He even gets over his instinctual shyness by the time he finishes his morning soup.
He doesn’t feel guilty.
He doesn’t feel like he should hide Shan Haoyu. He doesn’t feel like he’s wasted anything, keeping his first kiss so long only to give it to someone he’s known for not even three weeks. He doesn’t feel any of the things that he’d worried about.
And that alone is worth celebrating.
Song Bai….
Maybe it really was just puppy love that he let get out of control? Maybe he wanted an excuse not to try, and that’s why he chose someone he knew very well was impossible to obsess over?
Maybe it was just dependence, mixed with his lack of options and Song Bai’s veritable excellence?
Or maybe Shan Haoyu is his soulmate, and all the struggles he’s experienced so far– even his hopeless first love– is part of some grand design to keep him available until they were able to find one another, across an ocean. Hah.
Not that Zhou Xiwei believes in such kind and fantastical conspiracies.
Like all good materialists, he’s not sure the heavens exist at all. If they do, they certainly aren’t populated with gods idle enough to arrange his love life with such precision. (And if there are, he has some bones to pick with them, about his parents and the last decade and the state of the environment and the fact that red pandas are on the endangered species list).
Deep down, he knows that this is all luck and chance, and that the universe is indifferent.
But it must mean something good, that he’s happy. Divine intervention or no, it’s something wonderful meeting Yu’er. Even if it can’t last. Even if he had to drown to do it.
He’s glad that he’s had the chance to meet him.
—
Almost as soon as breakfast finishes, Zhou Xiwei is dragged away by his sister and friends. And Shan Haoyu is dragged in by his brother.
Not dishes– that’s the deckhand’s chore today.
Which is good, because Shan Haoyu would probably drop them. Instead, they head to the never-ending pile of linens, and the warmth of the boiler-heated laundry. His little brother wants to talk. Shan Haoyu wants to iron everything neat and keep his little smile to himself and not be exposed. But little brothers are persistent creatures, and there’s really nowhere to run from his lilting inquisition.
“…So, you and Zhou-ge.”
“…”
“Da-ge, you’re blushing.”
“…”
“Da-ge, you didn’t come home last night.”
“…”
“Da-ge, you’ve just ironed through that blanket.”
“…Sorry.”
“Everything about this is… Just marvelous.” Shan Yutian bursts into delighted laughter before pinning the murdered quilt to the wall as a ‘monument to da-ge’s epic love story.’
After far too many years of being the coddled little brother of a too-put-together man, Shan Yutian gets to experience the joy of having something (someone) to tease his brother with.
For the first time in far, far too long, he gets to see what his brother looks like when he’s secretly delighted. When he has something to look forward to. Someone to enjoy being with.
Finally, he’s able to see a glimpse of the da-ge he had, before this world destroyed them.
Just for that, Shan Yutian’s willing to put in whatever amount of work it takes to spruce up their haunted little home well enough for Zhou Xiwei to choose to stay with them. Pets? People like pets, right? If he wishes hard enough, maybe he can somehow arrange a cave with suspiciously well-domesticated little wolf cubs for Zhou-ge to raise!
As long as the island keeps cooperating, it shouldn’t be impossible?
Though they really need to work on their culinary offerings, and maybe some creature comforts… And it would be nice if they could keep everyone else in line, so that there’s none of the typical punishment to scare him away or put him off. Wolf puppies will lose their charm if the island turns them rabid to punish a murderer…
It would be nice if happily ever after didn’t have to start on a pile of corpses.
But, given the track record…
Well, for now, he’ll just focus on keeping everyone happy enough that they don’t hang themselves with their own bad thoughts! And if that doesn’t work, there’s probably a way to force people into a coma? If he’s careful enough with the dosage? He’ll have to check the old science lab as soon as the laundry finishes…
Author’s Corner:
Zhou Xiwei: [Ah, this storm is pretty instead of scary].
Uto: You’re welcome.
Zhou Xiwei: [The storm is too bad to run home].
Uto: You’re welcome.
Zhou Xiwei: [The bedrooms are all broken].
Uto: You’re welcome!
Believe it or not, sometimes the right person shows up and it doesn’t matter all that much that it’s not the right moment, or that you’ve not known one another as long as you feel you aught. But if you are an overthinker (like Zhou Xiwei, or me, or many of you, I’m sure!) you can sure torture yourself going back and forth over whether or not your feelings are valid, when really, you should just enjoy the experience!
Shan Haoyu: [is happy]
Shan Yutian: Wonderful! Perfect! Let’s keep it up!
Also Shan Yutian: …But poison is also an option.
Someone get me the spray bottle, the kitchen god is thinking bad thoughts!
i. love. them.
also love how the sister reacted when she woke up 🥹 that was so sweet of her!!
What an awesome big sister. Heehee
A-tian… from who did you learn that coma scheming? But I can’t argue against it because it seems like an excellent idea. Also, God no Uto to the rabid puppies route! Xiwei would be psychologically damaged.
The siblings’ reaction cracked me up. Aaaah so much lines made me laugh and Zhou Xiwei i’m-not-blusing-it’s-a-sunburn was a delight
Thank you for the chapter
Sigh. They are just so sweet. Love Uto conspiring to get them together 💕
To be comfortable enough to sleep wrapped around someone is a good sign that you can’t ignore, no matter how many shins need kicking at breakfast 😄.
Shan Yutian oh my God XD
Also, they’re so so cute!!
Thank you for the hard work ♡
Why do I keep getting a feeling it’s not as much what Uto wants, but what Shan Haoyu wants…. 👁👄👁