Xu Ze also ended up going to the ceremony.
Last night, he went to pick up Huang Liling after having dinner with Lu Heyang. On the way back, Huang Liling received a call mentioning the celebration event and award ceremony. After the call, Huang Liling scrolled through the messages on his phone and casually asked Xu Ze, “If you have nothing to do tomorrow night, would you like to come along?”
It was just a casual question because Huang Liling didn’t expect Xu Ze to go, assuming that he had never considered a future in the military and wouldn’t be interested in such occasions.
Xu Ze didn’t answer right away, tapping his thumb lightly on the steering wheel a few times. Then he looked into the rearview mirror and asked, “Can I go?”
It sounded like he wanted to go. Huang Liling was surprised. He turned off his phone and said, “Why not? I’ll just say you’re my school assistant.”
“Okay.” After confirming they could go together, Xu Ze nodded without hesitation, “Thank you, teacher.”
“That’s the spirit.” Huang Liling was pleased, “Expand your horizons and network. Don’t stay cooped up in the lab and hospital all the time.”
Xu Ze didn’t respond confidently to this statement, as his motives were not exactly seeking exposure and making connections like Huang Liling assumed.
The next evening, Xu Ze finished his work in the laboratory early and changed his lab coat into formal attire. He arrived at the capital’s military region with Huang Liling. There was some time before the evening banquet, and familiar military officers and old friends kept coming to greet and chat with Huang Liling. Huang Liling kept Xu Ze by his side and introduced his favorite disciple to those who approached.
During dinner, Xu Ze sat with a group of young people who accompanied military officers. He listened to them talk about various matters in different war zones. The conversation drifted to Colonel Lu, who hadn’t passed the flight assessment after his rut.
At such gatherings, everything was mentioned in passing without going into detail. The purpose of the conversation was simply to lighten the serious atmosphere. Xu Ze looked at the plate in front of him and wanted to hear more, but the others quickly moved on to a safer topic.
After dinner and a short break, the ceremony officially began. Xu Ze sat in the middle of the higher back rows, listening attentively to the lengthy and official commendations as if it were a professional lecture. When the award ceremony started, Xu Ze finally shifted his gaze toward the waiting area on the side of the podium, even though narrow curtains obscured it and nothing could be seen.
“Union Southern War Zone Air Force Combat Command, Air Force Colonel, Lu Heyang.”
Xu Ze finally heard this sentence after waiting for officers to come on stage one by one and enduring numerous commendation speeches. He stared intently at the gently swaying curtains. Finally, a pair of pure black military boots stepped onto the red carpet as Lu Heyang walked out.
Xu Ze was accustomed to seeing Lu Heyang in training clothes and this was the first time he had seen him in military uniform. The indigo military uniform was nearly black in hue and exuded solemnity and precision. Its stiff fabric outlined the alpha’s lean, tall frame like finely detailed brushstrokes, sharp like a sword. Lights from all directions shone on Lu Heyang’s epaulets, armbands, and rows of medals on his chest, reflecting a dazzling light that traveled across the distance and shone into Xu Ze’s eyes.
Xu Ze joined in the applause subconsciously, as if he had been transported back to a few years ago when he saw the fighter jet soar high above the capital’s main square—witnessing Lu Heyang’s glory brought him the utmost joy.
Lu Heyang looked relaxed and natural. Beneath his military cap, a slight smile graced his young face. He shook hands while wearing pristine white gloves and saluted the old commander presenting the award.
In just a few minutes, Xu Ze felt like he had watched a long movie. He watched as Lu Heyang walked off the stage and disappeared behind the side curtain. It took him a long time to turn his head back to the stage, but by then he couldn’t concentrate on any of the following words.
After the award ceremony, the promotion ceremony for colonels and lieutenants was held. Xu Ze saw Gu Yunchi, whom he hadn’t seen in years, become another young colonel of the Union amid the applause of the audience.
As the ceremony was lengthy, there was a twenty-minute break in the middle. Xu Ze took out his phone, unlocked it, and then locked it again. Lu Heyang might not bring his phone to such an occasion. Xu Ze noticed that he didn’t sit in the audience after stepping down from the stage, perhaps he was meeting with someone or dealing with other matters.
Lost in these thoughts, someone suddenly sat down next to him. Xu Ze turned around and was surprised to see that it was Gu Yunchi.
“Dr. Xu, I received the transfer from you and passed it to Heyang. I’ve been busy these days and forgot to tell you.”
