Suddenly, my chin was firmly grasped, and my head lifted. Our eyes met at a close distance, and he spoke quickly.
“If there’s anything I can help with, even a little, tell me now.”
“…”
“Whether I’ll consider helping or not is up to me. So, tell me whatever you need. Even if it’s not something I can directly resolve, there might be something I can do. As a superior, or maybe as…”
He abruptly cut off his words. It was a sudden silence, like a breath that had been taken in quickly.
“Or maybe?”
I lowered my eyes, slowly probing the unfinished part of his sentence that he had discarded. I, too, couldn’t find the right words to fill the gap. What could I name this relationship? On Saturdays, outside the company, what was he to me if not a superior? And now, neither at work nor on a Saturday, what obligation was behind his action of driving me home?
Silence tightened around my throat like a noose. I stared at him with an unquenchable thirst, unable to understand what words I wanted to hear or what response I desired. The man in the adjacent seat glared down at me and clenched his jaw.
He forcefully brought his hand down onto the steering wheel. The horn sounded sharply, discordant and abrupt. He muttered a curse under his breath.
“Why does it have to be this complicated?”
“…Why bother…”
I felt dizzy. My pupils, looking up, seemed restless, as if the eyelids had been peeled away. His eyes, which I thought I knew, seemed different.
He slammed his hand down onto the steering wheel. The honk sharply cut off and faded. “Damn it,” he muttered under his breath.
“Why is team leader doing this?”
It was confusing. My dilated pupils were restless. I opened my mouth and then closed it. The man beside me remained silent.
“…Okay.”
He finally said after a while. Click, the car door’s lock was released.
“Go inside, rest, and see you tomorrow.”
“…Thank you for the ride.”
When I opened the door, a gust of wind brushed against my cheek. Stepping back with my bag, I closed the car door. Han Team Leader wasn’t looking in my direction. As the door closed, the car started moving.
The retreating tail lights were red. I turned to enter the office building but stopped in my tracks. Hesitating for a moment, I turned around, only to find that his car had already disappeared around the corner of the alley.
***
Since the midterm presentation, the atmosphere within the team had subtly changed. Even Deputy Park, who rarely got angry, became sensitive to tasks to the point of arguing with Manager Kwon, turning the meeting time into a battlefield of sharp words. Team members, who had worked under Han Team Leader for several years, seemed to be carrying knives under their tongues. After the morning meetings, Supervisor Kim would often disappear from the department for a while.
I generously invested in the sleeping pills I received and focused only on completing tasks without making mistakes. Being at the office from early morning to late at night every day had restored the pattern of my daily life, despite my dislike. After leaving my phone at home for a few days, I carefully researched how to block calls and brought it back into my pocket. There was no way to confirm whether the other party was not calling or unable to call, so I couldn’t be sure if the blocking was effective.
At the end of a particularly hectic week, I belatedly realized that there had been no messages from Team Leader on the usual Friday night or even Saturday morning. It was a Saturday afternoon. When I checked my phone, the last contact was a long time ago.
I slightly leaned back my head and glanced behind the partition where he was. I scrolled up and down the message list. The cursor blinked in the blank space.
I slowly wrote, “As usual today…” and erased it. “I wanted to check, in case you forgot…” felt strange in a work email, so I wrote, “Since you didn’t contact me, I wondered if you forgot…,” hoping to convey my desire to just let this week pass. I looked at the partition of Han Team Leader, who was busy with work, beyond the focused Deputy Park.
At that moment, I saw him getting up. Pushing in his chair and grabbing his coat, it seemed he had business in the department. I quickly stood up as he reached the threshold of the meeting room.
After closing the door behind me, I saw that Han Team Leader was already a considerable distance ahead.
“Why did you follow me out?”
Without turning back or slowing his steps, he asked. His long legs strode down the corridor confidently. Even just trying to catch up felt overwhelming.
“If you had a question, you should’ve asked earlier. Go back and get help from Deputy Park.”
“It’s not about work…”
We were just passing the brightly lit elevator lobby. People standing beside the door bowed or greeted Team Leader as he passed. I kept my mouth shut until the crowd dispersed. Han Team Leader asked without turning back.
