Throughout the week, I pondered. I need to regain my senses. I shouldn’t be dragged around; I should stand on my own two feet. Only then can I maintain an equal relationship, as he suggested. The problem was that I couldn’t have things my way. It felt like I needed even just one day apart from him to think straight, but he wouldn’t allow it.
As I was about to leave work on Monday, he said to me, “If you don’t have plans, would you mind waiting a bit and having dinner together?”
I hesitated, and he added, “You have someone you’re dating, but isn’t it strange to have dinner alone at home?”
After hearing his words, it did seem that way. So, I waited for him to finish work, and we had dinner together. And somehow, we ended up at his place. We didn’t have sex, but he stripped me bare and persistently nibbled and licked my waist, thighs, and the insides of my knees. In the morning, he sat me at the table, made toast and eggs for me. I ate what I was given and then commuted to work in his car.
We worked overtime on Tuesday until only the two of us remained in the empty department. That day, as he put on his coat, he said almost to himself, “Suddenly, I feel like having fish cakes. Lee Seodan, don’t you want fish cakes?”
I wasn’t particularly craving fish cakes, but I followed him as if compelled. We sat facing each other at a snack bar near the office, him dressed smartly, and ordered cheap food that didn’t suit him. The spicy rice cakes were so hot they made my nose run. After we finished eating, he said, “Eating something spicy makes me crave ice cream. Lee Seodan, don’t you want ice cream?”
So, we went to a brightly lit, colorful interior shop and had ice cream. After eating, he glanced at his watch and said, “It’s late; why don’t you come over to my place and spend the night?”
As soon as we entered through the door, our clothes were shed, and from the entrance onwards, our bodies intertwined. If he hadn’t held me close later, I would have slept on the first-floor sofa until morning.
On Wednesday morning, as I retrieved my clothes from his dressing room and dressed, I resolved. Today, I must leave work early and go home alone. Just looking at his face made my stomach churn, and the heat rising in my face was becoming more intense. I couldn’t think straight when I was near him.
He was out all day on an external assignment, so it was smooth sailing until I took the subway home after work. I took out side dishes and hastily ate dinner, but then the phone rang.
– I have something to tell you. Can I stop by for a moment tonight?
There was a noisy background. The voice coming through the receiver sounded colder and lower than in reality. Suddenly, I longed to see a face I hadn’t seen all day so much that my chest hurt.
At night, he parked the car in the parking lot and called me. When I ran down outside the building, I was handed a bag with a bakery logo on it through the driver’s side window. His slightly tired face caught my attention. Eating cake in the car and ending up tangled in bed was the natural order of events. I only slept for three hours, and he was the same.
***
It was Thursday evening. Supervisor Kim next to me, who had been sitting all day for a change, tapped on the partition.
“Lee Seodan, if you’re not busy, could you make some copies?”
“Yes, sure.”
I happened to have nothing to do, so I was just ruminating over the same document without any real task. I immediately got up, pushed in my chair, and waited until the supervisor handed me the documents. There was a deep weariness on my face as I mumbled, counting the pages.
Among the two projects currently underway in the team, the short-term one was under the supervisor’s jurisdiction. As I had just joined and hadn’t properly grasped the tasks, there wasn’t much I could do to help. Even with the long-term project, understanding the content was a struggle, and once I finished the basic tasks or simple reports, there was leftover time. It was a boredom I hadn’t felt since I was a rookie employee.
“This one and this one need to be double-sided, and this one needs to be scaled down to A4. No problem, right?”
“Yes, understood.”
“It’s great to have a smart junior around.”
Supervisor Kim raised her hand with manicured nails and roughly made a heart shape, then winked. Without a fitting response, I nodded politely and turned away. Including Deputy Park from the TF days, I was now experiencing my third supervisor within a year of starting, but this style of excessive praise as if by habit was new.
I stood blankly in front of the copier, waiting. I took out my phone, but there were no messages from him. Although I heard the company where he went on external assignments was not far from Seoul and not too far from the company, he seemed to be leaving work and not coming back to the office today.
I considered sending a text but then decided against it. Seeing his face every day was one thing, but demanding his time as if it were natural without any set plans seemed selfish. The copier finished spitting out paper and fell silent.
As I entered the narrow hallway leading to the department, I looked up and saw Han Team Leader. He was sitting on my desk, arms crossed. Unconsciously, my face softened, and I hastened my steps, only to notice the expression on the supervisor standing next to him belatedly. Sensing something strange, my steps slowed even more. As I approached, Han Team Leader slowly stood up.
“Team Leader, I haven’t finished my—.”
“Lee Seodan.”
He cut me off indifferently. I stood still.
His frozen face seemed unfamiliar. No, it was rather familiar. It was the face of a superior I often saw in meetings just last week. His eyes were cold and sharp. It was the gaze of a superior looking at a subordinate who hadn’t lived up to expectations.
My lips felt parched. My heart started pounding louder.
“What’s this?”
He asked in a low voice. A white paper was thrust in front of me.
It took me a few blinks to recognize the document. It was a report I submitted this morning. More precisely, it was a document that had been passed on to the supervisor and submitted along with others. The middle paragraph of the document printed in neat font was entirely circled in red. It was the red of the pen he used.
“What do you think is wrong with this report?”
He asked with a steady voice. I barely managed to moisten my dry lips.
“Supervisor Kim.”
As I couldn’t answer, Han Team Leader called out to the supervisor without turning his gaze. The supervisor, who usually smiled, hesitated with a face devoid of its usual cheer.
“Well, um… It seems… a bit verbose.”
“Why do you think it’s verbose?”
“…Because it contains more information than necessary.”
Whether the answer to his probing was wrong or not, Han Team Leader’s attention returned to me. His eyes, holding my gaze, were unyielding.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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Han Team Leader looked down at me indifferently. He dropped the document onto the floor and interrogated me relentlessly.
“Is work not interesting lately?”
“……”
“Don’t you even consider this simple work? You study hard, but there’s no place to apply it, no projects assigned. Do you think I can’t make use of Lee Seodan compared to your abilities?”
“…No.”
I couldn’t meet his gaze. The report papers were scattered on the ground. I bowed my head and stayed silent.
He turned his gaze away sharply when I didn’t respond.
“Supervisor Kim is the same. Did you think there would be no mistakes in what Lee Seodan does? Even if you’re busy, shouldn’t you check properly before passing it on? The fact that I have to discuss this directly with Lee Seodan means the person who should have played a middle role didn’t do it properly. Isn’t that right?”
“I’m sorry.”
Supervisor Kim replied in a locked voice. Han Team Leader glanced at my bowed head and pushed my chair back with a loud noise.
“Get yourself together and let’s get back to work.”
Until he disappeared down the hallway, the department remained as quiet as a grave. As Supervisor Kim brushed past me, she muttered.
“Well, appearing out of the blue like that.”
“I’m sorry, Supervisor.”
I apologized with my head bowed, and the supervisor looked up and shook her head.
“Team Leader’s right, huh. I should’ve talked to you directly, and this could be a problem in the future, but at this stage, your enthusiasm seemed good to me. So, I didn’t feel the need to mention it…”
“I apologize.”
“Don’t worry, Lee Seodan. You’re not the type to get scolded often, so it’s not a big deal. You didn’t even get scolded just now. Anyway, this is a mess. Did you make this copy?”
Glancing at the clock, the supervisor haphazardly stuffed the documents into a folder. I pulled out the chair Han Team Leader had pushed in and sat down again. My throat felt dry, and my stomach churned.
“I’ll probably be out tomorrow, so if you need anything, contact me via email.”
The supervisor waved her hand as she pushed the chair in. She glanced at my face as I bid farewell and wrinkled her nose.
“You’re not feeling down, are you? How can you work under Han Team Leader with such a soft-hearted attitude?”
“Have a nice evening.”
I stood up and escorted her a couple of steps. Once the supervisor shook my hand again, her footsteps quickly faded away down the corridor. I kept my head bowed and stared at the floor. The crumpled paper Han Team Leader had dropped rolled around on the ground.
The supervisor’s words were true. Compared to the scolding I received during TF, this wasn’t as bad. I thought I could brush off most things easily, but just a few words choked me up with an inexplicable sadness. My vision blurred momentarily before clearing again.
I sat still for a few more minutes. Han Team Leader didn’t return. As it approached the end of working hours, people began to trickle out one by one. Passing by, a section head picked up the scattered documents that had fallen off my chair, patted my shoulder, and said,
“You should leave too, Lee Seodan. Fix this and resubmit it to Han Team Leader via email.”
I accepted silently and bid goodbye. The second hand of the clock ticked away. At the hour, I stood up and gathered my belongings.
I stepped into the elevator. Just as I reached the lobby on the first floor, my phone in my pocket started ringing loudly. I closed my mouth and pulled it out, holding it to my ear.
“Don’t go home. Wait.”
He said abruptly. No greeting. His commanding tone ignited something hot inside me.
“I refuse.”
“…Fine.”
I spat out the words. Someone passing through the lobby glanced back at me. I pressed myself against the wall. Han Team Leader’s voice came through the receiver, short and silent.
“What did you say just now?”
“I’m on my way home. See you tomorrow.”
“If I say wait, you wait.”
His voice restrained anger. I swallowed the hot feeling rising in my throat and asked,
“Are you speaking as my superior?”
“…Yes.”
“I’ll wait as long as you need and then I’ll leave as soon as possible.”
“…Fine. Hang up. Let’s talk face to face.”
There was a click, and I leaned my head against the wall for a moment before straightening up. I left the lobby and descended the stairs.
It was evening. Even though the sun hadn’t set yet, the streets were bustling with people. I stood at the intersection leading to the station and looked up at the company building. I tapped the shoulder of a passerby. Rows of cars were lined up tightly at the traffic light, with no space in between. The crowded scene of quitting time was suffocating.
I turned my body and walked down the opposite direction. I entered a cafe in the building next to the company. The door was adorned with cherry blossom decorations.
The menu was written with colored chalk on a board. Even after looking at it several times, the words were still unreadable.
“There’s plenty of seating on the second floor.”
The part-time worker behind the counter said as they looked at me standing still.
“You’ll need to take your drinks upstairs.”
“…Yes. Just an americano…”
“Hot?”
“No, iced, please.”
I stood by the counter, waiting to receive a coffee I didn’t particularly want. Laughter erupted from a nearby table where a man and a woman sat together. On closer inspection, the woman’s face seemed familiar. I had seen her once while passing through the fourth-floor corridor of the company building. The man next to her was gesturing at his screen and explaining something in a rapid voice.
I considered leaving, but then the barista called out to me, offering the drink. I accepted the coffee and turned to head upstairs.
The second floor was quiet. The air conditioning was too cold, and there were hardly any people around. Tables were divided by wooden partitions. I placed my bag in the farthest corner, leaned against the wall, and sat down. The wall without windows was dark. Faint light from round-shaped lamps above illuminated the room.
After hesitating, I took out my phone. I typed the cafe’s name and sent it to him as a text. There was no reply.
About ten minutes passed. I drank the bitter coffee halfway and rested my forehead on the table. My fingertips cooled in the air conditioning breeze and the cold drink. Things started to seem clearer.
“…Not even mourning.”
My face flushed with anger, though there was no one around to see it. Regardless of what we did outside of work, he was my superior once we were at the office. He perfectly maintained that boundary, but I couldn’t. Despite knowing it rationally, getting scolded still left me feeling frustrated. I resented how he could speak coldly and sternly to me, like a child.
It had always been like this. He was adept at drawing lines, and I, fearing to cross them, always cowered. It wasn’t just our relationship; it was all the relationships I had built throughout my life.
I wished I could confidently trample over any line as if it didn’t exist. But I had never had that audacity. I carefully placed my steps, trying not to be disliked, not to make any mistakes. But as I looked down, I could see thousands of lines imprinted on the ground, branching out like a maze in all directions.
“What’s wrong? You look absent-minded.”
“…Yes.”
I lifted my head. Han Team Leader was looking down at me, placing his bag on the chair.
“Team Leader.”
I mumbled absentmindedly. Seeing his empty hands, I stood up. My legs felt weak, and I almost stumbled.
“What coffee would you like?”
“It’s okay. Sit down. I won’t be long.”
He grabbed my shoulder and pushed me back into the seat, then sat down opposite me. The air that had supported me with a sense of fullness all week suddenly vanished, leaving the room eerily quiet.
The surface of the wooden table was smooth. My face reflected faintly on it. After a moment of silence, he sighed.
“I’m sorry.”
His voice sounded weary. His clean hand reached across the table, crossing the gap to grab my arm. I saw the silver cuff button on his sleeve.
I snapped out of it. Looking up, I replied with effort.
“No, I should be the one apologizing.”
“I’m not apologizing for scolding you.”
He said plainly. Even as I tried to pull my hand away, he didn’t let go. His fingers tightened around my wrist.
“That part was your fault, Lee Seodan. I apologize for the… outcome. It was an unavoidable situation, but I’m sorry it upset you.”
I remained silent. I felt undeserving of an apology. I fixed my gaze on his chest. The patterned blue tie was neat.
“Working in my team seems to have its pros and cons, especially for you, Lee Seodan.”
He looked at me steadily.
“Dealing with you as my subordinate and dealing with you privately after work are two separate issues.”
“…Yes, I understand.”
“That’s not the face of understanding.”
He pointed out. When I lifted my head, his expression was subtle. It seemed like he was angry, yet not.
“If you’re upset, just say so. Pretending to understand with that expression won’t convince anyone.”
I took a sip of the coffee, covering my mouth with the cup. The ice had melted, making the coffee taste dull, and it wasn’t even cold anymore. Unable to find any words, I lowered my gaze. I didn’t look at him.
“And…”
He added, watching my subdued expression. His voice was light, almost as if he was casually gnashing his teeth.
“I was going to bring this up later, but since we’re on the topic now, I’ll say it. When you’re in the department, be mindful of where you direct your attention. Every time I see Supervisor Kim flirting with Lee Seodan, I feel like firing everyone in the department.”
“…Supervisor Kim means no harm…”
Caught off guard by his unexpected words, I lifted my head. It wasn’t just me; our supervisor was generally someone who put her arm around anyone or pinched their cheeks. She only refrained from doing so with Han Team Leader, as long as she was in her right mind.
“I’ve seen her petting your head, whispering in your ear, and chatting while leaning close for two weeks straight. Now, Lee Seodan, are you taking sides against me right in front of me?”
“…That’s not…”
“Even if it’s not, don’t do it. You should have cut it off before it caught my attention, Lee Seodan.”
His face, when I looked up, seemed genuinely annoyed, and suddenly, I almost burst out laughing as if all the energy had drained from my body. If our supervisor had heard, she would have found it incredibly absurd.
“Laughing?”
He said expressionlessly. His sharp eyes narrowed slightly.
“Don’t forget that I’m your superior, Lee Seodan. If I feel like it, I can isolate your desk in the archive room or create a separate space next to me.”
“…”
I took a deep breath in response to his coercive tone and opened my mouth, but at that moment, the phone on the table vibrated. It vibrated loudly multiple times in succession.
“Answer it.”
He said curtly. I looked up at him and reluctantly flipped over the phone.
It wasn’t a call. Messages from our supervisor on the messenger app were coming in one after another.
“Lee Seodan, have you left work? Feeling better now?”
“Your face looked terrible earlier.”
Then, six consecutive moving emojis appeared. The back view of what seemed to be a cat hugging a crying rabbit and soothing it with exaggerated gestures. Tears flew in all directions, and the clawed hand was patting relentlessly. Below were more messages.
“Team Leader’s tone is always like that.”
“Don’t worry too much!”
“We can see you tomorrow or on Monday if you prefer!”
As I read, I couldn’t help but smile faintly, as it was rare to receive such warm attention from a fellow team member. Then I raised my head, and Han Team Leader’s face was cold. I turned off the phone screen and placed it back on the table.
“It’s nothing significant. Supervisor Kim was just asking if I was feeling okay…”
I thought about handing him the phone, but then I remembered the messages behind. Even if it wasn’t anything major, it wasn’t my place to show him as there was a perspective from our supervisor.
“If I had known your social skills were this remarkable, I would have sent you to the sales department.”
Resting his chin on his hand, he said sarcastically. His intellectual face looked sarcastic.
“The TF team members have been talking about you for a few months now. Supervisor Kim hasn’t even been working with you for two weeks, has she?”
“…”
“She even came out with you, saying she enjoys working at the company these days because you’re good at your job and cute. After being assigned to learn from her, she’s just sitting there enjoying your cuteness. Do I look like I don’t get annoyed?”
I had nothing to say, so I looked up at him. What was the point of such a serious confrontation? I hadn’t waited for him at the cafe to discuss this, but I couldn’t understand why the atmosphere had turned like this. He stared at my face piercingly and coldly asked,
“Don’t you understand what I’m saying?”
“…No, I understand what you’re saying, but…”
“Just because you understand doesn’t mean anything.”
His interrupting tone was cold and oppressive, like dealing with a subordinate who had done something wrong. I felt as if my body was being crushed, but I pushed the feeling away.
“Just because I understand, it doesn’t mean I can directly tell Supervisor Kim not to do that anymore.”
Here we go again… both should just work in a separate coy or department
I don’t even understand what both the ML and MC want at this point.
Thank you for the chapter!