Looking up close, Gu Yunchi still had the same indifferent expression toward the world as in high school, the one that said, “None of your damn business, none of my damn business”. Someone like him wouldn’t come over just to discuss such things. Xu Ze nodded and said, “Thank you, Colonel Gu.”
After a pause, Xu Ze asked, “Colonel Lu didn’t pass his flight test, why?”
“Dr. Xu, you heard about it?” Gu Yunchi looked like he had been spared a lot of trouble, “It may be because pilots aren’t supposed to fly during psychological treatment.”
It wasn’t a straightforward answer, but the logic behind it was easy to understand. If Lu Heyang was undergoing normal psychological treatment, there would be no need for him to fail the assessment intentionally just to avoid flying as the military would naturally extend his leave.
“Dr. Xu, if you want to return the badge to me, I’ll return this to you as well.”
“The ring is a precious thing, but right now I might not be able to keep it.”
The words spoken by Lu Heyang last night echoed in Xu Ze’s mind. He hadn’t imagined that he would get the real answer so soon.
The instant he figured it out, he pressed the armrest of the seat to stand up, but Gu Yunchi continued, “Heyang already left. There’s something he has to deal with at the base.”
“I can only guess the details. Heyang didn’t tell me,” Gu Yunchi took off his white gloves and threw them on the table, “But I wouldn’t advise you to ask him. I guess he wouldn’t want us to do this.”
Xu Ze seemed lost in thought, still gripping the armrest tightly. After nearly half a minute, he said, “It’s too risky.”
During university, he consulted professors in the psychiatry and neurology departments. The answer he received was that treating memory loss caused by electroshock and pheromone disorder involved significant risks, both in terms of the treatment methods and in controlling the severity. It also required a great deal of physical and psychological resilience on the part of the patient. The military would never approve of such treatment for an active-duty serviceman.
Xu Ze couldn’t comprehend why Lu Heyang had to do this, especially when he could smoothly lead a splendid life without memories.
“Heyang generally doesn’t make decisions he’d regret,” After casually dropping the bomb on Xu Ze, Gu Yunchi said nonchalantly, “Telling you this doesn’t mean anything else. Don’t overthink it.”
He took his gloves and stood up, “I’ll get going, bye Dr. Xu.”
“Bye.” Xu Ze looked up at him, but his eyes seemed distant. “Thank you.”
—
Five days before the New Year, He Wei was sent to the 195th Hospital due to being shot in the abdomen during a mission.
The rescue operation took nearly six hours. Various departments of the 195th Hospital received directives from the Union government to spare no effort to save him. He Wei’s mother, an elegant and beautiful omega, cried outside the emergency room until she almost passed out.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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Chi Jiahan stood there panic-stricken, nodding with reddened eyes.
He Wei was in a coma in the ICU for three days. Chi Jiahan visited almost whenever he had time, covered in an isolation suit, watching over He Wei without speaking or moving.
According to Chi Jiahan, Lu Heyang and Gu Yunchi had also visited him several times during this period. However, Xu Ze spent most of his days in the laboratory and rarely came to the hospital, so their paths didn’t cross.
On the fourth day, He Wei woke up and was transferred to the special ward after his stable condition was confirmed. While people were instructed not to disturb the patient, the surgical department informed Xu Ze that He Wei wanted to see him.
Upon receiving the message, Xu Ze rushed to the 195th Hospital from the laboratory. He Wei seemed to be in good condition. Although he was still wearing an oxygen mask, his complexion wasn’t as pale.
“What is it?” Xu Ze leaned down to ask.
He Wei’s voice was weak, “Let me tell you the ten things you need to know to become Chi Jiahan’s husband.”
“?”
Xu Ze turned around to glance at Chi Jiahan who was standing at the door while wearing a mask. He Wei probably hadn’t recognized him.
“Just kidding,” He Wei chuckled and said, “He Yu, my cousin, is still alive.”
Xu Ze was stunned, and asked uncertainly, “He wasn’t in that car?”
“The one in the car was Tang Feiyi,” He Wei said, “He’s the one who died.”
Distant memories came flooding back. For so many years, the authorities hadn’t been able to locate Tang Feiyi. Xu Ze thought he had escaped outside the Union, but it turned out that he had died back then.