“If it’s not about work, then why did you follow me out into the hallway during work hours to have a personal conversation?”
“If you’re busy now, we can talk later…”
“Do you even have a personal conversation worth having with me in the first place?”
His voice was stern. He seemed determined not to slow down despite knowing that I was following him for a reason. We were already nearing the consulting department.
I hesitated on how to broach the subject and eventually gave up, slowing my pace. As a result, Team Leader, who seemed like he would just swipe his card and enter through the glass door, stopped.
“Why are you doing this?”
His face, turned towards me, was tinged with exhaustion. I opened my mouth but then closed it again. Avoiding his gaze, I muttered.
“Because you didn’t send any messages…”
“…Messages?”
“And, you seemed tired, so… If today’s not convenient, it’s okay to postpone. I just wanted to tell you…”
As I said that, it sounded like I was the one who wanted to postpone. There was a brief silence, and then I heard a tired chuckle from above.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“…I…”
“I forgot to contact you. If there are no objections from your side, I’d prefer to see you at my place rather than going somewhere far. What time do you plan to finish work today?”
I reflexively raised my head and our eyes met closely.
“…Probably around nine…”
“Then I’ll give you the address, so come separately to my place. Or, you could wait for me at the office, and we can go together. I have some urgent work in the department, so it might be around eleven when I finish.”
Hesitation clogged my throat. Unable to respond, I stood there quietly, and Team Leader’s gaze turned sharper. He questioned me lowly, making it impossible to avoid his eyes.
“Don’t want to? Would you rather do it the usual way?”
“No… It’s just…”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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“Will you come straight to my place?”
“No, I’ll stop by my house briefly and then come back to the office. If you’re in the department, finish your work, and let me know when you’re done.”
“Alright, then.”
He cleanly ended the conversation without asking further questions. I half-formed polite greetings like “Goodbye” or “Take care” on my tongue, watching him open the glass door and enter. The automatic glass door closed slowly and firmly, as if blocking me. I observed his broad back, wrapped in a suit jacket, disappearing around the corner.
***
His house looked familiar the second time around. When I first saw it, I thought it was an unexpectedly cozy space, but today, as I looked around after taking off my shoes at the entrance, parts that distinctly belonged to Han Team Leader caught my eye. For example, the immaculate living room without a hint of disorder despite continuous overtime throughout the week, or the overall cool monochrome tones like navy or black for the wallpaper and furniture. Less than an hour had passed since I visited my house, making the contrast even more vivid.
If space reflects a person, is my inner self like a narrow and cluttered room that is depressingly empty? I tried to estimate the age difference between him and I in my head. I heard he was in his mid-thirties, so it would be around seven years at most. But I wasn’t confident that I could catch up with what he had achieved in that short time.
Probably not reading my thoughts, Han Team Leader, who was arranging the shoes by the entrance, spoke from behind.
“You look uncomfortable dressed like that.”
“Uh…”
Looking down, I noticed the knitwear my younger sister bought for me a while back. Receiving the passing glance, I awkwardly said, “Thank you” in a subdued tone. Han Team Leader responded without any change in expression.
“It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s in a good direction.”
“…Yes.”
“Do you usually dress like this? For private appointments?”
After rummaging through my memories, I responded belatedly.
“It’s been too long since I’ve worn casual clothes and gone anywhere… I’m not sure.”
At least, there wouldn’t have been any since the project started. Han Team Leader glanced at my face in silence before speaking briefly.
“I understand.”
There was a faint upward twitch at the corner of his mouth. I couldn’t tell what he understood.
“Since you’ve changed clothes, it must mean you’ve showered and come here. Would you like something to drink while you wait?”
“No, thank you.”
As he was about to go to the kitchen, I quickly turned my head. The leather sofa, with carefully placed cushions, felt just as soft as I remembered. Pressing the leather with my palm left faint fingerprints on the surface. While gazing out the window, Han Team Leader emerged from the room next to the bathroom, placing a document bag, then glancing at me puzzledly.
“Why are you there?”
“Pardon?”
“You know where the bed is. Go up and wait there.”
“Oh… Yes.”
