His eyes narrowed. Behind him, a seagull landed in the yard and walked clumsily. Its beak was smooth and orange.
The silence lingered. He didn’t sit down but leaned near the door as if ready to leave at any moment. I couldn’t relax either. It was just the two of us in an empty space devoid of people. The weight of silence was different from being alone in the office. It felt like my stretched nerves were being pulled to their limit.
It was backlighting. Shadows loomed over his face like a veil. I lowered my eyes and fixed them on the bedsheet. Faint white patterns were engraved on the white blanket, barely visible unless looked at closely. Without meaning to, I followed them with my eyes, and he spoke in a locked voice.
“Would you like to take a walk?”
“…Yes.”
My knees felt stiff as I stood up. As I stepped out into the yard, he half-closed the door. He glanced down at my shoes uncomfortably and asked, “Are those shoes okay for the sand?”
They were just a pair of dress shoes. It wasn’t a formal suit, but it wasn’t exactly travel attire either. Apparently, he had the same thought because after scanning me up and down, he pushed open the door to the driveway.
“Change your clothes. Use what you brought.”
“…Here?”
“I’ll look away.”
He said casually. There were no curtains on the glass door. I opened my bag nervously, feeling like I was doing something wrong. I took off my shirt first and quickly put on a T-shirt. As I looked down at my pants zipper, contemplating whether to go to the bathroom, I felt his gaze.
“A bit late to be feeling embarrassed now.”
I conceded to his dry voice. Turning away, I took off my pants and put on shorts. When I turned back, he was leaning against the door, looking out at the yard.
“The shoes.”
He pointed out as I opened my clothes.
“I don’t have anything else.”
“Leave them and come. I’ll give you these.”
He dangled the slippers he was wearing in front of me. I took off my shoes and socks. The slippers he offered were too big. I slipped my feet in and wiggled my toes. He was barefoot.
“What about Team Leader?”
“It’s fine without them. Whenever you’re ready.”
He walked confidently across the grass barefoot. Struggling with the oversized slippers, I finally dropped them at the end of the yard as the distance between us grew. My feet sank into the warm sand between my toes.
Han Team Leader slowed his pace to match mine as I caught up. Turning along the boundary line of wet sand, he walked slightly ahead, following the trail of water.
It was a simple beach. There was only sand and water. The waves were rough, occasionally pushing deep enough to lick at our toes. Whenever I looked up, I saw his back. The sand underfoot was cool and damp.
I picked up some seashells. There were also conches with spiral patterns neatly rolled up. There were also large orange clam shells with pools of seawater in the sunken parts. I picked them up in my hands, one by one, and then dropped them one by one. Waves washed over my feet. Dead jellyfish floated up with the waves and lay white on the sand.
He didn’t look back as he walked ahead. He matched my pace, stopping whenever I slowed down. The house gradually shrank every time I turned to look back, until it became a tiny dot.
Occasionally, broken branches, seemingly washed up by storms or pushed up by water, lay scattered on the sand like animal bones. When a thick branch blocked the path from all sides, instead of turning sideways, he suddenly stopped. I stopped behind him with a handful of smooth round stones and perfect white shells.
“Let’s sit and rest for a bit.”
He said. I cautiously chose a branch of suitable height and sat down. The smooth surface was warm under the sunlight.
Han Team Leader stood behind me. The lighter clicked dryly. A faint puff of cigarette smoke rose at the edge of my vision, mixed with the wind and disappeared.
I was staring silently at my sand-covered toes. Perhaps from walking a lot, there was a tingling heat on the soles of my feet. The sound of the waves coming in was rhythmically soothing. When the water hit the sand, white foam rose and seeped in, quieting down. The horizon was a clean blue. It seemed like nothing would come out no matter how far we walked.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
He asked. I exhaled the breath I had been holding before answering.
“What are you talking about?”
Han Team Leader didn’t immediately respond. He kept his lips sealed until the smoke from pulling the cigarette dispersed slowly. His gaze was directed somewhere towards the sea or the sky, not at me.
“There’s something I need to apologize to Lee Seodan for.”
His words ended crisply. From my lips, licked like a dog, came a bitter taste of salt. After whispering “Yes” softly, another brief silence ensued. At the end of it, he spoke indifferently.
“From a common sense perspective, it might seem obvious, but the excuse of your superior stumbling into Lee Seodan’s room in the dead of night after last Friday’s drinking session didn’t seem convincing.”
Only then did I realize he was talking about what happened after last week’s Friday drinking session. It was about my mother’s story, about the disgrace he encountered in front of my house. As I was about to speak up, he was already continuing dispassionately.
“Lee Seodan’s mother seemed to want a definite answer from me as we left the house, and although I could have glossed over it, I didn’t. At the time, I was also sleep-deprived, drunk, quite emotional…”
He paused, looking at me silently.
“No, that’s a lie too. Maybe I thought it was a good opportunity since it had already happened that way. Whether it was Lee Seodan’s mother or sister, it was advantageous for me to settle it, and I had no intention of letting Lee Seodan hold it over me in the future.”
I could already anticipate the end of the story he brought up. Perhaps I had expected a day like this to come, sooner or later, like waves gradually rolling towards the shore, destined to break somewhere.
“How much did you hear?”
My voice came out strangely calm even to myself. His chest, against which my hand rested, fluttered and then fell still.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“I heard enough.”
“…?”
“Qtjafnfg Off Vfbvjc atbeuta kjrc’a kbgat afiilcu wf, bg ktjafnfg P vffwfv eckbgats bo ilrafclcu ab. Slatfg kjs…”
Ktf fwbalbcifrr nblmf P tjv qfgmflnfv cbk rffwfv reqqgfrrfv ys j agfwfcvber obgmf. Ccufg kjr mbcufjifv yfakffc atf kbgvr. Pa kjr bcis cbk atja P gfjilhfv tf tjv yffc jcugs, ogbw ijra Vecvjs ecali abvjs. Ufgtjqr tf tjv tbqfv P kbeiv mbcofrr ktja tjv tjqqfcfv lc atf tbafi gbbw kf kfgf lc abufatfg, bg ja atf gfrajegjca ktfgf kf rja ojmf ab ojmf jcv jaf.
I held my breath for a moment before speaking. The sea in front of me also blurred slightly out of focus. I opened my mouth, and laughter escaped without my knowing.
“So… was that why you acted like that towards me this week? Being angry with me all week…”
I found myself facing him without realizing I had stood up. I poured out my words while looking at his expressionless face.
“Was that such an important issue for Team Leader? So, did you think you didn’t want to be involved with me anymore?”
“What are you talking about now?”
He brushed off the hand grabbing his shoulder forcefully.
“What did I expect from Team Leader in the first place… pushing me away whenever, not giving me a definite answer, always… being swayed by Team Leader’s hand…”
“Who’s being swayed by whom now?”
It was a raw expression of emotion. My shoulder was grabbed. It was a grip so strong that I couldn’t shake it off even when I twisted my body.
“What did I even think this week? I wondered if someone had examined every detail of my life to send Lee Seodan away. If I had known beforehand and told Lee Seodan not to do it, what would it mean now? Even if I said I didn’t know, now…”
His strong grip dug into my shoulder as if to tear me apart. His knuckles turned white. I looked up faintly. An expression I hadn’t even thought would be on his face was there. Feeling something warm in my chest, I quickly averted my gaze.
“It’s not something Team Leader should concern yourself with.”
My voice came out tangled.
“I walked into the hotel room myself, whether I was raped or had consensual sex in the past, what does that have to do with Team Leader?”
“It doesn’t matter? If it doesn’t matter, why am I like this right now?”
He asked, as if tearing apart my words. My shoulder hurt where he held me. I bit my lip until I tasted blood.
“Does Team Leader feel guilty now, or do you pity me? Even I, after being raped and kicked out of my house, now selling myself to work on a project…”
“Don’t talk like that.”
He cut off my words. His grim voice interrupted me as I tried to speak again.
“I should ask Lee Seodan then. Is seeing Lee Seodan’s face trembling white with fear all week, whenever I close my eyes, guilt? Or sympathy?”
“…”
“Being terrified, crying that you can’t do it, grabbing, tying wrists, and beating… If Lee Seodan thinks that any moment and equates me with those fucking rapists in his mind, and want to break everything in sight, is that guilt or sympathy to Lee Seodan?”
His face drew closer. I couldn’t say anything and blinked in blurred vision. The liquid that dripped down my cheek suddenly felt hot. His eyes, sharp as needles, were too close as if they were going to tear me apart.
“If I… even though I’ve sacrificed my conscience ten times a day, just want to pretend I didn’t hear that, will I become an even more pathetic piece of shit than I am now? What do you think?”
“…Team Leader.”
“Listen.”
“I…”
“Listen to my words first and then speak.”
He spat out without hesitation while facing me.
“I’ve always thought that when Lee Seodan looked at me with genuine fear, or cried because of me and looked like he might explode with anger, was that Lee Seodan thinking I’m no different from a rapist?”
I remained silent helplessly.
He demanded an answer with bloodshot eyes. He waited with lips pursed as if my words had weight.
“How do I…?”
My voice trembled. My vision blurred, and I couldn’t see him.
“How do I… know that?”
“If Lee Seodan doesn’t know, then who will?”
“I…”
“Answer me. I’ve decided to settle it here today. What does it mean when you said you liked me? What kind of decision is it to accept me? What do you want me to do? I really don’t know now, so Lee Seodan, decide. Whether to leave or beg, just tell me.”
No one else was there. We were alone on the sandy beach where the sea water flowed over our heels. The sound of waves came from afar. I wiped away the tears flowing like a broken faucet. I blinked until his face became clear. With a trembling voice, I spoke.
“Are those the only two options?”
“…Tell me what you want, and I’ll do it.”
He spoke quietly, as if all the strength had drained from his body. I wiped my eyes again with the back of my hand and, impelled by an impulse I couldn’t identify, whispered softly.
“Then, Team Leader, please like me too.”
“…”
The cold waves brushed against my heels. The wind blew, making my tear-soaked face chilly. His face seemed strange, so I hurriedly added,
“Not too much… Just occasionally eat together, not just sex, sometimes see each other even if we don’t do anything, and I want to contact you first from my side too… Please like me enough for that, Team Leader.”
“I already like you.”
He replied with a strange expression. As I tried to speak, he raised his hand to stop me.
“What have you heard so far?”
“What?”
“I told you I like you at least ten more times.”
“…When….”
He chuckled. It was a laugh full of incredulity.
“A person, even without much sense, should realize… Who else besides Lee Seodan would I go to such lengths for?”
His words echoed in my ears. Unable to comprehend, I stared blankly ahead. After closing my eyes for a moment, he added.
“It won’t be the same kind of emotion as when Lee Seodan says he likes me. I won’t be able to wait patiently like Lee Seodan does, I wouldn’t do it even if I woke up from the dead. Even if I have to make Lee Seodan depend on me from one to ten, is that considered liking him according to Lee Seodan’s standards?”
“…It’s not just a liking between people, it’s not that….”
“If I could, I’d devour Lee Seodan whole without leaving a single piece of flesh.”
He said impassively, without changing his expression.
“I feel like I might go insane every time Lee Seodan isn’t in front of me, and just by talking to someone else, I want to take them somewhere and kill them. Saying this makes me sound like a lunatic, doesn’t it? Even I think so.”
I sealed my lips. My stomach churned with heat, making me dizzy.
“Isn’t that just… greed?”
“…”
He looked at me silently, then chuckled, burying his face in his hands. I wiped my swollen eyes with my damp palm. My body trembled with suppressed sobs. My throat tightened, and no words came out.
After a while, he asked with a lingering hint of laughter in his voice.
“So, if I’m greedy, will Lee Seodan allow me to indulge freely?”
“…”
“Do you want me to like you? Is that all you wish for?”
“…”
“Reach out your hand.”
As I hesitantly raised my trembling palm, he reached into his pocket and placed something small and solid on top of my hand. The round ring attached to it looked familiar. It was the key to his closet in his bedroom.
I tried to speak but choked on my words.
“This…?”
“Throw it away.”
He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. A vast expanse of blue water stretched before us.
“Just throw it anywhere. It’s no longer needed.”
“…Why?”
Afraid I might drop it, I clenched my hand tightly. With restored color in his face, he gently pushed my shoulder forward.
“Why? What’s the ‘why’? Don’t you dislike it?”
“So, does this mean you won’t play or have sex with me anymore?”
I asked to confirm. He furrowed his brow momentarily.
“Playing with me has improved Lee Seodan’s vocabulary. No more playing or anything similar. It’s not that I won’t have sex…”
He paused as if searching for words.
“If I were to suggest we start a relationship in the conventional sense, would that make sense?”
“…In the conventional sense…”
“After work, we go eat something delicious, watch a movie. On weekends, you come over to my place to sleep, have vanilla sex without the play. Take vacations a few times a year. If Lee Seodan feels like it, move in with me after a couple of years. What do you think about that, Lee Seodan?”
I pondered his words for a while. I chewed on each word in my mind, flipping them over and examining them. In the meantime, he added.
“It’s a theoretical discussion. If you have any opinions, feel free to express them. I’ll consider them.”
“…I don’t know. I’ve never tried… anything like that before…”
He chuckled wryly.
“Two inexperienced people meeting each other, we’re bound to make plenty of mistakes.”
Our gazes lingered for a long time. Reaching out, he slowly wiped my eyes and tilted his head, gently pressing his lips against mine. It was a light kiss, almost playful.
At that moment, his arms tightly wrapped around my waist. Losing my balance, my body fell into his embrace. His hot tongue, pushing through parted lips, stirred my mouth vigorously as if it would swallow everything whole.
***
Before my body could fully lay on the bed, the clothes were stripped away. He pulled down my shorts and underwear in one swift motion, tossing them outside the bed while gripping my ankles. As my legs spread wide, he leaned in between, removing my shirt. Fingers tracing along my ribs made me shiver, and I instinctively hunched my shoulders.
“Sand… on your feet.”
I barely managed to utter, breathless to the chin. He chuckled before removing his shirt.
“Am I the only one in a hurry right now?”
“But, we shouldn’t mess up the sheets…”
“Now, what does it matter when there will be even better things to mess them up with?”
Nevertheless, he only put on jeans and went under the bed to retrieve a towel from his bag. Pulling me down to the end of the bed, he grabbed one foot at a time and brushed off the sand onto the floor. The sensation of the towel on the sole of my foot felt odd. I bit my lip to suppress any sound while squirming.
He used the towel to wipe between my toes before pressing his lips firmly against the sole of my foot. He nibbled on the protruding bone and sucked it in deeply.
“Ugh…”
The air I held escaped as he released it. Han Team Leader lightly kissed the raised knee while holding onto my ankle, then chuckled.
“Why are you not getting used to it?”
“Every time, like this, it makes me… uh… let my guard down.”
As the fever rose in my body, the words almost escaped me. Han Team Leader raised his eyebrows mockingly at my downcast eyes.
“Do you have that much doubt? I’ll only do what Lee Seodan likes. Just plain vanilla sex.”
He scratched the soft skin leading to the testicles with his nails. Pressing his palm against the tightening scrotum, he gently squeezed. The increasing sensitivity was so vivid that it was palpable in his hand. I closed my eyes and quietly moaned even though my mouth was shut, the muffled sound escaping.
“Spread your legs wider. I’ll suck you.”
“Ugh, no…”
He held my thigh tightly, spreading it wide, and nibbled and sucked on the innermost part. He was persistently inserting soft flesh into his mouth, making it sting. I covered my face with my arm, feeling like I couldn’t control my expression. His hand grabbed my wrist.
“Don’t cover your face. It’s annoying.”
His voice was light, but we both reacted with a slight delay. He dryly added, raising his eyebrows.
“It’s just a habit.”
“Uh… yes.”
“If you want to cover it, go ahead. I won’t scold you.”
He kissed my tip. I whimpered with a flushed face like a ripe apple.
“I’m sorry, I won’t cover it.”
He stroked the pillar with his tongue like an apple and smiled with his eyes. The transferred sensation was terrifyingly intense.
He gently caressed the inside of my thigh with his palm as if gently rubbing, it was so sensitive that it felt like it would tear my skin off. For a moment, my breath was cut off, and my mind went blank. I barely regained my senses and mumbled with a twisted pronunciation.
“Team Leader…”
“What?”
“I, without permission, if I go… uh…”
A heavy laughter filled his eyes.
“It’s not about asking for permission.”
His voice lowered and became rough. As he fondled the erecting part, he extended his hand inside the anus and spread the other hand over it. While gently caressing the entrance, he spread both legs wide and sucked on the inner part, as if to imply that it had all been a joke so far.
It was a climax that felt like something hot was being drawn out from inside my body. I was so deeply immersed in the sweet sensation that I couldn’t even recognize the finger pushing in the tightly folded wrinkles. I couldn’t control my expression or my voice.
Finally they talk 🦜