“I don’t know if you know Jiang Wen, but he was Heyang’s bodyguard back then. After Heyang’s accident, Jiang Wen found my cousin and offered to trade Tang Feiyi’s life for his. He agreed and then told Tang Feiyi that he would arrange for him to escape. So it was actually Tang Feiyi in the car being chased by the police and the car had been tampered with.”
“After Tang Feiyi’s death, Jiang Wen took my cousin out of the Union as agreed. My cousin said that Heyang had told Jiang Wen before the incident not to let Tang Feiyi go to jail and to kill him as soon as possible. There would be all kinds of variables after going to jail and only immediate death would be reliable.” He Wei kept smiling, “If it weren’t for this mission, I wouldn’t have run into my cousin who secretly returned to the Union. Although the suspect shot me, overall it was still worth it.”
“The first thing I did when I woke up was to tell you this good news,” He Wei said like he was sharing a secret, “Our Seventeen should be the first to know.”
“Mn.” Xu Ze thought he should force a smile, but he couldn’t.
The murderer of his father, the one who harmed Lu Heyang—this grudge had weighed on Xu Ze for years. He had hoped to hear news of Tang Feiyi’s arrest. When he thought it might never happen, he suddenly learned that Tang Feiyi had died over seven years ago.
It was no consolation, nor gave him peace of mind, but Xu Ze understood that some things had come to an end—things that had actually come to an end a long time ago, but he was just finding out now. And the person who had planned this closure was Lu Heyang.
There was another person whose whereabouts Xu Ze didn’t ask about because he had already guessed the outcome.
After the club was closed down that year, Xiao Feng should have been with He Yu. If the authorities came after He Yu later, they would surely notice Xiao Feng by his side. How could Tang Feiyi, disguised as He Yu, look more like He Yu—He Yu’s loyal follower, Xiao Feng, would also be in that car. Even if he didn’t want to go, Tang Feiyi would force him to go.
Xu Ze had tried to contact Xiao Feng many times, sending messages without receiving replies and making phone calls that went unanswered. It wasn’t until the number was disconnected later that Xu Ze gave up.
In retrospect, the lack of response might be because Xiao Feng could no longer respond.
“There’s one more thing,” He Wei continued, “Though you and Jiahan haven’t gotten married yet, I just want to ask, when are you getting divorced?”
“We’re not getting married. Shut your mouth,” Chi Jiahan interjected.
He Wei blinked and glanced at the door. It took him a few seconds to recognize him. He asked, “Why did you lose weight?”
If he hadn’t lost weight, even with a mask, He Wei would have had no trouble recognizing Chi Jiahan.
“I’ll get going, you have a good rest.” Xu Ze made a timely exit.
“Okay.”
Just as he was leaving the ward, he heard He Wei asking behind him, “Dr. Chi, are you on a diet? Is it to look prettier in a wedding dress?”
“Did the bullet hit your stomach or your brain?”
—
On New Year’s Eve, the consultation room was buzzing with activity. Lu Heyang stood by the observation window and made a call. His relaxed demeanor seemed out of place compared to the tension around him, as if he wasn’t the one about to undergo treatment.
After ending the call and leisurely reading all the unread messages, Lu Heyang put down the communicator and sat down on the treatment chair. Su Li’an disinfected the skin of Lu Heyang’s glands with a cotton swab and then slowly injected the prepared medicine into the glands with a syringe.
The entire examination room had fallen into total silence, leaving only two doctors and a nurse. After the injection, Lu Heyang leaned back in the chair. The nurse unbuttoned his shirt and attached electrode pads to his skin. Then she fixed Lu Heyang’s hair and carefully placed the device on his head.
After pressing the start button, the doctor and Su Li’an closely monitored the brainwave curves and neuron activity displayed on the four screens, capturing neural network units that could form the memory encoding. This was Lu Heyang’s fourth treatment session. The psychological and physical benefits of his pilot background were prominent. The first treatments were the most dangerous, but Lu Heyang had already gone through them relatively smoothly.
Forty minutes later, the treatment was over. Lu Heyang closed his eyes to regulate his breathing. The doctor wiped the sweat from his forehead and body.
“Do you feel uncomfortable anywhere?” Su Li’an asked.
Lu Heyang shook his head.
“We’ll provide the report as soon as possible,” the doctor said, “Have there been any recent developments?”
“Nothing specific, I’m still experiencing insomnia and having more dreams. Sometimes fragmented scenes appear in my mind.” Lu Heyang opened his eyes, “I wrote down everything and sent it to Dr. Su.”