I hastily got up, almost tripping over the plush rug. As if he remembered my clumsy stagger, he added.
“Take off your clothes in advance. I might tear them if I have to undress you.”
The bathroom door closed. I stood still for a moment, then grabbed the railing and climbed the stairs, looking down at my clothes again. The fabric felt thin. It was a gray, worn-looking garment with lint and a saggy hem, like an old piece of clothing even when I received it as a gift. Today, it seemed even more so.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I took off my clothes. The thin fabric stretched out precariously. Unlike the downstairs, where I didn’t feel the chill even after removing my coat, the bedroom air was cool. After hesitating, I reluctantly pulled back his comforter and covered myself with it.
If you listen carefully, you could faintly hear the sound of water from the bathroom downstairs. The house was quiet. When I exhaled, my breath sounded loud enough to be heard clearly. If I let my mind wander, I felt like my eyes would close due to fatigue, so I sat uncomfortably at the edge of the bed.
The sound of water continued, intermittently breaking and stopping. Sounds of doors opening and closing were audible. Tension ran through my body. After a faint rustling noise, suddenly a voice was heard.
“Speak so I can understand. …No, skip the excuses.”
It wasn’t him calling to me. The tension in my body eased as the silence continued between his voice coming up from downstairs as if he was talking to someone on the phone.
“…Don’t beat around the bush. What’s going on? So?”
A long silence followed, and something that sounded like breaking loudly occurred. I curled up under the blanket, sensing an impending unease.
“Are you kidding me, right now?”
This sounded like the first time his voice had reached such a tense level. Unintentionally, I moved back, away from the top of the bed.
“I know I’ve been busy with the TF project for a few weeks, and I understand I haven’t been paying much attention. But that doesn’t mean you should handle work like this. You should have either cut it off or confirmed it with me through Deputy Yoo. The deadline is less than a week away; are you making sense?”
Even though I wasn’t the one being scolded, my body trembled each time sharp words were spoken. Unable to endure the anxiety, I grabbed the blanket, wrapped it around myself, and approached the open door.
He appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Steam was faintly rising from the lit bathroom. Dressed in a gown, he stood in the middle of the living room holding a phone. I peeked through the crack of the open door, watching his back as water dripped down.
“What does it matter if it’s already past midnight? Did I tell you to turn off the phone or not to contact me? Have I ever told you to act unilaterally like this, even once, while working under me? …If you’re going to take the client’s side, just move to their company. Clear your desk, now. Come back to the office and take your belongings. …Do my words sound like a joke?”
Now, I couldn’t move again, afraid he might hear me. I leaned against the wall next to the door, holding my breath. The door creaked open. Han Team Leader’s back disappeared into the bathroom next to it. Sparse sounds of the conversation continued. When he reappeared, he was filling his belt on his suit pants, tucking the phone between his ear and shoulder.
“…What’s the point of coming to Seoul? Stay there. Call back the person in charge, no matter what it takes. I’ll go within an hour. …If you postpone it until tomorrow, it could become an issue that can’t be resolved.
Without buttoning his shirt and loosely draping it, he emerged from the room holding a document bag, throwing it onto the living room floor. A few clear files followed behind him.
“There’s no need to apologize to me. Hang up, contact the person in charge, and persuade them. You can hear the rest when you get there.”
Seeing signs of the call ending, I quickly returned to the bed, wrapped in the blanket. As tension dissipated all at once, a sense of relief relaxed my shoulders. It seemed that this Saturday would unfold in a situation unrelated to me.
The sound of footsteps came up the stairs. The voice, coldly saying, ‘I’ll hang up now,’ was heard, and Team Leader opened the slightly ajar door completely. His hair was still wet. The fingers of the hand that hadn’t held the phone were neatly fastening the shirt buttons from the bottom.
“Lee Seodan.”
Putting the phone in his pocket, he called me. Gazing at the deep hollows of his temples, I immediately responded with a ‘yes.’ He, who had been focusing on the buttons, raised his eyes briefly.
“I think I need to go to Incheon now. There seems to be a problem with the project I’m handling in consulting.”
It wasn’t the voice from downstairs that had spat out words as if chewing on the opponent. The chill remained, but his clean and low voice made me nod in acknowledgment. It seemed he wasn’t particularly angry with me.
“At what time should I come?”
“I don’t know yet. It seems one of the team members who is out on a field trip there has had an accident. Whether it will be resolved or not, I need to check. …It’s my mistake too. I left my seat empty for TF, and now it’s come to this.”
He took a deep breath as if swallowing something. Lifting the tangled pile of blankets, I stood up. When I reached out to pick up the clothes under the bed, he, who was tying his tie, dryly remarked.
“You seem to have been let off on probation, feeling all triumphant.”
“…What?”
Fortunately, it wasn’t an angry tone. Looking at the pile of clothes I had left, he, who had been silently observing, said.
“Go to sleep. You probably brought work clothes to wear to work anyway.”
“Oh… It’s okay. Since you’re not in the office…”
“My house is closer than the office, and it’s more efficient to sleep here and go to work tomorrow morning. Sleep without complaining about it.”
I didn’t want to be alone in his house without Han Team Leader. Since I didn’t bring any sleeping pills, and it was practically impossible to sleep in a place that wasn’t my bed. However, I couldn’t find a convincing reason to persuade him, so I just stared at him in silence. The blanket draped over my shoulders slowly slipped off. As he tugged at the knot of his tie, he glanced briefly in my direction. Our gazes collided in the empty space.
“…Ah.”
He seemed to mutter something in a closed mouth. The tie that had just been neatly tied loosened again. When he unbuttoned the button that had been fastened, the straight line of his collarbone and the chest were revealed.
“Team Leader…?”
“Lie down. It won’t work otherwise.”
“Yes?”
Not knowing what to say, I stared at him. Han Team Leader, who had casually thrown the shirt on the floor and now opened the drawer under the bed, took out a condom box and a gel tube, saying decisively.
“I don’t have much time. I’ll finish quickly, so lie down.”
“…What?”
“You did well to buy it in advance.”
He pulled out a square foil package from the box and tossed it carelessly onto the bed. I only understood the situation now. I opened my mouth to say something that wouldn’t even be a protest but decided to keep silent again. My heart suddenly raced.
I crawled out from under the blanket, hesitantly laid my stomach on the bed, and turned over. The sound of the zipper coming down from behind faintly reached my ears. Team Leader grabbed my ankles and placed my buttocks over the edge of the bed. The top of my foot hit the floor.
The squelching sound of the gel echoed. I closed my eyes and pressed my cheek against the blanket. I tried to slow down my breathing. Fingers dipped in cold gel slid directly between the buttock bones. The sole of my foot collided with the floor.
“…Ugh.”
Even though I suppressed the sound due to embarrassment, restrained breaths escaped. Two fingers, aided by the power of the gel, penetrated inside all at once. They spread apart like scissors. They moved slowly in and out after entering a few times. The sensation of something probing my inner walls made my stomach twitch.
Opening the entrance wider, he pushed the gel in, and he casually probed the inside with his fingers. I gripped the blanket tightly with sweaty palms. Since he was behind me, I couldn’t see his face. There were no name tags on the fingers that roamed my body. What was it, stiffening my body, I couldn’t easily let go of the tension.
Seems like he felt the same thing, as he probed inside with his fingertips, he spoke in a low, sinking voice.
“Why is it so tight?”
“Uh…”
“Relax. If it’s not properly relaxed before insertion, it’ll hurt. …Don’t tense up. Why are you like this today?”
I exhaled the breath I had been holding. My back was damp with cold sweat. Trying to endure the foreign sensation inside me, I wiped my cheek on the blanket. With a flickering vision, I muttered softly.
“I think… it’s because I can’t see Han Team Leader’s face.”
The movement of his fingers stopped. The silence stretched so long that I turned my head back to look, and Han Team Leader was staring through me.
“You don’t know anything else, but where did you learn that?”
“…What?”
“Is it innate?”
Slink, his fingers slipped out from inside me. My body curled up with emptiness. Without saying another word, Team Leader flipped me over again. He spread my legs wide, pressing me in half and pulled my buttocks back to the edge of the bed.
The stiff fingertips opened me up again from behind. I closed my eyes, exhaling heavily, then felt his grip on my chin.
“Open your eyes. You need to see my face.”
“Uh…”
His face appeared in my blurred vision. There was a hint of laughter in his long, cool eyes. Continuing to stroke inside rhythmically, he said,
“Open the condom.”
“…Me, uh, me?”
“Then who else would? My hands are inside you, Lee Seodan.”
He rotated his finger deep inside. With rapid breaths, I fumbled on the bed to find the condom he had thrown earlier. The rough foil rubbed against the back of my hand. As I tried to tear it open, my trembling fingertips kept slipping.
“Uh, I, I opened it.”
“Give it here.”
Han Team Leader took the slick thing from my hand. Whether it was lubricant or moisture, it left an unpleasantly sticky feeling on my hand. His fingers slipped out from inside my body at once. Looking down at me, he stood erect and pulled his genitals out through the zipper, stroking them up and down a few times. With a stiff rage, he put on the condom and gripped the base. Thump, something hot bumped against my buttocks.
“If it hurts, tell me.”
“Uh, ah….”
Even in the midst of fear and confusion, his words stuck in my mind because they didn’t make sense. Blinking heavy eyelids, dampened either with sweat or tears, I looked up at him. He held onto his genitals and, after stroking them between my buttock bones a few times, looked at my face and smiled.
“Why. Is it weird for me to say this?”
“-Hn, ah… Yes, -Huh!”
“When I say it hurts, that’s when it should hurt. What benefit do I get if it hurts at any other time?”
He grabbed my bent knees and lifted them over his shoulders. He slowly stroked my tense stomach with his palm. The elongated genitalia spread inside, slowly, all the way in. The rough sensation of hair and the sharpness of the zipper pressed against my buttocks.
He slowly exhaled and raised my legs, checking his watch on his wrist. He spat out a curse under his breath.
“Relax, because we’ll go fast.”
“Uh, ah, ah!”
The genitals moved at an unrelenting speed. The open entrance heated up from friction. Perhaps due to the gel, there was a loud squelching sound. I wanted to avoid his gaze, but he didn’t allow it. He insisted I look at him, saying I had to see his face several times.
My legs kept twitching. He climbed onto the bed on his knees and reached his arm next to my cheek. Pulling the pillar out to the entrance and repeatedly thrusting it inside, he pushed it back in all at once. Every time the genitals moved tightly, my mind went blank. Our faces came close enough for our foreheads to almost touch. Reflexively, I lifted my chin and slightly parted my lips.
In the midst of this close distance, his lips hesitated dangerously close. He smiled.
“Did you think I was going to kiss you?”
“Huh, uh… Huh.”
“You think I’m going to reward you for doing well.”
The exchanged breath was ticklish. A fever rose behind my eyelids. Unconsciously, I fumbled with the blanket and gripped his arm like a handle.
“I can’t take you to Incheon.”
“Uh, hmm, uh – ah….”
Thirst burned my throat. Every time I exerted strength on the solid bicep held in my palm, veins bulged. His shoulders, bearing my crossed ankles, were warm, but that wasn’t enough. Wanting to expand the contact area, I lifted my face a little. His nose tip brushed against my philtrum. His lips, barely retreating, were tracing a curve.
“Tighten it inside more. I need to finish quickly, let you sleep deeply, and head to Incheon to negotiate with the manager, right?”
“…Huh, not good, …Ah, uh.”
“You’re not thinking about me, only pouting your lips for a kiss.”
A soft kiss landed next to the corner of my mouth.
“Who knew you knew how to kiss?”
“Huh….”
He lightly traced my lower lip with his. The movements inside me became rougher. My breath became irregular. Unable to endure, I closed my soaked eyes tightly, but over my eyelids, warm lips descended. Forehead, bridge of the nose, reddened nose tip, and finally, our lips met. I embraced the smooth, wet tongue entering my mouth, passionately meeting its tip. I licked desperately against it. The pressure on the touching bodies became palpable, and he drew a long and languid breath into my mouth.
As our positions collapsed, our bodies completely overlapped. The ankles, which had been dangling above the shoulders, fell onto the bed. The connected chest felt warm.
“…Ah.”
