“Yes, it’s delicious.”
“Eat a lot then.”
He pushed the plate towards me. He transferred sliced meat to my plate in bite-sized pieces.
As the sun set, the breeze became cooler. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but I didn’t have anything else to say. I quietly ate the food on the plate, occasionally glancing out at the sea. I stole glances at his profile as well. As the meal was coming to an end, he spoke up.
“I saw the participation report.”
“…Yes.”
I couldn’t even remember what I wrote. As I searched my mind, he added,
“Was that all you could write?”
“I didn’t know what to write…”
“It’s not that you didn’t know, there was simply no content.”
The napkin under the plate fluttered in the wind and fell. Han Team Leader didn’t take his eyes off me as he stepped on the napkin with one foot.
“I wanted to ask for it again, but upon reflection, it’s feedback that doesn’t seem particularly useful. There’s no certainty about whether there will be a project next year.”
“…So you’re not going to do it anymore?”
He closed his mouth with a slightly tired expression before speaking.
“At present, I’m leaning towards not doing it, but it might change next year. I think I need to reconsider efficiency. I’ve come to realize this year that I shouldn’t increase the number of people labeled as ‘my people’ without knowing how long I’ll be staying in this company.”
“…Yes.”
If such a label actually existed, there would be a big one stuck on my forehead. If I took off my clothes, his name would be tattooed all over my body.
“Just with Lee Seodan alone… if I were to resign, your position would become uncertain. That’s something I need to consider in any decision I make in the future.”
He interrupted me as I opened my mouth.
“It’s my responsibility to provide options, and it’s natural for Lee Seodan to choose what he wants. If you want to work for a company with a high salary and good employee benefits, what can I do?”
“……”
Upon closer inspection, there was a faint smile around his eyes. He tapped the cigarette pack and pulled out a cigarette, then added,
“I wouldn’t have been relieved if I had sent Lee Seodan to another company.”
A blue flame rose high from the lighter.
“I think it’s better for Lee Seodan to work under me, even if it’s a bit tough for him.”
“…I also…”
I impulsively spoke up. He glanced at me with a fleeting look.
“I’m also happy to work under you, Team Leader.”
“These days, the only thing I like about RAEWON is Lee Seodan.”
He said casually. I couldn’t help but feel my face heating up and looked down at the floor.
Han Team Leader shook the cigarette ashes to check the direction of the wind, then reached out and pulled my chair closer. His hand, which had been slowly stroking my cheek, moved down to wrap around my waist. His body temperature felt warm. The dark blue remained, and the sunset was ending. Even when I looked up, I couldn’t see the boundary between the sea and the sky.
***
It was dark. I opened my eyes and closed them tightly again. Then, my shoulder was shaken.
“Lee Seodan, wake up.”
I hid under the blanket, avoiding the voice. I muttered something like ‘go away,’ and then heard a strange laugh.
“Are you sleep-talking? Wake up, let’s watch the sunrise.”
“…The sun rises every day.”
I said it, then the words got tangled in my mind.
“To see the sun, you don’t need to… see it every day…”
“What are you talking about?”
He laughed again. It was a gentle laugh. I struggled to come to my senses. It wasn’t my home. The bed, the mattress, even the air felt unfamiliar, and he was right beside me.
“…Team Leader.”
“You wake up and you’re grumpy. Have you grown up a lot?”
“…Who wouldn’t be grumpy when they’re woken up in the dark before dawn?”
He untangled the twisted blanket and helped me sit up. I slid into the space between his legs, leaning my back against his chest. It was warm.
“Who indeed. Just two weeks ago, Lee Seodan was like that. Have you forgotten already?”
“……”
My eyes kept closing. I leaned my head on his shoulder and swayed. His arms wrapped around my waist and gently stroked my side.
“Is your body okay?”
“…I’m not sure.”
He laughed again.
“Judging by your speech, you seem fine.”
Too tired to respond, I leaned my cheek against his neck. After eating everything from coffee to fruit and dessert from the icebox that showed no signs of the floor last night, I went for a walk on the dark beach. And then, I came back, realizing that the fuss I made during the day was nothing. I couldn’t keep up with it with my energy.
He hugged me until I didn’t have the strength to cry, saying not to faint this time after feeding me a lot. When I couldn’t even crawl due to exhaustion, he forced me up, made me crouch, and gently rubbed and scratched the sore inside. As I held back tears, a gentle kiss settled on my face. What I saw through my blurry vision was a satisfied face.
As I drifted off to sleep, I thought. Not holding the reins didn’t change the person itself. What he called normal sex seemed to be quite different from what is generally talked about in the world.
“We need to improve your stamina.”
He said in my ear. It tickled, and I curled up.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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Being close to him felt cozy and comfortable. Trying not to fall asleep, I opened my mouth.
“There’s something I want to ask in the future…”
“What is it?”
“…About our relationship or… ahead…”
I bit my tongue belatedly. Why did I bring up an old story here? Did I want to confirm, ‘You won’t see me anymore?’ or did I want to cling, ‘Let’s not meet?’ The words were even more pathetic once they left my mouth than I had thought. He said nothing. He adjusted his posture and held my chin to meet his eyes. Only the pupils, tinged with faint blue light in the darkness, were visible.
“When you get married, Team Leader…”
The casually started sentence broke off abruptly. After speaking, I realized that behind the light facade of my question, there lurked a gaping monster with its mouth wide open. He must have stiffened his shoulders too. After a bit of silence, he adjusted his posture, holding my chin to meet his gaze. In the darkness, only his eyes, with deep blue irises, were visible.
“I apologize for the last time’s issue.”
His voice sounded tired.
“It was a plan not to inform you at all, but that’s water under the bridge… And then, I waited to answer when asked, but I didn’t have a chance to explain because it seemed like you weren’t interested.”
“……”
“The marriage issue is one of the things I left alone rather than resolving because it consumes less energy. It was a promise made without consulting me, but if I acted stubbornly, it would have become more troublesome, so I filled the time out of courtesy and came out. I’m sorry for making Lee Seodan worry, and there won’t be similar incidents in the future.”
There was no corner left for me to argue with such a clean apology. As I tried to stretch out my body, he spoke.
“After tossing and turning with me last night, why are you bringing up marriage as soon as you wake up in the morning?”
“…Team Leader.”
I groggily grabbed his arm, trying to wake up.
“Do you understand what I said yesterday?” He shrugged off my grasp with some effort. Unsure of what to do, I took a step back and sat down.
“It seems you understood my words about not having much trust in Lee Seodan for dating.”
“It’s not like that-.”
“If it’s not like that, then what else could it be? Things have come this far, and Lee Seodan still doesn’t have confidence in me?”
His question felt like a weight on my neck. The ensuing silence seemed to descend into some distant abyss. With a tightened throat, I managed to spit out my response.
“I’ve had confidence in me liking you from before… But I’m still not sure if you like me.”
“…Do you realize how disrespectful that sounds to me?”
I felt as if an unseen face had turned cold. Silently, I gripped the blanket beside my knees. My nails dug into my palms. The prolonged silence was dreadful.
“You never said anything like that until now… At the beginning of the year… It seemed like you didn’t like me much.”
He rose without a response. The narrow mattress shook under his weight. For a moment, I thought he would get up and leave me behind.
Darkness stained his back as he sat on the edge of the bed. Against the gradually brightening sky, the solid contours of his head and shoulders became visible. It took him a while to speak after leaning against me.
“I don’t know what kind of answer Lee Seodan expects from me.”
“……”
“If you’re expecting me to say I fell for you at first sight, it wasn’t like that. Meeting you, I found your appearance and personality surprisingly to my liking, and although there were annoying aspects, at that time, I didn’t want to keep Lee Seodan by my side like now. On the contrary…”
Even without seeing his face, I could imagine a blank expression.
“…I think I wanted to see Lee Seodan completely broken and shattered. No… It could have been the opposite. Now I’m not sure. What I wanted from Lee Seodan and what I proposed in the deal.”
“……”
“Anyway, that was just a momentary thing, and it wasn’t important afterward. After meeting Lee Seodan, the relationship developed in a completely different direction than I expected, and I quickly forgot what I wanted to prove by using Lee Seodan.”
With a voice completely different from the content of his words, he added dryly,
“I don’t know if this is the answer Lee Seodan wants.”
“I… I just…”
“I would appreciate it if you didn’t take lightly what I said yesterday. It wasn’t easy for me to decide to abandon the way our relationship has been for a considerable time and try something new. I didn’t casually give you that key, and it doesn’t feel good to have that sentiment treated as if it’s insignificant.”
“I was wrong.”
He waited for me to finish speaking before blurting out abruptly. With no response, he repeated himself to my silent back.
“I was wrong. That’s not what I wanted to say… ”
He trailed off. A long and uncomfortable silence passed. I stared down at the blanket without taking deep breaths. I blinked slowly. We were on the bed, and under normal circumstances, an apology followed by punishment would have ended it. But now that the plot had been disrupted, I couldn’t figure out how to turn his heart around with words.
Seemingly having the same thought, he let out a short sigh.
“In moments like this, you should just keep your mouth shut until you’ve fully digested your words.”
“…I’m sorry.”
This time, he didn’t shrug off my hand gently holding his arm. I hesitated, inching closer to him step by step, placing him in front of me. In the darkness, I found his face and awkwardly kissed him on the cheek. It was rough.
“It’s not that I think you’re unbearable… It’s just that you haven’t clearly communicated with me, so I felt like I had to ask.”
He detached my grip on his shoulder, looking displeased.
“Where did you learn this kind of coyness?”
His voice seemed slightly softened, but it wasn’t certain. I kept my mouth shut and sat there, half-asleep. The contours of his face were visible enough in the brightly lit room. Suddenly, I glanced at the window, and beyond the horizon, a round curve of yellow was rising.
“Is that… the sunrise?”
“Then would it be the sunset?”
He replied indifferently. The large, round thing ascended above the horizon at an astonishing speed. As the full circle became apparent, I stared at the sky so intensely that it left a bright imprint on the inside of my eyelids.
“Is this your first time seeing the sunrise?”
He asked.
“Doesn’t the sun always look like that?”
“Did you expect it to be square?”
“Not exactly… But isn’t it strangely large?”
As I turned my head, his lips at the corner of his mouth caught my sight. But as soon as I turned to look, his face became indifferent, and he glanced down at me.
“Weren’t you in the middle of apologizing to me?”
“…Yes. But since you woke me up to see the sunrise, I thought I’d look first…”
“You seem to be getting more cheeky lately.”
His tone wasn’t unpleasant. After closing my mouth, he lifted my chin with his fingertips.
“Open your mouth. I’ll keep kissing you until you’re truly sorry.”
“…I’m already sorry…”
As I spoke, I hesitantly opened my mouth under his gaze. He caught the back of my head to prevent me from escaping and kissed me. I surrendered and closed my eyes tightly.
The tension dissipated to the point where the kiss became gentle. His pointed tongue licked the roof of my mouth slowly, caressing underneath my tongue. The sounds that escaped were all swallowed by his lips. The warmth inside his mouth spread throughout my body, tingling sweetly. My body leaned back and collapsed. The weight pressing on top of me felt pleasant. When my chilly lips were finally released, the round sun was already high up.
He let go of me and stood up, saying,
“Go back to sleep. I know you’re fully awake now, but you haven’t slept for a few hours. It’s better to close your eyes.”
“You…”.
“I’ll smoke a cigarette and come back.”
He got up and left the bed without hesitation, wearing only jeans and carrying a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in his fingers. I heard the sound of the latch on the glass door being undone.
I sat up with the blanket wrapped around me, on the edge of the bed. His back, like a black shadow beyond the glass, stood against the bluish dawn. The sea was visible. The receding tide had exposed white sand overnight. Against the backdrop of the sea and the sky, his back seemed like a frozen picture in time.
A warm and cold sensation pierced through my chest and passed. Without reason, I felt like crying.
Han Team Leader, who had brought in the chilly wind, found me sitting and stopped in his tracks.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“…I think I would have been better off just being punished.”
His eyes still held a lingering sternness. As if urging me to continue speaking, he raised his eyebrows. I muttered hesitantly with a faltering voice,
“I… I think I’d be okay with being swallowed up by you, Team Leader…”
As our faces met directly, an extreme heat surged up my spine. It felt like crying and pain. My vision blurred, and my limbs weakened. He exhaled as if encouraging me to continue speaking. It was unclear whether it was a laugh or a sigh.
“Don’t entertain dangerous thoughts.”
“…Team Leader…”
Without knowing what I wanted myself, I reached out to him. He walked into that embrace and held me facing him. I tightened my arms around his back. The insides of my closed eyelids burned hotly.
Events that I couldn’t even dare to dream of had happened in just one day. Yet, instead of feeling glad, I became even more cowardly. If loving him alone was an endless waiting, facing him was constant anxiety.
***
We arrived in Seoul well past evening. He bought dinner for us at a restaurant he had found before coming up. While he was paying the bill, I stepped outside. I had learned something at the rest stop, so I stayed out while he settled the bill. Although I still wasn’t completely at ease, I didn’t want to argue now.
After driving back and forth for ten hours round trip over two days, he seemed tired by the time we arrived in Seoul. As I watched the passing streetlights, I resolved to find my license I had left behind and practice driving. Even after sleeping a few more hours after watching the sunrise, I still felt tired. It felt like all the energy had been drained from me. Thinking about it, it was understandable. It was just a one-night trip, but it felt like we had engaged in sex and fights non-stop.
As we approached the outskirts of Seoul, traffic began to slow down. Han Team Leader turned to me when he stopped the car at a traffic light.
“Where should we go?”
“…What?”
His voice was tinged with amusement. I belatedly replied,
“Just drop me off at home… Or anywhere is fine if you think you’d deliberately turn back. Since the car hasn’t been returned yet.”
“Don’t raise people’s blood pressure.”
He interrupted.
“Would it be better to take you home?”
“…Yes.”
I hesitated before answering. My chest felt tight, as if I had swallowed something bitter. If I slept alone at home, it felt like everything that happened last night would lose its shape and fade away. And if I met him at work tomorrow, it felt like he wouldn’t even give me a glance.
“Understood.”
He replied flatly. The traffic light turned green. I turned my head towards the window.
Deciding to follow him home when I had to go to work tomorrow was too childish. Since we had spent the entire weekend together without parting, expecting more was extravagant.
He didn’t say anything until we arrived at my apartment parking lot. He parked the car in front of the apartment entrance and shifted gears. He raised his hand to rub his forehead and said in a muted voice,
“Lee Seodan.”
“Yes?”
I looked up at him as he casually spoke with his face obscured.
“I’m about to turn off the ignition now.”
“……”
“Aren’t you going to ask me to come in for a drink?”
My heart began to race. Swallowing dry lips, I asked,
“Will you really come in?”
“If you want to be alone, then leave it at that.”
“I’m fine with it, but, Team Leader, if you’re tired…”
“Driving from here to my place would be more tiring. Did you throw away my toothbrush?”
I nodded silently as he turned off the ignition. The car fell silent.
“I’ll drive next time.”
I said cautiously. He unlocked the door, looking surprised.
“You know how to drive?”
“…I don’t know how, but I have a license.”
“This car is too big for you. Buy a smaller one, and I’ll teach you.”
“Team Leader?”
It was chilly outside. He answered as he took out his bag from the back seat.
“Why, don’t you think I can do it? I’m good at teaching. Whatever it is.”
“Yes… still.”
“Counting the times I spanked you from the backseat was nice, but… I guess that won’t happen anymore.”
My body shivered. The sensor light at the entrance of the building turned yellow. He, who followed behind me, asked without any change in expression.
“Is it uncomfortable to hear such things?”
“…It’s not like that.”
It felt like lately there were more days with his fingerprints left on my buttocks than days without, and just because we redefined our relationship now didn’t mean the past was erased. Still, as we rode the elevator up, my heart raced so fast that I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
It occurred to me that I hadn’t cleaned up the house. Seeing a cup lying on the living room floor, he raised an eyebrow.
“Was there a thief?”
“…I didn’t have time to clean up…”
“Of course, the fridge must be empty too.”
It had only been a week. He casually leaned against the cushion as if it were his own place. I stood awkwardly in the doorway, the homeowner.
For a while, I stared at him, who had comfortably closed his eyes, then headed to the kitchen. I washed my hands and boiled water in the kettle. While rummaging through the cabinet looking for tea, I found two cigarette packs. There were a few sachets of porridge left and also hangover cures. There were even two lollipops left. I couldn’t remember why I bought them.
The tin case Supervisor Kim had given me was still in the corner of the cabinet, but I still didn’t have a sieve. In the end, I brewed tea using old green tea bags. Carrying two cups and the tea, I went back to the living room. He opened his eyes as I entered.
“Your taste in cigarettes is like mine.”