“Okay, we’ll analyze it along with the imaging data.”
“Thank you for your hard work,” Lu Heyang took the warm water offered by the nurse and took a sip.
After resting for about ten minutes, Lu Heyang put on his coat. Su Li’an, who was still worried, reiterated as in the previous sessions, “If you experience any visual or auditory hallucinations, be sure to let me know promptly.”
“Of course,” Lu Heyang smiled and waved at them, “Happy New Year, I’ll bother you all again next year.”
He walked downstairs and out of the lobby. There was a jeep parked at the entrance. Jiang Wen glanced at Lu Heyang to confirm that he was fine and then opened the front passenger door to let Lu Heyang in.
“Will you be spending the New Year in the capital tomorrow?” Lu Heyang asked Jiang Wen.
“No, I’m going out for a while. A few friends are gathering elsewhere,” Jiang Wen replied, “What about you?”
“I’ll be at the base.”
“Mr. Lin isn’t coming back?”
“My dad went to my sister’s place. You know he doesn’t like the capital.”
Jiang Wen smiled and said nothing. Shortly after the car drove out of the hospital, snow began to fall lightly. Lu Heyang looked at it before asking, “Did it snow like this before?”
“Yes, it snows every year in the capital.”
—
On the last day of the year, Xu Ze got a short vacation, even though he had to work at the hospital at night. Originally, it wasn’t his turn, but someone in the department wanted to go home for the New Year, so Xu Ze volunteered to take the shift.
When he woke up, he found that the snow had piled up after probably falling throughout the night. Xu Ze changed clothes and went out to eat breakfast outside. He spent a few minutes watching the kids having a snowball fight by the side of the road. He rarely experienced such a leisurely pace.
He found the car that Chi Jiahan had lent him in the underground garage. Chi Jiahan was also spending the New Year at the hospital this year, along with He Wei. Xu Ze started the car and drove slowly toward the outskirts of the city. As he drove through the old town, he thought about cleaning up the old house before going abroad.
As he reached the mountain road, the snowfall resumed, perhaps never having stopped in the mountains. The road wasn’t too steep, and the ride was relatively smooth. Nevertheless, Xu Ze stopped and put snow chains on the tires.
As he ascended the mountain, the snow became thicker. Eventually, Xu Ze parked the car in a flat area, got out, and walked to the mountaintop.
He walked into the mountain forest with his footsteps crunching in the snow. Snow continued to fall in clumps from overloaded branches, startling the resting birds, who fluttered their wings with a mournful cry before flying elsewhere.
When he reached the edge of the cliff, he could see the snow-covered capital across the sea.
He looked to the left and saw the ski slope with a long cable car running along the side, slowly transporting visitors who seemed to be quite numerous.
Xu Ze brushed the snow off his head and took off his glasses to wipe them. Standing alone in the heavy snow in a place like this might seem incomprehensible and pointless. But not everything had to have a purpose, sometimes you just wanted to do it.
But this time, it didn’t seem to be pointless anymore.
When he heard footsteps, he thought that he might have encountered a big wild animal like a tiger. Xu Ze turned around stiffly, only to see someone even more unbelievable than a wild beast.
Lu Heyang stood a few meters away covered in snow, calmly watching him with a scrutinizing gaze.
The look in his eyes made Xu Ze feel like Lu Heyang was looking at something that shouldn’t exist, radiating an air of caution and suspicion—as if he also believed he was experiencing a hallucination.
“Colonel?”
Lu Heyang didn’t answer but came closer. Xu Ze ruled out the idea of a hallucination. He had never experienced such a hallucination before, and the Lu Heyang before him was too real for him to confuse reality with illusion.
He remembered that Lu Heyang had once mentioned camping here with He Wei and others. Perhaps that was the reason why Lu Heyang had come to this place today. Xu Ze thought about reaching out to brush the snow off him, but he stopped himself. He asked, “Did you come here alone?”
“Mn.” Lu Heyang seemed somewhat distant, “I saw footprints when I came over.”
“Why… did you come here?”
“Just to take a look.” Lu Heyang turned his eyes to the distant ski slope, “Dr. Xu—”
He paused before continuing, “Dr. Xu, did you come here to ski?”
“I’ve never skied before,” Xu Ze replied.
Lu Heyang shifted his gaze back and looked at Xu Ze’s profile. He asked, “Did you just come to see the snow?”
“Mn.”