He sighed softly against my neck. The warm breath was ticklish.
“…Team Leader, the time….”
Seeing that I seemed about to fall asleep, I spoke softly on his behalf. His face, seen up close all this time, looked more tired than last week. I didn’t want to imagine the feeling of having to drive to Incheon in the early morning. Blinking my heavy eyes, I silently wished Deputy Yoo and the Team Leader a peaceful rest.
“…Team Leader.”
When he didn’t respond to my first call, I called again, and instead of an answer, he slowly rose from the bed. Only then did the intimate connection between our bodies allow his member to slip out smoothly. I bit my lips tightly and held my breath. Stepping out of the bed, Team Leader, still with a lingering languor in his body, took off the condom and tied it up.
“I don’t think there’s a need to change the sheets.”
Putting on the shirt that had fallen on the floor, he spoke. His gaze, scanning the bedding, lingered on my curled-up body.
“I’m not sure if I’ll be back by morning. If I’m not here when you wake up, feel free to shower and leave. The front door locks automatically, so just close it on your way out.”
“…Okay.”
“Grab something to eat from the kitchen. Take a taxi to the office.”
“Yes.”
He quickly buttoned up his shirt. His neat appearance was impeccable. Crawling into the duvet, I watched him get dressed. After putting on a tie and skillfully knotting it, he roughly combed his still damp hair. Frowning, he checked the time and picked up his jacket and coat. Either he was genuinely pressed for time, or his steps towards the door were faster than usual.
He grabbed the doorknob, stood still for a moment, and turned back. Glancing at me, who was half-buried in the duvet, he quickly brushed his slightly moist hair aside and furrowed his brow.
“Looks like you dressed up as if you came straight from having sex.”
“…It’s not…”
His eyes were a bit red, and his hair was slightly disheveled, but it wasn’t that bad. Annoyed, Han Team Leader, who seemed to have no patience, clicked his tongue and checked his watch before picking up his jacket and coat. He hurried towards the door.
“Have a good trip.”
I belatedly said goodbye to his back. I couldn’t tell if my soft voice reached him. After the sound of opening and closing doors from downstairs, I heard the swift footsteps coming back up the stairs.
“Team Leader….”
“I’ll be back soon, so don’t worry about that.”
He put down the things he had brought next to the bed. It was a large glass filled with water and my phone. When I looked up, he was watching me. Suddenly, his hand reached out, and his palm lightly brushed against my cheek.
“Sleep well, and see you tomorrow.”
“…Drive safely.”
I spoke with my eyes lowered. Han Team Leader turned without any specific response. On his way out, he turned off the room lights. The sound of footsteps descending the stairs in the darkness, and shortly after, the sound of the front door closing, reached me.
I crawled to the end of the bed and fumbled in the dark until I picked up the water cup. The glass in my hand was cool and clean. Wetting my dry throat, I placed my cheek back on the pillow.
I blinked quietly in the darkness. Eyelids slowed and became heavier. My body relaxed in a sense of surrender. Then, the unfamiliar bed’s groaning sound amusingly, as if being sucked in, I fell into a deep sleep.
And when I woke up at dawn, my arm, stretched out reflexively, held warmth. My body was against his solid body temperature.
I couldn’t believe it, so I shifted my gaze to confirm his sleeping face. The light seeping through the curtains was a faded gray. In the dim darkness, I repeatedly studied his eyelashes resting on his cheek and the line of tightly closed lips with my eyes.
I reached out my arm, unable to hug him, and awkwardly placed my arm around his waist, like hanging on. Silently, I pressed my cheek against the firm chest, above where the heart was beating.
Now what should I do…? I thought. The rhythmic sound of the heartbeat echoed through my ears. I slowly closed my eyes, fearing that tears might come.
For the first time in a week, I slept soundly, and when I opened my eyes, he was there. There was a firm body temperature and a tranquil sound of breathing. That was all, but unknowingly, my toe, which had approached the edge, intuited crossing the line like a lie.
It was another point of no return.
They give me the illusion of a domestic cute married couple but I know it’s gonna be broken soon. I just hope these two will get a happy ending.
Thank you for the update!
I’m happy but also scared tethryryry