He said slowly, looking at the cigarette pack I had placed next to the teacup. Placing two candies and a hangover cure next to it, I replied.
“I bought them for you, Team Leader. Last Sunday.”
“…Is this also mine?”
He picked up the lollipop and twirled it around in his hand, then took a sip of tea. I almost kneeled down out of habit, but corrected my posture. The cup in my hand almost spilled over.
“There’s porridge too. Have it for breakfast tomorrow.”
“Are you trying to apologize to me now?”
“…What?”
I didn’t understand and shook my head. Han Team Leader, who was twirling the lollipop in his palm, tapped the rounded end towards me.
“It’s expensive.”
He said, but it was a two-hundred-won lollipop. Moreover, it was one of the ones I had just given him. He rescued the remaining one from the table and put it in his pocket, then picked up the cigarette and the hangover cure bottle.
“I’ll smoke it well and drink it well.”
“…Yes.”
“You thought enough of me to buy this for me, Lee Seodan, but last week, I only made harsh remarks about the newbies. I’m sorry.”
He said it nonchalantly, but I was speechless as if suddenly attacked. I couldn’t find words to reply, so I fidgeted with the cup in my hand. Han Team Leader neatly placed the empty teacup down and stood up.
“Give me the toothbrush and pajamas.”
His voice was light. I put down the cup and stood up to follow him. I found his toothbrush in a drawer deep in the bedroom. He raised an eyebrow but said nothing as I found his green pants in the closet.
I changed into pajamas first. I heard the sound of the shower in the bathroom. Earlier, I was so precarious that it felt like I might die, but now I felt happy as if I were not in my right mind. I kneeled and sat by the closed bathroom door. Rocking my body lightly, I thought. First-time dating was challenging. The strings of emotions that followed were as complex as the wires of a bomb, and they were so sensitive that they might explode with a slight touch. Everything was precarious and anxious. But even so, it felt so good. It felt like my body was filled with intense heat.
“Why are you sitting in front of the door?”
With a towel roughly wiping his wet hair, he stood at the threshold and asked. I couldn’t even erase the smiling expression from my face and looked blankly up at him.
“Why are you smiling? Because you like me?”
He said nonchalantly, reaching out his hand to lift me up.
“Wash up. I’ll get some water from the kitchen to drink.”
“…Yes. There’s a water pitcher in the fridge, and if you don’t like cold water, there’s a kettle…”
He didn’t let go of my hand that he held. I was the same. Silently, he pushed me into the bathroom, leaning me against the wall and kissed me. When I reached out not to push him away but to hold onto his shoulders, my wrist was grabbed, and I was pressed against the wall. His knee slipped between my legs. Heat surged fiercely behind my closed eyelids.
By the time I was breathless, my bound wrists were released. Our lips met briefly again before separating with a wet sound.
“I’ll wait in the bedroom for you to wash up.”
Resting our foreheads together, he spoke in a low voice. His fingertip gently traced the reddened skin around my eyes.
“If you don’t want this, say it now.”
“…Aren’t you tired?”
“It doesn’t seem like the time to worry about me.”
Lips brushed against the skin around my eyes before withdrawing. He released me without hesitation, kindly closing the bathroom door behind me. As I reached for the toothbrush, I glanced at my forehead in the mirror. The reddened cheeks, swollen lips, and bruised skin around my eyes made me feel like it wasn’t my own face. It felt strange, almost like looking at a stranger’s face, both unfamiliar and childlike.
Am happy both are communicating well and defining this relationship. Its been a roller coasters of emotions, not sure what Han wants. But now he knows, happy for this two characters..lol
Thanks for the new chapter
I’m still confused about what exactly the ML feels for Lee Seodan, but maybe he is just not someone who can feel or express love, and maybe Seodan doesn’t need exactly that as well.
Thank you for the update!
Thanks very much for the chapters.
Both of them are a combination of broken people both can discover how is a real relationship without bad habits or underestimate themselves… they just need talk properly
AAAAAAAAAAAASSFUGITSYVIVTSTFKBKVHSYVUDEYVJVJXHSYTDUO
They’re so opposite I love it, also the sunset scene I can’t wait for the manhwa I wanna see the illustration I super love this story, both characters are so complicated lol
this is also one of my favorite scenes 😘 another favorite will come soon in the side stories <3