It snows in the capital every year. The first winter after Lu Heyang left the country, Xu Ze came here to see the snow for the first time. Just as Lu Heyang had told him, the scenery here was even more beautiful after the snowfall.
In the silence, the sound of the wind and the falling snow became clearer. Suddenly, Xu Ze said, “Colonel, can I ask you a question?”
As he spoke, he looked up to the sky. The moment he looked up, Lu Heyang felt as if the wind and snow had stopped. White turned to green, winter turned to summer, morning turned to night. The open surroundings were enclosed by a tent, accompanied by the distant chirping of insects.
But his body could still feel the cold, and the scene in front of him didn’t change. Lu Heyang realized that he was seeing two scenes at the same time, one in his mind and one in front of his eyes.
In his mind, Xu Ze also looked at the sky, with an expression as if he was making a wish.
“When flying in the sky,” the Xu Ze in front of him spoke.
Lu Heyang heard the other Xu Ze say, “I hope you’ll be free.”
Then they both turned to look at him, one covered in white snow, the other draped in moonlight, the sides separated by the chasm of time, but their expressions and eyes remained unchanged.
“Do you feel free?”
“I wish you freedom.”
Blessings didn’t require a response. Lu Heyang guessed he hadn’t answered back then.
So Lu Heyang replied to Xu Ze in front of him, “Yes.”
Xu Ze smiled and said, “That’s good.” His smile made it seem as if he was the one who was free.
“One more thing,” Xu Ze added.
His words seemed to be especially numerous today. Lu Heyang lowered his eyes slightly to look at him, “What is it?”
“You gave me three opportunities before.”
“What kind of opportunities?”
“Opportunities to make requests to you.” Xu Ze was unsure if Lu Heyang’s memory loss would invalidate the agreement, but he brought it up anyway, “I used two of them in high school, and now I have one left.”
In fact, Lu Heyang didn’t want to hear anything more. Given Xu Ze’s personality, he could almost guess what he was going to say.
But Doctor Xu wasn’t only unusually talkative today, he was also persistent. He sought confirmation from Lu Heyang, “Does it still count now?”
“Of course,” Lu Heyang said, showing no signs of insincerity.
“I’ll be leaving in a few days.”
Snow piled up on Xu Ze’s glasses like two small white hills. Lu Heyang wanted to remind Xu Ze to wipe his glasses and tell him that he didn’t need to complete the unfinished sentence.
“After that, can we stay in touch?”
It was the opposite of what he had anticipated. Lu Heyang paused for a few seconds and asked, “What do you mean?”
“If you have time, Colonel, can we call each other or exchange messages?” Xu Ze explained, “Maybe we’re both busy during the day, but at night, later at night, can we chat? Even just a few words would be fine.”
He didn’t plan to ask Lu Heyang about the memory treatment. Had it started? Any progress? He wasn’t going to ask. Lu Heyang had made the decision and acted without telling anyone. Besides, it was a violation of military regulations, so it was best not to bring it up.
“What can we talk about?” Lu Heyang asked objectively.
Xu Ze’s answer was very simple, “I’ll figure something out by then.”
“Okay, we can,” Lu Heyang agreed.
Xu Ze nodded with a satisfied expression. He had actually been organizing these words for a long time, thinking that he wouldn’t have a chance to meet Lu Heyang before going abroad. What he wanted to say to him in a text message was unexpectedly said face to face today.
The snow continued to fall, turning them into a pair of snowmen. Xu Ze saw strands of white hair on Lu Heyang’s head and thought he probably had a similar appearance.
Lu Heyang looked at the ski slope again, “I guess it’s too late for this year.”
“Hmm?”
“Skiing,” Lu Heyang said, “I’ll teach you next winter.”
Xu Ze’s face froze stiff and he blinked slowly.
“Okay.”
Author’s note:
Gu Yunchi: This Colonel is in a good mood, I’ll just casually help out my brothers.
He Wei: I’m happy, I don’t have to wait for my wife to get married for the second time!
Lu Heyang: Head itchy, memories about to emerge.
Finally Xu Ze take the initiative 😭
Thank you for the translation 🫶
Nooooo my baby Xiao Feng , it’s so sad for him 😭
🙁☹️
Yay, Xu Ze is finally not seeing every interaction as possibly their last. Thanks for the chapter!!
Xiao Fengg😭😭😭
So far, this was the absolute best chapter of this novel. I am a ball of emotions :sob: